Set 30

Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. As our passion began to heat up she said,

"I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me." I said, " WHAT ? What was that ?"

She said, "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for

me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The next day I took off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice

lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with

her as she tried on several very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to go with her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit".

We went on to the jewellry counter where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

She was so excited. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet.

I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No baby, I don't feel like it."

Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I said, "Honey!

I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to

satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

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George looked over the backyard fence and admired

Fred's wife while she sunbathed topless.

The next day, George corners his neighbor on the driveway saying,

"I saw your wife sunbathing in the backyard without her top on yesterday."

Fred was quite put out over the peeping incident and told George he planned revenge.

That very evening, Fred noticed that George's bedroom shades were up.

Upon closer inspection, he notices George's wife in the act of performing oral sex.

The very next day Fred calls out to George,

"Hey, George, I saw your wife giving you a blow-job last night."

George laughed. "Ha ha ha! Liar!

I wasn't even home last night."

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that

left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. "I too have a problem.

My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to

their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another.

As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"

"Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!":)