Embarrassed

(From Ella's Perspective)

"What will happen if I die? I mean, what if someone kills me in the castle? Just for fun, you know. What will you do? Will you tell my family if you ever find the portal again?" I asked as we lay on the bed. He was facing away from me. Maybe his ears were on the verge of bleeding from my continual babbling. But I still wanted to talk to him. There were a lot of things to talk about.

He did not say anything. I knew he was pretending to be asleep. I sighed. "You and I can relate in some ways you know. Both of us have not seen the true love of a family. I don't know much about your family though. You aren't telling me. But I'll find out soon."

"Your name is Leandro, right? I can call you Lee. It's easier. Well, Leandro is cool too. I'll call you both then."

"You haven't told me why black is your favorite color. Is it because you think that black represents the heart of a monster and you are a monster? But, you know, that's not it. Even if you're trying not to show it, you have a heart. You did not kill me the moment you saw me. You could, but you didn't. You brought me here. And I know you went there last night to save me after I left this cave. You have given me a place to live. And you also went there to make sure that I found the right way back here. You care. You care for me because I'm a human being. Humans care for each other. And you see, you have a heart."

"Lee, we can be friends you know. I still don't understand why you don't want to be my friend. Am I too annoying? Well, you know girls hate me. I don't know why, but they just do. Boys don't though. They try to talk to me. I talk to them too, but then they try to take this thing to the next step, you know. That's the moment I stop talking to them. I can't trust them. They are going to use me for their pleasure only, and then they will leave me. And if I get attached to them, I'm going to be the one left heartbroken. Did you ever have a girlfriend? Have you kissed? Oh, of course, you have kissed. You said you had sex. So you have definitely kissed. That's how you start doing it right? I mean, kissing first and then other touchy touchy things. It's not like you have a dance competition before sex."

"I have a laptop at home you know. My family won't buy me a phone. They say that I'm not worthy of a phone. Linda has a phone though. She is so mean, you know. I mean, I'm not a perfect person either and I can sometimes be mean too. But at least, I have a reason. But she doesn't. She is just always like that. But she is beautiful, at least people say so. I mean, my family says so. They say that Linda dresses properly and she has a great sense of style. They say that I don't even know what to wear. It's true. I mean, I don't like dressing up all fancy and perfectly. I wear whatever catches my eyes first. Oh, where I was? Oh yes, laptop. You know, I've watched many movies and TV shows. You know what I mean, right? Movies are where actors and actresses play different roles. Kind of like plays. And TV shows are like movies, but there is a bit of difference. A TV show consists of multiple episodes. And sometimes a TV show has multiple seasons. You know, the same story, but you get to go deep into it. It's cool!"

"Are you into that stuff?"

He did not reply. I peeked at his face and saw that he was sleeping. So I was blabbering alone all those times and he was not even listening. I let out a long sigh. I never had much of a friend in my life except Zoe. So, now that I found someone to stay with all the time, I could not stop talking.

Even though he did not talk much, I kind of felt attached to him. I did not know if it was just because he gave me a place to stay, or if there was something more.

He looked even handsome when he was sleeping. I felt the urge to remove the strands of raven black hair that fell on his forehead. And my curiosity, God forbade, always brought the best and the worst out of me.

And I reached out with my right hand to stroke his hair. It felt velvety between my fingers. I removed strands of hair from his forehead. His skin was warm, very warm. My hand felt to be cold against his skin.

He moved slightly and I quickly brought my hand to myself. I felt my cheeks heating up. My god! What was happening to me?

He opened his eyes and looked at me. Oh shit! He was awake the entire time, pretending to be asleep, and I even touched his hair.

"I just wanted... um... to remove the hair from your forehead. I mean, you know, make yourself a bit comfortable. I'm ruining your comfort by being on the bed. So I thought... it's not what it seems like, you know," I said hastily before he could say something.

"Is that so?" he asked, a little smirk on his face.

"Yes," I replied quickly, looking anywhere but him while trying to hide the redness on my cheeks.

"Good then."

"Yeah, we're good," I said, more loudly than necessary. "I'll sleep then. I have to wake up early tomorrow."

I moved over onto my side and drew the blanket over my head. It was embarrassing. This was my first time touching someone like this, and the outcome was far from pleasant. I closed my eyes and wondered why my curiosity was so strong. I did not think anyone else had this kind of problem with their curiosity.

I could not fall asleep. My god, I was so embarrassed that I barely could think about looking at him tomorrow! What if he thought that I was checking him out? Well, in a way, I was. It was not my fault. He was so handsome. I had never seen anyone as charming as him. Something was negative about his look, but still, he was attractive.

What if he thought that I was thinking about kissing him? It was not true. I mean, I did not think about kissing him. I wanted to, but not now. What if he thought I had a crush on him?

Oh no, this was bad. How was I even going to show my face to him? Other girls would say that I was overreacting. But come on, they had experience in those things and also had sex at least ten times a week. Here I was, I did not even kiss anyone. Forget kissing, I did not even touch a boy.

What if he threw me out of this place saying that I was invading his personal space? I needed to clear things with him.

"Leandro? Are you asleep?" I asked rolling over to face him.

He turned onto his side and faced me. I felt my cheeks heating up again. I tried to console the effect by putting my hand on the side of my cheek in the display.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched you like that. As I told you before, I had no bad intentions. Let me be clear. I wasn't checking you out. I mean, you have a handsome face and stuff, but I was just... never mind. And I wasn't planning on kissing you. I really wasn't. You believe me, don't you? I'm not invading your personal space, am I? You are not going to throw me out, right? We still have that deal, don't we? Please don't throw me out. I don't have anywhere to go. Besides, the monsters are going to eat me. I mean, at least, they are going to kill me."

"You are afraid of those monsters? Ella, I'm a bigger monster than they are. I'm also more terrifying-looking and dangerous than them. Aren't you afraid of me?" he asked.

"Why would I be afraid of you? It's you, right? I know you. I know you're not going to hurt me. Besides, your monster is kind of good-looking, at least comparing to them," I said.

"Are you sure? Are you never going to be afraid of me?" he asked.

"No. There is no reason to be afraid of you."

"Are you going to flinch away seeing my other self? My beast?"

"No, Leandro. You... you won't hurt me, I know."

"Then Ella, there is no reason I'm throwing you out. But I have to talk to you tomorrow morning first thing. I need to make another deal."