Chapter 2: why?

February 6th, 2023 was when I knew I liked him..But how could I tell him that? 'He probably might not even be gay and just think I'm weird..' Is what I had thought to myself, over and over again.

Riley was shorter than me, had grey-ish blue eyes, and dirty-ish blonde hair. His cheeks were always slightly pink, too, which I found adorable. Though, he wasn't soft at all. He's actually very tough, protective, and crazy strong, which only made me more attracted to him. While playing volleyball, Riley would baby me and praise me anytime I served the ball,because I never wanted to and hated serving. And that's when I knew I liked him. When he would say thinks like "Good job!" Or, "I'm proud of you! I knew you could do it." Or even things as simple as when he would hold his hand out to me and high five me. God...It made me really attracted to him, and I have no idea why. After that day, I became really close friends with him, and we started to get to know each other better, and my feelings for him grew stronger. February 6th, was the day I told him..I did it. I actually told him I liked him. I mean, sure, I've done this multiple times before; telling my crush I like them, then asking them out. It's what I've always done. Except for some reason, this time was different. Was it because of how long I've known him? Maybe because it would be my first relationship as a boy? Whatever it was, I didn't care. I knew I had to tell him. And so I did. And he said that he might like me too, and that he wanted to be friends first. Which I respected completely. I remember one time he had asked if me and Zalea were still dating, and I told him we were and that I was going to break up with her soon because I was no longer a girl, and she was a lesbian. Which had me think.. 'Why would be want to know about me and Zalea? Does he like me?'. So many thoughts had run through my mind, I couldn't focus on anything else. Later that day, I had broken up with Zalea by a note, because I was too scared to tell her in person. I just couldn't do it. To see someone so nice, and sweet, so sad and heartbroken..How could I? I know, it was kinda a jerk move, but I was a dumb kid. Thankfully, she took it very well, and we stayed friends after. I was never more grateful in my life that she didn't hate me. But why? Why was all this happening? I found that out, at the end of everything..