Chapter 45: Doubts and remorse

As disturbed as Noah was, his previous experience allowed him to recover faster than the others. Adam still struggled to suppress the horrible feeling that had come over him in that instant. He was even afraid to close his eyes.

"We'd better get going, it will do us good to distract ourselves."

No one heard Noah's words, which caused him to look at the others with some alarm.

He walked over to Adam and helped him up. Finally, he seemed to come back to reality and managed to register what Noah had said.

"Are you all right?"

"No," Adam replied, "but I suppose we could be worse. How come we're alive?"

"Just before the spell hit me I managed to hit him with a shot."

Adam just nodded. He looked at the zombie corpse for a second. It was dark in color, with purple veins and red eyes. He noticed, thanks to the blood trail, that the zombie crawled on the ground, in a last attempt to reach them.

He then moved on to look at Miriam and Marlen, who were still hugging each other on the ground.

"Noah is right, we must continue."

Marlen looked up and nodded, but then looked at her sister, not knowing what was crossing her mind. Miriam didn't respond, so Marlen tried to move her, until she finally reacted.

"What?"

"We have to continue," said Marlen.

Miriam hesitated for a second, but then nodded. Adam was relieved to see her, but he also knew that both he and Miriam would have to rest urgently.

The foursome got up and left the apartment. Luckily, there was nothing dangerous in the rest of the building, so the fight proceeded quietly and mechanically. Adam noticed that even Noah was much more distant than he had expected.

When they finished, they left the building, only to find Miguel waiting for them.

"I heard what happened with Jane."

Adam felt horrible listening to Miguel. He had completely forgotten what had happened. Miguel noticed the expression on Adam's face and sighed inwardly. He watched the others carefully and the only one who surprised him was Noah, who also seemed affected by something.

Miguel knew Noah by name, as the guard had been patrolling the suburb for a while. He had heard some rumors that made him suspect that he was not as bad a person as he pretended to be, but these also all agreed on something. The man didn't care much about what happened to others.

However, Miguel remembered the day before, specifically the way Noah reacted when Adam was hurt. Maybe he wasn't as cold a person as he thought.

"Is the building clear?"

"Yeah, that murdering bastard is dead. I just hope I never meet another [Void Zombie] in my life."

Marlen's words caught Miguel's attention. At first he thought about getting more information, but realized that everyone was exhausted.

"Well, we'd better get back to the shelter. Zack's group hasn't returned yet."

"Speaking of which, how did your group do? Any problems?"

"It was easier than expected. I think a lot of the newbies will be able to get more levels. I think in the future it will be a good idea to identify not so dangerous locations and take a group that wants to level up."

"Any problems with that thing in the plaza?"

Miguel's expression darkened

"Yes, part of that thing is starting to invade the first floor of the building, it's sneaking in through the windows."

"Were you able to identify it?"

"Yes, it's called [Flesh monstrosity]."

"Isn't it a zombie?"

"No. According to the System, it is the result of the agglomeration of numerous corpses in the same place. The problem is that it doesn't want to provide more information."

"How could something like this form with the absurd amount of zombies on the streets? I don't think they left the corpses intact."

"We don't know exactly, but according to Leonard, the day the system arrived there was a party in the square. Many may have died in the first moments of the chaos."

Adam suddenly remembered that party. Ironically, the memory seemed years ago. He had walked past the square on his way home from work and had seen the food stalls and heard the annoying music.

"I understand, but it still doesn't make much sense. I'm sure the zombies should have devoured all the corpses without a problem. Something must have held them back long enough for that thing to form."

"I think you're right, but we'd better talk about it later, your group looks like it could use a break."

Adam's expression darkened again. For one precious moment he had managed to distract himself, but now he had to deal with everything again.

"Yeah, let's go."

Miriam sighed with relief as she listened to Adam and moved ahead of everyone back to the shelter. Marlen followed close behind her, worried.

Carlos greeted them with a fake smile.

"I'm glad to see you all okay, can I know if everything went well?"

"Yes, it's dead and the building is now part of the shelter."

Carlos sighed in relief. But then he frowned. There was something important he needed to ask, but he was afraid of sounding insensitive. Finally, after a moment's hesitation, he decided he had to ask.

"What do you plan to do about... Jane?"

Adam froze for a second.

"I don't know yet. I don't think we can bury her."

"In that case I propose that we cremate her," Miguel interjected into the conversation. I think it's the best idea, besides, we're starting to have problems with the amount of corpses we have to deal with.

"My sister and I will go get some rest, call me if you need anything," Marlen decided to interrupt before the conversation got too long again. Adam nodded in her direction and without another word, the two sisters left.

"I'll get a cigarette, if you'll excuse me," Noah was the next to leave. Adam looked at his back for a second before turning back to Carlos.

"It's okay, we'll cremate his body in a ceremony, along with all the others who have died. Now, if you'll excuse me, I also need to rest."

Miguel and Carlos watched Adam as he returned to his building.

"Did something happen?"

Miguel looked at Carlos somewhat quizzically.

"Jane died, remember?"

"No, that's not it," Carlos replied, "something else happened. Jane's death affected them, but I feel they are much more disturbed now."

"Well, I guess we just have to give them some time."

Carlos looked at the old military man with some disgust.

"Remember that none of them, with the possible exception of Noah, have been trained to endure this much. They were all normal people before this shit. If we want to survive, we'll have to worry about none of them collapsing."

Miguel nodded without saying anything.

"Another question," the soldier turned to look at Carlos. He continued talking. "How was Alfred?

"He has a useful skill, no doubt about it. I think he's getting used to combat well."

"That's a relief, but please, if you ever think he might be at risk…"

"I'll give him no more importance than the others."

"Well, I'm sure this can be arranged. I'm willing to pay anything."

"I will ignore your words considering he is your own son. But please don't try to bribe me like this again, it's something I hate on a personal level."

Miguel remembered his last years in the army with some pain. Years of work thrown away just because he had decided to do the right thing and not accept a bribe. He looked at Carlos for a moment, the man didn't seem too angry, but he couldn't help but think about the likelihood of the future repeating itself.

Luckily, Carlos wasn't that angry with Miguel's response, however, he thought he would have to find some way to make sure his son didn't die a stupid death.

Adam, for his part, went up to his apartment and lay down on his bed. It had been a horrible day. He felt like an idiot thinking about the emotion he had felt last night. What was it, a child? He realized that perhaps he had been overconfident. His team and he had beaten one powerful zombie after another and subconsciously he believed that the same thing would keep happening. That his luck would never run out.

He wished for a moment that he had never left his apartment on the first day. Maybe he would be dead, although it could also be that the shelter was founded by someone else. He thought about Jane for a moment. There had been a time when he had been attracted to her, though those flames had died out. She had abandoned him the first day, when a zombie attacked him from a neighboring apartment. She had apologized for it, but neither of them had spoken of it again.

Now he was the one who had abandoned her. He had left her to die when, as a leader, he should have been more vigilant. Part of him knew this was a lie, but he wasn't quite convinced. Besides, in the final fight, he could do nothing, his plan had proved futile and Noah had done all the work. In fact, now that he thought about it, in the last battles he had always ended up wounded. Maybe he wasn't cut out for this.

Adam sighed. His thoughts continued to wander for another half hour between Jane and the survivors who had died the day before. He hadn't thought about it until now, but he supposed he was responsible for those deaths as well. He realized that if he wished to remain the leader of the shelter, he would have to become more powerful. His flamethrower was no longer enough, he needed something more.

As he thought about how he could gain more offensive abilities or another weapon, he remembered something he had forgotten. When he was cleaning the superblock with his group, he had grabbed a special engineer's package that was lying on the floor. It was time to find out what it contained.