Chapter 7 Clash of Convictions

Shivin sat alone in his room, his mind consumed by a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Anisha's decision to study in Bangalore had set off a chain reaction within him, stirring up a clash of convictions that threatened to derail his own dreams. He couldn't shake the feeling of unease, knowing that his aspirations for studying abroad were at odds with the path his cousin had chosen. As he stared out the window, the distant honking of cars and the bustle of the city seemed to echo his inner turmoil. Shivin knew he had to confront his father, to share Anisha's decision and face the inevitable comparison that would follow. The weight of this talk loomed heavy on his shoulders, but he also realised that it was a crucial step in carving his own path.

Taking a deep breath, Shivin made up his mind on approaching his father with a calm and confident demeanour. He surely had to articulate his own desires, to make his dreams heard amidst the overpowering expectations that surrounded him. The room felt suffocating, the walls closing in as he grappled with the words he would choose to express his ambitions. A knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. 

It was his father, standing tall with a stern expression on his face. Shivin's heart raced, nerves jangling within him. This was the moment he had been dreading, the moment where he would have to defend his aspirations and assert his independence.

"Shivin, we need to talk," his father said, his voice laced with a mixture of concern and authority.

"Yes, sure. What do we have to talk about?"  Shivin responded.

"Your cousin Anisha told us about her decision to study in Bangalore. It got us thinking... why shouldn't you do the same? It's a reputable city for education, and your cousin is setting a good example."

Shivin took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts and summoning his courage. "Dad, I understand your perspective, and I appreciate Anisha's choice. But I have my own dreams and aspirations. I've always dreamed of studying abroad, of immersing myself in a different culture, and of immersing myself in a different culture, and gaining a global perspective. It's an opportunity I don't want to miss. At least not in this life." 

The look on his father's face hardened, and a vein pulsed on his forehead. "Shivin, you need to be realistic. Studying abroad is not a decision to be taken lightly. It's too expensive, and there are no guarantees of success. You have a good chance here in Bangalore, with our support and connections."

Shivin's voice trembled slightly, but he held steadfast in his conviction. "Dad, I'm aware of the challenges awaiting me but I have the zeal to work hard to overcome them and to prove myself. I want to broaden my horizons, learn from different perspectives, and build a global network. I don't want to limit myself to what's familiar; I want to explore the world and discover my true potential."

His father's eyes narrowed, his tone growing stern. "You're just being naive and silly, Shivin. You're blinded by dreams and failing to see the practicalities of life. We want what's best for you, and that means staying in Bangalore, where we can support you." 

Shivin's frustration began to rise, but he held himself together, utterly committed to ensuring his message was received. "Dad, I respect your concern, and I value your support. But I believe that pursuing my dreams will ultimately bring about my personal and professional fulfilment. I'm willing to face the challenges head-on which will shape me into a stronger, more resilient person. I don't want to live a life filled with regrets, wondering what could have been if I had taken the leap. It's not just about the degree, but the exposure, the experiences, and the personal growth that come with studying in a different country."

The atmosphere in the room was heavy with unspoken tension. Shivin's father seemed lost in thought, his face a mixture of conflicting emotions. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he let out a deep sigh and said "Shivin, I worry about the financial burden this might impose on us. We have to consider the cost of tuition, living expenses, and so much more. It's not a decision to be taken lightly," his voice softer than before, concern still lingering in his eyes. 

Shivin nodded, acknowledging his father's valid concern. "I understand that studying abroad comes with a significant financial commitment. I'm willing to take on part-time jobs, apply for scholarships, and explore other funding opportunities. I don't want to burden you unnecessarily. Moreover, I believe the experiences and education I'll gain will be an investment in my future, opening doors to opportunities that I may not have otherwise."

"I had hoped you would consider our perspective, but it seems like you're just being obstinate and inflexible. If obtaining a scholarship was such a simple feat, don't you think every Indian student would be flocking abroad for their degrees? Do you consider yourself to be an exceptionally talented individual? You have barely managed to pass your exams, and have you ever achieved first place in any exam that would make a university consider granting you a scholarship?" Shivin's father raised his voice, frustration evident in his tone. 

"Do you even have a slight comprehensive idea of what it takes to obtain a scholarship? Please don't belittle me and assume that I am incapable of competing. I am well aware of my abilities and worth. If I decide to engage in some extracurricular activities, even though I know time may not allow me, I strongly believe I can position myself as a strong candidate for a scholarship or, at the very least, financial aid," Shivin defended, standing his ground. 

Shivin's father felt a surge of exasperation building within him once again. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't help but feel bothered by the thought of his son going abroad and experiencing a life of enjoyment. It wasn't because he harboured any personal resentment from his own youth, devoid of such opportunities, but rather because he believed that his son still had a lot of time in his hands. He held a strong conviction that it would be best for Shivin to attain a certain level of maturity before embarking on his journey abroad, possibly waiting until he reached the age of 25. He was persistent about ensuring that his son didn't leave the country until he felt confident that Shivin possessed the necessary skills and ability to thrive and sustain himself independently.

On the other hand, Shivin felt a conflicting mix of emotions. He couldn't help but perceive his father's resistance as a lack of understanding and a reflection of his own limited exposure to the outside world. Shivin firmly believed that he had already matured and developed a realistic outlook on life, far more than his father gave him credit for. He yearned for the chance to explore the opportunities and experiences that awaited him abroad. He viewed his father's beliefs that only negative things happened outside their homeland as a narrow-minded perspective, contrasting with his own broader and more open-minded view of the world. 

"I'm your only child. Can't you do this much for me? I promise you now, if you assist me in going abroad, I won't trouble you for financial support. I'll work part-time and earn for myself. Why won't you allow me to give it a try, at least? Why won't you grant me the opportunity to live independently? I'll be turning 18 next year, and don't I have the right to make decisions for myself? As a father, can't you support me this one last time?" Shivin's words burst forth, influenced by a commingling of desperation and indomitable spirit. However, his outburst was abruptly halted by a resounding slap that left him stunned and speechless. Tears welled up in his eyes, yet he mustered the strength to meet his father's gaze with a defiant look, a torrent of unspoken words swirling within him. Restraining himself, Shivin quietly retreated to his room, the weight of the moment hanging heavy in the air.

As he made his way to his room, the echoes of his father's furious outburst reverberated in Shivin's ears. "This boy has completely lost his sanity. I have no idea who has planted such absurd notions of going abroad and serving the white people in his mind." However, he paid no heed, indifference settling within him, and a festering resentment began to take root in his mind. 

"I can't take this crap any longer. I need to sort out this matter. What is wrong with this man? Why can't he understand I want to find bliss in another country now? Why am I not allowed to live an independent life?" Shivin's mind was flooded with inquiries, all directed towards his father, questioning his perspective and decisions. 

Seeking solace within the confines of his room, Shivin resorted to listening to English songs in an attempt to pacify his raging emotions. Fueled by anger and frustration towards his father, he concluded that his father's emotional immaturity prevented him from providing the contentment Shivin sought. Picturing the prospect of departing India, with no more encounters with those who had been a source of trouble and distress, evoked excitement and peace as he contemplated it.

Seeking respite from the overwhelming emotions consuming him, Shivin made the decision to take a walk. He knew precisely what he could do during this solitary stroll. The thought of reaching out to his mentor and best friend, Rohan, who had an uncanny ability to comprehend his thoughts and emotions, brought a glimmer of hope to Shivin's troubled mind.

He yearned for Rohan's presence to lift his spirits and provide him with the solace he desperately sought. With his father's presence still fresh in his memory, Shivin aimed to distance himself from any reminders of the recent altercation that had left him feeling both hurt and enraged. Shivin swiftly changed his clothes, preparing himself for the walk that lay ahead. 

Aware of his parents' strict rules regarding phone usage, he knew he couldn't carry his device for an extended period. However, the urge to connect with Rohan was too strong to resist. As soon as Shivin stepped out of his home, he dialled Rohan's number, anticipating the familiar voice that could provide the comfort he desperately needed. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side, as Rohan did not answer the call. A message from Rohan revealed that he was en route to his residence, offering a promise to call Shivin back in ten minutes. Shivin agreed, hopeful that the impending talk would offer the relief he sought.

Since Rohan did not return his call, Shivin decided to try again the next day. While seated on a garden bench, he contemplated whether his dream of studying abroad would materialise or if fate had different plans. Fearful of spending over four years in India, as his parents intended to enrol him in an engineering course in Bangalore, Shivin contemplated returning home and delving into organic chemistry reactions. To ensure her son remained focused on his studies, Shivin's mother requested his phone, wanting to ensure there were no distractions. Unbeknownst to Shivin, his worst nightmare was about to unfold, a scenario he had yet to comprehend.

Engulfed in his world of organic chemistry reactions, Shivin tirelessly laboured to commit them to memory, fully aware of the ramifications should he falter in his upcoming exams. The weight of his parents' expectations loomed over him, particularly his father's unwavering wish for Shivin to pursue engineering in Bangalore. However, Shivin's heart yearned for a different path - the pursuit of his dreams abroad, an aspiration he had yet to voice.

In the midst of Shivin's dedication to his studies, his phone chimed with an incoming call. Oblivious to the call's origin, he remained focused, unaware that it was Rohan, a friend who sought to support him in his aspirations. It was Shivin's mother who noticed the call, reaching out to answer the phone in his stead. Shivin's mother hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. The name "Rohan Leverage Edu" displayed on the screen piqued her curiosity, well aware of his affiliation with Leverage Edu. She was also cautious about engaging with someone who seemed to be a part of Shivin's aspirations to study abroad. She was torn between her desire to protect her son and her willingness to hear what Rohan had to say.

"Whose call is it? Why aren't you picking it up?" as her husband inquired about the call, his sharp gaze fixed on her, she felt the weight of the decision before her. 

Choosing her words carefully, she responded, "It's someone named Rohan from Leverage Edu." 

Her husband's eyebrows furrowed, and a hint of suspicion laced his voice. "Why aren't you picking it up then?" he probed, demanding an explanation. He was cautious about any external influences that might sway his son's decisions.

In that moment, Shivin's mother decided to take the call. As she held the phone to her ear, she hoped for a quick convo, intending to end it politely and assert her position as a protective parent. However, as soon as Rohan's voice reached her, his warm demeanour and genuine concern for Shivin softened her intent.

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Rohan, Shivin's consultant from Leverage Edu," Rohan introduced himself. His tone was respectful and considerate, instantly putting her at ease.

Her heart conflicted as she listened to Rohan's words. On one hand, she appreciated his genuine interest in her son's aspirations, but on the other hand, she feared the potential influence he might have on Shivin's dreams. 

"I appreciate your concern for Shivin," she replied cautiously. "But I must admit, I am quite wary of outside influences on his decisions, especially when it comes to his future." 

Rohan acknowledged her reservations and assured her, "I completely get what your concerns are, ma'am. My role is to guide and support Shivin in making informed choices that align with his passions and potential. Ultimately, the decision lies with him, and I'm here to help him explore all possibilities."

Shivin's father, catching wind of the talks, seized the phone from his wife's hand, his face contorted with a mix of madness and ire. He saw Rohan's involvement as a malevolent influence, a deceptive entity with dough-driven motives, attempting to sway his son's convictions. 

"You are spoiling my son," he bellowed, "All you do is manipulate him and fill his ears with poison! All you need is bucks, that's it." 

Yet, Rohan refused to back down, unwavering in his intentions to aid his friend. "As a father, you are failing your son," he countered. "Why can't you see that he doesn't want to study in India? Is it that hard for you to perceive his thoughts? His heart yearns to venture abroad. I am merely trying to help him realise his true aspirations."

Tensions flared between the two, with emotions running high. Upon hearing the escalating commotion, Shivin sprang to his feet, a knot of worry tightening in his chest. He rushed towards his parents' room, unsure of what he might find but sure about intervening and quelling the rising storm. As he entered the room, he beheld his mentor and father locked in a heated argument, their faces contorted with conflicting emotions.

Shivin, torn between his loyalty to his father and his admiration for Rohan's unwavering support, attempted to step between them, hoping to mediate and find a peaceful compromise. However, before he could utter a word, his father's rage seemed to explode like a volcano, scorching everything in its path. The young man recoiled, shocked by the harsh words hurled in his direction.

Meanwhile, Rohan remained steadfast in his intent to speak up for Shivin's dreams. Empathy had driven him to see the world from Shivin's perspective, and he believed that if Shivin's father couldn't understand, then he would do his best to bridge the gap. 

"He can't keep living under your instructions, Sir," Rohan firmly asserted. "Let him have the freedom to choose his own path, at least once." The tension in the room intensified as Shivin's father refused to be swayed by Rohan's reasoning. His voice thundered with disdain as he accused Rohan of preying on vulnerable minds and manipulating innocent young souls. He saw Rohan as a threat, someone attempting to drive a wedge between him and his son, exploiting Shivin's impressionable nature.

"Don't meddle in our family matters!" Shivin's father bellowed, his rage seeping into his words. "I know your kind too well. You target kids like Shivin, knowing they're easy to influence, and then poison their minds against their own parents. You're nothing but a manipulative jerk!"

Shivin, torn between loyalty to his father and the understanding that Rohan genuinely cared for him, could no longer bear the escalating hostility. He raised his voice, trying to impose a semblance of control. 

"Don't go ahead of yourself!" he pleaded, his eyes reflecting both pain and persistence. 

"This is my life, and I know what's best for me far better than you do," Shivin stated assertively, feeling his frustration mounting as he faced his father's unyielding stance. 

He refused to let his father's harsh words tarnish his view of Rohan, who had selflessly extended a helping hand in understanding his dreams. Shivin couldn't comprehend why his father was so unwilling to see the genuine support Rohan had offered.

"You better stay quiet," Shivin's father madly retorted. In response, Shivin pleaded with his father to stop belligerence and violence. "I'll make sure this berk never calls you from this moment onwards. I won't spare him."

Highly overwhelmed, Shivin implored his father to end the confrontation. Rohan, realising the situation was escalating, decided to end the call. However, his father's displeasure remained, and he commanded Shivin to retreat to his room. Silence fell upon the room once again, the heavy atmosphere weighed down by unspoken words and emotions too potent to be contained. Shivin's heart ached as he grappled with the reality that his dreams clashed with his father's expectations. Rohan stood his ground, his unwavering support a testament to the depth of their friendship.

"Go back to your room otherwise things will escalate for the worst," Mr Khatri implicated of dire consequences if he disobeyed. 

"Every cloud has a silver lining," Shivin reminded himself. 

In this moment of confrontation, Shivin's heart swayed between the love and respect he held for his father and the need to pursue his own path. He hoped that with time and persistence, his father would recognize the sincerity of his dreams and the value of his ambitions, allowing him the space to soar towards the future he envisioned. 

Gradually, Shivin found himself becoming more firm in his stand, unwilling to back down from his aspirations. The clash of convictions between father and son had intensified over time, especially since Shivin had diligently researched the prospect of studying abroad since May 2021. However, his father's unyielding nature only fueled Shivin's persistence to stand up for what he believed was right for his future. 

Every time Shivin attempted to reason with his father, it seemed as though he was met with an impenetrable wall of opposition. The mounting frustration and the feeling of being misunderstood only strengthened his tenacity to engage in a heated argument. He saw arguing as a means to break through his father's mulishness, to bring home to him the depth of his desires and the significance of his dreams. Despite the emotional toll these disagreements took on both father and son, Shivin couldn't fathom surrendering his aspirations. 

His heart yearned for a different path, one that aligned with his passions and ambitions, rather than conforming to expectations that felt suffocating. In the midst of the turmoil, a profound realisation washed over Shivin. He understood that this moment would be pivotal in shaping his future. His dreams were his own, and though the clash of convictions threatened to pull him apart, he was firm to forge his own path, one that aligned with his heart's deepest desires. 

As the day wore on, the sun dipped below the skyline, casting a golden hue over the garden bench where Shivin sat, still immersed in his chemistry books. Unbeknownst to him, the clash of convictions was far from over, and the path he would ultimately choose remained shrouded in uncertainty. With each dying day, Shivin felt a growing urgency to stand up against his father's rigid plans. He believed that he deserved the chance to shape his own destiny, to explore the possibilities that lay beyond his father's vision. 

The more resistance he faced, the stronger his conviction grew that he had to assert his independence and prove that he could navigate his life with his own judgement and choices. The clash of convictions became a battleground for Shivin's dreams and his father's expectations. It was a struggle that had transformed him from a quiet dreamer to a fierce advocate for his own future. As he faced the turbulent journey ahead, he knew that winning his father's understanding and support might be an uphill battle, but it was a battle he was sure he would fight till his last breath.

The unfolding chapter in Shivin's life held the promise of growth, self-discovery, and the resilience to stand against the pressures of conformity. As the day came to an end, Shivin knew that he had to find the courage to follow his dreams, even in the face of adversity. Only when he wholly welcomed and incorporated his genuine identity, he could initiate a purposeful expedition towards achieving contentment and joy.