Waiting

Adam left that same night, and I'm so mad.

I'm mad at myself.

I regretted the fight the minute I stepped foot outside his house. Adam didn't deserve to hear any of the things I yelled in his face, but I wasn't in the right state of mind and I couldn't think straight. So, I just reacted, as bad as I possibly could, because I couldn't cope with the thought of Adam not existing in my life anymore. It wasn't his fault. I know that.

I also know that I have to apologize to him, as soon as I can.

But he's not taking any of my calls. I have no choice but to wait till Monday when he gets back so I can finally apologize to him in person.

Waiting for the weekend to end makes me sick to my stomach. I do, however, hope that I can at least have a chance to say I'm sorry and that I can at least see him before he leaves for good. I hope the words I said won't be the last I'll ever speak to him.

I feel so alone inside, because my best friend is leaving.

I count the hours till the weekend is over. Everything feels weird, inside and out. I don't know what to do. I'm angry and I'm hurt and I want to punch someone or break something.

My best friend is moving out and I won't see him anymore. We won't be able to ride our bikes together, or talk about how first kisses are supposed to feel. I won't hear his loud laughs echoing through the hallways of school whenever I tell him one of my jokes. He's the only one who understands my sense of humor. No one will ever laugh at my stupid jokes again.

We won't sit together at lunch and trade sandwiches when I have one that I don't like. He won't climb up my window and sneak in my room to keep me company when I'm grounded. He won't even be able to help me with my homework anymore. He's always been freaking smart and understands everything and I've always been stupid and helpless, and I'll fail all my classes without him.

He won't be in my life.

He won't be here for me anymore.

He is leaving.

And I want to scream at the world for being so unfair, but I bite my anger back and swallow my tears, because I don't want anyone to see me break down, so I wait.

I wait for him to come back so I can tell him I'm sorry.

I wait for him to forgive me.

I just wait. For him.