The Dark Past Of Mine

I am Akutagawa Ando.

I was a 17 years old ordinary highschooler in tokyo.

But now i am just a 'hikikomori',trapped in my apartment and covered in a blanket in a dark room without any source of light.even the light from the sun cannot enter through the apartment.

Im lonely....without anyone on my side.

How things became like this? what did i do to deserve all of this bullsh*t? Why bad things always happened to me?

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it all start 10 years ago,my father was packing up his suitcase with a lot of cloth.almost every cloth he have was packed to the suitcase.he told us that he will go for 3 days trip for his work.

week has passed,he still not coming back from his trip and never give us a call...even a note.

But suddenly,the phone that located at the living room started to rang.My mom pick up and answer to the phone.

After a while,i started to heard a voice .sounds like someone's crying.

I quickly go to the source of the voice and find my mom crying heavily.

Turn out,my father has cheated on her.he use the trip as an excuses to run with another woman.

Since that day,my mom fall in a depression.she now no longer a happy person that i know.the smile on her face is now gone.

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After two years,my mother slowly recovered from the depression.

I started to see her become happy again.but in the same time,im worried about her.

Lately,she always wear a dress and it is a very sexy.she then start to go out late night and come back home drunk at the morning... almost everyday...

after sometimes,he bring a man to our house.the man seems very muscular and tough.

"Ando,this man is karasu and he is my boyfriend." my mother said "he will live in this house with us so be friendly with him"

Im shocked.it just  2yrs since his husband left her.. and now he already have a boyfriend?

I cannot do nothing but put a smile on my face.i never expected my mom will find a new partner.i feel disappointed on her but i have to accept the reality that this man her boyfriend.

They live a happy life as a couple.It all went smoothly for a short time untill one day,he show his true personality.his attitude became almost like a different person.he start yelling and raging to me.my mother just close her eyes and pretend that i never existed!.she dont even want to look at me.

everyday is like hell for me,he would punch me and make like a sandbag to cure his boredom and if he drunk,he will beat me untill i pass out.this thing has become a regular day for almost 7yrs.

finally the time has come,i become a highschooler.this will be a new life for me since i  have save enough money from the part time job im doing lately,i can rent apartment and live far away from my mother and his boyfriend.

now im free from the suffering i have been through or thats what i though...

so far my highschool life is doing fine.

beside me is nagi.he is pretty average guy and have a blonde hair.he became my friend from the first day we met.heis friendly and got many friend but he to prefer spend his free time with me.

we are rushing to the canteen because the lunch break is almost over.

 unfortunately,i bumped to someone on the way and he fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry" while give him my hand

Suddenly, someone out of nowhere push me to the wall harshly with his elbow.he use his elbow to stop me from running away.

"Do you know who did you just bumped to?!!" He said with an angry face.seems like he is his friend?

Nagi just stand doing nothing and just stare at me with a confused expression.

"Im sorry,but i don't know".

"You just bumped to kurosaki you know?!!"

""Kurosaki..you say?!! Nagi is shocked with what he hear and run to save himself.

Who is kurosaki?why nagi left me??

"Look,im sorr-"

Kurosaki get up from the floor and immediately punch me in my stomach while im speaking

after that strong punch,blood start to flowing from my mouth and im almost passed out.

"This is just the begining"said kurosaki while turning his back on me and walking away with his friend.leave me laying on the floor..alone

It's been almost a year,they still continue to bully me just to entertain themselves and it just become worse from day to day.lately,nagi dont even trying to talk to me and never spend time with me anymore.

today,they have gone way too far.they bring me to the toilet.and for the first time,i try to fight them back but this is a 2v1.they easily beat me until i am unconscious.

Right before my vision got blur.i can see they pull out a camera.what they will do to me?

Next day,the moment i step on the school gate,i can already hear the other students talk bad things about me and i also can see the Look of disguise on their eyes.

"why they stares me like that,what had happened". Im trying to figure out what just happened

"Isn't that ando the naked boy at the toilet?!!".one of the boy in the group shouted.

The other students start to look at me and laughing.

Apparently,after i got unconscious.they start to strip me and take photos of me naked and post it on the media social without my knowledge.

After realising what has happened,i quickly turn back and run out from the school Straight to the apartment where i live.

i feel like i just want to kill myself and end this suffer already.

It has been already months since the incident and i still lock myself at my apartment without anyone on my side.my body also became more skinny now.

Maybe because i just eat instant noodles and not healthy foods.

While im wrapped myself in the blanket i hear a voice spoke directly in my head..

"Don't you want to end this suffer"

I must have been crazy after all the thing that happened.But the voice make me thinking...

I could just jump from this balcony and put an end to my suffering.my body begin to stand up from the bed and start walking to the balcony.without realizing it,i already stand on the grill.

it is like im being controlled by someone.

i then regain my consciousness but it all too late,i already slipped from the grill.

Luckily i still can hold into the grill with my hands.all my powers has been used,trying my best not to fall from the 500m building.once i take my hands off,i will definitely fall and die.

But then the mysterious voice came again.

"What the reason for you to keep alive"

All the bad memories started to flashed in my head.

My tear drop from my eyes.

"Thats right,i dont have any reason to live anymore" and with a smile,i release my hands from the grill.

my body start falling to the ground.

i closed my eyes.

and now im..

DEAD