Chapter 17: Secrets

I slowly opened my eyes and I had the biggest headache ever. I barely remember yesterday. I hear groaning under me and I moved a bit and noticed the giant body on the floor. It was Luke. I gasped and looked at my body quickly on instinct. Nothing. But my lips do feel a bit swollen and I looked at Luke. He had a hickey by his shoulder blade. What did we do? I feel a bit panicked as this giant man is on the floor fast asleep. The door to the room opened to Ashton. He looks really sleepy. I feel terror but even if I am still dressed I covered myself. Ashton tried not to laugh at me. I pouted.

"I see he hasn't awakened yet... When he does notify him breakfast and coffee is ready... Advil is also in the table if you need any and I know he will need it" Ashton says with a big smile

"D-D..."

"No... Luke brought you home and he just fell on the floor dead tired... You were already asleep by the time yo both arrived" Ashton tells me as he looks away

"In some way you are lying" I tell him as I point at him

"I will let him tell you what happened" he says while waving good bye

I hear him laughing the moment the door closes. I hate him. I hear groaning and I looked down and noticed Luke starting to wake up. What did we do last night? I still see the hickey. Is it a hickey? Did he get into a fight? Did he get that little bruise from carrying me maybe? I feel really weird. I know my private area feels really moist for some odd reason and warm. But it doesn't hurt at all. What happened? Yesterday. He starts to rise up and our faces met. His eyes opened wide as his face turns red in seconds. He falls back landing on his ass. Something caught my eye and I looked straight at it. I gasped at the bulge. I can't see his penis. But his pants wasn't helping him or my eyes. Is it hard or is it like that? It's huge. Would it fit? Why am I thinking if it'll fit or not? I am not even suppose to be thinking about that.

But I couldn't keep my eyes away and I saw it twitch. Damn. It is hard. I looked at him as he was staring at between his legs. My area started aching again and it was giving me that warm sensation again. Great. What should I do? I don't want him thinking I am a whore. Plus we barely met. We haven't known each other for more than three months. I want to now him better. But why do I want him inside of me already. My breathing felt heavy and my body was acting on its own. I lean a bit and he looks at me surprised.

I couldn't hold the question any longer "Why do I want you so much? Why does my body act on its own? Why do I want to be with you? Why does my mind keep tricking me? Since I met you my body and mind are acting so weird!"

He looks at me with wide eyes and then I felt something slide down my cheek and that's when I noticed I started crying. I was crying. I wiped the tear away confused. Something is totally wrong with me. Suddenly arms wrapped around me. I was shocked. He is hugging me. The best sensation of my life. I started crying out of frustration. I didn't understand any of this. This amazing sensation. His scent. His reactions. The way he treats me. Something is going on. He buries his face in my neck. I felt completely confused to why he would do that. But then I felt it also. He was crying. I felt very surprised and it hurts my heart. Its a wrenching feeling. His crying. Is he crying because of me?

"I apologize... I've been wanting to do things slowly... Gently... Do it by its pace but I didn't know you were feeling that way" he whispers to me

I am shocked so I asked "So you feel like this as well?"

"Yes..." he leans back to face me and I stared at him with big eyes as the remaining tears slide "But I feel it stronger"

I saw the tears sliding down his eyes and I just felt hurt in a way "Stronger?"

"There are some things I can't tell you yet... But just now... That I am falling in love with you..." he tells me with a warm smile

"But why can't I know about it know?" I asked as I touched his face

The electrifying sensation returned and he leans a bit back denying with his head "I don't want you to be afraid... To be confused..."

My eyes wide and I tensed up and I say "You are hiding something from me..."

He looks down speaking a bit lowly "Yes... For your own good"

In a way I felt betrayed I looked down and I say mad "Why can't I know!? I have been here for so long... I have been feeling part of this family!"

"YOU ARE NOT READY!" he yells at me

I get away from him afraid. He has never yelled at me before. I feel like a child this time. A little girl. In front of a monster. He looks shock. He went to hold me but I pushed him away. I don't want him to hold me. If he holds me I will forgive him very quickly. I already know how my body is acting now. I need to keep my sanity. My own thoughts. My heart and body can never combine with my mind. He is hiding something from me and I feel completely betrayed. We barely now each other but the way we treat each other. The way this people treat me. The way Ashton talks to me. I feel part of this family. But they have a secret and they are hiding it from me. I may have secrets of my own but if I trusted someone dearly I would have told him.

He met my nightmare known as my mother. He gave me a place to stay from all this mess. He is really over protective of me. But why can't he tell me something so simple. What is he so afraid of? Does he work for the mafia? Does he kidnap woman? Is he married? Does he have kids? Does he sell drugs? Does he murder people? Is he a serial killer? Does he kidnap people and enslave them? What is so big of a deal that he will keep this a secret? If he any of those I will sure be leaving. I don't want to die. I don't want to be a slave. I don't want to be raped. But the way he treats me. He couldn't any of that as he is not like that. But what else could it be. Is it about the wolves? Is he a zoophile?

He was looking away and I straight up told him "If you fuck animals... If that's it... It's not bad if you do... Murder and Rape are pretty bad though"

He leans back "No I don't fuck animals! That's disgusting..."

"Then... You can't be working for the mafia... You can't be a rapist... You denied being a zoophile..."

"Stop it! You can't just make up scenarios in your mind all because you are not ready to hear the truth!" he snaps at me

I looked at him surprised again and he walks out the room. I felt shocked. Did I offend him? I looked down and just felt like crying again. I must have offended him. Ever since we met I have been feeling so many emotions. I can't believe myself. I should control myself. I am never like this. I need to chill. I looked forward and the door is slammed closed. I felt my heart tore apart. I must have gotten him mad. I am just a roller coaster of emotions and I just ruined any chance of him falling in love with me now. What do I do now? Should I apologize to him. But how should I start it. He is mad at me. I should have never done that. I groaned out and just curled into a ball.

I ruin everything. I should have kept my mouth shut. My brain should stay how it is. Empty. I just had to ask some stupid question. I feel like he is hating me right now. I started crying. Why am I crying? My emotions are so out of control. I shouldn't be crying over a man I don't know. I barely now what he likes. I barely now his dislikes. I don't even now what type of music he likes. What is his favorite song or anything to be honest. I am such an idiot. I just ruined everything.

I covered my body with the blanket and just stayed under it. I didn't want to leave this place at all. I don't even now what to do anymore. The door opens and someone walks in. I just stayed under the cover. I don't want anybody seeing me like this. I am an idiot. I don't want to leave the room now. I made someone mad. A someone who I am loving so dearly and it hurts seeing him mad. It hurts so much. My crying got worse.

"Kira?" that was Sarah's voice

"Leave me alone..." I say with a rasped tone

"Kira... What's wrong?" she asked panicked

I felt her hand on the blanket and I yelled "I said leave me alone..."

"Kira come..."

I interrupted her crying more "Please... Leave me alone..."

I hear the steps hurried away and the door close. Good. I think I need to go away. Move away again. I hate myself for what I have done. It hurts so much. My heart is aching weird. I should leave this place. I need to return to my old self. The real me. The lonely. Depressed. Hiding. Working. Me. I need to return to being myself. I can't keep being an emotional wreck. Being horny with a man I barely now. Being happy in a place that it is not my own. I can't stay here any longer. But I am weak right now. I should stay under here a little longer. Yeah. I'll stay in the room for a little. I'll let them think I am still here and then I'll run away. Go far away from this place. They won't miss me. Nobody now's me.

Nobody would care if I am gone.