Set 38

Returning a toaster for refund

A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Tits! Grab my Tits!"

The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help.

She explained that she wanted to return the nonworking toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.

Once again she yelled, "Grab my Tits! Grab my Tits!"

The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.

She replied, "Because I like my tits grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

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John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex.

"We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him.

So he waits . . . and waits.

They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says;

"Honey, I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all messy!"

John says, "You're kidding!"

Mary says, "I'm sorry honey, we'll just have to wait a little bit longer."

Mary goes to sleep, but wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling.

"There's no use John," she said, "You might as well go to sleep."

"I would," said John, "except my d*ck's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes!"

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What would you like

A man was shopping in the men's department at Bloomingdale's when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.

He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam."

She smiled pleasantly and asked "And what would you like?"

The man said, "I'd like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples lightly... That's what I'd like but What I *need* is a new tie!