4 Not While I Exist

"----" Speech

'----' Thought

(----) Thought in the middle of a sentence.

*----* Sound noises

»»—-[☆]—-««

Time passed in the J.A.M.S, each day being more gruesome than the rest. One by one, Rick's classmates decreased.

Normally it was one or two per year. But after the psychological resistance test, almost all of them left. All except 4. Himself, Toby, Steven, and Jack (damn it).

And he could see why. He himself was way closer than he liked to admit in losing.

At first, he had nightmares about Valve stopping updating Team Fortress 2. Then it evolved to Osama Bin Laden revived and with a plane summoning quirk. Then…it came.

The void.

The same void that him what true despair was. The definition of hopelessness.

The void that made him fade into nothingness, the same that made him fear something worse than Hell.

The fear to simply cease to exist.

No heaven, no hell, no afterlife. His very soul disappearing, forever.

He wanted to cry, to struggle against it. But it was helpless, it continued to consume him. But he couldn't give up. He had a father, he had friends, he had superpowers, he was his idol.

He had too much to lose.

He tried to raise his arms, but he didn't have them, not anymore.

He tried to move his legs, but he didn't have them, not anymore.

He tried to scream, but he didn't have a mouth, not anymore.

He didn't have a chest, a neck, eyes, ears, head, nothing.

His mind was gone.

His very soul was disappearing.

He couldn't think, but he could feel.

Feel his ever growing fear, growing even more. Despair erasing any hope.

He also felt frustration, anger, wrath, hatred. That when he finally had everything, it was taken away from him.

From this cluster of emotions… a will was born. A will that rebelled against his fate, a will that kept him going.

That kept him from disappearing.

The simplest and most primal will of any living being. The essence of life.

The will to live.

His will fought the void's will.

Each time they fought, a feeling of his returned.

His thoughts, mind, head, ears, eyes, everything.

And then he opened his eyes. He was on a bed, with other beds around him. He was the only one in the room.

Suddenly the door opened, and there was sergeant James.

"Where am I? I-I mean SIR!" Jack stuttered.

"You are in the psychological exam room, private, and you were the last one to get out." James said oddly quiet. He was always screaming.

"The psychological exam is a test of will, where more than 90% of people fail. Let alone some kids." He continued.

"You are pitted against your fears. You, cadet, had one of the worst reactions we have seen. We never knew someone could actually bleed from too much mental stress."

Bleed? He looked to himself and saw the collar of his shirt bloody. He trailed his hands and felt where the blood came from. His eyes, nose, and even ears.

"Before you panic, you are fine. We already took care of you. But now, if I may inquire, what happened?" James was staring right at him. So, that man had a kind bone in his body after all.

"…Osama Bin Landen with plane summoning quirk." How could I tell him about the void? About my rebirth? No way. My very existence put religions at stake. [1]

"Pffft…Fine then, keep your secrets. Now, how about we see your score?" Like any test, exam, or whatever, of course it had a score.

He followed James out of the room and met a huge bulletin board. It had the name of all his fellow recruits. Almost all of them had a red 'X' on them…

"That's right. All those with the red cross are out. Steve Rogers, Toby Smith, Jack Morrison, and you, are all that's left."

At the very top of the board was his name, followed by Toby, Jack, and Steve.

"Sir! Why am I in the first place? I was the last to get up." That didn't make any sense.

The sergeant smirked at him.

"This test does not evaluate the time you get up, but your determination. Every person has fear, some more than others. The greater the fear, the greater the score. That's if you overcome it, of course."

"That shark boy had a hard time but pulled through. Jack had it worse than Steven, and Steve was one of the first ones to get up. And then you, who set a new record."

…Huh.

"Anyway. For the rest of the day, you are free to roam the campus and socialize with the other cadets. BUT, YOU ALL BETTER BE IN BED AT 21 O'CLOCK! WE WILL KNOW." And now old James is back, I missed him. Not really.

He walked to his home-bunker, expecting to see 'the boys' there. And he wasn't disappointed.

"RICK! Oh man, I thought you died back there!" Steve said as he put an arm on his shoulder.

"As if I was gonna lose. I'm in the top again, losers."

"Anyway, what did you dream to have such a reaction, Ricky?" Jack said, direct on point. And using that annoying nickname.

They were all looking at him intently. He owned them an answer, he guessed.

"Just your typical nightmare fuel, of Osama Bin Laden with a plane summoning quirk."

They all stared at him and burst into uncontrollable laughter. Even the shy Toby was belly laughing.

"My God, that's totally something you would think."

""Yeah"" Shark-boy and 76 replied in unison.

"It was way scarier than you think… what about you, Toby? Heard you had a hard time, with 2nd place and all." Now it was HIS time to ask personal questions.

"…Drowning."

"Wut?" "Why?" "You are a shark, you can breathe underwater." They reacted at this absurdity.

"…It was… not water." Not water? Can you even drown in something else?

"What did you drown in?" Rick questioned.

"…Have you, Humm, ever heard of… quicksand?" Quicksand? Isn't that… oh.

"It wasn't…. nice." Poor thing.

We all had a mutual agreement to console the close 7-foot baby.

"How about we finally use the time we got and do something, huh?" For the first time ever, he agreed with Jack.

And that's how they became the only ones left and became the best of friends. 'The boys' was now officially assembled.

For the rest of his 'school', it was doable. It was hard, yes, but in a way, it was just a step-up from his Spartan training back at home, with more military info, tactics, and movement here and there which he had no trouble.

The normal class subjects such as math, chemistry, etc… He already did it in his past life.

He was nowhere good when he was still Joe. But between learn something he kinda knew and something he never learned in his life, the difference was monstrous. He was never a smart cookie, but he had a cheat code called rebirth. At least until high school, he died before getting into it.

There is one little, tiny thing though.

"PRIVATE RICK, ATTENTION!" James, his personal earraper yelled.

Rick immediately went into the army attention position and remained solid as a stone.

"YOUR FATHER DEMANDED YOU TOOK JAPANESE CLASSES FROM NOW ON! BY THE TIME YOU GRADUATE, I EXPECT YOUR EYES TO STRETCH FROM KNOWING TOO MUCH OF IT! UNDERSTOOD!?"

Rick for the first time broke his facial expression in front of the sergeant. Why would his father demand from him Japanese? Hell, any other language would make sense like Spanish, or Chinese, they are the most spoken right after English after all. But Japanese?

"I SAID, UNDERSTOOD!?" Rookie mistake, never leave the sergeant waiting.

"SIR, YES SIR!"

He was dismissed and given a paper of his new schedule, with the Japanese in highlight.

And Rick quickly learned one thing: Not Japanese.

How the hell was he supposed to learn something akin to alien runes? Speech that sounds like they were another species altogether.

He finally started getting the hang of it after years! He was already twelve years old.

Yeah, twelve years. Just two more years and he would graduate from this hell.

He couldn't believe he is almost reaching his previous age before death. It passed so fast.

And two more years had passed that way. Until the final test came.

He and his friends stood before a podium. A podium where sergeant James was, together with other figures he did not recognize, but by their badges, they were higher-ups in the army ladder. And there was him.

Janedoe May.

His father.

"ATTENTION!" James said.

They all with a clap stood tall and firm as a log, all in the 'attention' pose.

"Ten years ago, you were all children. Did not have the discipline, the strength, and will of a soldier."

"You were noisy, and took things as a joke."

"But in these years, you were tempered, forged into weapons, into soldiers, that could stand proud before the flag and America."

"Today is your final test. The proof of everything you all did and learned."

"The test is simple. You have to push the metal cart to the finish line before the timer runs out."

It was that simple?

"The first one to cross it will earn an honor never given before. I present to you 'ZEUS'."

A big soldier climbed the podium carrying something. Covered in a cloth.

Sergeant James took it from the soldier, who promptly saluted and left. He took off the cloth and revealed it to the world.

It was a bald eagle, but…odd. It was bigger than it should be. It was inside a birdcage.

"This is 'ZEUS'. A very special American eagle." He opened the cage and the bird flew. It flew extremely fast.

The eagle started to cackle in lightning, being encased by them until it broke.

It broke the sound barrier. He could barely see the bird, only the lightning in its body.

With a massive KAAAAA! It shot a lightning bolt to the ground, making the earth shake.

"Bigger, stronger, harder, smarter, faster. This eagle is one of the few animals on this planet to have a quirk gene." No way.

"His talons are sharp as metal, her beak near indestructible. He can break the sound barrier and spew lightning. It's the most powerful animal in America."

Sweet land of liberty! I didn't know animals could have quirks! [2]

"And if you finish in first place… It gonna be yours to bring home."

Screaming Eagles! I have to finish this first place! [2]

"HOWEVER, THE LAST ONE TO FINISH THE TEST, WILL. BE. DISMISSED!"

What?

"HE WILL NOT GRADUATE. SO YOU BETTER FINISH BEFORE ANYONE. LIKE I SAID IN THE FIRST DAY. ONLY THREE PRIVATES GRADUATE A YEAR!"

So that's why only three ever graduate!? Shiiiit!

"NOW, GET TO THE CART AND START PUSHING IT ON MY SIGNAL."

They all quickly went behind the carts and prepared to push them.

"READY…GO!"

They start pushing the carts.

He and Steven go first, they were the strongest besides Toby. Maybe Jack would be out of real this time…

But his enmity towards him was all but lost. They trained hell and back together. They were more than just friends.

They were brothers. Forged in fire and iron.

As he pushed, he starts noticing something strange… Where is Toby?

This is the kind of test he excels in. He was basically Hulk, pushing the cart should be no trouble to him. He by all means should be close to him, right?

He quickly turned back, and there he saw Toby.

He was trying to push the cart with all his might, yet, it barely bulged. He few meters away from the starting line.

Why? How?

He looked back and saw the finishing line. He looked to his father on the podium. His face was stoic.

What should he do? Something was wrong. It wasn't fair. Toby did what they all did, he passed every test, overcame his fear of drowning, fought with them, helped them when they fight each other. He didn't deserve losing everything he built.

He turned to Toby again, and his mind went blank.

He saw Toby's eyes shining. He knew what that shine meant. Because of his shark physiology, his eyes shined when he was about to cry, some substance on his tears did that.

He could feel Toby's despair; A despair he knew so well. The helplessness. The fear.

He felt off for a moment, he saw black, as if his consciousness went to the backseat for a moment.

When he regained his senses, he was already running. Running to Toby.

His body moved before he could think.

His turmoiled feelings boiled to a single will.

He would never leave a man behind.

He would never let anyone feel despair as he did in the void.

Not while he lives.

Not while he exists.

His shaky steps turned firm. His eyes, sharp. His will, iron. His heart, unshakable. His soul, ablaze.

He would never regret this moment.

He was never so sure of something in his entire two lives. Regardless of the consequences. He would stand proud.

He never felt so strong. He felt unstoppable. Invincible.

He rushed to a startled shark and started pushing the cart.

"Rick!? W-What are you doing!? You are gonna-"

"SHUT UP! I know damn well what I'm doing. Now; Push, that is an order!"

"B-But Rick! I can't accept th-" He was cut off again.

"I'm not here to care about what you think! You will push this cart or I will push you into a grave!"

Toby was still stunned. His shark brain unable to process his words.

"PUSH!"

The shark started pushing.

Even with both of them, the cart was still too heavy to push fast enough to reach the other privates. Why this cart was so heavy!?

He continued to push it. His muscles working in unison to move it.

He suddenly felt the cart become lighter. What?

"You always have to be in the spotlight, right Steve?" A voice to his right said.

There he saw Jack with a strained smirk on his face as he pushed Toby's cart

"Yeah, Goddamn celebrity he is." Steve answered to his right, beside Toby.

He could only smile at them, as Toby was on the verge of tears.

"Ladies, let's get this cart moving!" He said. They were on a timer after all.

They pushed it with all their forces, but somehow, as they got closer to the finishing line, the cart got heavier and heavier. It was not a feeling; The cart was really becoming heavier!

He looked to James, and he only showed his wrist, showing his watch, and tapping it.

Fuck, this game was rigged!

"We will push until there is nothing left to push! We can do it, boys!"

And with even greater strength they marched as they moved the cart.

As the cart became harder to push, they got closer to the finishing line.

They were near the edge of the finishing line, but the cart stopped.

"Why is that cart stopped, maggots?!"

"It doesn't even bulge. What are we supposed to do?!"

"Keep pushing!"

They tried and tried, and then tried some more. But the cart didn't move. And their time was running out, there were only 30 seconds left.

Is that it? All that talk, for nothing?! He refused to accept this outcome. He refused to lose, he refused to have his hands tied. He refused to be helpless.

His feet dug the ground from his effort. His veins swelled and bulging. He would move that cart.

The others tried their best, but the situation was dire.

"Move, move, move!"

Nothing.

He didn't want to admit it, but it was indeed, critical.

critical…Critical…CRITICAL! THAT'S IT!

In Team Fortress 2 it exists something called critical hits.

A random chance of doing three times more damage. The player weapon would have a team-colored glow and sparkle effects, while the bullets have team-colored trails and a crackling electric sound when firing.

And there is the Crit boost.

A state where the player is guaranteed to deal critical damage (unless their weapon has a restriction). A longer state to deal critical hits.

While he was not using a weapon, nor was in the game, his powers still worked on the same principle, adapted to fit reality.

His rocket jumper should do no damage. However, it still pushed enemies back from its kinetic energy, and they could be damaged if they hit something fast enough in this push.

In the game, he could not access the crit boost at will, only when capturing an objective.

But this was not a game. This was real. Deep in him, he had that power.

He needed that power.

He closed his eyes, focusing his mind to the limit.

He tried to remember the feeling he got when he fired a random crit from his R-launcher.

The surge of power that came out of nowhere. The smell of ozone from the electric charge of his weapon, the taste of energy.

Until he felt them.

He opened his eyes.

He could see his arms glowing red and blue. The electricity running through his body. His power, triplicated.

He could hear the gasps close to him, but it was not time to gasp.

"Push like you mean it!"

With the might of five super soldiers (plus a shark), they pushed the cart over the finish line.

BEEEEEP!!!

… And just in time.

They all fell on the floor, exhausted and breathing heavily.

They won.

»»—-[☆]—-««

Today was the day!

The day his son would graduate. His final test.

As he drove to the J.A.M.S. he recalled everything that happened in this last decade, where his son stayed under J.A.M.S. care.

Until now, his son's progress has been beyond his wildest expectations.

He expected him to give his all yes, but not in the way he did.

Losing nails to win a race on the first day of his school, his near-everyday visit to the med bay, it was just… wow.

He sometimes forgot his son was still a kid.

And he was so proud.

Everything about his son was bright. Him, however… it's another story. It started 3 years ago.

"What do you mean I have 3 years to live?!"

The doctor, his long friend from the army that specialized in healing, just took out his glasses and looked at him.

"You have something… extremely rare, and complex, Joe."

"If I may inquire… Did you have sex with women these days?"

If he had sex with women?

"Of course I had! Every single day a new one! Except when I started feeling unwell, and that's why I'm here. Go to the point Marcus!" Janedoe said.

"Then I will be blunt. You have a quirk-enhanced sexual transmitted disease that under three years will kill you."

What? Quirk enhanced?

"What do you mean quirk enhanced?!"

"You see; Some people have quirks that directly affect diseases within them. Some diseases even evolve inside these people. But they tend to stay within them, for reasons still unknown. But, there are exceptions."

"Like you. You got a mutated STD from one of your…activities. And the only reason you are not in quarantine is that we know this virus behavior. A fraction of a second outside the body it simply turns into harmless proteins, making its transmission practically impossible. It's also the reason why these people are free to roam around."

"Somehow, during your intercourse, the virus survived and managed to infect you. And since you don't have the same quirk as her… it will kill you."

"It's one in almost a billion chance Jane… I'm sorry. I can't do anything."

He couldn't believe it. He wasn't even feeling that bad! It can't be that deadly, right?!

"But, I'm feeling just slightly bad Marcus! How come?!"

"…It's slowly eating your immune system like AIDS, and when it goes down, your body is next. You should have a week to live, because of your enhanced body, It's three years. A couple more months if you are lucky. I'm sorry Jane, I truly am."

Just… what the f*ck. What he is supposed to do?

"I suggest you make your final will, spend time with your son, make some calls, go to the church…"

Okay, three years. He can handle that. He was already sent to missions in the middle east more dangerous than that. He could die there any day and he didn't panic. He was not panicking over a limited time measured in years. He had enough time.

Just enough to see his son graduate, to teach him a thing or two, to prepare his son for his death.

And so he did.

He went to J.A.M.S. and explained his condition.

He requested his son to learn Japanese. Since the moment he dies… Only his mother would be left to take care of him.

He saw her on the news. She was a pro-hero and pretty famous back there, in Japan.

If she was any worth of what she has shown on the T.V, she would at least not mistreat his son.

Besides, the moment his son graduates he will have a higher rank in the army and have a good and stable salary regardless of what he did. Perks of graduating in J.A.M.S.

And he knew his son. He would not be pushed around.

He started making a list of things he had to do before dying.

Things to do with his son.

His list had five boxes waiting to be marked.

One of them was seeing his son graduate, which he was doing right now.

He stood on the podium and saw his son.

He grew so much. He was only fourteen years old and he looked like an eighteen. Maybe even older, with that trimmed beard.

He was tall, at least 6 feet (185 cm), but probably a bit higher.

His blond hair got darker, becoming a light brown, and his eyes still the same blue as before.

And he had the proud American body, worthy of the May's. From head to toe. He was sculpted like a statue if that statue was brimming with muscles.

He saw them being shown Zeus. That bird was really something, and he couldn't wait when his son would bring it home.

However, he was still a bit skeptical about something.

This test, which he himself had gone through, had a trick.

It was a test of friendship, to see if they would choose greed, reward, and ambition, over their fellow private. Someone who stood with them for years.

If they did not help him they would still graduate, but with lower-ranking and no reward, they used to lure them to abandon their pal, in this case, Zeus. Which was a bit overkill.

He saw them pushing the carts.

And he saw his son realizing the shark was behind everyone. He could see the confusion in his eyes. He saw him look to him.

But he could not, or should not do anything. It was his to figure it out. So, he became stoic as possible.

His son looked to the shark again, and as if something snapped inside him, he moved.

He could almost taste the determination of his spawn.

He helped his friend push the cart, but he didn't do only that.

He inspired the other privates.

The moment he ran from his cart, the other two saw it. They saw him abandon everything to help another one.

He moved and inspired others to move.

The trait of a leader. Of a hero.

They all pushed the cart together. But the rigged cart was made to become heavier through magnetism as they got closer to the finishing line. To see if they would stay together until the end.

It was made to be impossible to win, to be another temptation to abandon their friend.

The fear of losing.

Yet he saw something impossible. Something amazing.

Something legendary.

His son started glowing like it randomly does in some of his shots when he fires. I think it's called critical hit?

He looked like a force of nature, his body a show of red and blue lights, with lightning joining in.

He never knew his son could do this, and from the looks of his teacher, sergeant James, I think neither does him.

They pushed the cart past the finishing line. The first group to ever have done that.

He never thought he could be so proud of something. That it was even possible to feel this proud.

The brats then fell dead on the ground. Heh.

I started applauding, and soon the other higher-ups and sergeant James also followed me.

They deserved it.

"PRIVATES, ATTENTION!" the sergeant said.

The cadets took less than a second to stay in the pose, they looked dead tired though.

"YOU PASSED THE TEST, AND I MUST SAY EXPLENDIDLY."

He proceeded to explain the true aim of this challenge, and how they did the impossible in the end.

"NOW, YOU MUST DECIDE. WHICH ONE OF YOU WILL BRING HOME ZEUS?"

He saw them looking at each other. The three of his son's classmates had a silent conversation with their eyes and nodded, while his son was there lost and looking dumb.

"We would like to give the eagle to Rick May, sir!" The blonde boy said.

His son moved to argue but he was promptly forced by his friends to accept it.

With a loud whistle, the eagle landed on Rick's arm, and with a KRAAAA! It stayed there, looking at him.

After that, they were awarded their badges and decorations.

And finally, he could talk with his son.

"Son, you have no idea of how proud I am." He hugged him as he said.

"It's been a while, dad. I almost missed you, almost." Rick hugged him back.

That brat.

"I see, then maybe you are eager to go back home on foot then."

"No, no, no! It was a joke! Just a joke…"

"Hmph. And now, are you gonna introduce me to your friends or are they staying there awkwardly?"

"AH! Well, this is Toby Smith." He pointed to the big shark man.

"And this is Steve Rogers."

"Steve Rogers. A Roger I see. Heard about your parents. Good soldiers. Seems it's in the family."

"Thank you, sir." The boy saluted with a smile. Good kid.

"And this is Chibi-"

"I am NOT CHIBI! I am Jack Morrison!" Hold on a second. White hair, red eyes, and Morrison?!

"Ha! So that bastard had a son huh. Kid, tell your father that Janedoe sends his regards."

"Amazing! Ricky, is everyone in your family like you two? Spewing shit the first time they see me?" Ohhh, seems his son had trouble with him. He really is my son.

"MAY-be yes, MAY-be not. Now, what's the deal with 'Ricky'? Is he your boyfriend or something?"

Toby and Steve burst in laughter (somehow even the eagle too) while his son and the Morrison violently protested.

"I AM STRAIGHT! AND I DID NOT GO THROUGH A DECADE OF HELL, TO HAVE MY HONOR QUESTIONED!" His son roared. Maybe he went too far there.

"Okay Ricky, I get. It's been a good time. Now that I embarrassed my son in public, we can go. SEE YA FOLKS!"

His son begrudgingly followed him to the car, the eagle still on his shoulder. But now that he thought about it… How the hell are they gonna bring it home?

"Huuuh… Can you go in the backseat?" It was a question more to himself than the bird.

But the bird nodded and proceeded to fly, open the door, and enter the car.

What. The. F*ck.

"You can understand us?! AWESOME!" His son yelled excitedly, joining the bird in the back seat.

He could only accept it as America's blessing and roll with it.

What a weird world they live in.

…

The trip back home was calm, except for the war happening on his back.

But calm enough for him to remember something.

While his son was distracted annoying the living sh*t of the bird on the backseat. He picked his notebook and a pen.

Things to do before dying:

[ ] See Rick graduate.

[ ] Teach his son how to drive, and buy him an awesome car.

[ ] Go to a brothel with his son and hook him up with the most expensive bitch.

[ ] Drink with his son.

[ ] Have a spar with his son.

He marked the first box.

»»—-[☆]—-««

Writing notes:

[1] I had way too much fun writing about this. It's a joke, please don't hire a bitcoin hitman after me.

[2] 'Sweet land of liberty!' 'Screaming Eagles!' is two of soldier TF2 voice lines.

There was a bunch of soldier voice lines in the push the cart thing. Too many to put it in here.

Author Notes:

That was a fun chapter to write. Had a good time making it. It's a great hobby to pass time.

If you saw the last test as unfair, let me tell ya. It wasn't.

The real objective was to help the last place to finish together with the others. Zeus served as a temptation to distract them from what really mattered, helping their teammates, their friends.

Toby was even given more weight because their group in a way looked for him since his personality was just innocent and caring.

So the staff chose him to motivate the group to abandon their cart and help their cherished friend.

Also, his father is dying.

It's necessary for the plot.

But trust me, it's gonna be good. For both his character development and plot. And new relations with his mysterious mother. Plus a good, reasonable, and epic way to send MC to Japan.

And I wanted his father to die for a silly and funny reason, that at the same time was serious.

Besides, dying because you f*cked too much to stumble upon a one in a billion chance is an awesome way to die.

Coolest dad ever.