Chapter Eleven: The Past Bites Back

Artica:

Packing up a bag of supplies, Sage slumbered away against the wall. Setting down a note telling him to meet me at the church in a couple of days. Sneaking out of the room, my feet pounded down the hall. Everybody was still sleeping, my ultimate goal was to spend a couple of days with Father Roland Dola. I simply wanted to make his last days more comfortable, a deep depression washing over me. Wiping away my tears, my trembling fingers pulled my mask over my head. Yanking myself out of the bunker, the dry sand crunched under my boots as I hid the entrance. Marching forward, the pants felt different from my skirt. Embarrassment burned my cheeks, my skirt no longer fitting. My damn bump had been doubling in size everyday, my palms rubbing it. Nothing was making me feel better, my thoughts constantly straying back towards Father Roland. First thing first, I needed to steal the last of the files.

A couple of days passed, the endless sea of sand shifting into the burnt remains of a research facility. So the state did try to destroy the evidence, my eyes falling on the ten officers guarding the remains. The security was relaxed for what they were guarding. Pulling the staff from my boot, lightning crackled over my skin the moment it extended to its normal length. Hiding behind a twisted cactus, something didn't feel right. A black ball of pure energy floated into the air, a machine crackling to life. My heart sank into my stomach, this was a prototype for a bomb. Great! Now I had to disable an atomic bomb. Charging towards the guards, they all raised their guns. Spinning my staff, the bullets ricocheted in every direction. The objection was to knock them out, a useless casualty would shatter my heart. Kicking up a large cloud of sand, they all cried out while covering their eyes. Whacking all of them on the back of the head, their limp bodies collapsed forward doomed to experience a headache when they woke up. Skidding to a stop, the once pristine wall groaned as I leapt over it. Pressing my ear piece, Mouse yawned groggily in my ears. One sound of my voice woke her up.

"Where the hell have you been?" She snapped venomously, sounding seconds from ringing my throat. "Sage is royally pissed at you! He left not even an hour after you wrote us all a damn note! The next time I see you, I am going to rip out your throat! On top of all that, have you been eating? I know everything about your behavior." Rubbing my forehead, a husky shout stole my attention. Sage was barreling towards me, a furious smirk twitching on his lips. Shit! His rage caused me to shrink back.

"I found your brother, now help me disarm a bomb that would poison all of the Badlands." I ordered briskly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "Can you hack into the system or tell me which wires to cut? I am putting your bug on now." Fishing around my boot, a small robotic mouse climbed onto my fingers. Tossing it into the bomb's system, the metallic paws scurried into the inner workings. Sage caught up to me, his mask now covering his face. Please have mercy on me, Sage.

"I am so angry that I could strang-" He began, his face falling at the machine about to unleash certain Hell on us all. "Is that a bomb?" Nodding silently, Mouse came over our earpieces. Slight panic haunted her calm tone, my face paling. Her keyboard was clicking away to a fast tune, Sage taking a couple of deep breaths.

"You go find your files. I will disarm this thing. I managed to squeeze in a couple of years of bomb training into my schedule when you went to jail." He mumbled under his breath, pointing to the decaying stairs behind me. "I love you Arty, but you went too far this time. We need to talk about how you handle your grief." Tossing me a large worn leather bag, the force of his throw was enough to bruise my palm. Not hiding his anger, he motioned for me to go. Lifting up his mask, his sister began to tell him which wire to cut. Crashing down the stairs, my breath hitched at the sight of the lab. Tears welled up in my eyes, my chest tightening. My lungs begged for air, each gasp growing shorter. The room began to spin around, my legs feeling like jello. All of the memories of the experiments they performed on me came flooding back, a cloud of dust obscuring my fall to my knees. Clammy sweat drenched my skin, a tiny scream pouring from my trembling lips. Familiar arms wrapped around my shoulders, Sage's lips brushed against the top of my head. Why must he be so loving while being mad at me?

"It's okay." He whispered sweetly, spinning me around. "I knew you would be having a panic attack if you entered the lab where they hurt you. That is why I wanted to go. It wasn't because you couldn't handle it physically but mentally would be a whole other thing. I have been your partner your whole life in one way or another. I would hope I know you by now. Sit here and calm down while I gather all of the files." Useless, I felt useless. Jumping to his feet, he opened every cabinet. Shoving the files into the bag, my panic attack only grew worse. The tortured screams from my past rang in my head, my body curling into a ball. It felt like my whole world was caving in on me, Sage scooping me up into his arms. The bomb was still set to blow up, his steady hand pushing a red button.

"Won't that destroy everything in the Badlands?" I wheezed, still struggling to breath. Pressing his finger to my lip, a steel dome clanked into place while we narrowly escaped. Yanking his mask down, he ran over to a run down car from a century ago. Setting me down in the passenger seat, his head hung underneath the dash. Tapping a couple of wires together, the engine rumbled to life. Hopping in, he clicked in our seat belts. Peeling onto the worn road, the panic attack grew worse, my staff shrinking back down. Tucking it into my boot, he watched me lay my head on his lap. Playing with my ears, his gentle touch was settling down my nerves. Staring straight ahead, his fingers drummed on the steering wheel. Thank goodness he wasn't mad anymore.

"Don't you ever leave me again like that." He pleaded desperately, teardrops crashing onto my face. "Are you better now? I don't understand why you insist on doing things yourself. I called his son, and Father Roland would love to spend his last days with you. All you had to do was ask?" Melting into a puddle, my breathing returned to normal. Taking a deep breath, Sage smiled tiredly at me. The explosion captured our attention, his head whacked against the top of the cab with his jump. The dome held in the chemicals, a sigh of relief escaped our lips.

"I am sorry." I apologized sincerely, wiping away his tears. "I don't know how to feel. How did you know about the dome?" A crooked grin brightened his face, a sandwich dropping into my other hand. Scarlet colored my cheeks as my stomach grumbled. Taking it out of the bag, the marinated veggies crunched in my mouth. The smooth cheddar cheese melted in my mouth, his chest swelling with pride. Of course he would know that I really hadn't eaten for a couple of days.

"My sister told me how to activate it. You aren't the only smart one, you know. I scored second underneath you in everything. I figured you haven't eaten for a couple of days. You tend to ignore the basic needs to live." He joked tenderly, rubbing my bump. "I need my little bunnies to grow big and strong. You certainly are growing everyday." My brow cocked in response, his pleasant mood rubbing off on me. Finishing up the sandwich, he breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing him beam with pride, a warmth helped lift my spirits further.

"Who says that they will be rabbits?" I returned playfully, his hand still massaging my bump. "Thank you for coming to my rescue. Sometimes I get trapped in my head, and make stupid decisions." Chuckling softly to himself, he gazed lovingly into my eyes.

"I told you before that I know you better than you do." He bragged cockily, sticking out his tongue. "You were the first person that I could really open up to. While you struggle to talk, I usually filled up the conversations. You would smile so warmly at me explaining my day, your laughter always twinkling like bells. On the other side of things, I would watch you and I picked up that you help others and then yourself. Sometimes it costs you quite a bit. Not many people realize the price of peace and serenity. One of my favorite memories of you was the day off when we were fourteen and you dragged us to all of Mouse's favorite places. When we stopped by the beach, I could never forget the way the sun bathed your skin perfectly. You looked so free that day when the waves kept crashing over your bare feet, your real smile never left your face. I wish I had a camera that day." A tender blush colored my cheeks, his mouth said the word sleep. Sweet slumber stole me away.

"Arty!" Fourteen year old Sage called out, his white t-shirt fluttered in the breeze. "Mouse wants to go to the beach. I think we earned it." Glancing down at my hands, they matched my fourteen year old self's. Chasing them towards the golden sands, my ruby summer dress fluttered in the ocean breeze. Mouse leapt onto my back, her smile making it all worth it. Sage spun me around, his arms accidentally wrapping around my waist. He attempted to retract it, my hand stopping it. His embrace felt so nice, his long hair tickling my chin. The moment had seemed so innocent, every cell in my body wishing I had kissed him that day.

"Will you two get married soon?" A three foot Mouse asked gleefully, both of us choking on our spit. "You two already sleep together." Scarlet burned Sage's cheeks, his arm whipping to his side. Sighing deeply, he peeled Mouse off of my back. He already towered over my five foot frame, his hand cupped my face. The embarrassment made him seem human, his crooked grin melting my heart.

"I would marry her tomorrow if I could." He admitted proudly, spinning his sister around. "What would you say then?" The scene faded to the endless sea of my mind space, Father Roland offering me his hand. My hands had shrunk down to my three year old self's hands. A piece of bread rested in his palm, his bald head shimmered in the pale moonlight. His belly bounced with each laugh, my tiny hands wrapping around the bread.

"You really are hungry." He exclaimed sadly, taking my hand. "Come eat some spaghetti, and get some rest in a warm home." Tears welled up in my eyes, my hand attempting to grab his. Horror widened my eyes, my hand falling through his. He began to fade way, my normal hands returning. The last bit of him faded away, my knees splashing into a sea of inky water.

"Why did you have to die!" I shouted into the nothingness, banging my fists on the surface of the water. "You were the only father figure in my life after my father died! I need you! I need you!" Tears flowed freely down my cheeks, the icy water crashing over my fists. Sage's voice pierced the veil of my dream, his hand reaching for mine. Accepting his hand, he pulled me out.

Jerking awake, Sage clutched me close to his chest. The plain walls of the spare bedroom in the church greeted me, different crosses lined the wall. Shoving him off, my bare feet skidded down the hall. Crashing into Father Roland's room, his gaunt face twisted into a bright smile. Falling to the side of his bed, my head rested on his chest.

"I tried to make it here sooner." I wept softly, my tears soaking his blanket. "I am going to make your last day the best it can be. So leave it to me." Petting the top of my head, he could only moan at this point. Glancing up, a hooded figure gripped his shoulders. The torn cloak hung around a yellowed skull, the empty eye sockets staring into my soul. Go away, you foul reaper. He didn't deserve this misfortune, no one did.

"It is time for him to go, child." A deep voice thundered, his son hovering in the door. "No one can see me but you. He hung on to see you one last time. His love for you knew no bounds, so rest peacefully this evening knowing that he was happy at the end. Death is beautiful in that way." Taking his hand, his son took his other hand. His dry lips kissed the tops of our hands, his last breath escaping his lips. A wail burst from my lips, his son coming over to my side. His gray mouse ears flattened, tears flowed endlessly from his golden eyes. His white robes floated over his slender five foot frame, his black lips curled into a broken smile. Embracing me warmly, his steel gray curls tickled my face. This was the most busted I had seen Ash in a long time, my heart shattering for him.

"I am so thankful you could show up." He sobbed softly, trying to take care of me first. "He really was waiting for you. He loved you as much as me, no even more." Unable to control himself, my friend melted into my arms. His tears soaked my shoulder, Sage hovered in the doorway. Why did deaths have to hurt so much? Ash gazed up at me with wet eyes, his arms wrapping around my waist. His tears slowed down, my mind searching for the right words to say. Why was this so hard?

"I doubt that." I laughed softly, wiping his tears away. "He always talked about you. I was just some kid who ate with you sometimes." A look of disbelief bloomed on my face, the worn floorboard creaking as he leapt to his feet. Sage watched on with a curious grin, his hands landing on his hips. Taking back his action, my wrists rested on my knees.

"You ate meals with us four times a week and made sure to visit once a week after you began your training. Some kid, my ass!" He shouted for the world to hear, his hand hovering in front of my face. "When were you going to tell me that you were becoming a mom? I can't wait to see my little nieces and nephews running around. He told me that he wanted to be cremated by my Holy Flames, so how about you just let me prepare his body. Come back at midnight, and we can send him off as soon as everyone has said goodbye. Please relax and explore the church. As long as you are here, you can't get arrested. Unfortunately, I can't help you escape." Ruffling the top of his head, he hugged my legs one last time before shoving me out. Sage hooked his arm around my elbow, a small brown haired child pulling on my sweatshirt. Crouching down to his level, his big caramel eyes glistened with excitement.

"Can you come meet the other orphans?" He pleaded adorably, his fingers playing with my ears and tail. "No one believes that I saw the White Vixen and Rabbit. It would be so awesome." His tiny hands pulled me close, his hands tracing my mask. Jumping to my feet, I placed my hands on my hips.

"A hero must always do her job. Take me to them." I chirped cheerfully, smiling my depression away. "Rabbit would love to answer your question as well." The kid guided us through long twisted halls to a large dining hall, kids of all ages slamming into our legs. They all shouted at once, a sharp whistle escaping my lips. All of them stood to attention, a small smile dancing across my lips. Father Roland had taught them that trick as well, the boy refusing to let go of my legs. Sage ruffled the top of his head, the depression growing harder to hide.

"One at a time please!" I sang jovially, crouching down to their level. "I will answer your questions. Let's raise our hands like Father Roland taught us." One by one they raised their hands, their questions rolling off of their tongues. Answering them excitedly, seeing them happy made my day. A silver haired girl in a pretty blue dress tugged on the hem of my sweatshirt, a book in her hand. Tears streamed down my cheeks, the book in her hands was the one Father Roland always read to me. Her tiny body trembled, tears flooding from her eyes.

"This was the book he read to us every night." She sobbed softly, her two friends rushing up to her side. "Could you please read it? It would make me so happy." Wiping away her tears, the mask fell off of my face. Taking the book, they all sat down obediently as I sat on the fountain of the Holy Mother. Clearing my throat, tears coated my words.

"The Three Birds and their Journey Home." I read shakily, opening the ancient book. "Once upon a time there were three little robins sitting in their nest. One day the mother left and never came back. For three days and nights they waited, their tummies growling endlessly. The first one jumped out of the nest, the others following their big brother. His brother pecked worm after worm out of the ground, feeding his siblings first." Sage took the book out of my quaking hands, introducing himself to the kids. My breath hitched at finding the place, his kindness calming my nerves. He was great with kids, the little girl hopped onto my lap. Her arms wrapped round my neck, her tiny fingers wiping the tears off of my chin. Holding her close to my chest, she rested her head on my breasts. Rocking her back and forth, Sage began to read.

"One day the brother fell ill, his siblings not knowing what to do. He wouldn't eat and he wouldn't drink. He was on the brink of death, the middle brother running off to get help. For days he flew until a church came into view. Knocking his beak on the door, the kind father opened the door. The middle brother wouldn't let him pick him up, the father following him to his siblings. Flashing him their warmest smile, he scooped them up. Asking him where their mother was, they all chirped. Nodding his head, he brought them home. Not just home, to their new home. No longer would they have to search for food or water. He fed them. He cleaned them. Kissing them on the tops of their heads, he promised them that this was home. They all lived happily ever after." Sage closed the door, a bell ringing. Lining up, the girl stood in the back of the line. A nun stepped out, holding a dozen aprons. Her gentle face lit up at the sight of us in our masks, the older ones selecting their aprons.

"The older ones will cook dinner while the little ones set the table. Would the White Vixen like to help in the kitchen? The Rabbit can help set the tables." She commanded sternly, Sage shrugged his shoulders. Sulking in, they all stood at their peelers. Saying nothing the nun scooted out of the rough wooden kitchen with a wicked grin, this proving to be her treat to the kids. Her navy robes were the last thing I saw, the larger kids pulling out bags of potatoes and onions. Watching with childlike wonder, they operated like a well oiled machine.

"What are we making?" I asked sweetly, trying to stop the tears. "I bet it is a potato and onion soup." Nodding their heads anxiously, the teenagers stood on either side of me chopping up the onions. Grabbing a stick of butter, I began to melt it over the flames of the burner. One by one they dumped their potatoes into a boiling pot, while the teenagers gave me all of the onions. Cooking the onions, a single voice broke the silence. Singing a hymn, the other's joined in. They all sounded like a choir sent from Heaven, my teardrops crashing into the pan. Their voices moved me, the spoon rattling in my hands. The hour passed, all of us sat in the dining hall over a bowl of hot soup and a piece of buttered bread. They pressed their palms together, their lips moving silently.

"Let's eat!" The oldest one chirped, all of them digging in. Sage nudged my shoulder, the boy and girl squeezing in next to us. Finishing her food in a couple of minutes, I passed her my bowl. Uncertainty flashed on her face, my hand ruffling her hair. Solemn eyes gazed up at me, the guilt of not being able to help them tortured me. I knew you couldn't fix everything, but you can always help ease the drudgery of the aftermath.

"I don't want to take away your meal." She stuttered with a caring tone, my head shaking. "Unless it is because you are too sad to eat." Bam! She hit the nail on the head. Sage tossed me his piece of bread. Taking a bite, it tasted like sadness. Choking down both pieces, he gave the little boy his bowl of soup. Resting my head on the table, Sage rubbed my back. One by one they stood up, Ash stepping into the hall.

"Did we enjoy our time with the White Vixen and Rabbit?" He queried with a twinkle in his eyes. "Let's give them a loud thank you and get to bed. Tomorrow is Sunday, so we must behave ourselves." They lined up, hugging my legs before scurrying off with their dishes. Sage yanked me into his arms, he rested his chin on my head.

"You don't have to hide your emotions from me." He commented lovingly, playing with my hair. "You need to grieve with the rest of them. I understand you feel the need to stay strong for everyone else but please cry on my shoulder. That is what I am here for." Every ounce of emotion burst from my lips, the tears cascading from my eyes. He took care of me when my mother couldn't, Ash proving to be my only friend at that age. Chewing on my nails, the little girl tugged on my hem. Why couldn't this all go away? I hate grief and everything it poisons.

"Can you tuck us all in? They are all afraid to ask." She stammered awkwardly, bowing her head in shame. Her ocean blue eyes met mine, her hand wrapping around mine. Dragging me off, her bare feet skipped towards the dormitories. The kids all cheered at the sight of me, my real smile illuminating my face.

"It's time for bed, little ones. Let me be the one to tuck you in." I announced valiantly, tucking them in one by one. Giving them each a kiss, they turned over. Wiping my brow, the nun from before guided me down the hall to the bath house. Sage waited outside the door with towels in his hands, the nun's warm embrace shocking me.

"Thank you for the help today. It really allowed us to have his parish say goodbye the proper way." She babbled gratefully, letting me go. "I am so glad to see that you are okay, Artica. I was one of the kids you fed every night. We would have starved without it. In fact you inspired this orphan program. The mothers let them live here and come see them when they can. Have a nice evening." Running off, she bowed before leaving. Rolling my eyes, Sage slid the door open for me. Peeling off my clothes, my eyes noticed that he was already clean. The church rule was that women couldn't bathe with men, his lips pecking mine sweetly before waiting outside. Taking off my mask, it glittered in the swinging light of the bathroom. Sinking into the water, the warm water cascaded over my skin. The dirt floated to the top before melting away, my hair sticking to my face as I popped up. Glancing in the corner, the tears began again. The image of him washing three year old me up haunted me, the bath house not feeling so relaxing anymore. Washing my hair real quick, I needed to get out to the haunted room. Scrubbing up, my hands rested on my snarkball bump. Stepping out, I dried myself off. My clothes were gone, white robes waiting for me with a thank you note from Ash. Pulling it on, the soft wool brushed against my skin.Stepping out, Sage waited with my boots. Hopping onto his back, my arms wrapped around his neck. Walking me to the ceremony room in the back, Ash was waiting for me.

"Let's put our dear friend to rest in the place he deserves." He exclaimed in a defeated tone, covering him up with a golden blanket. "I see you found my gift. Our nuns will clean your clothes and return them tomorrow." Resting my head on his chest, my quaking hands cupped the hand that offered me the bread.

"Thank you for caring for me when no one else did." I wept into his chest, unable to control my emotions. "I am going to miss you. I hope they take care of you up in Heaven. I think you used to say goodbye was never permanent. So this is my see you later." Stepping back, Ash placed his palms on his chest. Mouthing a silent spell, golden flames devoured his body. Praying the entire time, Sage let me bury my head into his chest. Rubbing my back, the tears never stopped. Fury mixed with sadness, a mental battle raging. The flames died down, Ash holding a small broom and dustpan. A golden urn with his name rested underneath his arms, surprise rounding his eyes as I held the dustpan for him.

"He would want us to do this together." I said sincerely, his sad smile meeting mine. Sweeping his ashes into the pan, he held the urn as I poured him in. Closing the lid, he set him down next to the other fathers and nuns. Embracing me one last time, he left me alone. Worry weighed me down, Sage whisking me to the bedroom. Maybe a bit of sleep would help me out.