77. Chapter 77

Lost in a sea of white, Meredith bit down thoughtfully on her lower lip as she searched her way through aisle after aisle. Rack after rack of fancy, white dresses surrounded her. It would have been overwhelming if she had been dress shopping for her own wedding. She could understand how her best friend was feeling, being forced into this experience, with her mother and mother-in-law standing between her and the exit, forcing more and more dresses on her.

She definitely felt bad for her best friend.

But it didn't mean she wasn't going to take advantage of the situation.

Her lips curled up into a smile as she spotted exactly what she was looking for. She took the dress of the rack and hurried back to the dressing area.

"Cristina," she called, "I found a perfect dress for you!"

Callie snorted when she saw the dress Meredith was holding, taking in the long sleeves, very poofy shoulders and a skirt so round it was almost horizontal at the waist.

Cristina stepped out of the change room, Izzy on her heels, looking just as thrilled to be there as she had when they had arrived two hours before. She was wearing at least the fiftieth dress the mothers had picked out for her. "I swear to God, Meredith. If I could move in this thing, I would kill you."

Meredith laughed. The dress Cristina currently had on was skin tight almost to the knees, where it seemed to flip outward. "Well, I think you should try it on."

"Why don't you try it on," Cristina shot back at her.

"Cristina," her mother chastised, "Be nice to your friend. She's only trying to help."

Cristina looked like she was about to reply harshly to her mother, but Mama Burke appeared from the racks of wedding dressed, and she forced herself to bite her tongue. "It's taking longer than I had expected to find...the perfect dress," she managed to say. "I think we should start looking for bridesmaid dresses too...so we don't run out of time."

"What a wonderful idea," Mama said, smiling. She motioned to Cristina's mother. "Let's go and pick some out."

"Now who's laughing," Cristina said when they were out of ear shot.

Meredith shrugged. "There's about a million more wedding dresses in this store than bridesmaid dresses. "You're still going to suffer."

"This isn't about suffering," Izzy spoke up. "This is exciting. Why can't you two be excited? This is fun!"

Shooting Izzy a glare, Cristina turned and shuffled back into the change room. "You guys just wait," she called over her shoulder, before mumbled a series of unhappy words Meredith was pretty sure she wouldn't want to repeat had she been able to hear what was being said.

"How bad could it possibly be?" Meredith questioned, looking to Callie, who shrugged.

"Not that bad."

How wrong they were.

Ten minutes later, Meredith stood in front of a mirror, staring in horror at the sight before her.

Pink.

Ruffles.

A train.

Poofy shoulders.

She made a face.

"Come on, Meredith," Izzy called, banging on the door. "Hurry it up in there. We're waiting."

"I am not coming out looking like this," Meredith called back. "Get me something else to put on."

"Not a chance. We need to see it."

"Please?"

"No. Get your ass out here, Grey."

"Fine. But it's bad. It's really bad." She sighed and glanced at herself one last time in the mirror, before unlocking the door and stepping out.

Izzy smiled when she finally opened the door. "It's not that bad."

She exchanged a look with Callie, who was unhappily decked out in an orange dress that covered her from her neck to the floor.

"Cristina," Meredith called into the change room her best friend was in. "If you promise not to make me wear this I'll stop making fun of you!"

Cristina emerged in yet another horrible dress; one with a train that was at least ten feet long. "If you want to get out of wearing that you need to do a hell of a lot more than stop making fun of me."

"Oh, girls, line up quickly so we can see," Cristina's mother called.

Meredith sighed and lined up between Callie and Izzy, allowing Cristina's mother and Mama Burke to stare critical at them.

Then, thankfully, they both shook their heads at the same time. "Too much," Mama said. "We need something simpler."

"Oh, thank god," Callie muttered under her breath.

Meredith giggled, until a yellow dress was shoved into her hands and she was pushed back towards her change room.

The strapless, light yellow dress was much better than the pink monstrosity she had been wearing, but it was still itchy, uncomfortable and bright. "How did I get myself into this?" She asked her reflection in the mirror. "Seriously."

"Come on, Mer," Izzy called.

Meredith rolled her eyes and left the change room before Izzy could attack her door again. "You're a freak of nature; you do know that, right?"

Izzy rolled her eyes. "No, you guys are the freaks. We're women. We like to go dress shopping and do wedding stuff."

She made a face. "Whatever."

"What are you going to do when it's your wedding?"

Meredith shrugged. "Not wear a dress?"

"You can't be serious. Can you really stand here, in the middle of all these beautiful dresses and seriously not want to try some on?"

Meredith turned and stared at the racks of dresses, once more biting down on her lower lip as she considered them. And then she turned back to Izzy and shrugged once more. "Yeah, I can." She shook her head. "I'm not a wedding person, Iz. I never dreamt of the perfect dress."

"You never dreamt of the perfect guy, either," her roommate pointed out.

"True, but that's different. I love him." She sighed. "The fancy dress and fancy wedding and fancy reception...I don't love that. I don't want that."

Izzy shook her head. "I don't get you."

Meredith smiled. "Well, I don't get you."

With a shrug, Izzy hooked an arm around her roommate. "Well, at least we can agree on one thing."

"What's that?"

Izzy smirked. "It's fun watching Cristina be tortured."

Meredith smiled. "You are absolutely correct."

"What are you laughing about?" Callie asked.

"How awesome it is to see Cristina being tortured."

Callie laughed. "Makes the whole afternoon worth it, doesn't it?"

All three of them laughed.

"Well, you girls look much happier with these dresses," Mama said, walking back into their sightlines. "And I have to agree that they look much nicer."

"They do," Cristina's mother confirmed. "How do they feel?"

Before they could respond, Cristina walked out of her change room again, silent and defeated in a lacy, poofy shouldered dress.

"Oh, Cristina, you look beautiful." And all of the attention was on Cristina.

Meredith met her best friend's eyes for a short moment, before nodding understandingly. With all of the eyes in the room on Cristina, she turned for the racks of dresses once more.

Some of them were really nice, she had to admit. She just didn't feel that drive to want to wear one on the day she and Derek said 'I do.'

Finding a rack that seemed to house simpler dresses, Meredith flicked through them one at a time, looking for something both Cristina and the mothers would find acceptable. She paused at a short dress with a halter top, but shook her head. The mothers seemed set on a train, or at the very least something floor length.

She stopped again at the second last dress on the rack, this time nodding. Other than some beading it was simple and strapless, with a short train. It should meet all of the criteria. She pulled it off the rack and, with all of the attention on Cristina, snuck it into her change room. And then she lined up with Izzy and Callie again. When the mothers turned around, they smiled, not having noticed she was gone.

A pager sounded.

All four girls jumped, three of them hoping it was theirs. Meredith smirked when she saw it was hers. Reading the small script on the pager, she bit back a smirk. "I have to get back to the hospital."

After receiving the wrath of Cristina and Callie's glares, Meredith hurriedly changed into her street clothes and rushed to her car. When she arrived at the hospital, Derek was waiting for her in the lobby, with a smile and a cup of coffee.

"Can I tell you how much I love you?"

Derek smirked and kissed her. "Glad to know."

She giggled. "I am so glad I told you about the fake paging."

He chuckled. "I thought I'd take pity on you. You were gone for almost three hours."

"And knowing Cristina's mother and Mama Burke, they would have kept us there until the store closed and we got kicked out."

"That bad, huh?"

She nodded. "There were some ridiculously ugly dresses in that store."

"Did Cristina find one?"

"Maybe," she said, thinking of the dress she had snuck into Cristina's change room. "I hope so, for her sake. I think she may actually snap soon."

He laughed. "So, seeing as we have a free evening, what did you want to do?"

"I don't know. You were the one who paged me. What did you have in mind?"

Hooking an arm around her, Derek brushed his lips against hers. "I was thinking..." He trailed off nervously, "That we could...uh..."

She cocked her head. "What?"

"If you're up for it, I was thinking we could go to the trailer...have our second lesson?"

Meredith drew in a deep breath. "A second swimming lesson?"

He nodded. "If you're up for it. With your test and the wedding...we may not get another chance before we go away."

"You'll be there?" She asked, though it wasn't really a question.

"The whole time," he promised, though they both knew it already.

"Then yes."

**

Several hours later, Meredith padded out of the small shower of the trailer. "It's freezing in here."

Derek looked up from the stove, where he was cooking something in a pot. "There's something up with the heater. Sorry."

She sidled up behind him, clothed only in a towel, and snaked her arms around his waist from behind. "Mmm, it's okay, as long as you promise to keep me warm."

His free hand found both of hers, resting over his abdomen. "Of course."

Meredith pressed her face into his tee shirt clad back and inhaled deeply. "You're so good to me."

He chuckled, the hitching of his chest vibrating through her face and making her smile. "Keeping you warm means we both win."

"Mmm, good point. But I need food before we both win again."

"Agreed."

Their second swimming lesson went even better then the first. Getting in the water was much easier than if had been the first time. And there had been lots of floating and actual swimming. Derek had been right there beside her the whole time, allowing Meredith to forget to be afraid several times. It was nothing like falling into the frigid Elliot Bay and fighting off the waves alone.

It kind of reminded her how her life had been before she had moved to Seattle.

She had been all alone, fighting off the wave after wave of bad things that kept hitting her and tried to beat her down. But now she had people there for her. She wasn't alone anymore. Life was calmer. She wasn't just fighting to keep her head above the water.

She was happy.

When the cooling air had driven them from the water, she and Derek had hurried back to the trailer and celebrated by doing the bendy thing in the shower, before Derek left Meredith to wash her hair as he started dinner.

"What are we having for dinner?"

"Spaghetti. There's not much else out here."

"Sounds good. Anything I can do?"

"The sauce and the noodles are already cooking. We just have to wait now."

"I could set the table."

"Already done."

She turned her head so the side of her face was resting against Derek's back, allowing her to spot the plates and utensils on the kitchen table. "You're so good to me."

"That's because I love you."

Meredith smiled, once again burying her face in his back. "I love you too."

He squeezed her hands, and for several minutes, they just stood there together, quiet and happy.

"Okay, I think the noodles are done," Derek finally said, breaking the silence.

Meredith released him, allowing him to drain the water out of the pot. She turned for the bedroom and dropped her towel, before pulling on sleep shorts and one of Derek's tees.

Returning to the kitchen, she pulled two glasses out of the cupboard and opened the fridge. "What do you want to drink? We've got water or...very suspicious looking orange juice." She opened the carton of juice and cautiously took a sniff. The she made a face and quickly resealed the carton. "Okay, we have water." She filed both glasses and headed for the table, where Derek was serving the spaghetti onto the plates.

She took a seat, and he joined her after placing the pot back on the stove.

"Smells good."

He smiled. "Only the best for you."

Meredith giggled. "Cheesy."

Derek shrugged. "Maybe."

She took a bite and smiled. It was as good as it smelled.

"Thanks for doing this," she said after a few minutes of silent eating.

"For making dinner? Cause that's kind of mandatory if we want to eat."

She kicked him under the table. "I meant for coming out here again...another lesson."

"I don't want you to be afraid."

"I'm not," she said honestly. "It's much better than I thought it would be."

"I'm glad. It means we can try snorkelling."

"And swim with the fishes," she added with a giggle.

He rolled his eyes. "So, how do you think Cristina is going to react when she finds out you got fake paged?"

"I'm hoping she doesn't find out. And she's distracted enough that maybe she won't."

Derek chuckled. "Do you think they're still at the dress store?"

"I hope not, for everyone's sake. Cristina may have gone all homicidal maniac on them. She was definitely not happy."

"Hmm..."

"What?"

He shrugged. "It's nothing. Just...I wonder why Burke is letting their mothers take the reins when Cristina so obviously doesn't want it."

Meredith shook her head. "I think she's afraid to bring it up." She paused, eyeing Derek carefully. "You won't be upset if I don't want it, right? The poofy dress and bridesmaids and church wedding..."

"Of course not, Meredith."

"And you won't let your mother take over and force it on me?"

He laughed. "My mom has helped plan enough weddings. She just wants us to be happy. We could get married tomorrow at City Hall and she'd be happy, as long as we gave her a picture."

"A picture, huh? That's all?"

He nodded.

She shrugged. "I guess I can handle that. I did already say I wanted a picture."

"I remember."

Meredith smiled. "I...I don't think I want to wear a dress," she admitted. "I was there in the store today, and there were some really nice dresses, but I...I just didn't feel anything. I didn't want to try any on. I didn't see anything that...spoke to me, or whatever."

"Then you won't wear a dress. That's fine."

"You're sure?"

He smiled that dreamy smile that made her knees weak. "Mer, I just want to marry you. The how and the where; those are just details."

She smiled. "Izzy was super excited the whole time. She asked me how I could stand in that store and not want to try on any dresses. And I just..." She sighed, meeting his eyes. "Sometimes I wish I could be different. Sometimes I wish I could be the girl who gets excited over stupid wedding stuff, like finding the perfect dress and enjoying picking out silverware and tablecloths."

Derek shook his head. "I'm glad you're not that girl. Because then you wouldn't be you."

**

The next morning, Meredith awoke warm and toasty, beneath the covers, wrapped in Derek's warm arms. The air in the trailer was still cold, but she barely felt it. Derek's arms made her feel safe and accepted, because he loved her for her. They would get married, in a way they decided was best for them. And her best friend was getting married, albeit unhappily, but everything would go back to normal after the wedding. And Meredith was slowly finding a family with Susan and Thatcher. And in a week, she would be done her internship. And then she would be on a plane, Derek beside her, on her way to meet his family; a visit that would be followed up by a trip to an island with a king sized bed and a beach and no responsibilities.

Life was good.

Derek grumbled behind her.

She patted his hands. "We should get up."

He groaned and buried his face into the space between her shoulder blades. "No."

Meredith giggled. "We have to go to work."

"They won't miss us."

"Yes, they will. Bailey will have my head if I miss any time before my test. And you have surgery. Don't forget we're going away for two weeks..."

He lifted his head from her back and planted several kisses along the side of her neck. "I definitely haven't forgotten."

She sighed and closed her eyes for a long moment, before patting Derek's hands.

He groaned again, but released her, and lay in bed for another moment before following her out of the bed and into the shower.

An hour later, happy and sated, Meredith collapsed into the passenger seat of Derek's car.

He turned on the ignition and navigated down the long driveway to the road before reaching for her hand. "So, what's your schedule like today?"

Meredith made a face and shrugged. "Studying."

"Bailey's still on you guys, huh?"

"Yup. She's almost as bad as Cristina."

He chuckled. "Don't tell her that."

She giggled. "I'm not that stupid. How about you? What's on your schedule?"

"I promised the chief I'd have a look at Jane Doe; see if there's anything neural going on that's preventing her from getting her memory back."

"Sounds like more fun than studying. Want to switch?"

"Not a chance. I've done my fair share of studying."

Meredith made a face. "I feel like if I try to read another sentence my head is going to explode."

He squeezed her hand. "It's just another week. And when you kick ass on the exam, it'll all be worth it."

"I don't care about kicking ass. I just care about passing."

"You're going to pass," he reassured. "There isn't a doubt in my mind that you know far more than you need to pass."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Then can you get me out of studying?"

He huffed. "You set me up."

"A little bit," she admitted.

"I love you."

She sighed. "That's your way of telling me you're ditching me and leaving me to study, right?"

"I would never ditch you. But, yeah, I'll have to leave you to your studying. We don't want to piss Bailey off now, especially when chances are she's going to be your Chief Resident in three weeks."

She sighed dramatically. "Fine."

Derek chuckled. "You know I'm right."

"Maybe," she conceded. "But it still sucks."

"Just another week," he reminded.

"Then we get to go away," she murmured.

"You excited?"

She nodded. "Very. Well, very excited for the island. Mild to moderately excited for New York."

"Mild to moderate?"

"That's an improvement," she pointed out. And it was true. With time, and talking with Derek, and her growing comfort with Susan and Thatcher, Meredith was feeling more and more prepared for their trip to New York. She was beginning to truly feel comfortable with the idea of meeting Derek's family, and was maybe even starting to believe that she could find a spot in the Shepherd family.

"I'm glad. It's going to be great."

With a smile, Meredith sat back in her seat and squeezed Derek's hand. "I believe you."

Almost an hour later, after they had arrived at the hospital and parted ways, Meredith made her way out of the intern locker room, changed into her scrubs and prepared for a long, boring day of studying.

"Hey, Mer," Izzy called. "Did you just get here?"

Meredith nodded. "Where are we studying today?"

Izzy shook her head. "You're not. At least not now."

"Why?"

"Susan's been readmitted."

"What? Why? Is something wrong? Is she okay?"

"I don't know, but I don't think it's anything serious. Bailey's on it. She said to send you up when you got here."

"What room number?"

Izzy passed on the information, and Meredith hurried to the room.

"You're back? What happened?" She asked, pushing through the door into the exam room. Susan was sitting up on the gurney, with Thatcher hovering close beside her. Bailey was on the other side of the gurney with a stethoscope.

"She's got a fever, and I think I hear a small murmur."

"A heart murmur?" Thatcher asked, looking worried.

"Don't be dramatic," Susan said quickly, leaning into her husband. "At least it's not the hiccups."

"It could be complications from the endoscopy," Bailey said, allowing Meredith to look at the chart.

"Bacterial endocarditis?"

Bailey nodded her agreement, before turning to Susan and Thatcher. "You'll have to get tests, and if they come back positive you'll be admitted for IV antibiotics."

"Which should knock it right out," Meredith said quickly, wanting to remove the look of worry on both their faces.

Susan looked relieved. "See," she said to Thatcher. "I told you...don't be dramatic."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. When Thatcher stood up, he met Meredith's eyes and they shared a smile.

"I need to go check on a patient," Bailey said. "Grey, can you take some blood?"

Meredith nodded, and pulled the necessary supplies out of the cupboard.

"You should have called," she said, as she attached a tourniquet to Susan's upper arm.

Susan smiled at her. "We already spoke twice last night," she said, referring to the two phone calls Meredith had placed, checking up on her stepmother. "And I knew you'd be in this morning. We didn't want to get you up any earlier than you had to."

"Still," Meredith murmured, scrubbing at Susan's forearm with a disinfectant. "It wouldn't have been a problem." She quickly prepared the needle. "Small pinch."

Susan shut her eyes and made a face and Meredith expertly guided the needle into the vein in her arm. "All done," she said after several seconds.

"That didn't hurt nearly as much as I expected it to," Susan said. "You're very good."

Meredith laughed. "Yeah, well, taking blood is like medicine 101."

"Still. In all the times I've had to have blood tests that definitely hurt the least."

"Well, thanks, I think."

Susan laughed. "You have to learn to take a compliment."

"I'll work on that."

"Hey, how was dress shopping yesterday?"

Meredith shook her head. "Painfully boring."

"You...went dress shopping?" Thatcher asked.

"For my friend," Meredith responded. "She's getting married in a week."

"Did she find a dress?" Susan asked.

"I don't know." She leaned in close. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Susan's eyes lit up and she nodded.

"After almost three hours, Derek paged me to get me out of there."

Susan laughed. "You bailed on dress shopping with your friend?"

"Hey, you would have too. Hell, she would have if she could. There are some ugly dresses out there. And her mother and Burke's mother seemed determined to make her try on every single one. And the mothers have decided there have to be bridesmaids, so they made me try on this hideous pink thing."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad..."

"It looked like Pepto-Bismol. And it had ruffles and poofy shoulders."

Susan and Thatcher both laughed.

"Anyway," Meredith said, "You can't tell them why I bailed. They think I got paged because of a patient."

"Your secret is safe with us."

"Thank you."

"But...what are you going to do when you start to plan your own wedding?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if your friends bail on you when you need them to go dress shopping with you?" Susan laughed. "You'll have to ban them from bringing their pagers."

Meredith laughed at the idea. "Good point, but there won't be any dress shopping."

"You already have one?"

"No, I..." She hesitated looking between Susan and Thatcher before pushing on. She could do the talking thing. "I'm not going to wear a dress. I'm not that girl. I never dreamt of wedding things growing up."

Susan nodded understandingly. "Have you decided on a venue yet?"

She shook her head. "No... We know we want something, just not what that is." She hesitated, again looking between Susan and Thatcher. "But, if we decide to have a ceremony or whatever...I want you to be there...both of you."

Susan smiled as her eyes welled. "Meredith, I'm so glad. And so happy for you." She reached for Meredith's hand.

Thatcher didn't say anything, but he smiled warmly at Meredith, and that was enough.

It was enough for her to know that he cared.