3. PAPA

I could not hold back my scream of agony. The dream had been so real, so vivid, so true. I covered my mouth with my hand and screamed again, silently this time around so I wouldn't be heard. To avoid my family from waking up. But the harm was already done. I could hear them running to my room, and bustling through the door. The lights came on and I knew I must have scared them, because they looked like they were expecting to see a bull trampling me. ''What is it?'' Papa asked, forcing me to look at him and as I did, fresh tears welled in my eyes. ''What is it?'' He asked again, shaking me. But I just shook my head as the tears brimmed over. 'How?' I thought. 'How can I tell them that I had another horrible dream and it involves my Papa? How can I tell them I saw him leaving us soon and not going to come back, like ever. ''You can't be shedding all these tears and tell me it's nothing''. Papa retorted. I couldn't believe my loving Papa shouted at me. So I did the only thing that came to mind. ''I said it's NOTHING, can't I have life of my own?! and privacy?! For Pete's sake Papa, let me be!'' I shouted back. I heard a gasp from Papa. He looked like he had been shot. And then the horrid dream came to mind, it all my willpower from screaming again. I turned away from him. ''I want to be alone''. I said. I closed my eyes as they left. As soon as the last person closed the door, I went back to crying. '' Oh God, please Jesus, not him, not my Papa''. I silently prayed. Few moments later, I grew quiet and sleep tugged at my eyes but I was too scared to sleep a wink. The door creaked open and a figure entered. My eyes widened in fear. ''It's just me''. Jay whispered. ''Scoot over, I'm sleeping with you tonight''. He said. ''No, I'm a big girl now, I can sleep alone''. I argued back, but deep down I was praying with all my might for him to stay. He sounded pissed as he whispered again.'' I insist''. I knew better than to argue and gladly laid down. I must admit, a sense of security overwhelmed me when he laid down too and I was fast asleep in seconds.

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''How is he?'' Mama asked the doctor when he came out. ''Worse''. Was his reply. ''He would be transferred to bigger hospital this noon''. The doctor continued. Mama sighed and sat down. I went to her and asked ''Is Papa going to be okay, Mama?''. She looked at me sadly and said, '' You are still a kid dear, there are somethings you would not understand and so you should not worry about''. ''I am nine and a half, Mama. You can tell me anything and I won't cry a penny''. I answered proudly, but Mama just picked me up instead and hugged me tight. Jay came to hold my hands, Joe hugged Mama and we stayed like that for a long time. After a while, Mama suggested we go home and we all rose to our feet. On our way out, the doctor called Mama and said something quietly to her, but I caught the words 'sorry, late and last time'. Mama gasped and ran to Papa's ward with us trailing behind. There were two nurses wheeling Papa out and he looked weak, tired and almost lifeless. ''Papa?'' I asked moving forward, but one of the nurses stopped me. ''It's okay, let her come to me. I need to feel my little angel again''. Papa said as he held out his weak arms for me. I walked to him and he kissed me and whispered'' I love you baby. Always have, always will. No matter what happens, never forget that''. I looked him in the eyes, my tears fell and so did his. ''I love you more Papa, see you soon''. I said stepping back, but he did not reply and I felt a sickly feeling in my gut. All this while, Mama was silently crying. She hugged Papa tight whiles Papa stroked her back and said '' It will be okay, I will be with you all the way''. ''I can't do this on my own, I need you'' Mama shakingly said. Papa kissed her and smiled,'' You are not alone, don't forget I'm still the man of the house''. Mama gave a weak smile. Joe and Jay kissed Papa on his cheeks and said in unison, ''We love you, Papa''. ''I love you guys too''. He replied. The nurses wheeled him away quietly, but I still couldn't shake the sickly feeling off so I shouted behind him ''See you soon Papa!''. He just feebly turned his head but did not reply. ''I said see you soon Papa. Please say something!''. A silent tear fell from his eyes but he did not say anything, he looked away and one of the nurses closed the door behind him. I turned to Mama and she hugged me as I sobbed in her arms. ''Mama, my Papa ignored me''. ''Hush, my dear. Papa is sick and he is very tired, you would hear from him soon ok?''. Mama pleaded and I nodded, then she carried me and we went home.

''Hurry up, birthday girl''. Jay said as he held the phone out to me. I happily run to it and took it from his hands. It has been two months since Papa was taken away and we were not allowed to see him but we speak with him on phone from time to time. ''Hello''. I said breathless. ''Hi there my angel''. Papa weakly said. ''Papa!'' I screamed with joy. ''Happy 10th birthday baby''. I smiled. ''Thanks Papa''. ''Make a wish''. Papa said. ''I wish to see you soon, Papa''. I said absentmindedly, without hesitating. The line went dead for a moment. ''Papa, are you there?'' I asked timidly. ''Yes darling, I am''. He replied shakingly. ''darling, there is something I want you to know''. Papa began and I felt that sickly feeling again. ''Always believe in yourself, never underestimate yourself and your potentials. Know that whatever that happens, you would always be my little angel''. ''Papa,'' My voice broke, I didn't realize I was crying. ''Papa, I will make you proud, I promise''. Papa told me to give the phone to Mama, and as much as he was trying to hide it, I knew he was crying too. I handed the phone over to her went to my room, sobbing all the way.

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The bell rang and the kids happily ran out. We were back to school, a new school. Well, it's new because we are new here but seriously it looks like a rat's hole. It is one of the poorest schools in the country and it now contained us, the kids of one of the former most richest men in this country. I sighed, '' Could this get any worse''. I whispered, while gathering my books into my bag. Jay's head poked through the doorway ''You done there?''. ''Yep, but Jay, how long has it been since we last spoke to Papa?''. I gasped suddenly. ''What is it?'' Jay worriedly asked. ''I felt a sharp pain in my chest when I said his name''. ''Who? Papa?''. Jay asked. There, I felt it again and this time around it was very painful that I crouched low, held my chest and struggled to breath. I heard Jay say my name, but I couldn't shake off this feeling of something bad happening, something lethal. Jay took my bag, held my hand and helped me up. ''It is Friday, you should be happy''. He said. ''It has been a month dear, just a month''. I zoned out of the conversation and kept thinking, 'I'm perfectly fine, so why do I feel like a part of me just died?'. Joe was waiting for us outside, and we walked home. There was a crowd outside and they paved way for us, the moment they saw us. Mama looked a mess when we entered, Joe and Jay went to hug her, but I stood frozen in place. ''I'm sorry''. She wailed. ''He is gone, your papa is gone, he is no more. Oh my dear!''. It took me a moment to get what she meant and when I did, I bolted out the door. I ran to the hill and climbed it. I looked up as the clouds gathered '' No!'' I screamed. The clouds boomed and down came the rain, soaking me wet. ''No!'' I screamed again, but my tiny voice was lost in the loud rain. I broke down, in my uniform, clutching my feeble heart, which was soo small to bear the pain I was feeling. I punched the wet earth till I could not feel my hands. ''Papa'', my voice broke. ''My Papa'' I whispered, coiling on the ground and crying my heart out as the rain poured, louder than before.