Chapter 18

It was a busy five days for the trio.

They had scarcely a moment to collect their thoughts, let alone indulge in the luxury of training any techniques. Xin and Lei attended only the lectures, forgoing both the training sessions and the evening activities. They spent their nights alternating between the inn in Clay Nest and the sect's disciple quarters, struggling to keep up with such a grueling schedule.

All the doubts about Feng Chonglin's diligence that the pair held were soon dispelled, on the other hand. He wasn't a typical sect master, and didn't shy away from getting his hands dirty. He helped the cleaning crew clean up, moved the boxes around and never complained.

He forced the youngsters to get their hands dirty, too, but they endured it, mainly because he led by example. On top of this, they also had to fulfill their main duties. Lei was tasked with legwork, consulting the lawyers, negotiating with the guild and managing different hirelings that were preparing the business.

Xin, on the other hand, was memorizing giant amounts of knowledge and working with Feng Chonglin to set up the laboratory. Even if the lab wasn't fully set up for now, he still spent a lot of time trying some of the unfamiliar recipes, as he would have to teach them to other workers in just a few days.

One evening, Xin was finally done with his assignments for the evening. He's read and memorized many different recipes, using the sources he loaned in the sect's library. These were all basic scrolls, and the sect didn't mind loaning them out, under Feng Chongling's responsibility, of course.

"Master, my twenty minutes now, please. I've checked the source on totems you told me to read, it's pretty confusing, I am not sure if that paragraph is literal. Can I show you?"

"Kid, did you grind the pepper mix?"

"You said that I'll need to do it, you didn't say when. I think I've worked enough today, master. Please, let's study."

"I am clarifying my order right now. Go grind the peppers, I need them to activate the stimulating lotions. And for other goals."

"Master, it's unfair! I've been helping you non-stop, and not just with alchemy! You and Lei are getting a lot out of this deal, but I only get the totem knowledge! Please, consider my perspective."

"Don't push my limits. It's a hard period in our endeavor, I need you to work more. You aren't fainting, means you are fine. Go work."

The door opened, and Lei entered the room.

"Good evening, gentlemen." - He bowed and performed a martial gesture. "There was some trouble near the district entrance, but it's fixed now. Should I go into detail?"

"Your call." 

Xin felt like Feng Chonglin now fully focused his gaze on Lei, as if he wasn't in the room.

"So, Jia Li brought her friend, she does decorum, and I was setting up a sign with the guys. Apparently, some drunkards bothered the people entering the Appendix. They gather in the evenings, get drunk, dance and sing their disgusting songs, all while catcalling and harassing the passer-bys. They'd scare the potential clients off, so I decided to take care of it."

"Skip the details."

"I provoked one of them into attacking me, and kicked his ass. All in self-defense. Then I chased them all away. Now the district is a bit safer. The residents of the houses nearby thanked us and brought us some rice wine. Cheap stuff, still pleasant."

"It's not necessarily a mistake, but it escalates the situation with this Tongue." 

"You think so?"

Xin couldn't bear being ignored and inserted himself into the conversation:

"You upstaged him. It's 'his' street, his district, you went and fixed a problem he should have fixed. You'll get on his nerves."

"I understand, but I also think that a show of strength and self-reliance can deter him."

Xin nodded. 

"Both of these are correct. I'd say it depends on his temperament. But also his strength relative to us."

"I'd say you need to get to work, instead you are speculating about politics and bothering me about the totem. I told you to get working several minutes ago, why do I see no movement from your side?" - Feng Chonglin scolded him.

Xin wanted to protest, but suddenly realized. Did he just mention the totem? He stared at his mentor, wide-eyed.

"Wait, you didn't tell Lei about it? How was I supposed to know? I thought you guys were friends. Fine, I'll go grab some fresh air, I want you balls deep in work when I return, got it?"

"Yes, master." 

Feng Chonglin left, and Xin caught a glimpse of a devilish smile. Another subtle twitch of lips.

Lei handed him a mortar and a pestle, and sat down in front of him to observe his work.

"Thank you, Lei. By the way, have you read the alchemy notes I gathered for you?"

"Yes, it was a pleasure. Tried reading the introductory scroll, it was unbearable. Your notes made it easy, though. You'd make a fine teacher, you know?"

"Thanks, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'll answer, unlike this dishonest

prick." - Xin was hopeful. Maybe he dodged an arrow this time?

"I've got a literature question. What was that play where a guy hid a part of loot from his friend and it ruined the trust between them?"

Xin felt his throat dry, and his heart jumped.

"This Chonglin. I already told you, though, that's why I went to the Artefact pavilion, remember?"

"You got a totem? Those are expensive, you didn't tell me. Did you get it from the yaoguai?"

Xin wanted to deny it, but it was a tiger shaped figurine, and Lei wasn't dumb.

"Yes. I... thought they are, like... illegal, and if the word spreads I could get extorted or killed. And... I didn't know if I could trust you yet. And then it felt like too late to tell…"

"Shit, man. You are making this hard. I cared for you, I helped you, and that's what I get? You calling yourself a friend?"

"Lei, look. I am sorry, but I don't think I had to tell you about it."

"You had to. You confessed that you hid a thing from me, but then used this confession to actually hide something from me! You broke my trust, the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I... was confused, we robbed Jun, it's hard to tell right or wrong after you steal from your neighbour like that, you know? I was depressed about Tealstone."

"Don't you fucking dare use the Tealstone thing to justify yourself, you cunt! You are wrong, and you know this!"

"You... The thing with uncle Ti, you also didn't tell me. Beating up an old woman, seriously?"

"Oh fuck you, I hate your type! You got caught so now you go into offence? Is that how you make amends, by making things worse? Blaming? Deflecting? How about admitting that you are wrong?"

"I was wrong, Lei." - Xin was sweaty and embarrassed. He seldom lied, and being caught like that was quite humiliating. "Forgive me, please."

"Fine, I forgive you." - Lei smiled.

Huh?

"What? Just like that?"

"What else do I need? A fucking parade? It's up to you to mend this relationship now."

"Right..."

"Ten spirit stones!" 

What? Lei was indeed a weird fruit.

"I want ten spirit stones! Five for moral damage, five for my share of loot."

"Didn't you just say you forgive me? Can you even value friendship or pain in money like that?"

"Of course you can! Accept this or I am no longer your friend, it's simple. I want you to pay a concrete price, not feed me with empty promises. That's how shit works in this city, this rule was written in blood."

Xin was confused. Is Lei being genuine? Or is their friendship already over, and this was just his way to recoup the loss? 

"I am not going to argue. Fine, ten stones sounds reasonable. I'll pay you back when I can."

"Is that all?"

"What else are you expecting?"

"I don't know, a promise it won't happen again? My world just got shaken, imagine finding out you can't trust your friend?"

"We are friends, Lei. Genuinely. I am sorry for letting you down, and it won't happen again."

Lei smiled and nodded, then left the room.

Xin exhaled. Such a humiliation, partly it was his own fault, but mostly it was caused by Feng Chonglin! I'll tell him, oh, I'll tell him! Curses, need to grind the peppers first!

Thirty minutes later, Xin went out on the street, and saw Feng Chonglin sitting on a bench, drinking tea under the lantern.

"It's getting late, not many people here... I like the North. You people have beautiful clothes, and your cities are quite cozy." - The master enjoyed observing the diminishing crowd, and calmly sipped his drink as he did so.

"Where are you from?"

"Born in the capital, actually. Lived most of my life in the East, my father was a caravan master. At some point, started doing more business with the nomads, my operations steering me more and more eastward, until I was living in the steppes, traveling with caravans and trading in their encampments. Was a long time ago... Have you come for your designated twenty minutes?"

"Master, first we need to talk about Lei."

"I don't want to talk about this. If you keep going, I'll count this as a part of your training."

"Fine, I'll be fast! You exposed me like that to spite me, it's not a good lesson to teach! And you've hindered my relationship with Lei, all because I asked you questions we both agreed I'd ask?! And it's not like your totemic advice is working, too!"

"Alright, seems I'll be educating you this evening. Lesson one, when I tell you not to bother me - don't. You've got this fantasy of how things will go, but you should go with the flow."

Xin stopped and squinted his eyes.

"Master, I've been doing these exercises and meditations for the past four days. I've read the paper that you assigned. The totem isn't reacting, and I am not sure I understand what's going on. I am starting to suspect that you are exploiting me."

"Hehehe, I am. But it's a good thing."

Xin was furious. 

"In what way? What's wrong with you? Do you enjoy causing pain and bullying?"

"Yes, but it's not just that. You see, you are a shit student."

"I learned just fine before I met you. I studied xiandao, feng shui, martial arts, under my father and on my own..."

"Shut up." - He interrupted. "I don't give a fuck. Your problem is that you are forcing things too much. Yes, you are trying to grasp the meaning of things, but I've heard your talks with Lei. You already know the answer before you even begin talking. You are absent. You have a powerful mind, but you wield it as a weapon against yourself."

"That's bullshit, you are just spouting general phrases to insult me again." - Xin rolled his eyes and wanted to leave.

"Again. You have a scenario in mind that you'll follow, no matter what. You have a fantasy of what happens next. You are a prodigy of this sect, and everyone will recognize you. You don't want recognition, but you dread not being recognized. You have a part of you sealed off, and you don't even know it exists. Your every word and phrase reeks of anxiety, and you try to force it onto others. You are awfully talkative, yet you refuse to engage with people. Your expectations will eat you alive. 

Three more months in the sect and your internal well will dry out, you'll start failing classes and making excuses. You'll get by well enough to get to Foundation stage in a year or two, but you'll get stuck at it. Then these dimensional invaders will arrive, and you'll be just fodder to them. You'll probably die, but if you live, you'll live in remorse and misery. That's how it will actually go, I suspect."

Xin was captivated. He was being insulted, but this masterfully woven negativity held his attention like nothing else did for a long time.

"And you know it all by just observing me for less than a month?" - Xin still doubted his words.

"I've been places, seen things. Most importantly, known people." - For a second, Xin noticed a deep sadness in Feng Chonglin's eyes.

"So, what now?" - Xin was still confused. He didn't know where this conversation was going.

"First you learn that not every decision I take and order I give will be explained. There are reasons for things being a certain way. Now, riddle me this, what's the purpose of your teenage years?"

A weird change of direction, but Xin loved entertaining these intellectual questions.

"To learn. To grow. To pretend that you're an adult, and fake it until you make it, in a way. Then you assume more responsibility and grow up into a proper adult."

"Shallow. The teenage years are your second chance. Every little bit of personality you've formed until this moment, it was shaped by your life experiences. Now, you can replay the same process, but with more agency. Trust, bravery, love, charisma, whatever, in your teenage years you have a second chance to rebuild yourself again. Once you are an adult, this transformation will take much longer, and will be much more painful."

"I see. But I wouldn't simplify it like that."

"I am simplifying so that you get it, kid. Now, tell me, how does one stop being a teenager?"

Xin fell into deep silence, and Feng Chonglin tapped a bench near him. He sat near his master, left of him, and stared into the boardwalk.

"You become self-reliant. Forge your own path. Let go of illusions, accept the reality, I guess. Is there even a universal answer here?"

"See, it's a tough question. My experience shows, it's about the sacrifice. And kids these days are a bit spoiled. The cities got bigger, with those guilds and all. And the sects, with twenty year old prodigy masters thinking they are self-made, forcing mortals twice their age to kowtow when they proclaim their 'wisdom'. You listen to them - you are ruined.

The system elevates immaturity, elevates simplicity. There are many things wrong with the old times, but people were more stoic, and it's mostly about the sacrifice."

"What kind of sacrifice, though? This argument can go many ways."

"You see, as a teenager, you are many things. A warrior, a scholar, a future star, a prodigy, a lover who is good with women, a cunning politician - all of these things, and none of them. An air castle, truly. But you have to let go of things, let go of the scenarios. You have priotise, choose which fantasies to let go and which to fulfill."

"And how does it relate to me?"

"Are you kidding me? Your pride, your know-it-all attitude. You are out of your depth. You have to anticipate things. Don't learn life's lessons the hard way. Old prostitutes will tell you about being abused by their old lovers, and try and spin their trauma into a narrative about self-growth. Truth is, you don't have to suffer, you can develop while avoiding getting fucked up.

Your friend, your sect, your cultivation, you'll sabotage it all with your current attitude. You'll learn some life lessons from this, but it doesn't have to be this way, it's not an optimal way to study.

I propose an alternative. Step one - bowing your head to your mentor."

"Are you even talking about me?! What kind of attitude? Did you fail in the past, or did some friend of yours fail, and now you are trying to force this on me?" - Xin almost shouted. "You sabotage my friendship with Lei and then tell me my attitude is going to ruin it? This is hypocritical."

"Look. I didn't know I wasn't meant to say it. Did you warn me not to tell Lei?"

"No, I thought it's obvious. And you knew what you were doing, revealing this to him."

"So, you didn't take a precaution, and now it's my fault for being honest? At least weave your lies properly next time, but I recommend that you pick a circle of people you are honest with, so you don't have to play these stupid games."

Xin was still angry at Feng Chonglin, but understood his argument. He also agreed with his advice, it was indeed easier to have a group of people you're honest with, not having to be on your toes.

"I get it. Whatever. Thanks for the advice. Can I ask some cultivation questions?"

"I feel like this discussion could have been longer, but fine, there is only so much one can take. Now, did you grind the peppers?"

"Yes, here is the pouch."

"Good, this will be relevant. Now, remember the phrase in the manual, the one about reinforcing the soul? The tiger shapes a river. Do you get it?"

"Yes, I get it. As a hunter, it is evident for me. The tiger forces the animals to hide from it, so they feed in different places. This impacts the plant growth. It also regulates the excess population of animals. This impacts the trails in the forest, and most popular water drinking spots slowly transform due to animal activity, as well."

"Right. I never thought about it this way, before another hunter explained it. I still think you don't get this phrase."

"So, what's the correct answer?"

"Is there one? Look, you can extrapolate it to make conclusions about our society. You can think of what being a predator means, and what being a part of the system means. But think about it this way. Is the tiger's intention to shape the river?"

"No, he just is. He has this instinct that compels him to do whatever, and he does it."

"And do you?"

"I think I am a creature of mind. I have wishes, instincts, too, but I can also make my own choices."

"Spare me the bullshit. The real question is, is your instinct leaking through without you noticing? Or are you fully in control?"

"I mostly win, but sometimes I fail."

"Hehehe, I see. Another question, what element is tiger?"

"Tiger is Yang, and fire Element. White Tiger is more confusing, being of metal element. Not sure it's relevant."

"Now, a simple question, the one you should have asked yourself weeks ago: why the fuck would a tiger totem recognize you, you fool?"