Chapter 2

"Morning Lexi."

Mum looks up from her paper. I can tell she notices the dark rings encircling my eyes, as her eyebrows raise, but chooses to say nothing. For now, at least.

"Morning mum. Hi dad."

Dad cheerily turns from the stovetop and captures me in a quick hug. As he holds me at arm's length, his eyebrows draw in a little and lines form. I hold his gaze, waiting. He only sighs before releasing me.

I see the worry in his eyes every day, even on the days I experience a reprieve from the dreams. The worry lines that have begun to form on his face cause guilt to settle in the pit of my stomach every day.

Sometimes it feels as though everyone tries to dodge the issue. As the years have gone by, we talk of it less and less after my continued refusals to seek help. There aren't many who know of the existence of vampires, and it was a hard lesson learned the first time.

Other times I feel overwhelmed by their desire to help me. I feel it in the air after ever nightmare, but they don't seem to know how to broach the topic any more. But, how exactly can I be helped?

"Sit," he says, as Z enters.

"Morning Zero. Hungry?" he asks.

"Starving," Z says, giving mum a quick kiss on the cheek.

Z looks a lot like mum, with her same icy eyes and straight blonde-brown hair. Their frames are similar too, though mum is more muscled, and Z scrawny, like me.

Perhaps I took after dad. But I couldn’t be sure. His eyes were a light hazel, while mine were a dark brown, to the point of almost being black. My hair may have been closer to his, but again, there was an obvious difference in colour, and mine was wavy, his was straight.

Food is set down in front of us and we begin to eat in silence. The quiet times have never bothered me, but I can feel the tension in the air. I can feel the shift as mum and dad exchange a look.

Mum is first to break the silence.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet at the Academy. She's an old friend of ours and can help you."

Here it is.

I swallow the food in my mouth, wincing as it goes down.

"We already tried this before," I say. "I'd rather not have another doctor recommend me to be institutionalised."

Z is watching carefully and I can see his body becoming tenser.

"No, no, Lexi," dad begins. "She knows about vampires and the like. She won't judge you like the others because she understands. She deals with this sort of thing quite often."

The quiet that stretches out becomes suffocating. I release the breath I'm holding.

I don’t know how to feel about this. I feel confused. Why hadn't they been able to take me to someone else who knew about vampires? Why had I endured the doctors who knew nothing?

This could've turned out very differently. I'd never understood why I could sense a vampire when they were close, and it had caused many scenes growing up.

Am I really willing to try and open up again after being shut down and labelled?

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Why not, honey? We never took you to see anyone else because we thought it would do more harm than good. Mara is very good, and she can help you. Our friendship goes back many years."

"Not to be rude or ungrateful, but I can't. I accepted a long time ago that no-one can help me. I'm on my own, well, aside from you guys, and I'm coping well enough."

She exchanges a glance with dad.

"Spit it out," Z says.

They seem surprised at his brashness, but I can't see why. He's the first to jump and tell them to stop dragging it out. My very own personal shield, my protector, my number one supporter. I appreciate Z more than anything for these moments.

"She can take it."

Mum and dad quickly meet each other's eyes.

"The nightmares aren't doing you any good. We're your parents, we notice these things, and your body can't cope with this forever; you're exhausted. I'd have taken you to see Mara much sooner if I could have, but she's been out of the country for a long time."

I sigh. Why are they pushing this? They know I hate talking about it.

"I need to know that you'll be able to cope when you're on your own."

"Look… if I see her, will you let it drop?"

They nod enthusiastically.

"Doesn't mean I'll go back though."

"All we ask is that you give her the chance to help you."

I nod, non-committedly, and Z finally relaxes again. Then, a frown crosses his face.

"Why now though. Couldn’t you have seen her sooner, being friends and all…" Z asks.

"She's been away for quite some time. It was perhaps sixteen years or so since we've seen her."

"And she wouldn't have helped if you'd asked?"

"Please let it drop Zero. You understand what our work is like."

"She does the same thing you do then?" I ask. "Which is what exactly?"

"There will be a time for us to talk about this, but today is not that day," mum says, exasperated.

"And why not?" I challenge.

"Speaking of work…" dad says, attempting to steer the conversation.

I narrow my eyes.

"We have to head away for work again, so we can't stay to help you settle in, I'm afraid…"

"What? Again?" Z raises his eyebrows sharply. "You just got back."

"It's not something that can be put off."

The three of them exchange a look, leaving me instantly suspicious. Before I have the opportunity to ask, mum quickly prevents my questions.

"You should hurry and get your things outside so we can get on the road."

"But—"

"Come on, hurry up, or we'll be stuck in traffic."

She hurriedly guides me from the kitchen. Z follows behind and heads to his room.

"Z?"

"Don't ask," he says.

It's the same every time. This family is hiding something. A secret? And I don't like it.

"Z…" I whine.

"Look, I hate this secrets business as much as you do."

Could have fooled me.

"But they made me swear to say nothing. I only agreed after they promised they'd tell you."

"Hmm. Sure. Doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon."

"Didn’t think it would take them this long either. I figured a week tops," he says. "If they don’t tell you soon though, I'll tell them follow through on my promise to tell you everything because they didn’t."

I always assumed that if I wanted answers, I'd have to find them for myself, but Z is still on my side, despite this rift that's attempting to form. Good luck, I think to it, never going to happen. Z and I are closer than that.

I pull on the handle of my suitcase and start dragging it to the front door. As I pass the kitchen, I hear mum and dad talking.

"…could help with her missing memories."

"Is that really a good idea?"

"She'll need to know eventually."

They quickly make themselves busy tidying up after breakfast as I enter, refusing to meet my eyes.

"I'm ready," I announce.

They sense I want to say more, but I hold my tongue. These conversations never go anywhere anyway.

"Oh, honey, Kian called. He wants to see you before you leave."

My blood runs cold, and I feel the ice shooting through my veins. I'm sure my face drains of colour and my eyes go wide. My parents exchange worried glances with each other. As mum starts to approach me I back away.

"He would never hurt you, Lexi, you know that."

"Then why can't he leave me the hell alone? He hurts me by being near me. I don't need to see him."

"But he needs to see you. It hurts him to be away from you."

"Really? Big whoop."

"Lexi, don't be like that," dad starts.

"After everything that happened, he of all people should understand if he cares so much," I quip, sarcastically.

She holds her hands up as if to calm a frightened animal.

"Do you even care for my mental health and wellbeing?"

"Are you that afraid?"

"What? Of being around a vampire? The very creature that haunts my dreams, and tried to kill me when I was little? Yeah, of course I am!"

"Not all of them are like that, honey. We've met our fair share of vampires. Yes, some are like the vampire from your childhood. But not all of them are bad. You can't avoid them, especially seeing as you can sense them. It's only going to get worse as you get older," dad tries to reason.

"Has he ever hurt you?" mum asks.

"No—"

"Has he ever done something to make you feel uncomfortable aside from him being a vampire?"

"No—"

"Then you have nothing to be worried about."

"But—"

"He has only ever protected you. Do you remember when you were little and that kid, what was his name, Jackson, pushed you over in the sand pit?"

"Well, yeah—"

"Kian was the one to stop him," she says. "Remember how he never hurt you again?"

"That's only because I was an easy target and—"

"He has never hurt you, and he never will."

I'm left chewing my lip with the stinging in my eyes threatening to spill more tears this morning. How could I explain that, despite all he's done for me, I just don't feel good around him? All I can feel in my bones is the icy tendrils of fear, with my brain screaming 'vampire', and my muscles begging me to run.

As I ponder what to do, the knocking on the door resounds throughout the house.