Chapter 43

I liked the fact that he was on top of me more than I ought to. That space was usually a little chilly in the morning, but at the moment I felt as if I was stuck in a sauna. My entire body was heated up and I was seconds away from going insane because I was closing off way too many thoughts. But I knew that if I let myself think things through then I wouldn't even dare to let him go further than he had. I'd put an end to it immediately and in a couple of days I'd blame myself as I frowned in secret regret. 

" Relax, " he whispered. A hand on my thumping heart. I was too tensed, openly nervous... secretly anticipating. 

" Christ Stevens! I don't know whether to feel worried or flattered, "

He slipped his hand under my shirt, I made an attempt to fist my hands before my mind recalled that he was holding them. But he must have felt and understood my intentions because he slowly loosened his hold before letting go completely. 

" You're scared. " 

There was no doubt in his voice when he said that. He sounded more than sure of it, then he removed his hand from my skin and moved, getting off me completely and sitting back on his heels next to me. I looked at him and wished I could clearly see his face... that he could see mine so that he could read all the confusion written all over my features. 

" We should probably get to class, " he added and I dug deep in my brain as I sought out the correct thing to say. Something that would make him realize I was confused without making me sound too needy.

" Class?" was all I came up with. 

" Yeah, I'd hate for you to get into trouble. Come on, " I heard and partially saw him stand. Then I watched with wide eyes as he outstretched his hand towards me to help me stand. I looked at either side of me, then back up at his shadowy figure before I ignored the hand and stood up on my own. I knew Austin was unpredictable, that it was almost impossible to know what was running through his head and what he'd do next, but he had never left me as speechless as he did in that moment. 

There was no way he could have stopped simply because he thought I was scared. That wasn't a strong enough reason when it came to him. 

He loved challenges. And he loved taking advantage of such situations. And I was pretty sure seeing me so on edge was something that secretly gave him joy. 

" I think I'll use that sticker some other time, " he commented. I shook my head and adjusted my hoody before turning to the exit.

" You had your chance, you can forget about it, " I said before heading to the exit and cautiously walking out of there. I had known there wouldn't be anyone around but I still confirmed just in case. And I had only taken two steps when I felt his hand on my arm. It took me a minute to get used to the light. That childish part of me wanted me to shrug him off and ignore him until he realized that I was angry. But I did the quick maths in my head and decided not to do that. It was unnecessary and would only serve to make him realize that I truly was hoping he'd carry on with whatever he was doing. And because I had chosen to act mature and unaffected, I stopped and casually turned to him. Then I raised an inquisitive brow while maintaining my cool.

It was hard since I was burning up inside and a million questions were coursing through my mind. And it only got worse when I looked into his grey eyes and saw that flame still sparking as if it were a living thing. Just one glance but I managed to tell that he was still mentally stuck in that nook.

" Wait for me after school?" He requested. I was spending less and less time with Kira and Max and it was mostly because of him. And I was getting too used to having his company. If I let it go on that way then I'd probably start obsessing over him even more than I already was. Which wouldn't be healthy for me at all. My heart wanted me to say yes, but my little remaining logic advised that I turn him down. 

" I can't, some other day maybe. "

He was disappointed and didn't bother hiding it. He darted his gaze around, his hand still holding onto my arm, then he looked up at me and took that tiny step that had him standing toe to toe with me. He wanted to say something concerning what had just happened but he stopped himself, biting his lower lip to keep the words in. I assumed he'd recalled my rule to leave everything that happened in that space and not to make a mention of it afterwards. I made up that rule for a reason. If he had free reign to say whatever he wished, we would forever be having uncomfortable conversations that I did not care to have. 

" Why can't you?" 

" Coz I'll be hanging out with Max and Kira before I get to work, " it was better to tell him the truth, but he didn't seem to appreciate it.

" Tell them you can't. I'll wait for you at the exit. "

It was once again not a request. His tone sounded as if he were commanding me, but he didn't want it to come off as too demanding so he added that signature casual flair of his. I was a sucker for that flair, but I was going to stand my ground. 

" I'm not gonna do that. "

" Yeah you will, don't make it a huge deal."

" You're the one making it a huge deal, I already told you they're my best friends. "

" You're with them for like half the day, I only get a couple minutes. "

" Oh come on! That's not true, and since when are you competing with them? "

The entire thing sounded childish and absurd. But all aspect of childishness disappeared when he moved to stand behind me and wrapped his arm around my neck. If a stranger walked in on us, I'm sure the first impression would have been that Austin was getting ready to choke me. But there was no such pressure to his action. Moves like those made me not trust him. You could honestly never tell what he was going to do next..

And his body pressed against mine was definitely dangerous for my mental health. My reflexes almost made me lean further back into his touch. I was still affected from whatever had been about to happen back there, I didn't need him pulling off moves like those before I recovered completely. 

" If you don't want me feeling like I have to compete then just walk with me instead. "

" You're being unreasonable. "

" I'll take that as a yes. "

" It's not. "

" I honestly don't care. "

I had been holding onto my sanity until he decided to graze my cartilage with his teeth. The most gentle of actions but it had my heart racing so fast I had to control my breathing. I was mere seconds away from getting turned on again, and that angle was going to make it too obvious to him, something I didn't want because I doubted I'd be able to look him in the eye afterwards. 

" I'll get going, " 

I tried taking a step forward, hoping he'd get the cue and let me go, but his hold just tightened and I knew I had to be very careful about what I did or said. 

" I wanted to, " he gently spoke into my ear. I frowned but didn't say a thing. He expertly snaked his other arm around me and I was overcome by this strange feeling. It made me feel owned. Possessed. But not in a bad way, with Austin it could never be in a bad way. 

" But I wanna be able to see you, " he finished off. I finally understood what he was talking about. And it made me picture such a scenario, but there was no way I was ever going to be okay with that. I had offered him a golden one time opportunity and he had let it go. Now that ticket was lost to the wind, never to be found. Unless he managed to intoxicate me with his special kind of charm. 

" What exactly did you want to do?" My voice was still shaky. Maybe because that was a question I wouldn't normally ask. But I was desperate for the information. He chuckled, I felt him shrug, then he dug his fingers into my ribs and I shivered. 

" Rated X, " he very seriously said. 

My brows shot up and felt myself get flustered. And I risked slowly turning to face him, hoping I'd find a teasing smile on that lovely face. But he gazed at me from underneath his lashes with nothing but seriousness and open truth. 

" Don't worry, I'll get my chance, " he added. Then his eyes fell to my lips and I panicked again and attempted to free myself from his hold. He smiled almost mockingly.

" It's clear that you want me Kyle, " he so casually commented, then he pecked the corner of my lips before letting go and walking ahead of me.

" You turn me on too, " he finished off. Saying it as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

That was not at all how it had been when we were kids. Too much had changed and I didn't know how to process that change.