Joshua

The ride to the hospital was silent. From time to time I could see Milo looking towards me. But he kept his silence as if sensing my unwillingness to talk. Once we were at the entrance of the hospital he looked towards me.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

I broke into tears again. It was damn hurting too much. I cried the hell out of myself. Milo pulled me into hug and patted on my back.

"Sssshhh… what happened?" he asked cupping my cheeks.

I told him what happened from the start.

"What a jerk? I am gonna kill him" he exclaimed out in anger.

"Stop Milo. Its not like he confessed to me that he likes me or love me. Its all my fault, for being naïve enough to think that he may like me"  I poured out my heart out.

"What are you gonna do now?" he aksed.

"I am not sure" I replied.

"you know I am here for you whenever you need me right?" he asked.

'Thank you Milo" I said and pulled him into a hug.

"Anyway I should get going" saying I got off the car to enter to the hospital for my  shift.

I walked up to the nurse's station and greeted them as I asked them to get all the residents ready for the rounds. I walked into my cabin and settled my things and went into the wash room to wash off my face. It must look puffy from all the crying. I washed myself up and got hold of my gowb abd went for the rounds.

After I was done I came back into my cabin as the out patients have started to come in, once I was odne with the out patients I decided to go to the cafeteria to have a cup of coffee. Time flew by, as the evening was upon us I started to get tensed as how am I gonna face him. I  desperately wanted the time to stop at that moment or just to be very fast forward to morning. He have been calling me the whole day. I somehow managed to control the urge to receive his call.

My shift was done by 8 o'clock. I wanted to delay as much as I could not to see him but I was out of option as I was standing just out the front door. I could hear clinking of utensils inside. I left out a sigh. 'Josh you have to face him anyhow someday. Lets just get it with it' my inner voice said to me. I build my courage ans I pushed the door open. As soon as I opened the door I saw him come out of his room as if he knew I had just reached. He looked at me and came rushing down towards me. I looked away from him. Min Jae was I assume cooking dinner as I saw her at the kitchen. He came rushing to me and pulled me into a hug.

I pushed him away.

"Can we talk?" he said.

"Sorry. I am really tired. Lets talk tomorrow" I said without looking at him.

"Please Josh let me.." Min Jae cut him off.

"AH you're back. Come back dinner with us. Its almost done" she said.

":Sorry I already had dinner. Thanks anyway. You both enjoy your dinner. I am gonna go to my room" I asid walking past them.

"Josh.." he called out. I just ignored and walked upstairs to my room.

Once I was in my room I heard I broke into tears again. I sat there attached to the door sobbing. After few seconds I heard a knock on my door..

"Josh please talk to me. You know, you're killing me by not talking to me. Yell at me, get angry at me but please talk to me" he almost begged. I could hear sincerity but I don't know why but bi diodn't wanted to give in.

"Please Josh" he said in a desperate tone. I had already made up my mind about leaving here at the hospital itself. So, I thought of just getting over it once and for all. I embraced myself and opened the door for him. He was seated there just at the entrance. As I opened the door his eyes looked up to me. He got up from where he was seated and tried to hug me. I stopped him from doing so.

"You said you wanted to talk" I said.

"Thank you Josh" he replied. I came over to the bed and sat on the edge. He closed the door behind him and walked over to where I was seated. He sat beside me but I scooted away from him.

"Josh" he said as he looked me in the eyes. I immediately reverted my eyes away.

"Before you say anything I have to tell you something" I  said.

"OK" he responded..

"As your wound is healed now, you don't need me here anymore. So I am moving back to my parent's tomorrow" I  uttered those words.

"Oh"  he exclaimed and looked at me.

"So?" I looked towards him and sked.

"can't you not go?" he asked in asad tone.

"I have nothing else to do. I have to go. I only agreed to stay here until you are healed" I said.

"And I don't wanna cause you and her any trouble" I said looking away from him.

He took hold of my hand and looked at me,

"Please don't go" he said in a very desperate tone.

"If you're done then I think you should leave. I am gonna go to sleep" I said.

"Josh.." he was about to say something but I cut him off.

"Good night Jung Hoon" I said and walked away towards the other end of the bed.

He looked at me. Our eyes met. I could see sadness all over him but I didn't wanted to get hurt all over again. I could feel tears brewing and about fall out of me. I looked away from him. When I turned around after a moment he was long gone. I walked over to the door and closed it behind me and crawled in to the bad with tears rolling down my cheeks.

The whole night I kept changing sides. I couldn't sleep at all. Sleep was far far away from me. I tried sleeping really hard but it won't come to me. Whenever I closed my eyes I remember the scene playing over and over again. Different sorts of question kept me awake. Was it nothing to him? Was it all a game?  Was  I just a infatuation for him? The thought of seeing him with her, for the matter with anyone was killing me from inside. Josh are you that head over heels for him?

The night went by me tossing around the bed. When the sun rays made their way to my room, that was my cue to get up. I got a shower and started getting my things so I can leave here before he or she wakes up. I got all my belongings and started walking down the stairs. I looked up to his room once and my feet won't budge. How, but I found myself standing outside his door. Josh what the hell are you doing? Let's go my mind said but my body won't act. At least leave him a note came in my inner voice.

 I got a sheet of paper from my backpack and wrote him goodbye and walked away. It was around half past 7, I had time before my shift starts so I decided to drop my things at home and then decide to go to the hospital. I drove towards home. Once I reached home it was too early for dead and Rachel to wake yet but mom was up. When she saw me walk in she came towards me an engulfed me in to a tight hug.

"Missed you son" she said.

"Me too mom" I replied trying not to cry.

"What happened? Why are you here this early?" she asked once we separated from the hug.

"Why? This is my home too. Can't I come here whenever I want" I realized I have been so cranky this past few days. At hospital too I scolded my interns too much this past few days.

"You know what I mean son. Did you two fight?" she asked looking at me.

"No ma. It's just that my job there was done. He is fully healed so there was no reason for me to stay there" I said avoiding eye contact as I walked in the living area.

"But.." she was about to say something but I cut her off.

"Mom I am going to my room. I have to go to the hospital" I said walking upstairs to my room.

"Ok. Did you have your breakfast?" she asked.

"Yes mom" I lied. I wasn't in the mood to eat and if I had said no she won't leave me alone until I eat it.

After setting my things aside in my room I took my backpack and my gown and decided to leave for hospital.