The Nest Nicoles Dinner

  The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience

Nicole carefully drew the kajal pen across her eyelids. It was the crowning glory of an almost hour-long ritual that made up her morning routine. Primer, skin care cream and makeup had already been applied; now came the finishing touches. She was on the supervisory board of a major investor company and had to look her best. Even if today was actually her day off. Since the story with Manorgate, in which several very high employees had made disparaging remarks about their very conservative fellow Americans and the incumbent president belonging to this group. There was even talk of a hunt for the deplorables, as the chat participants referred to them. And that via WhatsApp chat, which unfortunately had been leaked by a hack attack. Well, long story short. The image scandal was perfect, had resulted in considerable financial losses. Of course, those responsible had been fired, the CEO as well as her subordinates. Nicole immediately felt sad at the thought. They had been good people. A great team. However, it was still important the company's image high. Her appearance was Nicole's figurehead. And therefore also that of the company. Her chocolate-brown complexion was kept firm and supple with plenty of lotion. Looming circles under her eyes were covered up. Her clothes always fit perfectly, and her updo was flawless. 

Nicole's composure was also attuned to the good of the company; she always kept a cool head, was a model of friendliness. She also created a certain distance from her employees, but that was no tragedy. When mistakes happened, she could react sternly or caringly. Depending on the need. The perfect woman. She looked in the mirror, traced the lines again. Suddenly, she felt an empty sensation in the pit of her stomach. She had felt it before, knew how to suppress it. There, now a little lipstick. Perfect. She pursed her lips cheekily and her reflection did the same. Satisfied, she headed for the office. 

  "Paul, I understand your point of view. But I still think that the situation doesn't allow it. We can do public relations elsewhere." The older man with gray hair sitting across from her rubbed his chin. "Listen, Nicole. Yeah, Haiti's a bit of a shithole. Just what's supposed to have happened there again this week between the gangs.... Still, for the company, it would be a good opportunity to redeem itself from the old stigma. Our losses....." "Run close to three million dollars. We could have thrown that money right down the PR consultants' throats." Paul laughed and shrugged. "Yeah yeah, I know. I just think it's better in the long run to do something really tangible on the matter. Even if there have been setbacks." Nicole made a throwaway gesture. "Two gang members died in a shootout in our newly built mall. So did thirty bystanders, plus thirty-three injured. Bullet holes in the walls, the second floor's electrical system is trash. And there's drug activity going on in the parking garage." Paul grinned. "So it's all us here in the good old USA. What are you worried about." The board president shook her head. "It's just not profitable, Paul. After all, the purchasing power in the U.S. is hardly comparable to Haiti. It's better we pull out." "Our presence creates new jobs for these people and a good image for us." "New jobs as crack dealers in our mall. Or at the local funeral homes. That's where I don't really see how we're going to eradicate the problem Athena and her posse have created for us." He raised his hands. "Maybe you're right. I'll sleep over it. We have a meeting with the shareholders next month, so if you're still having doubts about Haiti then, I won't speak against a pullout." Nicole nodded and thanked him for his confidence in her. Afterwards, there was a smaller meeting, resident contractors who wanted to talk to her about financing their projects, the usual bickering among employees, fed by envy, scorn and contempt. Nicole listened to it all very patiently. Her secretary was taking notes. The typing of the keyboard mixed with the flow of speech of these people. 'Everybody wants something from me. They want me to solve all their problems.' God, was she tense. She pondered while taking note of a consulting employee's accusations on the side. 'Image. It's all about image. Image is money. What am I thinking? Oh man, I could use a breather.' Yeah, that didn't sound bad. "Look, Mei. I'm aware that you've been around longer than Theodor. Still, I have to say, your last numbers have me worried. You have to understand, Theo is doing a hell of a job. He is here almost all the time. THAT'S why he gets the bigger office." 'Jesus, am I in kindergarten?' To the distraught woman, however, she said, "As soon as something becomes available, I will consider your service time. In return, though, I want something from you, too, Mei. I guess that's only fair." She earned an embarrassed nod of her head. 'There you go, there you go. Good girl.' When the consultant left, Nicole pursed her lips. Terrible, always this posturing. But tomorrow.... Yes, tomorrow she would look around the store a bit. Maybe even buy herself something nice. She had to grin. 

The store was nothing but an S&M shop. In order to visit it undetected, Nicole had done her hair differently than usual, and she also wore a pair of jewelry glasses and a scarf. So she could browse undisturbed between the shelves. And what there was to see there. The revealing clothes, the pillories and utensils. Butt plugs, means of tickle torture. Nicole imagined it, a handsome stranger putting her in the pillory, running his rough hands hard over the soles of her feet while he whispered obscenities to her. Her gaze lingered on a whip. She had heard of it. Falaka. The word had an exotic sound. Leather straps cracked on her bare soles. Nicole, laying there defenseless, crying out in pain as soon as the crack of the whip sounded. The thought image made her shiver. She went one shelf further. Here there were dildos in all shapes and sizes. Curious, she took one in her hand. 'Oh, how wicked I am. Hehe, naughty girl, Nicole. Naughty, naughty.' Looking further. In the next aisle there were restraints and also gloves. Not just the usual plastic ones, also custom-made ones made of metal, studded with nails. Or with springs. Hard iron nails that moved across their soles.

  'Rrrrrrr.' One particularly thorny specimen caught her attention. She reached for it. Not fast enough, another hand grabbed the utensil and Nicole turned to the person in irritation. And was startled. Dark brown eyes met hers. She knew those eyes. The brown, wavy hair, the flattened nose. The similarly sunken cheeks that made the cheekbones more prominent. "Hello, Nicole." "Hi, Athena. This is..." "Quite a surprise. Yes." The chairwomen suddenly felt incredibly small. She cleared her throat slightly. "Yes. I guess it is. Uh, nice to meet you here." The phrase reeled off automatically. 'God, how silly.' Athena just smiled wanly. "You too. Are you looking for anything in particular?" Nicole's cheeks grew warm. "Not really, I'm... I'm just looking around here." Athena looked at her former supervisor. "No need to be embarrassed. I like to look around here myself." She let the thorn-studded glove pass between her fingers. Nicole looked down at it. "Well, this one's a little too.... pointy." Athena smiled, slightly. "Pointy is good. When you hit someone with it, it leaves an impression." At those words, Nicole laughed. Her former CEO, however, continued to look down at the glove. 'She seems kind of sad.' A guilty conscience spread through her. "I hope you're doing well, Athena. You look thinner." "You think so?" "Yes. But in a good way." She looked down at her former co-worker. The pants were quite tight. So was the top. 'Jesus, are those muscles?" "You look really fit. Do you work out?" Now the brunette Caucasian smiled properly. "Yes. Quite a lot, actually." They were talking to each other. It was a friendly chat. Still, Nicole couldn't help but mention the team's termination. "I'm still sorry about everyone." Athena mumbled something that sounded like 'Yeah, me too'. "Are you still in touch with anyone?"

  The ex-CEO shook her head. "Unfortunately, no." Silence followed. "Listen, Athena. I don't want there to be any bad blood between us." She looked around meaningfully. "We do seem to have quite a bit in common after all. I'd like to take you to dinner, okay?" Athena angled her head as if she needed to analyze this 'going out to dinner' concept thoroughly first. But then she agreed. "Yes. It would be nice to have dinner with you again." "Great. We'll exchange numbers, then I'll get back to you." Athena nodded, smiling quietly. "Are you inviting Paul, too?" The chairwoman winked mischievously. "Don't bother. Just us girls. You really must show me what you've been up to all these years." White teeth flashed. "Be careful what you wish for. It could come true." Later that evening, Nicole sent her acquaintance a message. 'Dinner at 8 at Ruby Springs.' The reply soon followed. 'Great, can I bring another person? "You found someone? Thought you were born single!" Nicole grinned. 'Sure, go for it. I'll see you at 8.' Athena's escort turned out to be a woman. Also Caucasian, long white-blond hair. A somewhat elongated face, round chin, ice blue eyes. Like Athena, she was wearing a blazer and slacks. 'Strange to see Athena with a woman.' Still, Nicole smiled and shook the hand held out. 'My God, can she grab!' "Nicole, this is Crystal. Crystal, say hello to Nicole." "Hello to Nicole." Ice cold eyes pierced into her. They ate together. "I like your hair." Crystal played with Athena's dark curls for a moment. "Talked her into it." Nicole nodded. "Like with the clothes? She used to like to wear a backless dress for occasions like this." Athena waved it off. "That's long gone. How's Paul?" Nicole rubbed her chin. "We have our differences, and we're also getting back together. Right now we're having a bit of a clinch." She whispered softly. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this way. But it's still about Manorgate."

Something flared in Crystal's gaze. Or maybe it was just the glow of the candle. "Go on." Athena calmly put her glass to her lips. "Crys and I don't keep secrets from each other." A bit uneasy, Nicole looked left and right, before she spoke. "You and your team, you talked about hunting down people with conservative views." "Deplorables. In the chats, we called them Deplorables." Nicole grumbled in annoyance. The calm in Athena's voice disturbed her. "Yes, you did. And when your SocialMedia chats went public, we had to take countermeasures. We suffered considerable damage to our image, I'm sorry to say. I'm not mad at you for that. But it put us in an awkward position. We need good publicity. So Paul came up with the idea of investing in Haiti's infrastructure. The situation there is... difficult for people." "They rape and torture in the open streets there." Athena spoke as calmly as if they were talking about the weather. Crystal sat back. "Kidnappings and beheadings are also part of everyday life." Nicole cleared her throat. "Well, right. Anyway, Paul wanted to be effective there. We've invested several million, a shopping center here, better roads there. But because those same ones are so troubled, I told Paul we should rethink the whole thing. Surely there are less costly ways to make up for past mistakes." "How much do you estimate the losses to be, then?" "At a good three million dollars. Maybe four." Athena tapped against her glass. "So, peanuts." Now Nicole was a little upset. "It's about cleaning up your mistakes. But enough of that. I'm going to talk to Paul about investing our money more wisely, a PR campaign and a charity event should do it. Now..." She smiled more benevolently. "Now I want to know how you met?" "Crystal answered before Athena did. Smiling, she said, "In Croatia." "What were you doing there?" The blonde's smile widened. "Hunting." Athena grunted. Quite undame-like. "Okayyy. Sounds exciting." Now Athena was smiling again, too. "Very much so, actually. Which you're also looking for some excitement, aren't you?" Nicole bit her lips. "Yaaaa, I guess so." She looked at Crystal. 'What on earth does she see in that uncouth woman.' "You know, Crystal? Athena caught me in an S&M store." "Really?" The blonde turned to her friend. "Did you buy stuff for us again?" The two women exchanged a strange look. Angry. Passionate. Tenderly. Sad. "Let me surprise you, honey." Crystal looked at Nicole again. Her gaze was calculating. "And you...like to play a little harder, too?" "Well, I think it's something different. Exciting either way." "Really? You're looking for excitement. Maybe you'd like to join us the day after tomorrow? We're flying back to Croatia. If you want excitement, we can provide it." Athena tilted her head and just stared at Crystal. Without saying anything. The blonde winked at her. "If Miss Nicole wants it, why shouldn't we help her with that?" Nicole's breath stopped. That sounded so... dirty. 'You want me to say yes? That would be so... and then with Athena, too. Jesus, what am I thinking.'

Still, the temptation was strong. 'I'd be happy to have you as a guest with us, Nicole.' I'm sure the experience would be.... amusing." With those words, Crystal rose, winking at her serious-looking friend. "I go for little girls. Don't run off while I'm gone." As she disappeared among the tables of other guests, her ponytail bobbed briskly behind her back. Athena sighed. Giggling, Nicole looked at her. "I think she likes me. Hehe, who would have thought I'd ever see you in the company of a woman. Or that you'd even share such interests with her." The serious expression on her former CEO's face silenced her. "Trust me on this, Nicole: Crystal doesn't like you. If she did, she would never have suggested a weekend together." Startled, Nicole straightened up. "Look, I know you're pissed about your termination back then. If you don't want me there..." "You don't understand!" Athena interrupted her forcefully. "You don't understand one bit. You wouldn't survive us half a day." Silence followed. "Do you want me to tell you? How she and I met. What we do together?" She leaned forward. "Nicole, when Crystal and I are together, we don't play games with plush handcuffs. Blood flows." Nicole was spellbound. She tightened the corner of her mouth a little. "For real now? Are you guys that wild?" The dark curls bobbed in time with the shaken head. Laughter rang out briefly. Not a happy one. "Wild? The reason I don't wear a backless dress these days is the same reason I don't walk on a public beach in bathing suits anymore. I don't want strangers gawking at my scars. For example, the ones caused by the hooks." Her eyes squinted as Nicole repeated the word. "Hooks?" Athena nodded. Very seriously. "Yes. Hooks. They're hanging from the ceiling in my basement. They pierce the skin on the shoulders, on the rib curves, the arms, the hips. The legs. And then... then you're pulled up. You float above the ground while your skin is pulled taut by your own body weight. The pain hardly lets you breathe. And as you hang there, well, that's when the toys come into play. Electric shocks are a part of it. But also the hippo whip, lighters. Hammer and nails." "That's...."

"And Crystal and I," Athena interrupted , "...we don't draw lots nicely to see who gets hung. We fight for it." She looked deep into Nicole's eyes and the colored woman shuddered. "What do you mean..." "Not a damn catfight. Besides our fists, elbows and kicks, we use everything, anything we can get our hands on." As if transfixed by a memory, Athena practically looked through Nicole. "We use knives. We use ice picks. We use pliers, fire, the shards when glass breaks. And it does break. I still have my shotgun. We don't use ammunition, but its range as a mace is nothing to scoff at." The former CEO licked her lips. "When we're among ourselves, we bash our noses in with ashtrays. Choke each other with towels. Smash our faces through windows. I threw Crystal against my old Chintz chair, crashing it into a thousand pieces, and she drove the nails of the backrest into my thigh. On our bodies you will see cuts, bruises and burns. Some from our brawls, some inflicted afterwards when we cauterize our deeper slashes with the blowtorch. The bruises on our faces I have my plastic surgeon in Croatia fix, I pay him enough to keep his mouth shut. The rest of our bruises are too wasteful for me to pay for, there are more coming up all the time anyway, why bother." 'She's absolutely serious. Really, really serious. How long has she been carrying this around, bubbling it up to me like that. Why is she telling me all this?' Nicole swallowed. "But why?" Athena bit her lip, eyes huge on her counterpart. "When you fired me, I was angry. Really angry. At those Hillibillys, those primitive conservatives. The deplorables." At the smile that blossomed on Athena's face like an opening wound, Nicole would have liked to run away. But she was far too transfixed for that. Too paralyzed with horror. And fascination.

"I was so angry, I didn't care about anything. The others felt the same way. We just wanted to make a joke with our manorgate, our manhunt, out of frustration with these idiots who, against their better judgment, dismiss climate change as nonsense, who want to bring their stupid, Palestinian shepherd religion into our originally secular state system, who accuse us of drinking children's blood to gain eternal life. We, the despised elite." Athena's smile widened. "So I pulled some strings. Called an old friend in the National Guard, he was a sergeant there. For eight months he trained us, got us as fit as he could. And then we tracked them down, those people who cracked our email accounts and presented them to the public. Or those who simply had a particularly high presence on the Internet and had always bothered us. You and Paul couldn't think of anything else to do but fire us for this alleged conspiracy. We worked our asses off for the company, Nicole. You threw us away. And these, these critters, with their hunts for endangered species or their courting of ultra-national politicians, we tracked them down and grabbed them." Her hands tightened as she spoke. Nicole's mouth went dry. Athena, however, continued to speak, quietly and forcefully. "We kidnapped them and flew them on my private jet near my house in Croatia. They wanted Manorgate to be true. Used it to drag our names through the mud, spread their lies everywhere. So we made it real for them. We dropped them off in the woods, gave them weapons. Then we massacred them. Drove them into our traps. Oh, that satisfaction, I can't describe it to you."

She leaned forward further, was almost halfway across the table. "Except I wasn't paying enough attention. My pretty Crystal wasn't one of those people at all, I got her name mixed up with another one. I wanted to take revenge on the woman who made me look like an absolute monster on the Internet. And promptly made a mistake in the process. Well, before her retirement, Crystal was in Special Forces, Afghanistan. What came back from that war was a woman who was seething within. With no chance to let out her emotions. Until her kidnapping, that is. She killed us one by one. She murdered everybody." By now, Athena's teeth were in view again. A morbid kind of wild joy. "Eight months of training by an armchair soldier versus eight years of real combat experience. We hardly stood a chance. I can boast of having lasted quite a long time against her, I guess I'm some kind of natural. All the anger I had built up inside of me about my termination, about what was happening in this country. The denunciation and slander. I unleashed all of that against this veteran who had seen far too many horrible things in her deployments. We made firewood out of my apartment, almost knocked each other's teeth out, broke each other's ribs with punches and kicks, cut each other with glass. It was so liberating. I was drunk with aggression, the pain and the knowledge that our fight was for life and death. A real fight to the death! For the first time in my life, I was free!" Now the brunette leaned back, exhausted by the vision of memory. Athena drank from her glass. Nicole...didn't know.... "Your team is dead? This... your girlfriend slew all of them" The question sounded foolish. The whole conversation was. "And you... killed people too?" Athena shrugged her shoulders. "Actually, just one, at the very beginning, when we were still in the air over Europe. He woke up too soon. And yes, my people, Crystal got them all. Every single one." Nicole's heart went cold. Her former colleague's smile took on a dreamy expression, which wasn't really pretty to look at, considering what she was telling. "Anyway, things were running high when she reached me. I was consumed with hatred. Crystal was no less charged. You should have seen it, the way we brawled. The place was a mess. Things went haywire for almost ten minutes. A long time for a fight. True, I was able to ram the insert of my kitchen shredder into the side of her stomach, pierce her shoulder with the meat thermometer, but once a SpecOps, always a SpecOps. She still kills when she dies herself. Pulled me to her and rammed the other blade of the stake into her stomach."

A pleasant shiver seemed to run down her spine at the thought. 'Damn, she looks real happy about it.' "W-what happened then?" Again, the other woman sipped her glass. "We were lying next to each other. Talking to each other. I've never felt such a connection with another person, we threw everything we had at each other that had been building up inside us for so long, and then suddenly it was over." Her lips twitched. "I thought we were going to die together. But Crys is tough. While I was falling toward my death, she picked herself up." Athena laughed like a schoolgirl. "Grabbed my food to gain strength, pulled a wooden spoon between her teeth, and placed my gas torch at her stomach wound. I'll never forget the screams, despite the delirium. Then she took my dogand my most expensive wine to the jet and hijacked it for her trip home. I, meanwhile, lay alone in the kitchen hallway with my stomach pierced. Hurray for my loyal pilots, at least one was grateful enough for his lavish pay that he secretly called my private doctor. I had put him on extra standby for my event, the man does real wonders. So while Crystal flew back to the States, the good doc stitched me back up. Two months in the hospital. And after that, I did two years of training under the supervision of Eastern European mercenaries. Some of them had fought on different sides in the Kosovo war. Real bastards, one like the other. And when I finally felt strong enough, I tracked down my girl. A successful surprise that was, I won't dwell on the details here." Nicole's imagination was enough for that, much to her regret. Again she sipped from the glass. Mouth twisted in glee. "Two people finding each other. We've been together for three years now. My house in Croatia has long since ceased to be a place to live; it's a slaughterhouse, an abattoir. We use it as often as our condition allows." She took a deep breath and exhaled.

"The anger is still there, in her and me. Anger at what we've been through, what bothers us and yet we can't change. The old scars on the soul. That emptiness of substance in our lives, the meaninglessness of human existence. But also the joy of being able to vent on each other. To mean something to each other. To play with each other, to have no secrets, there is nothing deceitful between us. Our fights are always honest. Bloody, brutal. But honest. And I'll tell you one more thing. Never have I felt more alive when she threw herself wounded against me, that damn blade inside her piercing my flesh and nearly tearing my abdominal artery. When the blows come down, the blood splatters on the floorboards and glass shatters, when the rush of battle grips me, when I float hooked above the floor. Or when I crack the whip.... When the electricity begins to flow...then I know what life means. That I truly exist." "Sounds more like you're killing yourselves in rates." Nicole's voice sounded hollow, to her the whole thing just seemed unreal. Athena tilted her head. Her voice became a whisper. "Yes. Yes, it's possible. In fact, it's very likely. Even my surgeon is not a god and he is not there for us 24/7. One day, one of us will land the decisive blow. I don't want to speak for Crystal, but if I should be the one to emerge as the final winner of our duels.... I don't think I'll enjoy my triumph for long. She just means too much to me for that." Nicole glanced behind Athena. Crystal maneuvered between the tables. Athena looked loving over her shoulder. Then she gazed at Nicole again. "She and I, we are broken, it's as simple as that. I'm not so stupid as to say otherwise. But I am alive, with all my senses I am alive. If you really want to be there once, also want to experience this feeling, I won't stop you. But I advise you to call my mercenaries first and do their training, I still have the phone numbers." "After all you've told me? How can you suggest such a thing!?" She was almost speechless. Athena smiled, unexpectedly sad. "Nicole, if the company pulls out of Haiti, other investors will follow. The country will descend further into chaos, more torture, rape, murder. You know that as well as I do, and yet you plan to persuade Paul to do just that. You announced it earlier with a smile. You would take away all hope from these people. Over peanuts. Which one of us do you think is more extreme in our actions?" Crys had reached her table and resumed her seat. Her angular, long face showed thieving amusement. 'She knows exactly what Athena just told me.' "What took you so long, jackrabbit?" "Meh, fancy decorations they have here, snowball." They giggled about a joke only they really understood. Nicole looked closely at both women and only now could she locate the marks of the injuries. Not romantic cuts above the eyebrow, but seams where ears had been torn. Furrows on the cheeks, bumps from bruises that even plastic surgery and layers of cosmetics couldn't quite hide.

She swallowed dryly. "Well, would ma'am like to join us for the weekend?" Crystal's voice couldn't fully banish the trace of condescension. The manager tensed her jaw muscles. Searched for the right words. "I think I'll pass on this one." The rest of the evening she stared straight at her plate. As they paid and made their way out, a strange feeling came over Nicole. She held Athena by the coat. "I thank you for talking to me. And..." She felt for the empty part inside her. The one that was by now checking in every morning. "And I'll think about what you said." Crystal grinned broadly and put an arm around her friend's shoulder. The former CEO looked at Nicole urgently. "Don't take too much time with your decisions. Because time, my dear, is a precious commodity. And you never know how much you have left" "Time is a face on the water," Crystal murmured enigmatically. Then she reached under Athena's arm and walked with her back to the car. 

Nicole stayed behind alone.