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The four idiots of the apocalypse

Famine, Pestilence, War and Death are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They are tasked with destroying the world but somehow they always fail, either because of there own stupidity or because they are to busy doing more important things like household chores, working in retail, scrapping money together to pay the bills or just being lazy dimwits.

LunaWhatEver · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
3 Chs

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Death pulled out his phone. It had been beeping constantly for almost an hour.

When he looked at the notifications he knew why.

W: yo death are you done working?

F: IM HUNGRY BRING FOOD

P: you are always hungry

F: YES THATS WHY I WANT FOOD

W: stop writing everything in caps you      f** moron!

W: what the f** !

W: why does f** get censured?!

P: because you aren't allowed to swear on this app.

W: that s**! How the f** I'm supposed to write like this?!

F: HOW ABOUT NOT SWEARING?

W: how about not writing everything in big letters?!

F: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT

W: ARE YOU F** S**?!

W: S** IS NOT A SWEAR WORD! WTF?!

F: SEE NOW YOU PHONE IS WRITING EVERYTHING IN BIG LETTERS TOO

P: No Famine I think War is just angry.

F: WELL ISN'T THAT HIS DEFAULT SETTING?

P: yes but I mean more angry that usual.

W: YOU D** F** RIGHT I'M F** P** YOU S** SON OF A H**!!

F: I DON'T UNDERSTAND

P: Hey! Leave mom out of this!

F: DID YOU JUST CALL MOM A H**? YOU CAN'T CALL HER THAT

W: Why the f** not?!

F: BECAUSE IF YOU CALL ME THAT YOU ARE A SON OF A H** TOO

W: no I'm not!

P: well we are brothers so if you say Famines mom is a h** that means you are calling you own mom that too.

W: no

P: yes

F: HAHA XD WAR YOU ARE AN I**

F: WAIT I D I O T IS A SWEAR WORD TOO?

P: I guess

W: this is s**! Half of the words I know are swear words!

P: I don't know if I should be concerned that you don't know many words

W: I don't need words I have fists and a gun

D: Could you please stop this! I'm at work!

W: then turn off your f** phone

F: DEATH IM HUNGRY CAN YOU BRING FOOD WHEN YOU COME HOME?

D: fine but only when you promise to finally stop texting!

P: and how are we supposed to talk then?

D: really?... YOU ARE ALL AT HOME!

W: yeah but we aren't in the same f** room

P: exactly. This is way more convenient anyways.

F: BUT WE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM WAR

P: wait what? I thought you were in the bathroom....

F: YES WE ARE

W: don't you f** tell him!

P:...

D: why are you both in the bathroom together?

W signed off

F signed off

D: oh dear God

P: I'm concerned and confused

D: you should check on them. I'm worried war drowns Famine.

P: yeah give me a sec

P signed off

Death kept on starring at the screen in anticipation. Then finally Pestilence looked in again.

D: and?

P: ...

D: Pestilence are you okay?

P: .........

D: Pest?

P: I will never speak of this.....

D: what happened?

P: Never!

P: btw pls buy bleach, disinfectant and maybe even a blowtorch to burn everything

D: what?

P signed off

D: .....

Even days later Death wasn't able to find out what had happened but he knew that it must have been really bad. Because his brother Pestilence, how normally didn't care for cleaning at all voluntarily scrubbed the entire bathroom until his hands were bloody.