4. NEW LIFE

'' There is no healing after losing a parent, we just act like it is okay''.

''Ouch!'' I said as a heavy arm landed on my face. I angrily shoved it away and opened my eyes, I took Joe's leg off of me and yawned loudly. It's been four years since we lost Papa and my fifteenth birthday would be due in a few months. I stood up from the bed I share with my two brothers and stretched. I took my toiletry bag and headed to the bedroom, I paused to check if the things in the bag were intact. Yep, I was right, no soap so I stormed into my Mama's bedroom to ask for some. ''Mama'', I called. She did not reply, well, I was not surprised. A year after Papa's death, Mama kind of stopped liking me. I think it is something about my face. She looks at me with immense pain, I have to say, it freaks me out sometimes. People still say I look a lot like Papa, well, I hope that is not the reason. ''Mama'' I groaned. ''I need soap please''. ''Are you not working?'' She asked. Here we go again, I rolled my eyes and sat down. ''Yes, I am working. But I used my money to buy books and for some- personal stuff''. The latter was a lie. I did not want her to know I lent some to Joe and bought some foodstuffs too. She was in and out of it these days, she tend to forget a lot of things. She rubbed her face with her palm and sighed. I knew what she was about to say before she even started ''But you are not schooling, why do you keep buying books?'' I sighed too before answering.'' Mama, please we talked about this. You think I'm not schooling because I don't wear a uniform or sit in a classroom. But I am good friends with the headmaster of the school down the road and because I passed the test the seniors could not solve, he has promised to add my name to this year's candidate and would allow me to partake in the upcoming examination in order to be able to go to high school, if only I keep up with my studies and cover the topics they are being taught at school. So Mama, I am not taking any chances''. I concluded with a smile. Mama yawned and thundered ''Just take one from the box under the bed and get out from my sight''. It stunk a bit but without any comment, I took the soap and scurried out of her sight.

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''All the best my dear'' Jay said whiles hugging me. Today is the day the headmaster is going to give me my test. This was a one on one examination and I had to give it my best because this examination would determine whether I would be joining the seniors for the final examination or not. I took a deep breath and run my hands through my braids. I wanted to come alone but Joe and Jay decided to escort me for, well, luck. ''I can not believe you are choosing education over your work''. Joe said in disbelieve. Yesterday, my boss ordered me to choose between today's test or my well paid job as a minor. It was not a surprise that I chose today's test. My boss can rot for all I care. This opportunity is rare and I am not going to let it pass. I sighed and said'' Joe, bro, this headmaster has done something unbelievable, he is sacrificing his position just for me to have a better future. I can not and would not let him down''. '' There she goes, rattling in perfect English''. said with a smile. ''Is that a compliment?'' Jay and I asked out of shock. Joe laughed.'' Don't let it get to your head kiddo, come on Jay let's get out of here before the headmaster persuades us to write with her''. He ruffled my hair and they left. I waved them goodbye till they were out of sight. I breathed deep. 'This is it' I thought. The days that gave me sleepless nights, that made me miss my meals, meals that were not often available. I walked in, praying with all my might that this test would be a success.

''You don't mean it''. Joe said as we jumped up and down with joy. ''Oh yes, he said 'Your head will make a nice trophy on the shelves in my office, you are remarkably brilliant' ''. I went on to tell them what the headmaster had said. ''Say what?'' Jay asked. We laughed out loud and Mama who was sitting quietly listening to us even smiled. Then she said ''I hope you plan on being a doctor or a lawyer or some profession which pays well, with that brain of yours''. ''Well Mama'', I answered quickly, glad that she was speaking to me out of her own will. ''I did think about it and realized, I had no passion for those 'well paid' jobs as you call it. I plan on being a media personnel, an author and a big time international actress''. I concluded proudly. ''Humph!'' Mama scoffed. ''With that height of yours, you will hardly make it through an audition, not to talk of acting, the real deal. And besides how much do you plan on taking home? Two penny? Foolish girl''. She laughed scornfully. Joe made the sound of a deflated balloon and Jay sarcastically said ''Just the perfect words to ruin a perfect moment as this''. ''Way to go Mama''. Joe added. For a moment, I felt sad. Though I was beautiful, I was neither tall nor a dwarf. I was just a short girl and as much as I tried to think less of it, I feel soo insecure when someone brings it up. Mama's words were like a whip across my back, it made me weak and my knees buckled but I held unto Joe for support. What she said nearly got to me, but far away in my head a memory popped up, out of the blue. For a moment, I seemed lost as I concentrated on it. I heard Papa's voice saying his last words to me ''Always believe in yourself, never underestimate yourself and potentials''. Those words of encouragement was all I needed. I let go of Joe's arm, stood tall and with a proud smile, looked Mama squarely in the eyes and replied. ''Forgive me Mama, but what you just said shows how much you detest me. But following your dreams does not make you a fool, it makes you human, a real and ambitious one. And if you think my height is a problem, then you are really lost in this world''. Jay gave me a warning look and I nodded. I was not going to say things to hurt her, I was just saying this to put her in place. ''Do you know Kevin Darnell Hart? My role model? That guy is just 5 foot 2 and a half inches tall, funny as hell and super dope. he is making millions of dollars and no matter how tiring his work may seem, he loves it and it is helping him make a living. I may not have connections or be funny as he is, but I am also short and black and it may seem impossible. It may not be today or tomorrow, but I will surely get there Mama and that is a promise. This may be a new life for us, but it will not be our lives forever. See you later guys''. And with that I walked away, thinking ' I am going to surprise you Mama, just wait and see.' But little did I know that she had her own surprise in store for us.