A 37-minute songs playlist

It's funny how everything was put on that situation. I have no idea what is going on and what will be going to happen next at that moment. I was empty-headed about what will happen now or even what will I do now.

I ran straight to my room, hurriedly open the door, and slammed it while closing. I leaned my back on the door and slowly opened my closed right hand letting my bag falling from my palm, passing to my index finger down to the floor.

My body follows that makes me sit down in bended knees. My hands that were spread out wrapped up my both knees together and slowly put it on top. I laid my forehead on my overlapping hands and burst into tears. My black knee socks got wet because of my tears, as well as my white long-sleeved uniform and the sleeves of its black coat.

I can feel the vibration of my phone inside my bag. I picked it up and I saw that Kier is calling. I wipe off my tears using my both hands alternatively from side to side before answering. I swipe the green phone icon to the right side to answer his call.

"Hello," I said first with a clogged nose then touches my eye bags with gentle.

"Happy monthsary, Babe!" he greeted me in an energetic and lovely voice.

"Happy monthsary!" is my response. My voice seems so cold and crappy which he noticed.

"What happened? Are you crying? Why?" his consecutive questions. I'm trying to avoid sniffing so that he will not notice, but it's too late when my voice was cracked.

"Uhmm..." I cleared my throat and trying to have a normal voice. then continue.

"It was nothing. I just-" he cut it and throw me a question again. Maybe he notices my husky voice.

"What happened, huh?" his voice is enough for me to be comforted at the moment. It feels like his voice is enough to make me feel better and pushes me to rant on him.

"I am just here. I will always listen whatever is that." what he said again makes me teary and suddenly the tears started to come out from both sides of the eyes. I can't control it anymore.

I started to burst into tears in silence while he keeps on asking me what is wrong but I can't answer him because I was crying all along. After a while, I was at ease and slowly stopped crying. But, I can't still explain to him what is going on with me because I am not sure if that was just a show by Caroline or either way.

I am planning to look for the reasons behind so that Allie and Kim will not misunderstand the situation. And, if ever they did, I have to find ways to make it clear but I am still hopeless. I'm guilty because I still slapped her out of my control.

"Feel better yet?" he asked again. I just created a soft sound which means yes but honestly, I said it while shaking my head.

"You can sleep if you want, I will sing for you. In that way, I can lessen the bad feelings inside you," his comfort with his soft voice that is soothing to my ears.

"Thank you, babe!" is my response. I am thankful, grateful that somehow, there is still someone who can ease the pain and will always willing to comfort me without asking him to do so without Kim.

"Just close your eyes, you don't need to answer me. Just listen to my voice 'til you fall asleep." a bit of tear circling on my both eyes sideways. I plugged my earphones in and slowly closes my eyes while lying on my bed sideways.

He started to strum the guitar's string in a low pitch chord follows by the consecutive strumming that creates the soothing sounds. He started to make a sound by humming using his natural voice.

He stopped strumming for seconds and then started to sing the first song 'Baby by Justin Bieber'.

[Baby, baby, baby, ohhhh~] after his own first line, he started to strum again.

[Ohhh woaahhh ohhh woaahhh ohhh woaahhh] singing from a low pitch then slightly to a high pitch.

[You know I love you, you know I care~] I was a little bit surprised when he changes some of the lyrics but I don't know why his voice seems sad. I ignored it, I just focus on listening and feel the beautiful voice of him while strumming the chords that perfectly fit the guitar's acoustic sounds.

[Just shout whenever just think I'm there.

You are my love, you are my heart, and we will never be apart.] I can't deny the fact that the message of the song is for me, and only for me. He continues singing the chorus part of the song until it ended in a flawless strum.

For the second song, he started it with humming.

[Wooaahh wooaahh wooaahh ohhh~] a signal to start strumming again. The second song was entitled 'More Than Words by Extreme'.

[Saying 'I love you' is not the words I want to hear from you.

It's not that I want you. Not to say, but if you only knew how easy.

It would be to show me how you feel.] he started the song on its original lyrics which somehow sounds like the original one is the one who is singing. He continues singing.

[More than words~

Now but I've tried to talk to you,

And make you understand.

All you have to do is close your eyes,

And just reach out your hands, and touch me.

Hold me close, don't ever let me go.

More than words~ is all I ever needed you to show.] the message makes me think of our situation. Makes me realize and makes me concern about his feelings towards me.

For the third song, it was composed by the band, Coldplay, the 'The Scientist'.

"Babe?" before he starts again, he calls me. Though I am fully awake at the moment, I still choose not to answer him.

"I will continue singing then," he said and began to play the guitar.

[Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy.

No one ever said it would be this hard.] he sang the lyrics originally came from its own composers but, with his warm and soft voice it makes more lovely like a comfort for me. The message of the song really fits the situation I have. The lightness of his voice minus a bit of sadness in me.

As soon as he ended the song 'The Scientist', he began to sing the fourth song which is 'Here With You' sung by the band, 3 Doors Down.

[But all the miles had separate~]

[They disappeared, now I'm dreaming of your face...]

[I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind.

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.

I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams.

And tonight, it's only you and me~] after hearing this song, something popped up in mind. Yes, he's always there even though he's in afar, even though he's not with me. Kier never failed to care for me. He never failed to show me his efforts, how he always keeps his words.

[Everything I know, and anywhere I go,

It gets hard but it won't take... away... my love.] these lyrics follow using his baritone voice type.

"Still awake, babe?" he asked me for the second time, I did not answer him again and stay in silence. I slowly turn my body sideways, puts my both hand together, and lie my head on it as my pillow. I know he is aware of me being awake at the moment. He now again continues playing the guitar and started to sing again.

'Until You' is the title of the fifth song, composed by Shayne Ward. After the 10-second intro, his mouth started to open, and throw the lyrics.

[Baby, life was good to me but you just made it better~] it feels like the brightness of the beat has a hidden drama meaning.

[I love the way you stand by me through any kind of weather.

I don't wanna run away, I just wanna make your day.

When you feel the world is on your shoulders.

I don't wanna make it worst, just wanna make us work...

Baby, tell me I will do whatever.] he knows how I feel, that's why he chooses the songs where I can relate to the message. Maybe the song that he wanted me to hear.

[It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me.

Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me.

Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me.

Baby, nobody, nobody until you~] I think that song will suit him, from me. He added some of the lyrics and repeat these lyrics until he ended the song and start again for another one.

'Shape of My Heart by Backstreet Boys' the 6th song on his list.

After almost 28 seconds of striking different chords of strings from the lower pitch to the higher one, he started the song lyrics until it reaches the chorus.

[Lookin' back on the things I've done.

I was tryin' to be someone, I played my part.

Kept you in the dark, now let me show you the shape of my heart.] 3 lines of the song were skipped, the music continues.

[Touch me now don't bother, if every second it makes me weaker.

You can save me from the man I've become.] another message of the song letting me know how he is trying to relay what he wanted to say through this.

For the 7th song, he played 'My Love' of the band Westlife, one of the well-known bands all over the world.

[I try to read, I go to school, I'm laughing with my friends.

But I can't stop to keep myself from thinking.] the bridge of the song has come.

[I wonder why... I wonder how... I wonder where they are.

The days we had, the songs we sang together.

And all my love, I'm holding on forever.

Reaching for the love that seems so far~] he plucked the string a bit faster and continues.

[So I say a little prayer and hope my dreams will take me there.

Where the skies are blue to see you once again, my love~] as he stops playing the guitar the song ended in high notes.

The 8th song he played started in a slow one with a lower pitch that matches his whole voice.

[If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger.

You know in the end, I'll always be there.] a song has stopped for seconds and he started singing again.

[But when you're in doubt and when you're in danger.

Take a look all around, I'll be there.] the tone suddenly goes up but softly and warmly.

[I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.

I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be.

But if you'll wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me.

I promise you, I promise you I will.]

The following verses make me feel sleepy but choose to listen to him singing. The song continues.

[When your day is through and so is your temper,

You know what to do, I'm gonna always be there.]

The last but not the least, he sang 'The Reason by Hoobastank' as his ending song. He sang it completely. In the beginning, he plucked his guitar's hard to make a sturdy sound and suddenly it turns into a soft one.

[I'm not a perfect person, there are many things I wish I didn't do.

But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you.

And so, I have to say before I go.

That I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me.

To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new.

And the reason is you...]

The 37-minute songs playlist was filled with emotions, specifically sad feelings. Each word of the song's message was like a thorn of roses that were impaled on my chest without my awareness. And I guess, I am aware now.

All of the music he plays were his feelings and thoughts. He uses the song to express his feelings and I felt bad for not appreciating him sooner. I never realized how sad he is. I never knew how he badly wanted to tell me that he's always there for me.

Kier made me feel special even from the very start, until now, and I am sure that he will always. I have my assurance that there's someone who can make me feel better at times like this. I was comforted, felt better as the song ended.

"Good night, babe! Sleep well and have a good dream. You'll always be in my dreams." I heard his warm voice before he hangs up the call. What he said makes me smile a bit. I close my eyes again and wait for myself to fall asleep.