Chapter 32

"This isn't the right time Tod. Come later." Lorcan's voice was hoarse and I was half frozen with Lorcan's dick in my mouth.

"No dad, I need to tell you this now. I want Kian to be my slave. You already had him for a while and I know you don't keep people around for that long anyway." Tod raised his voice.

"You know nothing my son, now leave." Lorcan was breathing hard. 

"I know nothing? You once promised me to fulfill any wish I had if I win the tournament in Halleywer. Is it still on?"

"Don't be silly, you are too young. Even if you have won, what would you do with Kian?" 

I could feel Lorcan's thing getting bigger in my mouth.

"The same things that you do, father." 

I almost choked and Lorcan placed his hand on my head.

"Doubt my son. Kian needs a strong man. We will talk later. Now leave." The sound of Lorcan's voice was firm and Tod obeyed because I heard the door close. I pulled my head up gasping for air. Lorcan was looking at me and I was sure my face was flushed because I felt ashamed.

"Poor Tod, you managed to seduce my son so easily. Now, now Kian. Who told you to stop? Be a good boy and swallow it all." Lorcan was smiling but his smile didn't reach his eyes. He pulled my hair and I knew he was angry. He was harsh with me and there was nothing left from the former tenderness. Before Lorcan came, my mouth and throat was sore, Lorcan was breathing hard and I felt something warm in my throat. I had problems swallowing his salty cum but Lorcan covered my mouth with his hand and forced me to. 

I hate his dominant nature, I hate that he is able to force me to do whatever he likes, I hate how submissive I have become. I felt broken. I crawled out from under the desk and grabbed the book I wanted to read. Lorcan was looking at me but there was nothing left from the warm feeling we shared yesterday and even this morning. 

"I believe you are busy so I will leave." 

Silence.

I turned around and went out. I closed the door and wanted to go back to my room only to face Tod, who was standing next to the door.

"I was wondering why dad was so on the edge." Tod had a strange smirk on his face. 

"What were you doing in his study?" His look was so intense that for a moment I felt as if I was back with Lorcan again. He gave me a feeling of being guilty, caught while doing something shameful. Well it was actually true but I didn't have to give it in.

"Well I was doing all the things with your father that you wanted to do with me." I smiled hoping to make him feel embarrassed.

Tod crossed his arms and tilted his head before he answered unbothered.

"I'm not ashamed of my feelings and desires. I can say them out loud."

"Nor am I. After all, I'm just a slave here. " I hugged my book and I was determined to go back to my room.

"Kian, I will take part in the tournament and I will win you." 

I looked back at Tod, he was so confident, no he was dead set on it. 

"Good luck." 

Back in my room I totally lost it. I was crying soundlessly, tears of shame. I gave up on my pride bit by bit and allowed some lord to mold me into his own fitting. Lorcan was making an obedient toy out of me, with my consent. My father said that people have as much power over ourselves as much we allow them to have. For fear I allowed Lorcan everything. 

 Before the kingdom's downfall I was always supported by my family, friends, servants, knights, you name it. I was never on my own. I never had to fend for myself and worry how to survive, so as soon as a powerful man appeared next to me I instinctively gave in to him. Happy that there would be someone to protect me. I'm a coward that fears facing the world on my own. That's not how I was taught. My kingdom might be non-existing, but I'm still alive. I'm my own kingdom. I wiped my tears and looked through my stuff. I need to get out of this castle. I had no money but thanks to Lorcan I had quite a lot of jewelry. I also had some warm comfortable clothes as well as shoes. I was here for two months yet I knew nothing about the surroundings of the castle. I wasted my time fucking around with Lorcan and playing weird games with the twins. Instead of reading adventure books I should look for some maps. As soon as I set my mind on preparing my great escape I felt better. 

Next day I went straight to the library. Lorcan was outside with his sons as the twins were going back to their mother. I was unbothered and took my time looking through the books. I found some maps of the area and took them to my room. The whole morning I was copying them and learning about the area's geography. I was busy making plans. I was on my own and I could count on myself. I still had a list of people whom I wanted to see dead, with the Prince of Moreta being on top of it, then the knight Lot, Sarak and finally Obram.

The whole next week I was practicing shooting, in fact I decided to do that every day. Once I was not bad but I had to become a better archer if I wanted to survive. 

Lorcan and his men were watching my efforts but made no comments. Lorcan was visiting me every night without fail. He was fucking me and I was obedient, just as he wanted me to. After what happened in the library he was silent and I decided not to initiate any discussion. I kept in mind that sex was the main reason and purpose of my existence in Lorcan's eyes.