Chapter 39

A soft sound of rustling water entered my ears.

I felt a mellow sense of comfort as the gentle sway of the waves cradled me in it's arms.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Slowly, as the ebb and flow carried me by its currents.

There is nothing else here. Just me and the water, a solitary peace.

No earthy land beyond the horizon.

No distant sky that bounds the world.

Nor is there shimmering light that blinds my eyes.

Or rather, It was until an intrusive glitter entered my mouth. I did not feel or sense its forthcoming. It was as if it appeared into existence or was already there from the very beginning and I overlooked it.

But it wasn't the mystery that took my attention, it was the sensation on my tongue. It wasn't anything I tasted before, it was a new experience.

The flavour of red

And so I sank.

The air in my lungs have left my body, forming distinct bubbles outlined in white, as I watched them escape my lips and unto the surface.

Deeper, I sank.

And yet, what was supposed to be a harrowing experience of drowning a watery demise as I suffocate, I felt calm.

Even deeper, I sank.

It was comfortable in the darkness, and even more so in the cold embrace of oblivion.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up with a certain prayer bracelet laid upon my face. Ever since he managed to move, he took upon himself to wake me up in the morning and made me delete my alarms.

I couldn't help but think if his previous owner was some sort of diligent monk or farmer, but through his hard work, he acquired the ability to briefly move by himself. It isn't much, but it is enough to annoy me.

It might have to do with his nature, but I suppose that can be a reason why he had a minor form of telekinesis.

Odd that he had an ability before the bell, despite it having eaten more catalyst so far. Or maybe it was that, the phrase 'Big things come in small packages' kind of thing.

No matter. I can continue this line of thoughts any other day, just not today.

Currently, the date is the second Monday of October. A big day for any school because of the sports festival.

So I got up, took care of myself, and wore my uniform and a scarf. I grabbed my bag, the bell and the bracelet and left the front door.

Normally, Saten would have accompanied me to school but as the kinda popular and sportsy girl she is, she already went ahead in a mad dash well before the bell rung for first period.

I guess she wanted some last minute practice or something.

In any case, the short walk to school was actually quiet this time around. It gave me time to process whatever dream I had, or what I remember of it at least.

Sinking into the depths was the only scene that stuck to my mind. I don't suppose that it had anything to do with my experience with living out the last few weeks post the serum incident.

In hindsight, said experience mostly consisted of work during the earlier parts. At that time, I felt outwardly fine. But I suppose something inside broke that made it felt like I was sinking day in, day out.

The suffocation from within that it felt numb from without, almost like shattering...

Was that how Hii-chan felt during her early days of consciousness?

I should thank her. Or, thank everyone, actually. And apologise. Can't forget about that part.

I have tried --and succeeded to a degree-- to push them away. Thinking that it was more efficient to do something productive. In the short term, it was, but only until when? When I break?

I really don't deserve them.

It was a great idea of Kuroko to use nostalgia as a wake-up slap. Something as simple as a sweet snack almost made me cry. Almost.

It really got me thinking as soon as I got back to the dorm.

What would my fairy friends say if they found out? Probably cause trouble to take my mind off things, even if it meant big trouble.

What would the teacher at the temple say? Offer sound advice, most likely. Along with some deep philosophical talks or something to help sort stuff out.

Sekibanki? Sweets, definitely. She isn't good with her words so she would have tried to do something abstract or metaphorical. Or she could have also pulled me into another one of her night walks because either she's too prideful to ask for help from her friends or too prideful as an older sister to admit she couldn't do anything about it.

Alright, I might have shed a few tears that day. Just a few.

I'm still not fine. At least not completely, I'll admit that much.

The whole thing with the children and the serum was just the final straw that broke the camel's back. Other things --Mostly with regards to Gensokyo-- have had a hand in the build-up.

Loss of a home, displaced in time, various plotlines, future prospects-

Granted, I did have plenty of time to recover from the first few just by trying not to think about them too much but the very first death of a patient on my hands was just one of many that eventually pushed me towards the edge.

It was a dangerous scenario not just for my sake, but also for the sake everyone around me. Regular humans can be 'broken' and start doing things that they would have never done, it is much worse for a supernatural to be 'broken' since their mental states are more important than their physical selves, let alone one that can use Danmaku.

Despite being a magically non-lethal way to inflict damage, not many beings have enough durability to withstand the momentum or the collateral damage and debris.

So it really is lucky that they managed to pull me out of a dangerous mindset. They always say that the first step to recover is acknowledging the problem exist or something, right?

Well, even with that all said, it doesn't change the fact that I still owe my friends an apology as well as a thanks now that my I'm relatively stable enough to not lash out in response to kindness.

*Fweeeeeeet*

'Ugh. Right, sports day.' I thought as I unenthusiastically walked through the school gates. 'Just have to get over that first.'

~~~~~~~~~~

All of the classes were seated outside as we watched all the programs unfold. There were tents and chairs set up and partitioned by ropes tied with colored cloth to separate the classes but it didn't really help much with the cold considering that it's already the middle of autumn.

Its literally 14 degrees Celsius (57•F) outside. They probably expect that the excitement would heat up the atmosphere and keep us warm, which is technically working, but the problem is that the students are too heated up!

The now amply-named Cheer Squad are yelling so loud I feel the air vibrate. Some students are intermingling in the background that I don't know whether it's a couple that's swapping headbands or people secretly passing bets.

Gambling on the outcome of who comes up on top is something that I should be scolding them about but I honestly just want to leave.

Looking around, Haru is by one of the tents handing out refreshments along with others his club. Though there is a big gap in space between them, I'm glad that they're not letting it get in the way of their work.

Saten, is either participating at as many programs as she can or resting by joining in on the boisterous Cheer Squad.

Uiharu is either blocked from view by other people or resting at the nurse's office... I checked again by discreetly sending a head in the air and found no traces of her here or at the field.

She is probably at the nurse's office, right?

I did a quick scan by expanding my senses and surveyed my surroundings. The field is such a mesh of intense emotions that it is a pain to even look at it. Going over to the school, I sensed a few moving patches of emotion scattered about, one of which is in the nurse's office. I don't know if it is her but it wouldn't hurt to check anyway.

Excusing myself from my other classmates, I asked one of the supervising teachers if I could go to the nurse's office since I was feeling under the weather, something that wouldn't be too suspicious because we're outside in the middle of fall.

I made my way back inside the building while tugging my scarf to hide my mouth.

There are hardly any people inside but I still keep my senses up to avoid bumping into another person and starting a dialogue. When I arrived at the infirmary I softly called out in a whisper "Uiharu?".

"Shuzenji-san?"

Hearing her voice as a confirmation, I went over to the only occupied bed and found Uiharu was laying down. It seemed like a regular fever, hair doesn't seem damp and there aren't any bruises so it's unlikely she was bullied again. Probably just another case of her regular fevers like usual then.

"Er, right... You need anything? Medicine, perhaps?"

"I'm good. I already had some earlier." She smiled, I think. Can't really tell when she's wearing a mask.

"Hm..." Here goes nothing. "I, uh, wanted to say thanks."

"What for?"

"For y'know, helping me and stuff, I guess..."

"You are most certainly welcome, Shuzenji-san. It is only fair for friends to help each other, especially since you done more than simply help." She let out a soft giggle. "Honestly, it did felt odd when the tables turned for once."

"Hm... I, also wanted to say sorry for when I was acting like... Being a jerk."

"Apology accepted. Every can make mistakes, we just have to learn from them."

A comfortable silence descended on the room as the conversation died out. It was only when a loud cheer exploded from the outside that I remembered where I was and Uiharu's current state.

"I should probably go back and let you get some proper rest."

"Right, take care." I gave her a nod of acknowledgement before leaving for the door. "Shuzenji-san?" She said as I stepped out.

"Yes?"

"Don't be afraid to ask for help again, okay?"

"Hm. Yeah."

"And try to make more friends."

"No promises."

We shared a chuckle again and I left shortly soon after. But rather than going back directly to the field --Still cold-- I just went around the building exploring. It isn't everyday when there are hardly any people at school after all.

Seeing the empty classrooms with all the students belongings in them gave a weird yet enjoyable sight. I passed by most other rooms but stopped when I reached mine.

I entered and yup, it was empty as well.

Walked over to the podium in front of the class and gazed at the entire room. Moving on, I went to my seat and sat down and gazed once more. Finally, I stood up and went to the other side of the classroom and opened the window. The wind carried the curtains as they both brushed past me.

My current spot gave me a perfect view of everything currently happening on the ground and I couldn't help but relax a bit more.

I gave a sigh of contentment filled with the chill autumn air as I continued to observe the ongoing sports festival.

'Maybe I should just stay here.' I mused. 'It is a lot more peaceful watching from this distance. And as a bonus, it doesn't smell like sweat.'

With my mind reaching an decision, I elected to stay here with a small smile hidden behind my scarf.