Chapter 3:It's okay not to be okay.

HIt's okay not to be okay

I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I strained myself. The bed was comfy yes, with huge pillows, yes and it smelled so nice but still I was not able to sleep. I was tossing and turning over and over not sure of what I wanted and why I couldn't sleep. I've been like this for more than two hours. I didn't have my phone because it was already off but I could tell from the bedside table clock. Maybe this was because the bed was too big and this was a new place and I was sleeping in another person's bedroom. I was uncomfortable and still, the earlier actions weren't out of my head. I still have my grandma to think about and a job to get to tomorrow. This could have been easier if l was at my own house. Well, I have sleeping pills which I take every day before I go to sleep failure to do that then I wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

Tossing and turning in the bed wasn't going to help at all, I decided to

look for Marvin in the room I had seen him get in earlier. Thanks to my

Curiosity I had peeped when he was getting in and I was able to see the

room or else I wouldn't be able to find it that easily. There are many rooms here. I got off the bed slowly, opened the door slowly, and then tiptoed to the room. I passed the other two rooms before I got to it. It was at the end of a corner. I don't know why I was tiptoeing but I think I didn't wanna wake him, I had decided if he was fast asleep then I wouldn't wake him but if he wasn't then I'd wake him. I just need some meds that would get me to sleep faster and I hope he'll be able to help.

Once I got to the door of the room, I raised my hand to knock, but then I stopped when I heard someone sobbing. At first, I was confused and thought that I had begun to imagine things so I leaned on the door and eavesdropped. The sobs continued. I checked around to see if I had come to the right room. I tiptoed back to 'my room' and now checked the room from there. Was there someone else in the house when I thought it was only the two of us? Or maybe it's his ex-girlfriend but wait the sobs sound like those of a man. Or maybe it's his brother or a relative but I saw Marvin himself go inside that room. Can it be him?

I tiptoed back to the door, I listened again and the sobs continued. I

pushed the door handle a little and it opened. Seems like the person inside did not care to lock it. I peeped through the door and scanned the room. From the bed to the wardrobe and every single corner of the room. Wait a minute, did I just forget that someone is sobbing? My senses returned and I focused on the person lying on the bed. From where I was I could tell that it was Marvin, curled up like a ball on the bed, sobbing.

I moved slowly to the bed where he was. I didn't want to make any

mistake of walking hastily and my footsteps being heard. At first, I thought he was crying in his sleep but when I saw that his eyes were open then I realized he wasn't. He was aware that he was sobbing. Does that mean he is crying? I've never seen a man cry before. What could have possibly happened to make him cry? I asked myself but I don't know him so I can't figure it out. Why hasn't he realized that I'm here then?

I tapped him but he didn't respond. He just continued sobbing. I couldn't

help but worry. Had something really bad happened? Did someone die?

" Hey, are you okay?" I asked in the calmest caring and lowest voice I

could accumulate. It was so stupid of me to ask if he was okay because

someone could tell that he wasn't. I guess I added salt to the wound. His

sobs increased. Did I do or say something so wrong? I've never been in such a situation, especially with a man.

"Sir...let me get you some water...I'm sure it'll be of help" He was

awake but he didn't want to talk to me. If we weren't strangers I would have insisted on asking him what was wrong but I didn't want to annoy him. This thing about privacy and personal issues is a thing I hate getting mixed up in so if he wasn't ready to say anything then I don't have to meddle. I rushed downstairs and grabbed a glass of water. It wasn't hard cause I had seen the kitchen and it was easy to get the glass and the water. On my way back couldn't help but wonder if he would take the water or just assume me.

On getting to the room, he was up, seated on the bed, his head down

and hands covering his face. I walked slowly and stood before him.

"Here's your water sir," I said handing it to him but he didn't even look

up. Well, this was quite embarrassing to me. Did he have to reject the water? I mean I couldn't have poisoned him and it's obvious that he needs the water. Or maybe not. Have I been watching too many movies? I always see people handing water to someone if he or she was crying. Or maybe it's only in movies and this doesn't apply to reality, right? After two minutes I realized he wasn't going to take the water so I placed it on the bedside table.

" Goodnight sir," I said after glancing at him one more time. I decided to

go back to 'my room' because it seemed that he wasn't going to act like I was there anyway. There's no point in trying anyways cause maybe l wouldn't be able to help him.

I had barely taken a step when I got numb for a second. I looked down

to see his hands on my waist. He was hugging me from the back. That's

probably the reason I had gotten numb cause I didn't expect this. I was silent but my heart wasn't.

"Can you hug me, please" His voice was needy, calm, and fragile. I was

more than surprised. He was already hugging me, right? Or maybe he

needed a proper hug. I understood him, sometimes we all need someone to hug us until we melt into tears. I turned around slowly and hugged him. It's been a long since I hugged someone in such a way. He started sobbing again.

" It's getting heavy inside...it hurts so much, I can't control the pain

and hide it...it feels like I'm breaking apart...I don't know what to do

anymore...it hurts" he said in between the sobs. You could tell from how

broken his voice was that he was hurting. I just had to comfort him. Maybe that would make him feel better.

" It's okay not to be okay...Marvin" I said in an assuring voice. He hadn't

hesitated to help me when I needed help the most so if it was a shoulder he needed to cry on then I would offer mine without hesitation. This is the best have ever hugged someone, it was so tight and I even felt it. Maybe I've always needed a hug like this but where could I get it from?