Chapter 57

We walked into Loki's room, and I walked over to the bed. "Oh, by the way, I had F.R.I.D.A.Y soundproof you guys' rooms too. Well, really I didn't think of it. Nat did. Oh, speaking of Nat, sorry squirrel brain here, she wants more details of us. I told her I needed to talk to you guys first in case it's something you don't want known." I sat on the bed and looked at them.

They shared a look. "What about us does she want more details on, pet?"

I toyed with the hem of my dress. "Well... she wants to know more about what it's like to fuck the two bad boy hotties of the group." I gazed up at them expectantly.

They looked at me in shock. 

"Like what does she want to know about that, Doll?"

"Oh, I'm sure she knows it's good from the screaming we do. But probably more of the positions, things we have done, ways we have done it..." I grinned. "Both sizes."

I stared, fascinated. Both men actually blushed! It was so cute.

"Why would she want that information my sweet?"

"It's a girl thing. Curiosity about things you will never have or see. Especially when you know it's something fantastic. Really, it wouldn't go past Nat and Wanda. I never would give details to the guys, and neither would they. But like I said, if you don't want anything known, then she's shit out of luck then."

Both men considered me. "I don't have a problem with it, Doll. It'll make them jealous. Who knows, maybe jealous enough for them to finally make moves on Clint and Vision."

"Indeed. I too don't mind if it makes you happy. As well as the knowledge they will never experience or see in person what you describe. That privilege is only for you."

"Oh definitely. I know they would never try, and I would kill a bitch who did."

 I smiled at them, but it trembled a little. Tonight had been hard and I was still scared that once they really processed what I had told them, they would see me as too damaged, too used, and toss me away. I had been nothing my whole life, and here were so many people telling me I was something. It was a dream to me, and I was scared of it ending. 

They could see I was still upset and still uncertain. They both knew what tonight had cost me. Bucky walked to me and sat at my side. Loki came and sat on my other side.

"Doll, I wish I knew how to take this pain, this worry, away from you." He looked at Loki. "You are so much better with words. All I can say is I love her, but I think she needs more than that. Needs more of an explanation on why she is so special."

Loki gave a small smile. "You do better with words than you credit yourself with, Barnes." Loki looked at me and stroked my hair. "Sweetling, I feel we would love you even without the soulmate bond. You don't give yourself enough credit, love. We see a beautiful, strong, compassionate, and amazing woman. One who has tamed and humbled a God and rescued a Super Soldier and made him softer. We will never turn away from you. And your past does not define you. It helped shape who you are now, but that is not all you are. Then, you were a frightened child, highly abused, who fought back, and rightly so. Those men were the monsters. They got off easy and I hope that the Hell there gives them torture for eternity."

Loki held my hand and put an arm around me. I felt Bucky do the same. "You are so strong. You never gave up. You learned how to battle your demons and you have grown beyond them. They helped give you strength and that ability to NEVER let anyone do that to you again. With the knowledge we have now, I more understand that voice and your words before you passed out. With all that was said, you reverted back to that child. And now the meadow makes more sense. I wondered how you had such a complete place and so well hidden."

Bucky looked confused. "Meadow? I had heard the voice and I agree it makes sense now. But what about a meadow?"

"When I found Ariane, she was in a beautiful meadow with a brook, sunlight, soft grasses, trees, and butterflies. There was even a gentle wind to keep it not too warm in the sun."

I nodded, my head down, not looking at either of them. "It was behind my old house where I grew up. My sister Alice and I spent our summers there, trying to catch the minnows and frogs, chasing butterflies, and laying on the grass and looking up at the sky. We would try to see shapes in the clouds, or we would tell funny stories, or we would talk about our dreams. I had never felt more peaceful. I recreated it in my head when I was taken to THAT house. It was a way to escape the pain. I always left a tiny piece of myself to see and hear but not to feel. This way I knew it was safe to come back. I guess I'm out of practice and when I went this time to escape Dean and the pain inside that he was causing, all of me went. I am so sorry to both of you." Tears dripped onto my lap. "I have brought nothing but trouble and worry into your lives. I still think you deserve someone better, someone whole. Not someone damaged, broken, and unclean."

Bucky pulled me a little away from Loki, held me tight, and kissed me hard. I was breathless when Loki took me in his arms and did the same. 

"You are not unclean, Doll. You couldn't help or stop what was happening. If you want to talk damaged and broken, well... that goes for all three of us then. I know after my time as the Winter Soldier I'm damaged, broken, and not the same as I was."

"I agree. After my past, finding out I wasn't truly Asgardian but a Frost Giant, always seeing Thor favored by Odin when all I wanted was his approval and love, I too am damaged and broken. But I feel that together we all heal each other. For I don't feel as damaged, as broken, as I did before meeting you."

"Same here, Doll. You are loved, more than loved, and you deserve every bit of it."

I hugged them both. I was still troubled. I was always scared people would know, would find out, and turn away from me.

"Darling, I think for you to move past this, you will need to do something that will be the hardest thing you have ever done."

I got very scared. "What?"

"You need to tell the rest of the group. More than that, I think you need to use your new illusion powers and you need to SHOW all of us. Only then can we fully understand. I know that everyone is worried, and they all heard that broken child's voice." Loki kissed my head. "I think they deserve to know as your family. They will support you and love you. I have learned from personal experience that the more you tell it, the less power it has over you. Correct Barnes?"

"Yeah. I know it's hard. It's not easy for me to talk about my time after Hydra. But each time I do, it hurts a little less. Makes me fear a little less. I agree that by showing, it will help you move past it and be able to really embrace that you are loved and that we have a future together. Don't let the past keep you from us, Doll."

I couldn't speak. I was terrified. Tell them all? Show them all? It meant I would have to relive every minute of it. I started to shake and breathe fast. 

"Easy pet. It will be alright. We will be there with you, holding you, mentally and physically. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And you won't have to do it alone."

I swallowed and nodded. "If you think I should then I will. I trust you both." I whispered. "Let's do it now before I lose my nerve." I felt how much they felt humbled and touched by my trust. 

Loki nodded. "I think the best place would be the living room where everyone can sit. I don't think anyone should be standing for this. F.R.I.D.A.Y can you call everyone to the living room ASAP. We have something important to discuss."

"Yes, Reindeer Games."

I laughed a little at the scrunched look on Loki's face. 

"I despise that name. So of course, Stark uses it everywhere." He shook his head and stood and held his hand out to help me up. "Shall we, my lady?"

I took his hand and stood, giggling a little. "We shall. How is it you always have a way to make me feel better even in the worst of situations?"

He grinned. "Magic."

I hit his arm and laughed. I held my hands out to both of them as Bucky stood. "Let's go do this thing. Then I want ice cream for being a brave girl."

"Anything you want, Doll."