A Letter to My Sunflower

"Today, he comes home!" Hinata said when he stretched out his hand to welcome the morning sun. "He promised."

His heart did a somersault at the thought of his beloved Eiji walking through the door of their cozy cottage, in the settled countryside, for real. War was at an end after many years of his country's on and off conquests. So were the rumors around his village.

Everything Hinata and Eiji had fought for would finally come to fruition. A slow, calm life in the meadows, together.

He swept aside tumbling strands of his flowing silk black hair. Grabbed his treasured yellow ribbon, Eiji had bought him at the summer festival the year before. And tied up the long lengths of his hair in a clean bun.

He secured the tasuki ties to his gray casual kimono sleeves and went about preparing their home, so it would be a perfect picture when his partner entered.

"Oh look, Hina-chan, this place brings in a lot of sun like you." Hinata sighed, dreamily, as he remembered Eiji's voice saying those smooth words to send his heart racing.

He swept the simple, cozy sunroom clean. So, not a speck of dirt was visible under the light from a good deal of rice paper shoji panels facing east.

His memories played on the moments where he watched Eiji reading his book. Against the large foreign cushion that was a souvenir from his last tour: his intelligent brown eyes absorbing words of another language. Hinata loved the way his long fingers tenderly turned pages. His calm full lips not moving whilst his eyes skimmed animatedly.

Thoughts moved to their first meeting and middle school life.

Eiji was his stoic senior, who had been revered for being the best and the brightest in academics and sports. He was every woman's dream of a nation's husband. Tall, toned, and lean. A handsome face with a gentle smile, calm eyes, and cool mannerisms even at the height of danger. He was not a man to lose his demeanor for anything. Except for the time Hinata had been beaten by some ruffian bullies because they found out he was in love with a man.

At that time, Hinata had been bleeding out on the ground. Frustrated for not being able to stand up and save Eiji from losing himself to a fight with those bullies. He had been angry at himself for allowing his lover to reach that state.

The consequence of the fight saw Eiji enlist for war by his parents. It had been seven years since.

He treasured every moment they were able to spend together. Between tours, Eiji had helped him set up a home away from their old city life.

He had inherited his uncle's dress shop and their small two-bedroom cottage, which was set against meadows that ran up to the Tengu Mountains. It was his uncle's parting gift to them. Knowing they could never find another place in their world.

"Eiji's coming home." Hinata chanted and sang as he swept out the sunroom. He dusted down the kamidana paying homage to his uncle's image. So, the shrine was a picture of serenity, love, and peace amongst a heady scent of sandalwood and autumn flowers.

"Come on, Tama-chan, time to move." He poked at the lazy ginger tabby cat that was reluctant to move from its warm spot before the front door.

He chuckled when Eiji had brought the cat home.

It had been a rainy day when the sober-face soldier walked up a muddy path and saw the cat crying out from under a soaked box dumped to the side of the road.

"Tama-chan's like us. Let's give him a home." Eiji had said that sealed the deal.

Hinata spoiled the cat in place of Eiji to the point it was dragging its fat belly on the ground when it walked.

He finished his housework and tended to the herb and vegetable garden when the sun started to wane in the west. His heart thumped with trepidation. He felt sure today was the day his lover was coming home.

The village women had been rejoicing about seeing their husbands home now that the war was over.

They were proud of their men who had fought valiantly and were coming home as heroes. Eiji had to be part of those returning men. It was unthinkable for him not to be. Plus, he promised he would be home soon in a telegram to him.

The sun had long set when Hinata received a curt banging on his door.

He ran to open it and saw two soldiers wearing the insignia of Eiji's unit. They both removed their caps and placed them over their hearts.

Hinata's heart skipped beats when he saw their dark eyes glisten with sadness. The men's faces looked strained, with aged wrinkles permanently etched on the corner of their eyes and foreheads. He gulped when he noticed crude scars peeking out from the high collar of one of them.

Neither said a word when one of them handed Hinata a sealed letter with a gloved hand. Hinata gingerly received it and politely offered tea, to which the soldiers declined and went on their way.

He carefully placed the letter on the low table in the main room and knelt before it in seiza. His mind was a turbulent mess, crudely teasing his hope for his lover's return.

Time ticked slowly and quietly for an hour before he found the courage to pick up the letter.

The front was officially stamped with a government office title, and the back was sealed without any markings. He read the kanji for his name and address, which was meticulously printed at the center.

His fingers trembled as he pried the sealed flap open and pulled out another envelope that was hidden within.

Tears streamed down his cheeks and sides of his neck when the envelope held his name, lovingly written by Eiji's own handwriting. It was so messy and all over the place, it made his mouth tremble with a smile.

More tears flowed from his eyes, when he carefully opened the envelope flap and pulled out a piece of folded floral scented paper. His heart beat rapidly at the sight of dried sunflower petals falling out to land on his lap.

He sniffed the lush aroma of familiar flowers that still smelled strong, closing his eyes to imagine the place where Eiji would have been when he had picked them.

"Hinata." He opened his eyes to a memory of Eiji's deep, soothing voice calling out his name.

Slowly, he unfolded the letter and read Eiji's words to him.

----

My dearest, beloved Hinata,

I don't know if our fight will save our country from further war, nor if I will live to see this end. Right now, I'm fighting on an island.

It's strange to be fighting men who look no different from us and carry the same love for their country in their hearts. There are so many similarities that makes me wonder why we fight. Then I remember our little lover spats and my purpose is renewed.

Around me, all the men fight with pride for those they love. We know this fight will be our last hope and likely our end. We will see it through no matter what.

You keep me strong, your love keeps my heart true. I miss your joyfulness, the way you see the beauty in the smallest and simplest things. Those treasured touches only we both know. I feel them in my heart. You are my life, the one that keeps my heart beating and the face that keeps me smiling. My beautiful, sweet, pure sunflower.

I found this meadow when we climbed the mountains. The sun was beaming down on a field of sunflowers. My mind was filled with you. At that moment, the only reason for dying was to make sure you were safe.

I love you. Never stop living life, smiling for others, and being the beautiful soul that you are.

You are my sun, the greatest joy in my life. My soul is always with you.

With all my eternal love,

Eiji.

----

Hinata's tears streamed his face as his emotions claimed control. His heart felt like it was breaking, his body trembled with realization of his loss.

Slithers of morning light, and a new day, pierced through the cracks of closed shutters. He gingerly rose from where he had been kneeling the whole night.

Wobbling unsteadily to his feet as he felt life prickling back into his numbed legs.

He pushed open the shutters to reveal a rising sun that would bring another bright and sunny day to the countryside.

A cozy scent of sunflowers graced his senses and tenderly warmed the love in his heart. The gentle breeze lovingly stroked his cheeks and played with his hair as Eiji's fingers would.

His lover wasn't coming home.