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The Last Heiress of Oblonsky, Beatrix

The sound of guns... The darkness... The smoke... Then, oblivion. Everyday, I am haunted by my nightmares. Everytime the thunder roll and lightning strikes, I shivered. Looking outside my window, I am writing my daily journal and poetry today... To release all the pains and tensions from my past. And I wrote.. December 18, 1980 Myshkin, Russia My beloved, Have you ever ask yourself... What's your life purpose? If.. Are you doing the right thing? Are you on the verge of confusion, loneliness, unhappiness and being stagnant? Day dreaming into your own world? Too much questions filled in your heart and mind. Too much of everything that you don't want. Too much! To clear out my confusion and to have more clarity about myself, I dig deeper inside me. Reminiscing my childhood moments and cherish them. Facing the darkest and painful moments of my memories. Those memories of repeating horror, memories of loss, memories of death. Yes, I did face it all. I cried hard. After decades of those patterned memories... This is the first time that I realized.. How I treated myself so badly. And I really wanted to give back to myself. By appreciating my past. Appreciate yourself more... Love yourself more... And you will discover more... I have discovered each words, all feelings, expression, harmony just fits well to take steps in writing this poem for my past. ***A LETTER FOR MY PAST SELF*** My dearest self in the past... I have been visiting you lately in a vast... You are carefree, immature and FEARLESS, You go out more, loving the sun and grasses, Full of sweat and sun-kissed from above. Joyous days, feet touching stones and green Oh How glorious those days have been Flowing like water in every storms within And wind touches, caressing my skin Telling me, It's ok dear, everything has it's purpose". A path full of journey and a dead rose All those rise and fall, I am with you... All those tears and laughter, I am with you.. I am always with you til the end of time

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60 Chs

THE GETAWAY

We are all packed up and set to go.

Stefan and I, are wearing three layered thick clothes to protect us from the cold.

Confusion still linger in my mind.

I hope everything is fine.

I trusted Stefans decisions.

The horses are ready for us to ride.

And Peter already loaded our suitcase to the black Toyota Land cruiser.

Peter waited for us to leave first since the horses will not be able to compete with cars phase.

And for secrecy sake.

Stefan helped me to saddle up.

And we are settled and ready for our journey.

"Thank you..Your Highness!" I said cheerfully.

"Peter..see you in Bird bridge!" Stefan said.

Then, I slightly squeeze my calf to signal Winter to move as Stefan started Stygian.

We started into a walk then few meters away from the house, we started to trot.

We exert more pulse of energy to get them going.

We passed through the Canyon Creek and Sounds river.

Oh they're beautiful!