volume fifty

ever since acquiring Adamsin weapons the images of the others slowly fade away.i can still hear their screams in my sleep, their am faces no longer show. whatever Adamsin was cursed with before his death, now it affects me. even though they caused me to scream in sleep, slowly losing what they looked like never did I want that to happen.I wonder if Adamsin dealt with the same thing or was it that he only heard the voices of his family. what happened to Darkouls during the rampage of Adamsin. did he control Adamsin during that moment?, or did he let Adamsin do whatever he wanted to?. why didn't he mention Adamsin to me?!, well I never did ask him about him. that's just curiosity getting the best of me, that's has nothing to do with me. Adamsin died, a while ago as well. Jim must have taken his death to the heart seeing how he was the one who saved him, it must have been hard for him. I wouldn't know how that feels, I never built that type of bond with anything. the bond I have wasn't with humans, even then that type of bond was pure survival base. at the end they would have killed me if given the chance to, they would have hurt me I guess. I don't know how to feel about emotions in general. seeing people cry blows my mind, same as any other emotion being expressed. I do want to express these types of emotions, it's not that easy for me. wishing for one day that I could see my parents, they couldn't believe what type of creature is bestowed upon them. even after all this training I'm not drenched in sweat,or even hungry. speaking of hungry how come all those times with Steve I wasn't starving, think about it. I spent hours walking in the cold without food or water, somehow I wasn't thirsty. Hunger never came into my thought of existence. I have to stop thinking about Steve he isn't around anymore, even though I really admire his tough skin. Compared to me he is stronger than me mentally wise, the strength he has to constantly stand against his father. defending his mother while taking abuse from the man who helped create him, I could never imagine fighting back against your Father. I could never do that just being brave, in my case I didn't have a choice. I didn't do it for me, or even for the pleasure I got from protecting people. if so then why don't I tell good about what had happened in the past. cause all of my pain was for nothing, now look at me. the others would be ashamed of what I had become. it would break me if they saw what I had become a broken person.their hero is no longer strong enough for that role, hell even being a support role is too much for me now. so how am I suppose to win with no power, I have a power but a power with no control is basically having no powers. with how this power works so far it will cause more harm than good, it could accidentally end up killing the others. I have to talk to Darkouls now, maybe he can help me with this problem. Hell he is the problem, he is the reason why I can't just storm back to that place. i have two places to visit both of them sounds like an end to my story, I have to risk it all to save them. just thinking about all the torture they are going through cause of my absence, I was their main attraction. I don't want to go back though why can't I just enjoy the situation I'm in now. I'm sick of seeing them in my sleep, screaming blaming me for what had happened. why is this happening to me, I escaped that place. so why is it haunting me?!, I can't sleep anymore. even when I do it's between the experiments that were performed on me, or the others covered in blood. disfigured telling me I'm the at fault for how they look like, even though I have done nothing wrong. after taking a couple of hours laying on the mud, wait I have done something wrong. I should have stayed with them, obviously I couldn't do much back then. I should have surrendered back then let them keep using me, at least I would have known that the others would be safe. That is the mistake I have to live with for the rest of my life, even when I've done my best to protect them. It was for my selfish way of thinking, maybe saving one could have eased my pain. now look at me I got the scars to show, the memories of it or not of the experiments. they are from my failings of trying to save others from my pain, all I want now is just to die. hopefully I can do that without causing any more trouble for anyone, me just being alive caused several people to be injured. all I want is just for me to save one person just one, is that to much to ask for. " hey Darkouls you there, I'm pretty sure we are alone in this section of the woods." his response was very hesitant, " Kid!?, you away from the others like Jim?". I shook my head up and down, " okay thank goodness, sorry for doing this to you. anyway something happened to you with me knowing, you know how you're never hungry or thirsty. well come to find out that you have a ability that can convert anything you touch. or anything that leaves DNA on you, we can soak it in using it as a source of water or food, that's not all. you need to see what I've just discovered in here Now!",