Mental Burdens

When the intimidatingly cold Elven woman had first arrived, Nane had been extremely nervous.

As the very strongest of the Petbe Familia's surviving Level 3's, as well as someone highly capable in intelligence gathering and data analysis, she had found herself in the shoes of the leader of the remaining members after tragedy had struck. Right after his descent, Lord Apophis had then immediately assigned her to be the Captain of the Apophis Familia, which had taken up the mantle of the Black Blade's Orario branch for now.

Before she knew it, she had been dispatched to Knossos to train a sizable portion of their strongest remaining members in secret, so that they could rise again… but their operations were obliterated in a mere few minutes.

She wasn't even aware of how she had gotten captured, but the next time she had opened her eyes, she had been in front of Isaac Blackshaw and the mechanism that had been implanted within her body was being surgically removed. It had been extremely agonizing because he hadn't bothered to use any anaesthetics or the like, but it had been a surprisingly quick procedure. Right after it had been extracted, she had been fed a vial of Mermaid Blood, which had patched her up perfectly in a mere minute or two.

Once he had been done on her end, Isaac had made her stand at the side and had ignored her whilst he was having three others that weren't about to blow up yet and could therefore still be saved undergo the same experience. All of them were members of the Black Blade that Nane had thought had died while defending their home.

The miserable screams of her companions as well as the ghastly visual aspects of their surgeries had almost made her throw up right then and there, but she had somehow kept it together. Aside from the all-engulfing terror that had been threatening to overwhelm her, she had also felt a certain burden getting lifted from her shoulders - that dangerous mechanism was finally gone. While she hadn't been all too opposed to having it installed within her, she also hadn't been a huge, active supporter of it. In the back of her mind, she had always been scared! What if something went wrong and she suddenly blew up out of nowhere!?

Knowing their place as well as how to deal with the current situation very well, Nane as well as the three other Black Blade members had fessed up all the information that they could. They were astonished when their captor had made an Evilus member, one that had evidently been spirited away sometime during the Knossos raid, appear from thin air. The man in question hadn't been all too cooperative at first, but it was nothing that some careful 'reeducation' - well, mind-bogglingly horrifying torture - couldn't fix. He had then also spilled all that he knew.

In all honesty, Isaac appeared like a devil within Nane's heart. Not only the fact that he was her enemy to begin with, but also his treatment of her and the four others had caused her to think of him in this way. He was obviously aware of this, but he didn't seem to care - she couldn't escape and she couldn't harm anyone, so why should he be concerned?

Expecting the guest of such a person to be somewhat similar in personality, she had guarded herself against any moves that Ryuu Lion may make against her… only to realize very quickly that this young woman wasn't anyone to fear.

After Nane had introduced herself and had given the green-haired Elf the stack of documents, she had been treated nothing but politely. She had even been thanked on numerous occasions! Was this really how a prisoner of war like her should be treated…?

For about forty minutes or so, Ryuu was silently flipping through the many sheets of paper. Of course, she wouldn't be able to read through all of them this quickly, but she had made significant progress already. A few more hours should do the trick.

Noticing something that she felt to be inadequately explained, she looked up at Nane and gave voice to that which puzzled her.

"It states here that a number of Evilus members were implanted with the bombs on only one occasion - around six years ago, when they wanted to formally join the Black Blade. Why weren't they implanted with bombs again?"

Clearly relieved that she knew the answer to this question and could therefore give a proper response, Nane spoke up confidently. Having been in charge of sorting through most of the Petbe Familia's intel had enabled her to be aware of far more information than regular Executives, or even the Vice-Captain and Captain. Those folks were usually only fed with that which was deemed necessary by Lady Petbe. In a way, Nane had been in quite the privileged position.

"Almost all of Evilus' higher-ups refused to be blessed with the mechanism, which caused us to doubt their motives. When they then used the bombs to set suicide bombing squads on the loose all throughout Orario, without consulting us at all, that messed up a lot of the Blades' plans and caused us significant losses. It became abundantly clear that they had merely made use of our resources for their own needs, exploiting us in the process. They had never had any intention of joining our side's cause. As a result, we disassociated ourselves from them."

With an aggrieved look of reminiscence on her face, Ryuu sighed helplessly. The realization of just how unimportant Evilus had really been in the great scheme of things made her feel heavily conflicted. In the eyes of her and most of Orario's inhabitants, they were the greatest sinners as well as an enormous threat. But that haunting shadow that had followed her ever since the events from back then… it turned out to merely be a group of madmen on the loose. Nothing more, but also nothing less.

Closing her eyes for a bit, she recalled the time that she had slaughtered all Remnants of Evilus that she could find. She had almost completely lost herself back then, and had been prepared to die. If it hadn't been for Syr stumbling across and reaching out to her… then she probably would have ended her own life after seemingly achieving her revenge, too ashamed of these actions of hers that had gone completely against her professed principles to face anyone that she knew ever again. Part of her had also intended to reunite with her beloved friends in the next life…

Snapping out of her daze, Ryuu shook her head and refocused her gaze on the antsy Nane. Another question had come to mind.

"What cause does your side have anyway? You give me the impression of a person fighting for something that they believe to be just. What could possibly make you think that implanting a bomb, which will likely be used to harm others, inside of you is the right thing to do?"

Faced with the partially accusatory and sternly reproachful, but primarily bewildered inquiry, Nane gulped heavily, clearly unsure of whether or not it would be fine to say something. But imagining which kinds of torment may await her should she refuse to speak, she steeled her heart and opened her mouth.

"The purpose of all of Váli's Blades is to support our leader, Váli, in overthrowing those that are responsible for creating a world full of unending suffering. For that purpose, we aim to have as many of us as possible become deities, so that we can more effectively fight back. The mechanisms that we've been implanted with are said to both be a last resort to bring down those that threaten us, as well as a tool to help with the ascension of some of our brethren."

Now that she had already revealed this much, rather than feeling guilty, Nane felt an incorporeal burden getting lifted from her heart, one whose existence she hadn't even been aware of. It had unknowingly been restraining her, but now, it was finally gone.

Listening to her own words in this state of extreme distress mixed with traces of relief, she suddenly sensed that something was different from before. Something… was odd. About all of this.

"That admittedly sounds like a good cause. But who exactly are you fighting against? And how do those bombs help with anyone's ascension?"

As if she had read Nane's mind, Ryuu spelled out the doubts that had crept up within her.

"... I honestly don't know who we're fighting against, just that they're responsible for all that is wrong in the Lower World, as well as in Heaven. I also don't know how exactly the mechanisms help, I've just been told that they do."

Because she had been raised within the Black Blade ever since she had been born, she had initially only been exposed to the worldview of the other members, causing her to fully buy into it, no doubts attached. She had never even questioned any of it all too much. Simple answers that practically didn't say anything at all had left her feeling content, reinforced in her beliefs. But why? She would have questioned the veracity of any of her intel if the 'evidence' supporting it had been this excessively flimsy!

Seeing the intense confusion clouding Nane's eyes, Ryuu didn't ask about this topic any further, as she felt that it would be a fruitless endeavour. The young woman clearly had her own troubles to deal with - her mental demons to face, so to speak - therefore, at the moment, it wouldn't necessarily be helpful or productive to pressure her any more than this.

The Elf focused once again on the documents on the table in front of her, reading them as thoroughly as she could. If she had the ability to do so, then she would have engraved all of this knowledge deep within her mind, but alas…

Just like that, the hours flew by. The two goddesses that had been resting nearby had disappeared at an unknown point in time, leaving Nane and Ryuu to themselves. Every now and then, the Elf would ask for further clarification regarding some particular details. Until late into the night, the two of them were busy.

-----

As silent as a corpse, Tiona sat in a huge bathtub that could fit around four or five people, submerged all the way until her chin within the almost boiling water. If it were to be just a few degrees hotter than this, then it would have evaporated - and yet, she felt extremely cold even as the scorching heat invaded her durable body from the outside.

Her eyes weren't particularly focused on anything, she was merely staring at the surface of the water, her mind entirely in a different place. Instead of the comfortable, safe, female-only bathroom in the Twilight Manor that she was currently in, she felt herself trapped within a mental prison of her subconscious' own making.

She seemed to be walking through the hallways of the Knossos bases of the Sabaktes and Ignavia Familias once more, being exposed to depravity many times worse than anything she had ever seen before that day.

In both places there were dedicated torture chambers, in which some of their familias' members released both their sadistic as well as their lustful urges upon their victims. The terrible stench encasing the horribly deformed bodies dripping with blood and many other fluids almost made her throw up whenever it invaded her nostrils. But neither the corpses nor those that were still suffering within those miniature hells were the worst of it.

Various captives and slaves were kept in the other parts of the bases. The majority of those unfortunate people's eyes had no life left within them. They appeared like soulless flesh puppets that were roaming about without a purpose, doing exactly as they were told with the sole desire of avoiding suffering. Their trauma was palpable, and it weighed heavily upon her heart.

After closing her eyes for a moment, she suddenly found herself sitting within a pool of repugnant liquids - primarily blood, but there were also others mixed within: feces, piss and a certain procreation-related fluid.

Although she was overcome with extreme disgust and wanted nothing more than to escape from this place immediately, her body simply couldn't move. Her gaze was fixed upon the deadpan expression of one of the many tens of victims that she had encountered in the halls of Knossos. She simply stared at the woman's eyes and took in her scarred body, branding it into her memory.

KNOCK, KNOCK KNOCK!

"It's already midnight! How much longer are you going to stay in there, Tiona?"

Like a sandcastle getting eroded by inordinately strong wind, the nightmarish scene in front of her abruptly scattered, returning her mind to her actual body. Riveria's strict but concerned voice sounded from outside the bathroom. Strong warmth and cleanliness once more enveloped Tiona's heart and body, almost causing her to tear up.

Swallowing down her sobs and the remaining nausea, she hastily replied.

"Ten more minutes. I'm almost done!"

She was pretty certain that the High Elf was rolling her eyes at her in amusement as she spoke her next words.

"... fine. Hurry up and go to bed already. I'll see you tomorrow."

As soon as Riveria left, Tiona felt her stomach churning for a while. She only barely managed to suppress the urge to vomit - the mirages that she had experienced just moments prior had simply felt way too real! However, she wasn't a delicate flower but rather a tough blade of grass that had weathered many a storm. She wouldn't break down this easily!

After slapping her cheeks a few times in an effort to snap out of it, she closed her eyes and submerged her head underwater for a minute or so, before resurfacing and drying her hair a little, so that it wasn't sopping wet. Without further delay, she rose from the bathtub, exposing her tantalizing but flat body to the fresh air, which temporarily felt almost wintery cold - but only until she grew used to it.

Minutes later, she had dried herself off and had put on her nightwear, which consisted only of a pair of underwear and a cloth strip that covered her chest area - as expected of a proper Amazoness.

While she was drying her hair with a hair dryer-esque Magic Item, she suddenly jolted backwards as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Instead of the somewhat downcast expression that she thought she was sporting, what greeted her was an excited, lust-filled and obsessive gaze that made her skin crawl. A wide smile that reminded her more of a bloodthirsty beast's than a person's had blossomed on her lips, which she was currently licking gleefully with her tongue.

'What in Tartarus is going on?!'

Shocked to the point of turning speechless, she cautiously raised her hand to touch her face, trying to determine whether or not what she was seeing was actually real. Fortunately, her fingers phased straight through the image that was displayed in the mirror and landed on her real, distraught face. The illusion was dispersed in the process, as if it had never been there in the first place.

'...'

Without speaking a word, Tiona hurriedly finished drying her hair and escaped from the bathroom, returning to her bedroom seconds later. Only after she had closed her door and wrapped herself in her blanket did her rapidly beating heart calm down again, and an air of peace returned.

'I'll just sleep for now. Who knows? Everything may be back to normal tomorrow.'

-----

"No!! I didn't mean to!!!"

Sitting up in bed with panic written all over her face, Tiona got jolted out of her dreams. Her whispered words had almost turned into a shout, but she had somehow subconsciously managed to prevent this from happening.

Contrary to her usually joyful face which was lit up by a bright smile, her skin had turned dull and somewhat ashen, while large drops of cold sweat were dripping down her forehead as well as drenching her back.

Just now, in her dream - nay, her nightmare - she had experienced herself giving in to her urges and assaulting Isaac, exactly in the way that her body had craved almost ever since she had first seen him fight. The dream version of her seemed to enjoy herself plenty, but the pained and dull expression on her victim's face, his desperate attempts to escape… all of them had eaten away at her real self, who had been forced to watch this scene in the role of a powerless bystander.

Caught in this odd state, somewhere between being fully asleep and being somewhat conscious, she didn't even recognize that she was merely dreaming. All that she knew was that a horrible event was taking place in front of her very eyes. Her own body was the main perpetrator of it, but she could do nothing to stop it!

Recalling what she had seen, Tiona cradled her face in her hands and began to shed tears. She felt extremely awful about herself, to the point where certain thoughts about 'ending it all' began to resurface from deep within her subconscious mind. For so many years, she had successfully locked them away, but now, they just had to attempt a comeback!

Only half an hour later did Tiona finally succeed in calming down again. She began to rationally dissect everything that had happened today. It took a long time, but eventually, she came to a conclusion.

Even though the terrifying scenes that she had come across in Knossos hadn't outwardly impacted her too much, because she was more than used to nigh-literal bloodbaths, they had still taken a mental toll on her. In the eyes of the victims and their tormentors, she had unknowingly seen herself. Or rather, a part of herself. One that had luckily always been kept in check by her sister whenever it was about to rear its ugly head.

If she had given in to the instincts of an Amazoness and had ravaged Isaac back when he wasn't yet capable of resisting her, fully relying on her superior power to 'claim' him, would she have been any better than those that had sexually violated others for their own twisted pleasure?

No, she wouldn't have been. She would have become just as depraved and disgusting as them. Most likely, she wouldn't even have been able to live with herself any longer. But the worst of it all wouldn't have been the guilt that would have eaten away at her, but rather the significant emotional, physical and psychological harm that she would have inflicted upon the one that she cared about so much - Isaac. It was unknown if he would have ever been able to fully recover from something like that.

A part of her was extremely relieved at never having embarked on that horrifying path, wanting nothing more than to absolve herself of all sin. But yet another side of hers reminded herself to be cautious, and to fight against her body's urges. She had been so, so very close to making an irreversible mistake, many times. Without the intervention of others, tragedy would have surely struck! Even if she ultimately couldn't have succeeded because Isaac could have teleported away, that broken trust would have been very difficult to repair again.

Wiping away the last of her tears, Tiona showed a weak, wry smile. She couldn't help but feel appalled with herself… or rather, with the Amazoness blood running through her veins. She was already dealing with the fact that her love would remain a one-sided one. Piling this issue atop of it… yeah, it really wasn't helping.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, she had experienced so much worse. Although her heart and mind's current states brought her a lot of agony, this was ultimately something that she would overcome.

Because she had to.

-----

"We'll be setting off now, teacher!"

"See you early in the afternoon, milord!!"

Amidst enthusiastic waving and respectful smiles, Isaac's students and subordinates set off back into the dungeon. They had paused their exploration for a few days due to the protest and the Knossos raid, as well as the events that had been a result of these, but today it was finally time to continue improving their stats and Levels!

New additions to their group were the always paranoid Ivan, Titania's younger sister, Gugalanna, as well as the Vidar Familia's Captain, Esja. The latter two would join Ray and Titania in their protection duties, as well as in the gathering of suitable monsters, while Ivan was asked to do his best to get used to everyone else and improve his own strength.

Last time, the party had made their way to a staircase leading to the 32nd floor, so today, they would be faced with four new, stronger monster species against which they could sharpen themselves.

While watching them leave, Isaac allocated a small amount of his focus to observing their surroundings, so that in the worst circumstances, he could give them a helping hand. So far, he had not needed to involve himself with their matters ever since the Petbe Familia incident.

Swallowing the last bite of Mina's homemade honeyed barely roll, he took a sip of water and wiped his mouth clean, then he heaved a satisfied sigh. He had admittedly been a bit touched when he learned that, mainly for his sake, Mina was spending some of her free time learning how to bake properly from the kitchen staff of the Loki Familia's canteen.

The loyal Chienthrope girl had only known the very basics of the basics beforehand and her repertoire of homemade food had been quite lacking in variety, to say the least. She only knew a few recipes from her old home, and that was it. But ever since swearing her allegiance to her lord, Mina had occasionally broadened her horizons, all for the sake of making more and more delicious food for him. A smile and his praise were enough to brighten up her entire day!

Chuckling to himself, Isaac let his gaze wander across the entirety of his private world, as well as all of the places outside of it that he deemed important, ascertaining whether or not there was anything that needed his immediate attention. As luck would have it, there was nothing unexpected going on, so his arrangements for the day could proceed unhindered.

'I guess it's finally time to pay those folks a visit, huh?'

He had already delayed meeting with them for quite some time, so any more than this would really feel rude. There was no need to burn the bridge before they had ever even interacted, right? Depending on their attitude and goals, he might even collaborate with them on some matters. However, for now, that was all just a vague possibility, most definitely not a certainty.

Once he had informed Ais that he was heading out for a bit, he teleported back to the Twilight Manor and casually exited the grounds via the front gate. Concealing his presence from anyone who was keeping an eye on this place by blurring his existence, he made his way to the south-western main street and followed it until he spied the inn by the name of 'Season's Harvest' in the distance.

Just three residences past it, located in a prosperous side street, there was the target of today's excursion: The Empire's embassy.