Born to suffer

My memories start as far back as age 3 my mom telling my sister and i our father wasnt gonna ever come home again he was in a car accident but i didnt cry and my older sister was enraged but i just knew it was not ok but my dads parents lived in illinois and my grandma was mental svr abuser would call me racist names make me scared lock me in celler in dark till id stop breathing half the time my grandpa a harley guy would come home beat her up cause hed find me half dead in basement he knew shed make my sister be mean to me then get rewards for it thry told me my dad was gonna come alive kill my mom cause i wasnt my dads she let my cousin touch and kiss on me and just torture me why was i born into this why what did i do so bad i remember asking that i was ugly and not like them i deserved to be hodden in a celler but it would take 2hpur rides on harley or snowmobile and playing with buttons the dalmation to calm me down enough to promise i wouldnt tell cause i was in fear for my moms life too and eventually i told to help and i was seperated from my sister because she kept going back there and i got to go to my moms parents to heaven on weekends but i was told i lie i make up stories just in case the secrets came out i dont know if my dad is really my dad but i kno i cried because he had to live with a mom like that and since i was 5 on my papers it said what u wanna be when u grow up i put a mom with a rainbow and smiles cause i would never torture children the way that evil witch did and still to this day idk if my own mother knpws the entire truth cause he wasnt bad he beat her cause to save me but they said he was horrible it was her she blamed me for my dads death and id never look good enough or be smart enough to ever claim my last name but ill never 4 get saying the dead kid in the basement saved me would make me stop crying itd talk to me if i didnt see it but to this day i know pure evil exsists i remember wwf wrestling and bull horns above the door and the harley and snowmobile huge satellite dish and dead horses by road for glue factory but i remember my dads dad was my first hero he said if i wasnt his he still loved me so i was a part of him so she wasnt gonna take his only happiness away but if i told hed kill her and himself cause theres no hapiness anymore if us kids were taken shed take us to stores buy my sister hundreds of dollar things but said theres no money for a 2dollar baby doll so i always thought i wasnt worth anything and my mom said i was telling stories so idk why shed hide this if i didnt do anything wrong i wouldnt let her out of my site in fear my dead dad would come kill us cause he knew i wasnt his kid now and stopped going to the torture but my sister still had to cause she felt special there and to me my other grandparents were sent from god himself a airforce poilet and a german model they met in the war and never fought had secret passages all in house in merringo ill rockford actually with a park yard darts bumber boats a huge lion waterfountin but the underground railroad used to be under the house in thier shed a noose i remember he couldnt reach to get down but id see a grey person hamg swinging in storms id scream but i had a cat outside my mom never home i got everything i asked for if i cleaned for it but they taught me what real true love morals standards were but it was never consistant so i was always told not pretty girly white enough so i hated myself from age 3