I Only Know Pain

=-= One week after Time Skip =-=

The pain has lessened. No, it's more like I'm used to it. I can feel the same mysterious powerful force that inflicts this pain on me. It's the same. Same amount of power or force.

Just I'm more used to it.

Honestly, it was hard. Hard not to go insane.

Well, not 'more' insane.

My thoughts were broken. Barely able to think. This whole story is just a compilation and a fixed version of my thoughts.

Or else how do you expect to read my story?

Anyways, it took me several more weeks before I was able to adjust and feel no more pain.

That meant several more weeks of crying. Although I slowly, very, stopped crying less and less.

The second the pain stopped, I also felt the powerful mysterious force stop.

Honest that force felt weird. It felt like weightless you could say. A bit of heat, radiation, felt cold too.

Confusing I know. But that's what I felt. Or sensed.

To be honest, I was happy? I was free of pain, free of crying, free in general. I never felt so alive. So free.

It was odd. I didn't know what happiness felt like. But I do know that I felt relieved. So maybe happy wasn't the right word.

But relieved.

After my crying stopped, I was finally brought to Mother. To be honest the past year I was forced breast-fed even through my crying. Forced everything through my crying.

But mostly I was forced away from Mother. I never felt this way. Never felt a connection before.

But I think I'm going to have to scratch that previous thought.

After a year of not meeting Mother, I did feel something.

I felt lonely. Something I had no problem dealing with in my past life. Even now when a tribe member was in the room feeding me or something, I still felt lonely.

But when I met Mother again in a while. That loneliness went away. Those thoughts in the back of my head disappeared.

The type of thoughts that say that Mother abandoned me.

Actually, in my past life, I was never the one to feel down or to make stupid thoughts. Or even the one to feel happy or make happy thoughts.

I simply thought and was realistic. I was logical.

But this currently baby form of mine has probably affected me.

To even make me 'think' of being abandoned by Mother baffled me. Or maybe it was a body type situation.

I did have a mental problem in my past life and mental meant brain.

So maybe this new brain of mine is different than my past. Maybe it's more complete or incomplete in this life than it was in the past life.

If I'm being honest in my past life when I was a teenager, I was surprisingly arrogant. I had thought myself to be better than everyone else.

Maybe not academically, but more logically. I had better logic. I had better fight skills. I was easily able to see their flaws. I had thought I had more skills than then.

But I did acknowledge my errors or mistakes. I just thought I was better than them in certain areas.

I believe that if I was thrown into another world or stranded on an island, I believe I would react better then them.

Not panic, not feel sorrow, or even mad at some higher being for leaving me here.

Instead, I am logical. I would immediately put up my guard no matter what. Survey my surrounds. Not for a second would I put my guard down. I also would silently move, breath, everything would be silent.

Not trusting my surrounds for a single second. Not trust anyone. Take a quick count of my belongings. Then find some cover as fast as possible.

You know the basic.

*line break*

But this life, this body, this world, everything felt different. I felt lonely at the thought of Mother abandoning me.

Something I had once believed impossible.

But now it wasn't.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Is it a bad thing that I want to belong to Mother, to make myself useful. To be recognized by her. To be owned by her. Not like a slave. But something kinda likes, a partnership between hunters on teams. But more personal. I want her to use me and allow me to prove myself worthy.

Not like some toy that you throw away after being bored of it. But something that you keep forever.

(AN: Wow dangerous thoughts there buddy)

Anyways this was how it went with meeting Mother. At first, I was clearly excited. Hoping to meet mother after so long. To be able to see the concern in her eyes. I knew I was a distraction to helping rule the tribe with my crying and all.

But what I got out in return was nothing I had hoped for.

It was quite the opposite.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Raven: "Hmm, my boy. There is clearly something wrong with you. To cry for so long is pathetic. Weak, unbefitting of a Branwen.

Even if I was your own mother I have no uses for a weakling.

For someone who brings only instability, who only is a leech to feed upon our supplies is no doubt unreliable.

Even if a baby, I have no doubt that in the future you will cause Chaos within our tribe.

From this day forward, I announce that Onyx Branwen is no longer a Branwen and must cast away his last name.

*Turns to servants*

Take him. Leave him in the forest 3 miles away from here.

We have no need for the weak.

Only the strong."

=-= Back inside Onyx's head. =-=

No, no, no, no , no, No, No, NO, NO, NO!

No Mother please don't leave me! I will do anything. Just please let me prove myself one more time. ONE MORE TIME! I am only 1 for GOD FUCKING DAMMIT SAKES! FOR THE MOTHER OF FUCKING SHITS, IF YOU LEAVE ME I WILL COME BACK AS A DAMN GHOST AND HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAMN SHIT LIFE. I WILL ENSURE THAT EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND CARE ABOUT WILL SUFFER INCOMPREHENSIBLE DAMAGE. I WILL MAKE YOU BEG AND GRAVEL AT MY FEET TO RELEASE THEM FROM THEIR SUFFERINGS AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT! I WILL BREAK YOUR VERY MIND! I WILL MAKE YOU DIE FROM GUILT, FOR NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU! Only psychological pain will harm you.

At that moment I truly felt like crying. And so I did. Even with me saying all that I know I was unable to do and carry out any of those actions.

For revenge was something I was unable to comprehend. Those words and everything I said was only something on the spur of anger. And despair.

No matter what, call me insane, dumb, retarded, illogical.

I still love my mother with a burning passion.

I will continue doing so.

No matter what.

=-=-=-=-=

At that moment when I was being carried out of the room and after everyone had left my Mother alone.

Raven wept. Uncontrollable.

Her son.

The very person she had no doubt bonded the most with.

Is about to die. And by her hands.

There was no choice.

It was either the death of her entire tribe.

Or a single boy.

She had visited a seer the day after the birth of her son. To be able to figure out what great things he would soon bring upon her tribe.

But the seerer said otherwise.

Only death and destruction would follow him.

So she made the hardest choice in her life. Harder then leaving Tai, Qrow, her daughter Yang and Ruby.

At least she had known they are still alive.

With her son though. She was unable to figure out whether he would survive or die in the forest.

Her portals had been rendered ineffective for some reason whenever she was near him.

The first time in her life, her sembalance didn't work. And it was only around Onyx.

She also couldn't follow Onyx in bird form. She had too many duties within the tribe to be able to follow him. Nor could she place a member and have them watch over him.

She was tight on manpower and with the promised death and destruction around her son, she just couldn't risk it.

So she could only pray to any Gods and Goddess out there.

For the safety of her son.

=-= Back to Onyx's head, One day after being left in forest =-=

I could honestly understand. I was a burden.

She had her position as head and leader of the tribe and raising a child is too much effort.

But the only thing I could do was pray for plot armor to save me.

Only plot armor didn't come in the someone saving me.

No, it came in pain.

But actually, I'm surprised I haven't attracted any Grimm yet.

Back to the pain.

It was terrible. The pain was almost as bad as the mysterious force pain.

Only this thing I could understand that the force was something else and that this pain was my semblance.

And this pain was physical. I felt pain the force was unable to inflict on me. The force was only breaking apart my mind and soul and rejoining it. The pain was the same.

But this time, it was different. Every second was a different feeling. Maybe one second I lost all feeling of my body and became blind, mute, deaf and such. The next second I could feel my body quite literally melt and reform.

No matter the damage, I was reformed.

It didn't even take a week before I realized something.

That I was semi-immortal now. I had felt no need for hunger, thirst, to use the restroom.

I felt myself grow, but I had no need for basic human needs.

So the pain continues.

Eventually, some Grimm and animals came up to me. For Grimm, my pain was only a beacon to them.

For animals, it was because I was practically there for a good while and their curiosity has peaked.

Needless to say, my pain doubled.

Not only pain from semblance, but also pain from being eaten alive, only to reform in the animals or Grimms stomach acid and burn alive.

I eventually did get out but was almost immediately eaten again by bigger pray.

If was a miracle then an animal had thrown up my core and I was reformed in a pile of vomit.

My core was basically an imaginary ball that my body would form around. It took me months to learn how to move it around and basically from where I want.

You read right. Months.

That was how long I was in the stomach of some animal, melting away while being damaged by my semblance regardless if I had a form or not.

Oh, not to mention but the pain also shows on my body.

For example, if I became blind, my eyes would turn white like a blind man's eye.

If I felt like I was being killed by a thousand cuts, then a thousand cuts appeared on my body.

The only limit to my pain was the limit of imagination.

Sometimes I hate the universe.

Scratch that, I hate everything. But Mother of course.

Still, love her no matter what.

No matter what.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Long AN. You may skip if you want, but this is slightly important. Just skim it at least.

(AN: A next few chapters might or might not be a time skip into when he gets around 4-5 ish. This novel is meant for fun also it's to have a novel that emphasizes true pain and struggle in order to acquire real power. Not some give this and give that and teach this and teach that without real pain and struggle. I wanted to find a novel that really shows the struggles of great power. I couldn't really find one so I made this. Currently, he has no powers. His mind and body are just adapting to be able to hold and use his future powers when they unlock. Enjoy! Remember, no pain no gain.)

Extra notes: Raven believe the seer because that seer was the last known seer alive and had been, and with proof, really accurate. Also some hints about his ability and semblance were given. Ability and semblance are two different things. His semblance is EXTREMELY vague in general. I'll give you a hint. It's a concept.

Having to do with death, but it's not death. Having to do with life, but not life.