XIX

i turned around to meet ethan.

i smiled sweetly as i stood up walking towards him. i engulfed his little frame in hug. he tightened his arms around my neck tightly like i am going to run away anytime soon.

"aren't you suppose to come few days later little one? and it's so late... what are you doing here . " i asked raising him a question.

"you don't answer a question with question . you said that , so my answer first " ethan spoke.

i chuckled at his statement. he sure is too smart for his age.

"well, no i am not dying. i just had a bad fight with so many rogues. i am just hurt a little " i said grabbing his hands.

"i didn't wanted to stay there anymore. it was boring so i came back with the bodyguard alex provided . i followed your scent. " he said proudly god knows for what.

Austin cleared his throat. i almost forgot that he was there.

"Ethan, he is my close friend . his name is austin and he is a good vampire so stop looking at him like that. " i said to ethan who was glaring at austin and to my surprise austin was showing ethan his canines to tease him .

i take my words back. this guy is not mature . he still have a brain of 5 years.

"you both stop.... Austin take ethan back to home.... i have some work to do " i said

"you're not going anywhere "

"you're not going anywhere "

both Austin and Ethan spoke at the same time.

"copycat kid" austin said looking at ethan. as ethan ignored him. i laughed at ethan handling the situation.

"i am not running anywhere. i just need some fresh air and clear my thoughts. and Austin please look after ethan. there are rogues nearby. and they are not simple. they are drugged. " i said as ethan held my hands tightly not letting me go

"ethan , i need to think about somethings. so please . i promise i will be back soon. and you know i don't break my promise " i said bending down to him.

"i missed you. i will be waiting " ethan said kissing on my cheeks . my eyes widened. what did alex did to my rude and cold child . i looked at ethan as he looked down embarrassed.

i smiled cupping his little cheeks kissing him back on his forehead.

"i will "

"hey. you guys are discriminating me. i need kisses too for god sake " Austin shouted at us.

we both chuckled at his statement.

-------------

it was almost 5 am . i finally reached here. it was still the same beautiful. i walked towards the end of the cliff where once i slept peacefully on alex's lap.



everything was so messed up. i have no idea what to do. to live or to just simply give up but if i have to be honest i really have no reason to live.

i was getting tired from fighting and for once i wanted to be fought for .

should i just give up? stop fighting everyday with the darkness instead let myself consume by endless darkness ?

all type of thoughts were going inside me. where as my wolf was quiet too. alex's action had hurt her. she was exhausted too.

it always felt like i have fucked up somewhere badly and as a result of that i am now where i am . everything feels so misplaced.

in past i had my own coping mechanism. i used to tell myself it's okay somewhere in some other parallel universe , you are living a great life. you haven't made any wrong decision and you are living happily with your mate and your parents are still alive and kicking with you . but now nothing seems to work. it's so lonely and exhausting.

i took a step forward and was now standing at the edge of cliff. a step more and this all struggle , pain will be finished , i thought to myself . it was so tempting.

"i thought you ran away. again " his voice brought me back from my thoughts as i took a step back suddenly scared for what i was about to do.

tears streaming through my eyes as i realized what cowardly step i was about to do. i was going to leave ethan, austin and alex and all the people behind with another painful scar . how can i be so weak ? how can i give up so easily without fighting for myself? ...i have to fight even if it's exhausting. no one is gonna fight for me . i told myself again and again.

within a second he stood in front of me engulfing me in a warm hug .it was so warm and comforting. my sobbing stopped eventually.

"this feels so right. the feeling when i touch you. it's like feeling alive . don't do anything like you were about to do right now. please . for once and all let's just live like a normal couple. let's go out on dates, let's talk things out , let's kiss, let's fight and then let me say sorry everytime, let's have sex , makeup sex, morning sex and night sex too and lots of our little pups , enough to make great cricket team of our own. let's live for once. because i seriously can't live without you not even for a second. i don't care who you are, what you did in past for surviving.... i am here now and i am not going let you go through any struggle or any pain . you're not alone little wolf... i am with you.." he whispered into my ear , stroking my hair slowly as i slowly drifted to sleep .