Chapter 68

(Trigger Warning: attempted suicide)

It seemed my guys couldn't get enough of me either as they were both still hard as a rock. They both pulled out of me, and they stood. I stayed on my knees and grabbed Bucky and sucked his cock in hard and deep. I could still taste the flavor of the condom and his cum. I licked and sucked as my hands found Loki and I started to slide my hand up and down on his cock. When they were both panting I switched and sucked Loki all the way to the back of my throat as my hand pumped Bucky's cock. I heard their gasps and moans and it made me love them even more. 

Suddenly they both stopped me. I knelt confused. I didn't think I had done something wrong. Had I hurt them? Was I too enthusiastic?

"Absolutely not, Dollface. But we have something else in mind." He gestured to the bed. "Next surface, remember?"

I stood and Loki grabbed me and launched me towards the bed. I landed bouncing in the middle of the bed. I was caught in the web they had woven, and I was burning with need. I writhed in the middle of the bed, watching them walk towards me. My eyes burned green as I took in the fact neither had taken off their leather jackets. I bit my lower lip and held it in my teeth, and I started to caress my breasts, my body.

Their eyes glittered as they climbed up on the bed with me. They both took their time in moving next to me. I was panting and I raked my nails down their chests, leaving red lines on their skin. They both moaned. Bucky grabbed me and pulled me on top of him. I straddled him and slid myself down onto his cock. I started to ride him at a feverish pace. I needed to feel him come. He gritted his teeth, holding back. He grabbed my arms and pulled so that I was lying flat on his chest. Loki knew how turned on I was, so he slammed into my ass, making me cry out and buck my hips. 

"Oh, fuck me please! Fuck me"

Hearing me beg again seemed to finally break their control. Together they worked me into a frenzy.

"Harder! James, Loki, fuck me harder. Show me I'm yours as you are mine." I shoved backwards, taking them deeper. They both went wild and together they rode me hard, using all their strength, doing exactly as I had asked. The feel of their cocks both slamming into me at the same time shattered me. I came screaming, still pushing back on them, needing them deeper as I came around their cocks. As I tightened around them, they came together screaming my name, Bucky biting my other breast and Loki biting into my other shoulder. It seemed my orgasm would never end as I writhed and bucked and fucked myself against them. With a final scream I collapsed on top of Bucky, completely spent.

I felt Loki pull out of me and roll to the side. Even as exhausted as I was, I still whimpered at the loss of him. I felt Bucky chuckle weakly as he rolled so that I was lying in between them, I gave a small gasp as he pulled out of me as well. 

I smiled softly at them as they worked to get their breath back. "You boys should wear only leather more often."

Loki laughed and kissed me gently. "Only for you, my pet."

"I gotta say Doll, that was… I don't have words to describe it."

I stretched. "I say it was fucking amazing and exactly what I asked for. To have you both use me well, giving me all the power of a God and a Super Soldier. To let me feel how much you love me."

"I'm sorry, my sweet. It was not my intention to bite so deep." Loki ran his finger over the deep purple bite mark on my shoulder.

I ran my fingers gently over the bites on my shoulders and breasts. "I love my markings, my loves. Is it wrong of me to hope they scar so that I can always wear them? Does that make me strange?"

"Absolutely not Doll. And I am honored that you want to keep my mark permanently. But we were rough with you. Are you ok? Did we hurt you?"

"Oh no, you only gave me pleasure beyond belief. And I do hope we can do that again some time."

Bucky just looked at me with his mouth open. "Damn Doll, you're perfect you know that?"

I giggled. "No more perfect than you two. You have stolen my heart and became my reason for living. It excites me in a way I never felt before and as I hope you could tell just now. I can't ever get enough of you. Not in my life, not in my soul, and not inside my body."

I could feel their love and desire envelop me and I stretched again, reveling in it. These two men made me feel more like a woman and less like a tool to be used. I smiled as I remembered something else I had been promised.

"There is still one thing that you promised me that I didn't get. It makes me sad that I didn't get it cause I really wanted it." I turned my face away from them. 

"What did we fail to give you, Doll?"

"We will rectify this immediately. Tell us what you need, and we will give it to you."

I raised my head, looking sad. 

"Oh god, Doll." Bucky cupped my cheek. "You're breaking my heart. I'm sorry we didn't give you what we promised."

"Please my sweet. Tell us what you want, and you shall have it."

I looked at them both, seeing their blue eyes worried. I let my lips tremble and saw how bad they felt. I decided to put them out of their misery.

"You… you... you promised me ice cream for being a brave girl."

They just stared at me in shock. I tried to keep my pitiful face, but I just couldn't. I started to smile. Loki's lips twitched and his eyes narrowed and this time he really looked pissed. Uh oh. Might have overdone it.

"How dare you trick us like that. Do you think our love is a game? That we are something for you to toy with? Do our feelings mean so little to you? Why do you desire to hurt us like that? Making us think that we had failed you. I refuse to just be your plaything. That is something I can not and will not accept."

"Please leave and go back to your own room, Ariane." Bucky's voice was cold.

I stared at Loki in shock. His words struck me deeply. I had just thought to tease them, not to hurt them. Bucky never said a word of disagreement with what Loki was saying and he had never been cold to me before. They both got up off the bed and went across the room to get away from me. I felt both of them slam their doors shut, locking me out. I felt cold. Without a word I stood and walked over to Bucky's door. I didn't care about my clothes. I was numb anyway. I left and went to my room, locking the door. I went to my shower, turned it on to straight hot. I slid down the wall and sat under the hot water, burning my skin. Tony kept the hot water super hot, almost boiling. Much like the dishwater I had to use as a child.

I knew it would happen sooner or later. I always lost everyone. But this time it was my own fault. As I crossed the bedroom, I had spotted Loki's dagger and grabbed it. I wanted to hold something that was his. As the hot water raised blisters on my body, I turned it over in my hands. He kept it razor sharp and normally didn't go anywhere without it. He had dropped it in my room on a night we had spent together. I let myself remember all those precious moments. 

Daniel had been right. I was not something anyone would love, not for long, not once they really got to know me, learn what I was. I had known there would come a time when they would turn away from me, leave me. I wasn't someone people wanted around for long. I had just hoped it would take longer than it did. 

I let the tears fall. I was just as worthless as I had always been told. Without them I was nothing. I was so tired of being nothing. I had been nothing most of my life. I was tired of never being good enough, of no one really wanting me, of no one keeping me. Of being unlovable.

 I closed my doors and willed them to disappear, knowing that connection was already gone forever anyway. I added another layer to my wall so that no one could get through. So no one would know what I was about to do.

I set the edge of the dagger on my wrist. I slashed and the blade cut deep, to the bone. I repeated the motion on my other wrist. I just wanted it all to go away. Without them my life wasn't worth living anyway. 

I laid down and watched as my blood ran down the drain with the water. I closed my eyes and let myself drift away. Maybe I could find peace in death in a world that didn't have demons.