February and some bad, bad choices

I blinked.

"No."

"You like fun."

"You can't keep doing this. It's... I don't know what is true anymore... In my head... Do you know how hard is it?!"

"It's not a problem. Just assume everything is true."

She will never understand. She will never know how it's like...

"I thought that you can change, but... We can't..."

"Wait... Are you breaking up with me again?"

She sneered.

No. No... It was not how I wanted this to go...

"We never got back together."

I almost stood up, when I remembered something. And noticed dark circles under her eyes.

"Wait... May said you were in trouble... What happened?"

"Ah, this. You know what?" She spread out in the chair like a cat. "Let's start over. I really didn't like this... I will tell you next time, okay?"

I wanted to stop her, but...

I looked up. Red Lips, Late Again, and Sparkles chatted peacefully right in front of the cabin.

"Sorry..." I muttered under my breath to opened the door.

It was so calm in the toilet and so quiet. No wonder many people cry in the bathrooms...

I smiled at the girl in the mirror, but she didn't smile back. Instead, her grim face got only grimmer with a frown.

"How mean." I thought.

I looked at my phone one more time. It's was six past ten. I was sixteen minutes late.

The girl in the mirror shook her head as if she hated being late. I understood that very well. I loathed being late myself.

There was something disturbing in the sharp silence coming through the door with the person who was late...

I blinked.

Didn't I...

I... I felt weird...

I was pretty sure I thought that already...

I looked through the window... And remembered jumping... Or just thought of jumping? But I didn't jump, right? I didn't... I haven't ever...

Oh, God...

I felt as the sensation was fading away and with sudden panic, I took the phone.

"Raisins, envelope and... Chocolate.

And Time."

I wrote these words down and second, later I didn't even remember the feeling connected with them.

I knew what it meant.

She must have tricked me again.

I decided to jump out of the window anyway.

Even though I was pretty sure I had done that before.

When my feet reached the ground I staggered disgracefully, however, I did nothing beside that. I didn't grip my ankle nor did I fall on my knees. I didn't feel any pain either, even though I heard "auch" blurting out of my mouth.

Huh.

What now?

I needed to call May. However, that meant that I already called May... And whatever happened next it must have led me to Time. And then she must have turned time back here.

Why?

"Raisins, envelope, chocolate...And Time."

The only way to guess what had happened was to make it happen. The only problem was that if I meet Time once more, she will probably turn time back again...

And let's be honest, how many times can you jump out of the window without getting bored?

Everything will go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth all over again. Maybe it already did a few times. But it will go again, again and again. Till Time is bored... Then something might change.

Oh, Time. Don't you understand now? That is precisely why I don't want to be with you. I don't even wanna remember you anymore... You're just too exhausting...

Unwittingly, I flinched.

I would never say that. Unless I did and that's why Time...

I needed to call May.

"Hi." She responded quickly as she was waiting for me to call her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

She coughed like in the demonstration. I realized I haven't moved an inch from the place where I landed from the window. I was sure that skipping French wasn't really rooted as it should be, so right away I chose the path that led to home.

Don't misunderstand me, dear friend. I had no intention of just going home.

"Better." Said May.

"Good."

"I thought you were in school..."

"Unimportant. "Raisins, envelope, and chocolate." What does it tell you?"

"Eee... What do you mean?"

"Did you see any raisins, envelopes, or chocolate around you today?"

"Yeah... I'm eating my second bar of chocolate today now."

I bet sick people shouldn't eat two bars of chocolate a day... I didn't correct May though. She never listened when it came to chocolate...

"How about raisins? And envelope?"

"Well... I just added raisins to my cookies and now I put them back into the cupboard..."

"You did what?!"

"I put them into the cupboard?" She asked.

"Disgusting!" I yelled. "Spoiling cookies, good cookies, innocent cookies... How cruel!"

"Ah, that. I forgot that you don't like raisins, sorry."

"Your apologies won't rescue my cookies..." I said melancholically.

"Oh, come on! You can take raisins out!"

"It won't be the same... Raisins stay even if you take them out! Raisins flavor and aura stay..." But it could be about cookies. It would mean I went home and Time waited nearby. Maybe she even showed up at the door? "And what about the envelope?"

"Envelope?"

"Did you see any?"

"Yeah. I collected the post today... Oh, and Time left you a note! It was in an envelope... How does that matter?"

I stopped in the middle of the road.

"Can you read out that note to me?"

"But... It's your envelope. I can't open it!"

"I can't go home. Read it, please."

"What? Why can't you?! You don't make too much sense. Are you feeling well?"

I couldn't come home though. I didn't know what would happen there. It could be one of the reasons why Time...

"Yeah, I feel fine. I just need to do something. I don't have too much time, can you please read it to me?"

"I bet it's private!"

"Oh," I chuckled. "Then you shouldn't pretend that you mind."

She snorted.

"Alright..." I waited for a few seconds as she was traveling between the rooms and then I heard a hiss of ripped paper. I winced. I bet she completely ruined an envelope... "You want me to read it... Okay... "Febbie, I know you're mad, but I really need you. I'm at Chocolate's.

T." Oh, she calls you Febbie? That's cute! You should totally..." She didn't stop talking, I just quitted listening.

So I had gone home, had eaten these deplorable cookies, had read Time's letter, had rushed to Chocolate's... "Raisins, envelope, chocolate and..."

And then I met Time.

And she wanted to make me do it all again.

"...Feb? Are you even there?"

"Yeah. Sorry, I need to go."

"To Chocolate's?" She asked with hope in her voice.

"No. I need to get back at French."

This is why I couldn't be with Time. She made me make bad, really bad choices.