Chapter 44

I saw him again that day, during literature class. He had showed up a few minutes late, but the teacher was so used to it that she no longer saw the need to point out the importance of punctuality. 

There was something different though. He seemed angrier than usual, there was no way to not notice it. Even his strides shouted out his frustration. Our eyes locked the second he walked into class..a habit of his. He'd always look around until he spotted me, then he'd keep his eyes one until he sat down, sometimes even longer than that. And it was the look on his face that assured me he was truly mad. I wondered what it could be. But I couldn't ask him because he was seated at the far back, on a desk which the other students seemed to preserve exclusively for him. Normally, I reserved the strength to focus on whatever the teacher was saying without glancing back. 

The desire to turn and look at him was like an itch in desperate need of scratching, but I could always hold it off untill after class. 

This time however, I failed miserably. I looked back, kept me eyes on him until he looked up from the pen he was focused on. Skillfully playing it between his fingers. And in those couple for seconds before he looked back at me, I was able to tell that he knew I was staring. Somehow his focus was on me even when it wasn't. He looked back, arched a brow inquisitively before he leaned back against his seat and held the eye contact. He was trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but I knew him well enough to be able to tell when he was genuinely pissed off. I forced myself to concentrate for the remainder of the class, and after the bell rang and everyone left, I walked over to him. Mrs.Fisher had stayed behind to organize her things before she left, and she had eyed both me and Austin with a little confusion and suspicion. She had even asked me why I wasn't leaving, and I had pretended to be busy going through some notes. She had sarcastically wished Austin a good day before walking out. And if I hadn't been sure about his gloomy state before, then his reluctance to reply with equal sarcasm had been the clear sign that I needed.

He had still been messing around with the pen. And the closer I got the more I realized it was the same one I had given him on his first day. He placed it in his pocket before casually standing up and stepping towards me. 

" Hi, " he said despite us having been together just a little while before. The corner of his lips curved up in the faintest of smiles. 

" What's wrong?" 

There was no need to pretend I hadn't noticed his state and play around it. And I hoped he wasn't going to pretend that he didn't know what I was talking about. 

He glanced at the door, then back at me before he took a step towards me. Then he took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. 

" Hug me and I'll tell you, " he said afterwards. I frowned. 

I thought he was teasing at first. Just messing around like he was used to. But then I looked at him and his expression told me he wasn't playing. That he needed what he had asked for. I looked back at the door, it was unlocked and anyone could walk in at any second. The fact that we were alone in there in the first place was enough to draw suspicion. 

" So what if they see? I need you. "

It was words like those that often made me give in. The structure of them...the sincerity. And because it was an unspoken rule between us, he ended up taking the first step. Making the first move because I would have taken ages to do so. I felt his arms around me, holding tight. His warm breath on my neck and his hands fisting the material of my hoody. It was that grasp in particular that did me in. The way he held on like his life depended on it. Every other part of him seemed to have gone limp apart from his hands. I couldn't even cut the embrace off because he was holding too tightly. 

I was still half worried though, it was too risky to be doing things like that in clear daylight. He might have been okay with it but I wasn't.

" What happened? " I asked again, trying to get him to step back with my hand on his waist. The intimacy of the action was not lost to me. 

" I hate being here. " 

" At school or Colorado?" 

" Both. You're the only good thing about this place. "

" Did anything-"

" I got detention. Apparently refusing counseling and guidance from a fucking history teacher is against the rules. "

" Detention?" 

He nodded, I started to let go of his but he placed his hands on mine and narrowed his gaze. I was the only one holding him, he had let go of me completely. 

" Keep them there, I like it. "

" You wish!" 

I tried pulling them away, but he wouldn't let me. And the confused devil within me liked it. I liked holding him, I liked the fact that he liked me holding him. The only thing I didn't like was the possibility of a third party walking in and witnessing whatever the hell we had going on. Because I didn't understand it either. 

" Is that why you're so grumpy?" 

" He's an asshole! " 

" It's Mr. Caddel, isn't it?" I asked, of replying he rolled his eyes and acted even more pissed off.

" He's not bad. Everyone likes him. "

" Well I sure don't!"

" You must have said something inappropriate, he couldn't send you to detention for nothing. "

A guilty expression took over his features before he covered it up. Sighing, I pressed my fingers into his skin for a second before I withdrew. He looked down, observed the contact before his eyes met mine once more.

" I wanted to spend time with you though, " he finally confessed. I recalled that we were supposed to walk together after school. And I felt the great surge of disappointment wash through me because it had actually been something I was as looking forward to. Despite how much I had argued that I was going to walk with Max and Kira instead, the one I really wanted to be with was him. 

" There's always tomorrow, " I reassured him, tapping on his upper arm before I took a couple of steps back and advised that he get to class before he got into even more trouble. 

" Tomorrow, promise?" He called out before I walked out the door. I have him a thumbs up without looking back. 

Later that day Max had explained what had really gone on during history class. The teacher had walked over to Austin before he started the lesson and they had seemed to be talking about something. Then all of a sudden, Austin flipped and got into one of his angry episodes. Mr. Caddel had had no other option. Actually, the punishment he has chosen could have been termed as merciful since the things Austin has allegedly said could have gotten him suspended easily. 

" That kid is a nut job, " Max had said as we walked down the hallway. I didn't like that statement. It made me mad for some reason. I immediately turned to Max with the intention of warning him against saying such things about Austin, but I was unable to say anything. He was looking at me with that most knowing look. I saw it scribbled everywhere on his face. And it wasn't as if he was toying with me just so he could get a reaction. He just knew. 

" You know Kyle.." he began, his eyes narrowed as if he were thinking something over. 

" You showed up to class pretty late this morning. And I left you with him last. What were you guys doing?" 

" What sort of question is that?" 

" A logical one. I'm not dense Kyle, I see things...a lot of people see things actually. "

" What's that supposed to mean?" 

He shrugged and left it at that. I wanted to push until he finished off his statement. But I already knew the nature of his thoughts and feared that he'd say them out loud. I both wanted them spoken and hidden away.There was no way to understand what I meant until you experienced it yourself. 

Austin and I didn't talk the rest of that day, and I felt a hollow inside me. This strange emptiness which only he could fulfill. And I blamed him for coming back and making me get used to him all over again. I had even encouraged myself that he'd drop by the store as soon as he got off detention. But then nine hit and I lost the last remaining shred of hope that I had. And had it not been for the text he sent, I would have started believing I was going mad. 

" Things just make more sense when you're with me Kyle. I really want you with me. "

He was so random. I was exceptionally fond of his randomness.