Chapter 09 - Colour me Confused.

A Couple of Hours Later…

Dakota Roth…

After Jeremy pulled away from me and fled from my room like I had just told him I had the plague or something, I laid in bed rethinking everything that had happened.

My lips still felt swollen from the most amazing kiss I have ever experienced. The true confidence in the way he took control still had me wet and empty in a way that shook me to my very core. The feel of those big strong hands holding me, caressing me and when he pressed those long-calloused fingers against my hand on his cock was sexy as Hell; the way he coaxed me to touch him the way he wanted and needed. And let me just say he was huge, like so big I found myself wondering how the fuck that was going to fit inside my body.

The way his hands cupped my breasts and squeezed - with just the right amount of pressure that felt good without feeling like I was being mauled, the steady and confident manner in which his fingers pinched and tugged on my nipple - God, I think there was an ocean flooding my panties at that point. I have never reacted to anyone the way I seem to just naturally react to Jeremy. It's almost as if I don't have control over myself, I just follow my instincts and they are telling me that together Jeremy and I could be pure dynamite. A powder-keg of combustible fire. Set to devour us both without thought. Burning everything else in our lives to cinders and honestly, in that moment with him - I had been ready to get burned. I was willing to let everything else burn around us.

I was willing to give myself to him, even if it meant that the rest of our lives imploded. And by the rest of our lives, I obviously meant my dad.

I still don't know what I did wrong. One minute we were on the steady path towards orgasmic bliss and the next he was pushing me away and retreating faster than a whore in Church. Was it me?

Did he decide that he didn't want me?

Could he tell I was inexperienced?

For the first time in my life - I hated the fact that I had little to no idea of what I was doing. I mean I have read plenty of romance novels that explore different types of sex, but they are hardly a user-manual, so to speak. My lack of experience had never felt like such a hindrance before today. A part of me wishes that I had the confidence to just ask him what happened.

I want the chance to be better. I want to tell him that I want him to teach me. Show me all the things I have been missing out on. Make me his - the perfect mould of his ideal woman. Isn't that something that most men would kill for?

Of course, as with all adjustment periods - I shifted from uncertainty and sadness that it ended, straight to anger and disappointment which is in no way a good combination. No. Not at all.

I was livid with him. How dare he work me up like that and then just book it out of here like he had a rocket up his ass. The rejection hurt more than I wanted to admit to, but it was inevitable that it was going to come out and I didn't know what I would do when it did - clearly I was going to have to remain as normal as I could around my dad because there was no point in blowing up everyone's lives over something that had ended before it truly began.

Is that why he backed off? Because of my dad. I mean, it would certainly make sense - they have been friends for over twenty years at this point and that is a lot of time to throw away over a quick roll in a bed, especially with some inexperienced, barely out of her teen's woman. That was when acceptance settled in.

It was simply never going to happen.

Jeremy and I were a non-starter. Doomed before we even had that first kiss.

As I run my fingers through my hair, I take a deep breath, "it's show time!" I muttered to myself, bracing myself and pushing my feelings down with great effort which felt harder than ever before. I stepped out of my room, closing my door quietly.

The house seemed to lie in silence, a deathly silence that settled around me like a blanket. Zeus trotted along behind me as I moved down the long hallway that housed the three bedrooms. By the time I made it to the kitchen my stomach was curdling towards nausea.

Would Jeremy ignore me?

Would things be awkward between us?

Could I hide my feelings? I have to admit that was one question that scared me more than the others because honestly, ever since I had laid eyes on him once again - everything that I have come to know about myself feels like it is breaking down. I have always prided myself on being able to school myself - outward calm was like second nature to me, Hell I used to have the nickname ice-queen through high school. It was a badge I wore with honour given my home life - hiding it from my peers was like a full-time job but I mastered it with ease.

But with Jeremy - it is as if I am floundering, and I can't catch my footing. One look and I am ready to drop to my knees, one innocent touch and I am swimming in an abyss of torment. And now that I know what his kiss feels like - I feel like I am drowning.

"Good morning, babe," Charleigh greeted me cheerily as she sat at the kitchen counter with a bowl of cereal and her phone in hand as she read this morning's news.

"Is it?!"

"Woah who pissed in your coffee?" She smirked.

"What? No one-" I could hear the defensive tone in my voice, and I scolded myself. Christ if I am this alert with my best friend how the fuck am I meant to hide my feelings from my dad and Jeremy?

"Mmhmmm!"

"Where is everyone?"

"Look out the window hon," she encouraged me, and I did as she said.

"Woah it's stopped snowing!" Relief flushed through me at the sight that met me.

"Yeah, your dad and Remy have headed out to make a start on shovelling as much of the snow out of the drive and the path as they can," she explained, "they said that they think the worst of it is over but there may be a couple more flurries but nothing to worry about!"

"Ok!" I nodded as I padded my way to the kettle and flipped the switch, "need a top up?"

"Sure," she slid her mug across the counter towards me, "so you gonna tell me why you look like someone just stole your puppy?"

That was the thing about my friendship with Charleigh - we knew one another so well that there really was no hiding our emotions or feelings from one another. And as much as I wanted to keep what happened between Jeremy and I to myself, just a little secret between me and him, I knew that I couldn't. Charleigh would be able to see it the minute that Jeremy and I were around one another.

My best friend was good at reading me, just as I was at reading her. And honestly, what she had confessed to me about liking my dad - I knew that took tremendous guts, considering how she had no idea of how I would react. I had been honest with her - if I had been blind-sided by it, I would have freaked out. I know I would have because hello, that is my dad, but she had come to me and told me how she felt and while I don't know where my dad's head is at, I feel like I would be ok with something happening between them, just as long as I didn't have to hear all the gory details. Because ewwwwww.

"We need to talk," I nodded my head as if I was agreeing with myself.

"Obviously," she smiled at me - it was her; I know something happened, smile.

Could she possibly have figured it out already?

Jesus I am a nervous wreck over one little kiss.

But it wasn't a little kiss, was it? It felt like more than that. The confident brush of his lips as he took control - I could still feel those talented lips pressed against mine, Hell, my lips still felt swollen and plump from the delicious torture he inflicted. The way his hands caressed my chest and guided me to touch him the way he wanted - the heat rising in my face as I thought about how intimate it had felt between us, as if we were locked in a tiny bubble - obscured from view of anyone and everything.

My body is coming alive once again at just the thought of what happened between us. I crave more of it, more of him.

This all feels so new to me - I have never felt like this about anyone. Like my whole body belongs to him now and I am merely his puppet to manipulate and control. Just the way he had talked to me lit me up like no one had ever lit me up before.

I am no longer Dakota Roth - independent, strong, steady, reliable woman.

I am now Dakota Roth - Jeremy's dirty little secret. Jeremy's girl. And somehow that thought caused a calmness and a storm in equal measures to clash inside me.

Jesus Christ - have fucking mercy, please!

Later that Night…

Jeremy Danielson…

Today has been a lesson in restraint. Not something I care for if I am being honest. Staying away from Dakota has grown more and more difficult as the hours ticked by. My body seems to recognise her as it's home and wants nothing more than to slide on in and make itself comfortable.

After my shower this morning, I crashed for a little over an hour, but my dreams were haunted. Torturing me with the one thing I want more than I have ever wanted anything. Everything I have ever experienced with women feels inconsequential when I think about Dakota. Even my marriage feels like I was going through the motions, and I had thought that I really loved my wife. I am not saying that I am in love with Dakota - what I am saying is that my attraction to my best friend's daughter is something that feels biblical in its intensity. Something that was always going to come to fruition. Something that I have no power to fight but I have to try.

Dakota is Jason's daughter.

Dakota is young enough to be my daughter.

I have known her since the day she was born. I am the adult in this situation, and I have to find a way to get past this pull that I am feeling for her. I have to find a way to ignore it and become Uncle Remy again.

Just Uncle Remy.

Now, I know all of that makes sense. I know that is what has to happen, but this pull I feel towards her has my mind fractured between doing what I know is right and what I know could be the best thing to ever happen to me. And I don't say that lightly - given who she is and how old she is, but no other woman has ever consumed so much of my thoughts. No other woman has ever touched me with such care and reverence. No other woman has made me feel so alive by just kissing me.

There is something fundamentally changing inside of me and as hard as I want to understand what that is, it is playing coy with me - leading me to make mistakes, pushing me further into Dakota's web and I know it is only a matter of time before I slip like I did this morning. Because now I have had a taste of her - I want more.

I want her. All of her.

Throwing the covers back on the bed, I pull on my sweats and make my way up the stairs to find her right where she had been last night, like some sort of mirage but this time she seems to sense me and turns to look at me, "hey," she graces me with the first word she has uttered to me since I high-tailed it out of her room this morning but that is as far as her attention goes because she turns back to the window, effectively ignoring me.

Suddenly I feel cold. Lost in an abyss of dread that she is pushing me away.

'And whose fault is that dumbass!?' my mind asked in a sneer. Jesus I am losing my mind.

"Can't sleep again?" I asked as I moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"Nope!"

"Are you having trouble adjusting to the time difference?" Making my way to the sofa and sit down on the opposite end to her, Zeus spares me a glance as if he too is disappointed in how I handled things this morning.

"Nope!"

"You, still worried about the snow?"

"Nope!" Every answer, one word and her eyes avoid contact with mine as she reaches down to scratch behind Zeus's ears who in turn lets out a soft groan of pleasure at her touch.

How can I make this better?

By pulling her into my lap and kissing the snarky attitude right out of her.

By burying my face between those sinfully defined thighs.

By spearing her hot, wet folds with my tongue.

By placing her over my knee and spanking her until she understands just how fucking hot, she makes me.

The thoughts running through my mind have my dick hard within seconds. God, I have never wanted to claim a woman the way I desperately want to claim Dakota right now.

"'Kota-" reaching my hand out to touch her arm, her eyes snap down at the contact as her body shivers from the connection of flesh on flesh, "can you please look at me!?"

Slowly, her beautiful blue eyes slide up my arm and eventually meet my eyes and what I see floors me - pain, uncertainty, confusion, and heat swirl in the most hypnotic manner that my heart literally stops beating for a second - that is how powerful her look is to me. The power she holds over me is almost entirely complete - the small sliver of my own consciousness bursts through me.

This is important. We have to work this out because if we don't - Jason is going to figure two plus two equals five.

"What?" She asked me.

"We should talk about what happened earlier-"

"Why? Nothing happened?" Her flippant tone burned through me as if she had just sliced through me with a whip from the deepest depths of Hell.

"You and I both know that is not true-"

"No. What I know is that - you started something and decided you couldn't finish it. It was a game to you, I see that now and that is ok, we'll just chalk it up to a prank gone wrong, ok?" There was real venom in her tone now, so much that for a split second she reminded me of her mother, but that was where the similarities ended because Dakota was so much more than her mother could ever hope to be.

"No!" I growled pushing myself closer to her, "it wasn't a game, and I will never pretend that it was. What I felt for you-what I feel for you is far stronger than some silly, childish game, 'Kota!" Gripping her jaw firmly, I forced her to look up at me, "am I being clear enough here?"

"No-not-really!" My God she was beautiful.

The soft glow of the moon bathed her in this most amazing light that I would have sworn that she was an Angel put here to tempt me. Tempt me to sin. And God did I want to sin with her.

"You are everything, Dakota. You may even mean more to me than your dad does but that is the issue here - your dad. We have been friends for my whole life - he has always had my back, always been there to support me no matter what I have going on and as much as I want you, pumpkin, I just can't betray my best friend like that," I hoped to fuck that my tone was portraying the depth of what I was feeling, "tell me you understand…please?"

"Why couldn't you have said that earlier?" She asked me.

My sigh was bone deep at this point as my forehead fell forward against hers. Of course, she wasn't mad about why I stopped things - she was mad that I didn't explain myself. Just like her father. He always valued communication above almost everything else.

"I'm so sorry, little one. I wish I had now. I wish I had just talked to you about it all," I pressed, "can you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive. You are right - it doesn't matter what we feel. Dad has to come first. I won't split up a friendship for a quick roll in bed-" she couldn't understand how those words sliced straight through my heart.

"Just to be clear, pumpkin," I began, caressing along her jaw, "there would be nothing quick about it and nothing 'just' about it either. It would be intense, lengthy and for keeps-"

"What are you saying?" Her breath was now hitched in the back of her throat. It was a reaction that had my cock pulse with need. A blinding desire to be buried to the hilt inside of her Heavenly pussy.

"I mean if we were to act on this attraction - it would be a claiming because if I had you once, there is no way I would be able to walk away afterwards, 'Kota. You would be mine - for keeps!" Reaching forward, my lips brushed against hers ever so softly before I rose to my feet and walked away before I did something even more reckless.

Making it back to the basement - I once again headed straight for the bathroom and set the shower to cold and stripped down.

Cold showers. Fuck me - I thought I had got out of this habit when my teenage years were behind me, but this was the right thing to do. Had I stayed up there talking to her I would have been unable to control myself.

I would have done exactly what I told her I would do - I would have claimed her. Made her mine in every way possible.

Standing under the cold jet of water, my hand gripped the root of my engorged shaft and began to pump once again. Twice in one day. This is what my life has been reduced to. And I can't see it changing any time soon which meant that I really needed to get my head out my ass and find a place of my own. I needed to create distance between me and temptation. Especially since I have offered her a job. Really what the fuck had I been thinking?

Wanting her close. Needing her close, that is what I was thinking. Now that I have had a sample taste of her - working and living with her is going to be too much temptation to handle. I need to get out of this house. If I am going to keep the promise, I made to myself - the promise of not touching my best friend's daughter.

By the time I reach my climax and then wash myself down, I hear her moving around in the kitchen upstairs and I grab my phone.

'Get some sleep, beautiful. Sweet dreams 😘😉 xxxx!' only when the little read tick appeared do I put my phone on the nightstand and close my eyes.