Chapter 3

"Lexi?"

Z shakes me as I just stand there. I have no fight in me; I'm too exhausted from this morning's nightmare.

"Lex? Come on," he says. "Why must you make her keep doing this? Why do you allow the bloodsucking leech to keep seeing her? Can't you see what it's doing to her?"

"Zero, calm down!" dad says.

"Why?" he seethes. "My sister is terrified."

"Zero," mum warns.

"Look at her; she's shaking. Don’t you care for Lexi's wellbeing? She gets worse every time he comes here."

"You don't understand Zero," dad interjects.

"Then help me understand," Z rages. "Help us understand why you allow this."

"Please don't interfere in something you don't understand Zero."

Mum and dad seem so calm. Their expressions barely change, a testament to how many times we've been through this before. Around and around and around in circles; again and again and again.

"Have you ever considered why he insists on seeing her? What Lexi thinks he wants?"

"He won't hurt her Zero."

The door opens and the cold whooshes in as I shut my eyes. Don't cry, don't cry, I repeat it over and over, as Z positions his body in front of me, acting once again as my shield.

"Funny how that was the nickname you ended up using. Never cared much for it. I myself much preferred Alex."

I feel his presence instantly. It fills the room, making me want to gasp for air. The icy cold feeling in my body intensifies tenfold when he is around, but a little part of me, buried deep, feels confused by my body's response. I can't explain it, but it's as though this piece of me has a mind of it's own, and it wants me to be close.

I hate it!

"Not like it matters to you," Z snaps.

"Morning Kian."

I can almost feel his smile as he acknowledges them. His smile has always been genuine and kind, but it instils dread in me whenever I see it. I'm so attuned to him that I can feel the small changes in his mood, and right now, something simmers beneath the surface.

I feel mum and dad trying to shift Z, but he struggles against them.

"As your parents tell you time and time again, I'm not here to hurt her. She is, after all, my most treasured person."

The words wash over me and I barely hear them. I finally open my eyes.

Kian looks good. He always does. His hair is tousled from the wind, but he is otherwise perfectly kept. His clothes are casual and nothing about his appearance could suggest what he truly is. His smile is warm and kind, his eyes focus only on me as though there is nothing else in the room with us.

But, he is a vampire, and nothing will ever change that fact. A vampire can no more change what they are than water can flow up a waterfall.

I feel noticed… and so exposed whenever he is around. It's almost as if nothing else matters to him in this moment. I can't help but think of all the girls who would kill for someone to look at them the way he looks at me. But all I want is for it to be over. It drives my thoughts wild, confusing me and messing with my head.

I am left alone with him as mum and dad succeed in moving Z to another room.

"Alex."

I watch as Kian moves to take a step towards me. As he does, I mirror it with a step of my own, away from him.

"Alex," he warns.

I feel the panic begin to set in as he continues approaching me. My back hits the wall and my heart rate spikes. He tilts his head to the side, watching me, but stops.

His eyes hold me in place as I freeze up. It's like her can see all the thoughts passing through my head.

But he can't. That's impossible.

"Breathe for me," he murmurs.

I realise I'd been holding my breath and feel dizzy, but he catches me before I can fall. I push him away, but he just rests his hands lazily on the wall either side of my head and leans his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, sighing.

"What happened to us?" he says quietly. "You used to tell me everything."

I stop breathing again, trying to focus on his words as my vision becomes hazy.

"Breathe."

I say nothing and wait for him to move. Why does he continue to torture me through these visits?

He has to be seeing how I react to him. Isn't it enough that I'm terrified? Is this his way of punishing me? What did I do to deserve this?

Kian pulls back. He stares into my eyes and I can't help the nagging feeling at the back of my mind. He sighs again and pulls me against his chest.

"Please stop," I say.

I feel his smile.

"This is progress," he says.

There is no malice or spite in his voice. It sounds more like relief.

"It's taken you nearly twelve years to speak to me."

His body seems to relax as he holds me.

"Stop," I say again.

Where is my voice coming from? I haven't said anything to him since we met. I never speak to him when he visits.

But I can only stand there and wait for it to be over.

"You will always be safe with me," he murmurs, releasing me slightly.

I try to pull out from his grip.

"Please don't," he whispers.

He is voice is strained, and it sounds like he is in pain. I risk looking at his face. And wish I hadn't. Why does he make me feel like this?

I feel guilty. It flares in my chest, threatening my eyes with the building moisture.

It feels like I am the only source of light in his world.

Again, I try to push away.

The disappointment flares in Kian's eyes and he can't mask the hurt the flashes across his face as he complies.

"Don't keep pushing me away Alex," he says. "I need you as much as you need me."

What?

"It's a shame I can't bring back your memory," he says it so quietly to himself that I'm sure I wasn't supposed to hear.

He simply stands in front of me and watches my movements.

What is he waiting for?

He always treats me so delicately, as though I may break at any moment, but I can't get past what he is. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to feel for him. It's like he's waiting for something.

I've heard that vampires have the ability to manipulate thoughts, but doubt Kian has tried with me. If he had, I'm sure we'd be on much better terms.

"Can we go already?" Z yells from somewhere in the house.

I feel the irritation from Kian, though his expression doesn't change. He moves carefully around me, making sure to keep his movements slow enough that I always know exactly what he's doing.

I should really work on my reflexes…

All I ever do is freeze up.

Kian simply smiles again at my family as they reappear and make their way to the door. Z examines me before glaring at Kian. His expression gives nothing away. But I can feel his frustration. It radiates from him. Why can I feel this?

"Please accept my apologies for cutting this short, but we should be going now," mum says. "We were hoping to get them settled before tomorrow afternoon."

"Of course," Kian responds. "Though you should probably read this first. I haven't opened it."

Kian hands my dad an envelope sealed with wax. Z seems to recognise the seal.

I frown. This has to be related to the secrets mum and dad have been keeping. Why had they revealed it to Z and not me?

After reading mum sighs and dad runs his hand through his hair.

"This is a problem."

"Not at all. I can personally take them," Kian says. "It will give us some more time together."

Mum shoots a worried glance at dad.

"Wouldn't want to inconvenience you," Z says sarcastically.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea… " dad tries to mediate.

Z snorts.

"It's not a problem," Kian says. "I have something to take care of myself at the Academy, and this, unfortunately, is a matter that can't wait."

I plead with my eyes, but mum shakes her head, sighing. Whatever's in that envelope is important.

"Shall we?" Kian gestures to the door, picking up my suitcase.

"You can't be serious!" Z yells.

"Zero," mum snaps.

"You can't expect me to be near that thing!"