Desperate

A week has already passed.

Everything was always the usual now that mom is gone. Sean was still an asshole to me, and Jean doing his own thing. But for me me... it wasn't as usual.

I was so hung up on my dream. I can't just forget about Sasha.

Everyday felt like i was just drowning, that everything just kept getting darker. I feel like nothing could ever save me now. And it kills me to have nightmares everytime i sleep.

I'm dying to see her again.

"Kean, take out the trash for me." Sean ordered.

Instead of arguing with him, i did what i was told and as i got the trash out, i sighed. I decided to take a walk to take some fresh air. And while i was walking, i saw the park near our house. I went there and stared at the flowers that were displayed there.

It reminded me of euphoria, it was filled with colorful flowers everywhere. My favorite were myosotises, it was the flower Sasha used to decorate my hair with.

I picked a few of it and tried to smile... but it's not the same here in this world.

Everything is just as dull as it was before.

"K-Kean?" A familiar voice called.

I turned to look for that person, and it was Christa. She was behind me standing, looking at me. "H-Hey..." she greeted and even tried to smile at me.

"Uh yeah, hi." I replied. I've lost interest in interacting with other people long ago.

I don't want to be disappointed in my expectations anymore. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Checking out these flowers." I answered, i just focused my eyes on staring at these flowers. It kinda sickens me to see her, and i really don't feel like talking with her at all.

"Oh, so you like flowers?"

"Hmn, yeah." Probably everybody does, is she even using her brain here?

"Uhm, about school... i haven't seen you for weeks. Where were you?" So she's been worried? She's been looking for me?

"Well, something happened. Not that it matters to you." I bluntly told her.

"W-What? Something happened? Did you got hurt? Or--"

"Whatever i do is none of your concerns." I told her.

As i looked at her, she was a bit shocked seeing me being rude to her. "Aren't we friends?" She murmured, but i heard it.

And it pissed me off.

Friends she say?

"No we're not, you just knew my name. And isn't it ridiculous to assume things like that when you just treated me like a stranger before?" I snapped at her.

She was just speechless seeing me like this, but i wasn't done just yet. "I hate people like you. Acting nice and friendly, making people think they found a new friend---but they really haven't! Then next they treat you like a stranger, then this!? Claiming that we're friends!? What is it exactly!? Am i a friend or just a stranger!?"

"Kean, i'm sorry---

"Shut the fuck up and leave me alone." I told her off.

She just looked down and excused herself. "I'll be leaving then." Then she ran away quickly.

Another sigh for the day.

I threw the myosotises that i picked on the trash and walked my way home. But before i go home, i sat on the sides of the streets and tried to clear my thoughts.

Everything is so messed up for me right now.

- to be continued.