Jung Hoon

Back in my room I crawled on my bed, still thinking about what just happened.. The only thought in my mind was that he must really hate me so much right now. His last words still felt like piercing through me. He was gonna be gone tomorrow. I don't know what I was doing I was hurting both Min Jae and him. I crawled inside my blanket and hugged my knees.  Remembering all those beautiful moments we spent together. Scrolling through my phone, looking at the pictures I took of him when we went roaming at the Korean folk village. Looking through it I realized what have I done. He was never gonna forgive me. God what have I done I thought to myself.

I kept tossing around on the bed. I heard a knock on my door. I rushed to open it thinking it was him but to my disappointment it was Min Jae.

"Yes" I said to her. "Need anything?" I added.

"Just wanted to talk" she replied walking past me in to the room.

I walked over to the couch and sat opposite to her.

"Do you like him?" she asked me all of a sudden.

"I don't know" I replied, lost of words didn't what to reply to that.

"Just tell me Jung Hoon" she said in a raging tone.

"I don't know what to say. I don't even know what I am feeling right now. I just feel empty right now" I replied to her.

"You know Jung Hoon when I first met you I was blown away. It felt like I finally found my one and only" she said. "But while dating you I started feeling left out. I don't why. Maybe it was part my fault and partly yours"

I looked towards her. Was I that ignorant, I thought to myself.

"I am sorry Min Jae. I don't know what am I doing right now" I said.

"You know what I don't blame you fully for liking someone else when we are in relationship. I never made you feel that we were in a relationship and also neither did I gave you much time" she said.

I was feeling like shit. What I have done is unforgiveable but here she was blaming herself for all that has happened.

"No don't say that. I am here to blame. I was not able to keep our relationship safe. I was the one that fell for another. You're nowhere to be blamed" I said looking towards her, holding her hand in mine.

At that moment I felt like those jerks from dramas who changes partners like clothes. I felt shitty inside. I don't know how it turned out to be like this.

"You like him right?" she asked me again.

"I don't know anymore. I feel like a part of me is missing. I miss him. You know yesterday we spent a whole nice day and day before that. I was so happy" I said tears rolling down me. "I ruined everything. He is not gonna forgive me" I said sobbing.

"I am sure he is feeling the same" she consoled me. "why don't you try explaining everything to him" she said.

"You think so. Will he hear me out?" I asked her.

I got up to go talk to him but the she stopped me.

"I don't it is the right time to talk yet' he must be hurt right now. Why don't you talk to him tomorrow?"

 "Thanks Min Jae for understanding me" I said. "I mean it".

"No worries" she said smiling. "Why don't you get freshened up and get some sleep" she said as he walked out my room.

After chatting with her I felt assuring. I need to clear this out I said to myself. I washed up my face as it dreaded of tears. After washing up I crawled back to my bed.

Next morning when I opened my eyes to the sunlight shining upon me, I immediately woke up to see the time. It was 7 o'clock. Thank god he hasn't left yet I thought to myself. I got myself up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom to get a shower. After having a shower I came back to my room. I got dressed in a shorts and a tee. After I was done I decided to head downstairs and wait there for him to wake up. When I walked towards the door I saw a paper lying down near the door. I walked over to the door and picked it up. I unfolded it to see what it was. It was from him.

 Jung Hoon,

            When you will be reading this I would be long gone. It was quite a memorable period of time I spent with you. But I guess it was untill here that we had. I can't face you while I am leaving here. So I am leaving before you are awake. If you still think the time we spent together was amazing then, please don't follow me. I wish you happiness. I hope not to cross path with you ever again. ANNYEONG JUNG HOON.

 Joshua.

Once I read the letter I rushed over to his room. I looked around the room but there was no sign o0f him. He was long gone. I broke down into pieces. What have I done? I asked myself. Tears flowing like river out of me. Tears won't stop as well as my heart won't stop hurting. I stayed there for a while when I heard Min Jae come in.

"Jung Hoon what happened?" she asked coming towards where I was seated.

I couldn't myself from sobbing.

"Tell me what happened?"

she asked again.

"He is gone" I somehow uttered those words as I handed out the piece of paper to her.

"He doesn't want to see me ever again" I said pulling her in to a hug.

She patted my back.

"Its ok. I am sure he will forgive you. Give him some time" she said.

"No, he is never gonna forgive me" I said still tears rolling down.

After a while I heard the calling bell ring. Min Jae pulled me up and asked me to get freshened up as she walked downstairs to get the door. Back in my room I felt empty inside myself as if a big part of me has slipped away from me. I sat on the edge of my bed still thinking about him. I was so immersed in thoughts that I didn't even see manager hyung come in.

"Jung Hoon, are you ok?" he asked me sitting beside me.

"I don't know anymore hyung" I replied.

"What happened? Wanna talk?" he asked.

"I rather not talk about it" I replied.

"OK" he responded.

"Why are you here so early in the morning?" I asked him.

"You have drama shooting today remember>" he replied.

"shit I almost forgot about it" I exclaimed out lopud.

"are you sure you"re ok right?" he asked me looking concerned. "should I tell them you're not feeling well today?" he added.

"No hyung. It would be very unprofessional. Give me some time I'll get myself ready" I said to him trying hard to smile at him.

I cleared my mind out and got dressed to leave for the shoot. I already delayed the shoot due to my solo debut preparation I couldn't delay more. I decided to think about all things after I was done with shoot. I shouldn't keep them waiting I thought to myself. After I was done I bid Min Jae bye and left for my shoot. While going to the shooting location I passed the Seoul medical center, hitting me that he maybe in there working I looked through the window in hopes of maybe see him. But to my disappointment I couldn't spot him. Once at the shooting location I kept myself busy doing anything than sitting idly, as every time I sit idly I remember of him.  It was a sunny day. The shoot was mostly outdo0ors. We were at the Korean folk village. While shooting a scene we came over to the place where he tried wearing Hanbok. At that moment I stood there frozen remembering moments we shared at that location. Tears brewing I excused myself as I rushed back to my vanity van. Manager hy8ung came in behind me asking if I was alright. I asked him to leave me alone for a moment. I got myself together and got back in to do the scene. I asked the director to take it from the top and continued shooting.

It was around 2 in the afternoon when we all took a lunch break. I wasn't that hungry so I decided to skip lunch but manager hyung won't leave me alone. He kept bugging me to have some. I8 somehow managed to gulp some food in. After a while the shoot continued. I was almost done with my day shoot, now all I had was some night scenes to shoot. All this hectic load of shoot was very tiring not to mention the costume I have been wearing the whole day. King's robe was very uncomfortable top wear, maybe it was very unfamiliar as it was my first time shooting a historical drama.

When I was done with shooting it was almost midnight, as we had to shoot some night scenes too. I was so tired when I was done. I asked my manager to get me a reservation at a nearby hotel so that I could spent the night here itself. I had to come for shooting tomorrow anyhow at 6 in the morning so I decided to stay instead of going back and forth.

Time fl;ew by, my drama started its airing. I got busy with the shooting but from time to time I wasn't able to focus. I kept thinking about him. I even went to the hospital in hopes of seeing him but to hell with my luck I was never lucky enough to get to see him. Its has become a habit of mine to dial his number whenever I use my phone. I tried calling him multiple times but there was no reply. Me and Min Jae decided to stay friends and I let her stay at my home  for the time being.  We still have some tension between us but I let it, thinking it will go away.

It was drastic how it all changed. I even met Josh once, I tried talking to him, explain everything but he was not ready to hear me. It was a public place, I didn't care what people will think of me but I really wanted for him to listen to me. But it didn't go the way I wanted it to go. He left me without even listening to me. I saw pain in his eyes that I have caused him.

I decided to try until I succeed as it was my fault that we are in  this situation. It hit me rock bottom that I can't feel the way I feel for him, I won't for anyone else.

The shoot continued as planned. We were almost down to last few episodes' shoot. Like always what I have been doing this few days I got to the shooting location as early as possible. Today I had to shoot a fight sequences with swords and stuff. I got ready in my costume as the action director came over to me to explain the scene as how to move the sword and actions. After an hour preparation we got ready to shoot the scene. While shooting almost at the end of the sequence I cut my palm with the edge of the sword. But I went on without interrupting the shoot. After the scene was done all the crew came rushing to me to help. They led me to my vanity van and applied ointment and bandaged it. The director was worried sick, he kept on asking me if I was alright and if I would be able to shoot the remaining scenes. I assured him I was alright and asked him to postpone the shoot to after lunch so that the wound would be able to dry at bit.

 I got  back to my vanity and was waiting for manager hyung to bring my lunch,  that's when I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in" I  said.

The door opened and it was Min Jae.

'What are you doing here?" I asked confused.

"Ah I heard about that" she said pointing at my wounded hand.

"So I bought you some homemade food so that you could regain your energy and finish your shoot nicely" she said.

"You didn't had to?" I said looking at her.

"A thank you would be enough' she said sarcastically.

"Thank you" I said letting out a light chuckle.

"Anyway I think it got cold on my way here. Let me get it heat up a little" she said.

"Ok. Kitchens that way" I said pointing at the door".

"Hey why don't you call your manager and driver to join us. I brought enough for everyone" she said from the kitchen.

"Ok. Gomawo" I replied and called manager hyung to come over to my vanity.

"Jung Hoon I am gonna go use the rest room. Could you check on it whether it has heated enough or not" she said

"ok" I replied.

I checked on the food and set aside the dishes and came back to where I was seated.

Few seconds later the door to the vanity flew open. I thought it was manager hyung. I turned around  and said "Hyung wass-eo".

But to my surprise it wasn't him. It was him, Josh. He was dressed in his white gown. I rubbed my eyes still not believing what I am seeing. He was here.

"You idiot" he said and rushed in and pulled me into a hug.

"Who told you to keep shooting after getting hurt?" he said in anger in his voice immediately pulling my palm to see the wound.

I still couldn't believe my eyes that he was here tending to my wound.

"Josh".

"Ssshhh" he cut me off. "Let me see" he added taking off the bandage wrapped around my wound.

He looked at my wound. He took out a kit from his backpack and started to treat my wound.

"OUCH"I screamed when he poured antiseptic liquid on my wound.

"Stop acting. It is not that painful. At least not painful as when you got cut" he said in anger.

After he was done dressing he packed his things up and gave me a capsule.

"What's this for?" I asked.

'It will ease your pain idiot" he said.

Even at that moment when he was just scolding me, I was happy that he was here happy that he still cares for me. He looked up from my wound on to my face. Our eyes met. I missed those eyes. I missed every bit of him. I forgot everything and pulled him in to a tight hug.

"Who is ready for some food?" Min Jae asked coming out from the small roomed kitchen attached to the vanity.

I almost forgot about her being here. As soon as he heard her voice and saw her he pulled away from the hug. He stood up and gathered his backpack. I looked up to him and saw tears brewing in his eyes. He looked at me and then her.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have come" he said rushing out the door.

I was still contemplating what happened right now. How his eyes went from concerning to painful expression, how his eyes went from sparkling to teary eyes.

"What are you doing Jung Hoon? Go" Min Jae said shaking me.

I excused myself as I ran after him. I looked around for him but he was nowhere to be found. Then suddenly rain started pouring down. I was all wet but I kept looking for him. After a while I saw him sitting at a bench crying. Even in rain I could see him pouring out his tears out. I walked towards him then I saw a guy came towards him with an umbrella and holding it upon him. The guy stood there for a while and then sat do0wn beside him. They talked for a while. Then I saw Josh get up to go but then the guy stopped him by holding his hands. He gave him the umbrella and then took off his coat and placed it on josh's shoulder to give him warmth and ran away towards the building. Josh looked towards him and then walked away.