19 No Other Option

"Thank you for the meal!" Jean said after he prayed.

Sean snorted. "Woah, you still pray despite being a sinner?"

"Oh shut the fuck up and eat, Sean."

"Yeah, right."

The two just continued arguing while having dinner while i was silently eating my food. Jean suddenly noticed me and said something. "Kean, you seem so down lately, are you okay?" Ugh, this kind of talk really sickens me.

"Don't mind me." I told them.

"Geez, this kid's depressed. Not that i care but i prefer seeing you like how you used to be." Sean commented.

My eyes rolled itself, "As if you guys knew me so well. When did i even talk about my life with you, assholes?"

They both were in shock hearing me like this, Sean suddenly burst out laughing and harshly slapped me on the back. "Since when did you sharpen your tounge like that? I think i like you better this way."

I brushed his hands off of me. "Tch."

"Kean really changed a lot after waking up on that coma." Jean said.

Sean agreed. "Yeah, and it was for the better."

"How is this better? He just called us assholes!"

"Atleast he's not an annoying crybaby like before. I bet he'll learn how to fight back anytime soon. Now i won't have to be embarassed having a brother like you Kean! Be grateful!"

"You're ridiculous as ever, just go to hell." I told him.

His brows furrowed. "I know i just said i like you this way, but don't take it too far."

I think i've lost my appetite. I brought my plate to the sink and went back to my room. While i was laying down on my bed, my thoughts were a mess like before.

Up until now, i still ask myself why i'm still alive when i'm better off dead.

"Sasha, please let me be with you again..." i muttered.

Then suddenly, the door opened. Sean was there looking at me as if i'm such a pathetic trash like always. "So you've become delusional, talking to yourself like that."

"Tch, what do you want Sean? Haven't you had enough making fun of me?"

"I was just curious you know. You suddenly changed and acted like a different person, what exactly had happened to you?"

I glared at him, "It's none of your business. And stop acting like you care!"

He chuckled. "Care? I never said i cared, i said i was curious."

"You'll never understand me." I turned my back on him.

Then i heard him walk towards me and felt his hand on my head. "I know, and i don't understand anything at all. I've been actually hearing you talk to yourself lately, you kept asking yourself why you're still alive. Are you depressed as shit or were you wanting to actually die?"

Looking at him straight in the eyes, i asked him a question he can answer. "Sean, can you kill me?" From a serious face it turned into a devilish grin.

"Are you trying to make me murderer? Because i can really kill you." He said, trying hard to scare me.

"If you can then fucking do it please." I handed him the knife i was keeping under my pillow. He was surprised to see me literally begging for death.

And he disappointed me, he refused the knife while laughing insanely. "So you really wanted to die, huh!? Good luck finding some bastard to kill you, i'd rather see you miserable living in this shit. Enjoy being miserable!" Then he finally left me.

I stared at my own knife. I couldn't bring myself to take my own life, and i know it's really pathetic to ask other people for it. But i'm fucking desparate!

I threw the knife away and tried to sleep.

- to be continued.