EPISODE 2; I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR X WE WILL NEVER RUN!!!

Me: Hello once again my loyal fans! Back for some more…heheh…insanity?! Well today, we be doing something really…(Senses an ominous presence).

???: Edwin, you basta-a-a-ard! Slave driver! Demon!

Me: That degree of killer intent, that voice…did Zanfar just perform a crossover between dreams and reality(Zanfar is the Antagonist of my Dreamweaver series). No! It's not Zanfar, that degree of killer intent surpasses Zanfar…(sniffs the air!)

???: Trying to act cool eh?! Don't be deceived Edwin…I can smell your fear.

Me: Heheh, keep deceiving yourself just like that…Emma!

Emma: (Bites an apple threateningly!) What's today's mission?

Me: After the first ep of Emma Colette, I got a lot of threatening letters from authors…and the worst came from…Fermented University. Those bastards…like I have time to remember a university beginning with 'F!' it even seems like the students have been having a string of Fs lately. I've decided, I'm going to punish them for the traumatizing insults I've received!

Emma: Sounds interesting. What's the plan?!

Me: I've got no plan whatsoever, kuuuukukukukuku!

Emma: Whenever you laugh like that, it means you're in nekomimi(Cat Ears) mode and planning a disaster of sorts, yarou(bastard), what's the plan this time!

Me: Nothing much, I'm just gonna have you transfer to their school…PS…they're about to write exams! Peeeroperoperopero!

Emma: Now you're just being whimsical.

Me: Omoshirou ze! (Very interesting!). I accept your challenge…Fermented University!

MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Screen fades out with my blazing red eyes in the background!)

EPISODE 2:

I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR X WE WILL NEVER RUN!!!

(And remember, if wisdom can teach you not to be foolish…then by inverting foolishness, you can learn to be wise…however…in any case…evil is foolishness; but…you can be clever in being foolish!!!)

TWO DAYS LATER…

(In Fermented University…SOT Level 100 BICT…)

REVISION WEEK…

Lecturer Ab)nsam(Devil): So you finally decided to show your face then Miss Colette now did you?!

Emma: (Has a stalk of grass in her mouth) What'zza problem with that. Got a problem with me being here?

Ab)nsam: Of course! You totally infringed on our works in your last episode! And not just our works…but our history as well.

Emma: Ppppphhh! I see you were directly involved in the Turkey War incident?! Too bad…will an apology suffice?

Ab)nsam: You sure are smart-mouthed. Don't forget…in this class…I own your future!

Emma: Like I transferred into a straight F university to secure my future. Lemme tell you…at least I'm doing literature. If I had to go into game design…I'll create a game with gamepad buttons A, B, C, D, E, and F, your university would be…the protagonists of course…

Ab)nsam: Really?! (Bats his eyelashes).

Emma: (Smirk) But your ultimate move…will be a chain combo of Fs…kukukukukuku!!!

Students: Pppphhhhhhh! Hahahahahahaha! Booooyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo! I already love this gal!

Emma: Don't worry you'ze nincomps! Emma's here to liberate your school! We'll totally kill Ab)nsam's paper…and he's teaching…Advanced Electronics?! Yaroooou?! These students are only in level hundred. So you'ze the cause of their failures ain't ya! Well then…sorry Ed but this time…I'll avenge myself you stupid slave driver and make sure…every student excels!

MEANWHILE, IN ED'S HOSTEL ROOM

Benjamin Zuzuzuzuzu: Master Ed, I believe Emma's going against your instructions!

Ed: Let her do as she pleases…when she outlives her usefulness…I'll call Sinbad! (11th Copyright infringement!)

THE FOLLOWING WEEK…

Exams are beginning. The first paper is Ab)nsam's. Exams are supposed to start at 9:00am and all the students are not yet present. 5 minutes have already passed.

Ab)nsam: Looks like they chickened out! If they're late for five more minutes…I'll suspend their papers and give them all straight Fs! After all, that's why I'm known as…

THE F-MEISTER!!! (YAROOOOOOO!!!! INFRINGING ON SOUL EATER?!)

It's because all my papers are difficult that universities invented the…

C-Meisters! But so far…I'm on a winning streak. No one challenges my papers and gets away unscathed.

Suddenly…earthquake! (12th infringement! An absolutely senseless natural disaster occurring at a suspenseful moment!)

Ab)nsam: Here they come! It be-eth finally time to deal with those miserable miscreants! (Hey, I didn't say that! Disney started it with Jafar, 20th Century fox picked it up with Anastasia's Rasputin! Why the heck should I take the blame?! I mean really. Thus…13th Copyright infringement! Alliterative insults!) Wait a minute! That's no earthquake…it's…! (13½th infringement! Not completing your sentences! How are we supposed to know what you're saying KONO YALOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!)

|_____________________________________________________|

|____ V V V V V V V V ____|

|___ V V V V ____ |

| ____ ____ |

|________ _\ /________ |

|\ __________\ /__________/|

| |

THE STUPIDITY OF OUR FOES MAKES US SHINE!!!

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY DELINQUENTS!!!

\ \____//

\ WWWWWWWWWWWW/

|_____________/MMMMMMMMMMMM\________________|

(Even the flag looks like an infringement of Transformers!!!)

Ab)nsam: WHAT THE F... BABY BLOOMERS?!!!!! THAT PRACTICALLY SCREAMS REBELLION!!! AND IS THAT EMMA COLETTE LEADING…THE STAMPEDE?!

(14th Copyright infringement! Ignorant folks saying they invented badassness when in fact…!!!)

Emma Colette: Raise your voices you pigs! Let out your feelings of distaste for this demon's style of teaching!

(15th Copyright Infringement! Girls acting all arrogant-to-get for no apparent reason! Before you think you are the untouchable queen know that that had already been invented by the Japanese under another name…TEMPLATE TSUNDERE!!!)

AUTHOR NOTE

Now that's just e-e-e-e-evil! Remember what I said at the beginning? The inversion of stupidity is wisdom! After all, there's only one moral lesson in Emma Colette's Ken densetsu 3…what not to do! (And that's another over 9000 infringement also known as…infringing copyright and letting the author know you're infringing his/her copyright while rendering them powerless to take legal action aka…legal loopholes using puns!!!)

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY DELINQUENTS ANTHEM!

1, 2, 3 We will never run!

We'd rather fight! Here we come!

Don't be afraid to hit and run! (SSSSSIAAA!!!(FOOOL!) Go try it!)

But if you're caught, your friends will be none!

1, 2, 3, Bring the battering ram!

To the exam hall, hurry! Come let's have a jam!

Ab)nsam, we will smack your paper down! (Smack Down!)

But if you're caught, your friends are none!

Ab)nsam you've drunk wine and you're drunk

And your breath stinks as though you've passed the wind! (2x!)

Do your worst, let's have some fun!

But when you're marking papers TROLOLOLOLOL!!!

Special Anime SFX: (WOOOWWWW!)

AUTHOR COMMENT

Wait a sec! Did I tell you that Ab)nsam was a glasses yarou?!

Note:

Once upon a time in a land far far away,

Actually, in a school called Fermented Universe,

There was a barbaric, ruthless, defiant, glasses demon bastard

Who cared nothing for his fellow man!!!

(Now, that there is originality in anime that will never become a cliché, however…Copyright infringement 9001th: Killing originality by turning it into a cliché!)

Like seriously?! (An overrated cliché that turns even your best friend into an enemay! 16th Copyright infringement!)

Ab)nsam: Thank you for the compliment!

SFX: SHATTER!!! PAIYAIIII! CRRRRRAAAAACKKKK!

(Screen breaks!)

Pssst, pssst, how do you deal with a foe who takes your ace in the hole insult as a compliment?

Answer: Read Emma Colette to find out!

Note: The one situation where Emma Colette is applicable!

Ab)nsam: I'll teach these morons a lesson! I go show them that the exam hall be my soccer field!

And he is a certified pro in causing accidents on the soccer field…not that…he needs to be a pro in soccer to cause 1.

DISCLAIMER:

Watch the amount of rubbish you allow to escape from your lips because some human beings are actually more devilish than the devil himself. The only thing they lose to the devil in is age! So don't go giving the devil new ideas on how to make human life any more miserable! (GOD FORBID!)

30/160mins LATER OF THE EXAM:

Students hand over their papers!

Ab)nsam: SHARINGAN! Let me check out the value of these nincompoops papers! They're probably submitting before time because they can't even solve the questions!

(Looks at the papers!)

NAAAAAANNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII??????!!!!!!!!!! (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The value of their papers is…120%!!!! How is that possible?! Which demon caused this miracle?!

Me: Shut your trap if you have nothing better to say! Demons only cause accidents!

Ab)nsam: Hmmm, AHA! One student had a C+!!!!!! One victory!

Student: Sir, my name is Ernest Eghan!

Ab)nsam: You again?! How come you're in almost all of Edwin Mwintome Bozie's stories?!

AUTHOR COMMENT: Know that when you see the name Ernest Eghan in my works…shit's about to get real!!!

Ernest: Sir! That's my paper! I really did my best…even better than all the other students!

Ab)nsam: Look at him ooo! You carried the whole class! Atlas of the class, always the last boreeeeeeeeeee!!!! (Ghanaian slang that hyperbolizes the word "last". An adjective).

Ernest: Why do you say that sir?

Ab)nsam: Everyone had A+. The value of your paper alone is a C+.

Ernest: Sir, are you sure it's not a B?

Ab)nsam: It's a friggin' C damn you! If you had one more mark, you'd have had a B! Well…too bad!

Ernest: But that's an awesome mark! It's the one I've been aiming for in the first place!

Ab)nsam: Trying to bluff aren't you?!

Ernest: No sir, you teach two subjects, advanced electronics and Programming…but you taught all your lessons in Java! The only programming language I adhere to is C++! I'm just obsessed with C! See sir, the questions you gave us in java, I got them wrong because I wrote my programs in C. There is a question I'm supposed to get a half. If you rounded it in my favour, I'd have gotten a B but you were kind enough to round it against me and since I already had a C+, you gave me a C++! And I'm very grateful!

IN YOUR FACE!!!

Never underestimate the mind of Ernest Eghan, his mind is far sharper than that of a glasses yarou who often happens to be one of the very twisted and yanderic characters in anime! This is why he's known as…

THE TWISTER KING!!!

Ab)nsam: Heheh…hahahahah…(his mind has finally snapped but be careful…wait for it…wait for it….wait for it! Here it comes…here it comes!)

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (The Ultimate Copyright infringement, the origin of the term 'over 9000'!!! Yoooouuuuuu!!!! Do you think we spend our three Gh pececede buying pirated copies of DBZ just to watch 10,000 hours of screaming?!

Note: 10,000hrs!

(The average time it takes to master any craft…or so they say! WHY THE HECK WOULD WE WANT TO MASTER SCREAMING!!!!!!!!)

Ma otaku bruvvas: Welcome to the troll zone my otaku loving friend!

DISCLAIMER:

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT A LIVE ACTION ADAPTATION NEVER BE PRODUCED TO AVOID PUBLIC MAYHEM!

HOLLYWOOD, NOLLYWOOD, BOLLYWOOD, FOLLYWOOD GHALLYWOOD AND ALL OTHER PALM NUT SOUPS!

(ON OUR VERY HONOUR! WE WILL NEVER MAKE A LIVE ACTION MOVIE OF EMMA COLETTE!!!)

07/04/2015

WATCH OUT!

EMMA COLETTE NO DENSETSU!

CHOUSETSU DAIGUREN URAGIRI MONO!!!

(AND DON'T EVEN ASK MAN, COS I DON'T KNOW!

JUST STICK WID ME AND GO WID DA FLOW!!!)

RHYMING IN ENGLISH AND JAPANESE

BUT PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO BRING ME SOME FRENCH CHEESE!

ME CORAZON UND ALMA BE AT EASE!

AFTER RAGNAROK ALL LIFE WILL CEASE!!!

(PREMIERING IN CINEMAS IN HD 24X 3D VIRTUAL REALITY SIMULATION!!!)

PART TWO:

PUNCHLINE…COMING SOON…

Ab)nsam: HISSATSU FUNCTION! YANDERE MODE EQUIP!

CPU VOICE: ATTACK FUNCTION! I WILL GET YOU IN ADVANCED ELECTRONICS!!!

WHAT THE…?!!!

NOW SOMETHING YOU NEVER SAW COMING…IS ABOUT TO SURFACE IN EMMA COLETTE…

(It's evening, and Emma's taking a walk by the River Styx in Fermented Universe Gakuen!)

Me: (Usui face) Wait what? Don't tell me you're trying to connect "fermented" to the river styx using some crazy Japanese kanji I can't even read.

Me: No. (Usui face) I thought that was already painfully obvious! (Copyright number…um I lost count, what was it again?! Never…ever…and I mean never (and here's a copyright statement infringing on copyright!) attempt to explain a joke! Even after people do not laugh! You're only gonna look like my favourite bully…whose name somehow always seems to be Billy, just flushed you down the toilet! Three copyright infringements in 1+4! How I miss those videogame days of cartridges and game collections in 1! + another infringement!)

(I'm standing on the roof in my ninja getup and some few minions to support me in the likes Benjamin Zuzuzuzu, Fishy Whisker and Infini T!!!)

Ben: What do we do now boss? Emma has sullied our code.

Me: Mmm, mmm, mmm! UFF! UFF! UFF! Wait a minute, I need to get my voice ready for Kyuubi voice transmission. BLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ben: That's so sick dude! Did you just throw up?

Me: Yes in fact I did, and on your precious Ninja Nikes as well. (Smooth talker voice activated).

Ben: WTF?!!!

(Copyright infringement! Infringing on a brand's honour during an unsolicited advertisement! SSSSIAAAA YOU! WHO ASKED YOU?!)

Me: Now, let's go extend our greetings to Princess A-cocoa!

Fishy Whisker: It's a Colette.

Ben: Messing with puns huh? I guess we should just go with acolite! (Disney's Jafar! Advanced the art of hurtful name calling!)

Me: Aphrodite?! Why the heck do you have to bring up Greek Mythology you moron! You just ruined the moment!

Ben: Why?!

Ernest Eghan: Mmm mmm! It's a well-known fact that Greek legends are the mother of tragedies and their tragedic/tragedous influence spread to the Romans, who influenced the English who are defined by Shakespeare thus leading to the creation of Macbeth, Ze ultimate tragedy!

Me: And I just wish that influence had stopped right there and not infected Romeo and Juliet. Now people commit suicide in the name of love…and that is why I fight!

Me real: Well done (applause), Jin Kazama the second, or should I say, Kazuya Mishima taisetsu no musuko(precious son). And to you Eghan…you demon, where did you suddenly appear from and…who asked for a history lesson moron!

Me: The voice is finally here. (Kyuubi Sinister Voice…Activated!) LISTEN UP YOU UNLUCKY BASTARDS! BRING EMMA ALIVE!!! EMMA COLETTE…KISAMA NA NO TAMASHI GA ITADAKE!!! (I'LL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL!!!) Let's give her a wonderful burfday party!!!

Felix Quaye, AlexJLockwood, congratulations. You finally got me to write a drama, where the hero is an antagonist, not even an anti-hero koraaaa!!! (At all!!!)

Emma walks about cluelessly, admiring the sky.

(Wow, we finally see dere dere instead of tsun tsun!)

Me: (Secretly trail my forces).

Emma: Suddenly puts up a defensive stance. Show yourselves!

The three mincompoops show themselves.

Ben: Sorry Emma you broke our code, now we'll break your funny bones!

And I'm gonna buy me some super phones! (You sound like Somama in Epic Rap battles of history!) Heehee, sorry but I don't want to be zapped via satellite!

Tablet or windows or Androida Jones? (SSSIAAAA!)

Well I don't really care but E75 you sure are a crone!

Emma: As usual, you have no rhyming sense!

Ben: Kisama! How many raps do you think make sense these days?!

Emma: Why do you look so mad when you're admitting it yourself?

Fishy: We're here to take you out Colette! You finally decided to go…turbo! (Temae! Do we even need that kind of copyright infringement here?!)

Emma: I see, so Ed's just like the other greedy demon-like bastards out there who care nothing for their fellow man. (Tears flow down her eyes)

Me: (Nekomimi mode activated). Rarity! Emma Colette no namida! (Emma Colette's tears!) You don't get to make a tsundere cry every day!

Minions: Demon!

Emma: And I thought…you were different too.

Me: Well you just believed whatever made you happy and I didn't need to deceive you, and I never did! Just let a girl's heart lie to her. That's the best way to deal with romance.

Minions: Archdemon!

Emma: And…I really did fall in love with you! And I thought you loved me too.

Me: Wow! You're so poetic! I've got my latest idea for a poem!

And I really did fall for you…

And I thought you loved me too…

So why? So why?

Why have I been such a fool?

(The weather suddenly becomes chilly).

Minions: Cherudemon! Now your wickedness is manifesting even in nature!!!

Me: Sorry Emma…but all I loved about you…was your cooking!

(Screen cracks! Thunder strikes! Emma's eyes widen! Didn't see this coming did you?)

Minions: And the devil became man…and dwelt among us! Saaataaaaan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN SOMEONE'S HOUSE…

AB)NSAM: AAAAATCHOOOOOOO!!! I think someone's talking about me!

EIIIIIIIII!!!!! NA WETIN BE THIS ONE TOO?!!! (NOW WHAT THE HECK IS THIS ONE TOO?!)

Fishy: Master Ed! What are you doing?!

Emma: Search the entire breadth of hell…(red eyes glitter, vampire fangs activate!)(AAAABAAA!!! Now we even be infringing on Twilight's copyright as well?!)…and you won't find anything scarier than a woman…who'ze has been scorned!!! When you scorn me…I become the deadliest spectre ever…Ashisogi Jizou mode!!!

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!

WHAT THE BABY BLOOMERS DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE DOING?! YOU'VE BEEN OFF SCRIPT SINCE 'AND ALL OTHER PALM NUT SOUPS!' GET BACK IN LINE!

Emma: Laaaaaaariat!!!! (Pulls a lariat on the director!)

Me: Keheheheheh! As amazing as ever! Now that's what I call…a director's cut!

Minions: Ed, you're evil, blackishly evil! Agonizingly evil!

(Emma unleashes Armageddon on earth and loses consciousness after dealing with everyone and everything around her. She opens her eyes and sees my hand reaching out to her. She reaches out and I help her to her feet).

Emma: Sucker punch! Naïve! Like I'd actually accept help from an enemy!

(Emma actually judos me!)

Me: Happy birthday Emma Colette!

Emma: What?!

(Now what's this? Are we really giving Emma an in depth storyline?! We'll never get past the front gate of any publishing house damn you!!!)

Me: You've been so pretty damn busy 'm sure you prob'bly even forgot. See? You're even so stressed out you confessed to me…and everyone knows Emma's a badass! She bows to no man!

Emma: Damn you…so all the slave-driving…?

Fishy: Was to keep you distracted. Of course we never expected you'd actually forget you're from a noble family and work in this demon-like bastard's run down shack as a housekeeper! So your daftness actually worked in our favour!

Emma: Temae fishy whisker?! You'ze trying to pick a fight?! (Emma says as she reaches into her pocket, removes an apple and bites it threateningly.

Me: Yuppp! Emma's back!

PUNCHLINE: ALL YOU'VE SEEN IS NOTHING, NOW WE BE GETTING TO THE MAIN CLIMAX OF THIS EPISODE!!! (An infringement on Soul Eater! 3 episode prologue?! What the f… were you thinking?!)

WEDNESDAY, THE ..TH OF ..., 2014, 9:00PM

Ab)nsam: (Stands in front of the exam hall!) They should be arriving any time soon!

(Earthquake!)

Ab)nsam: This time! I'm ready! (Removes a sewing kit, dives into the earth and sows the tectonic plates so tightly that an earthquake could never occur). Bring it on you shitty brats!

(Hollywood! How many times do I have to talk about language censorship?!)

TEMAE! STOP ACCUSING THEM OF YOUR OWN NONSENSE!!!

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY DELINQUENTS ANTHEM!

1, 2, 3 We will never run!

We'd rather fight! Here we come!

Don't be afraid to hit and run! (SSSSSIAAA!!! Go try it!)

But if you're caught, your friends will be none!

1, 2, 3, Bring the battering ram!

To the exam hall, hurry! Come let's have a jam!

Ab)nsam, we will smack your paper down! (Smack Down!)

But if you're caught, your friends are none!

Ab)nsam you've drunk wine and you're drunk

And your breath stinks as though you've passed the wind! (2x!)

Do your worst, let's have some fun!

But when you're marking papers TROLOLOLOLOL!!!

Ab)nsam: Now how do I react to that? (Egao egao!!!) (Smile! Smile!)

(I just love Japan!) Does the above seem familiar?

(Just smile and wave boys…smile and wave!)(Now who's infringing on whose copyright!)

IN THE EXAM HALL

15 MINUTES LATER…

(YOU CAN TURN YOUR PAPERS NOW!)

Students obey with immediate effect!.

MARTIN CROMWELL: NAAAAAANII KOREEEEEEEEEEEE?!!!!!! (Another way to say… "What the Hell is this in Japanese?!")

JUDE ACQUAH: NAAAANNNDE DA YO?! (Translation : Another way to say…WHAT THE HELL IS THIS IN JAPANESE!)

WILSON WALAKO: NANDE DESU KA?! (Translation: Another way to say… "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" in a more polite way…IN JAPANESE!!!

TEMAE! HOW DO WE MEASURE THE DEGREES OF "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS IN ENGLISH? COS IN JAPANESE…

NAAAAAAANIIIIIIIII?!=Most hyperbolic and dramatically said.

NANDE DAYO=Sounds more like "Why me?!"

NANDE DESU KA?= We are so doomed!/Did you just hear that piece of gossip? They're suspending the soccer/basketball/arts club. So in short…we are sooooo dead!

What is the shortest and fastest way to learn Japanese?

Read Emma Colette!

What's the coolest greeting you could write in a one word note to a Japanese folk?

"SHINE!"

But if you're stabbed, slapped, sucker-punched, smacked and all other S-words in English that mean spanked or otherwise beaten to a pulp…I beg, I was only writing my nonsense. You decided to take it seriously.

I therefore Pontius Pilate my hands off your psychological decay. Your suffering from deciding to live by this principle is not my responsibility.

EMMA: Ab)nsam you evil bastard! This is an English test! What do English and Advanced Electronics have in Common!

Ab)nsam: Language!

Emma: Getting really irritated. Hmmph! Hmmph! Hmmph! Sir, you truly are wise. I never thought you were so smart. I definitely praise your smartness.

Ab)nsam: A 180?! Am I so grand Emma Colette just repented?!

Emma: Sir, can I be given the opportunity to speak a few words of encouragement to the class?

Ab)nsam: KAGAYAKUUUUUU?!!!!!! (SOOOO SPARKLING!!!!!!! Shields his eyes). Of course Emma, just stop shining so much.

Emma: (Walks to the front of the class). My dear mates…in these two weeks I've stayed with you, I have known each of you personally and you all studied really hard didn't you?

Students: Yes Student Council President! (Infringement by implication! Now you're implying Medaka!)

Emma: You've toiled and sweated and studied advanced electronics with all your hearts till you obtained a 100% score! You achieved the impossible!

Students: We did!

Emma: Remember what I said last night?!

Students: Screw the other papers! We don't care if we get Fs but…OUR GOAL IS TO…

Emma: Yes…

ALL: SMACK AB)NSAM's PAPER DOWN!

AB)NSAM: LET'S SEE YOU TRY! YOU'RE NOT PREPARED FOR AN ENGLISH TEST!! AND EVEN IF I GAVE YOU FIFTEEN MINUTES, YOU'LL BE GETTING NOTHING MORE THAN A C! NO C++ THIS TIME!!!

(NOTE: IN THE NAME "AB)NSAM, THERE IS THE CHARACTER "B)". And I'm not gonna explain this joke if you're not a fan of smileys! In Ghanaian Twi/Fante, the character "B)" also means "to beat".) Thus, the name Ab)nsam (which means "Devil" can comically be translated as "He has beaten inside the wine!"

AB) NSA NO MU!!! KEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!

KISAMA! HOW MANY LANGUAGES ARE YOU TRYING TO TWIST IN THIS ONE EPISODE!!!

Emma: Originally, I intended to lead you guys straight! But we did learn advanced electronics, sweated and prepared ourselves didn't we?

Students: Yes. (Fiery aura begins to engulf them).

Emma: In this case…is it wrong if we apply what we learned in Advanced Electronics here?

Students: No!

Emma: Eghan no iiatsu! (Another way to say Eghan you bastard in Japanese). Define "Examination" according to the principles stated by Ed's mentor Masashi Kishimoto!

Eghan: II N'darou!!! (Very well then!) TEMAE-TACHI! (Plural for "You bastards" in Japanese!) According to the Naru-to-tic principle, "The Examination Setting is a simulation of a battle environment hidden in implicatory code! Basically, the exam hall is the enemy camp and everyone else is your enemy! THE GOAL OF ANY EXAMINATION IS TO INFILTRATE THE ENEMY CAMP AND RETRIEVE VITAL INFO WITHOUT BEING DETECTED!!! Immediately the exam begins, all students defect to the ally side when the situation becomes disadvantageous and the teacher is the sniper! We have disseminated codes to everyone in the class as a medium of communication!

TEMAE TACHI! YOU ARE NOT A CRIMINAL UNTIL…YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT!!! BUT EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT CAUGHT!!! AND THE CODES…ARE ALL WRITTEN IN PSEUDO-ELECTRONIC FORMAT!!! UTILIZE WHAT YOU HAVE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT! AFTER ALL…IT IS COMMON KNOWLEDGE THAT…THE PURPOSE OF KNOWLEDGE IS ADVANTAGE! HE WHO HAS KNOWLEDGE OVER ANOTHER IS MASTER OF THE OTHER!!!

(The inversion of stupidity is wisdom! Keep that in mind!)

EMMA COLETTE:

YOU'VE HAD YOUR BRIEFING! ALL FORCES…CHARGE INTO THE BATTLEFIELD!!! IT'S NOT JUSTICE IF YOU DON'T GO OVERBOARD!!!

(Once again, the inversion of stupidity is wisdom; however if for no apparent reason, people try to antagonize you…Emma Colette is the perfect remedy! don't be afraid to quote but…don't leave out the citations!!! (Ed, you're evil! Copyright infringer protecting his own copyright?!))

LET THE WAR BEGIN!!! KISAMA! (Another way to say…bastard in Japanese, basically, a lot of the 'bastard' words mean 'you' but we have the polite way of saying 'you' and everything else means…'you bastard!'

ANIMOLLY WOOD! THIS IS THE MESSAGE I'VE BEEN GETTING LATELY FROM ANIME!!!

BUT THEN AGAIN…THAT'S WHAT MAKES ANIME SO ENJOYABLE!!! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT A HARDCORE ANIME FAN UNTIL YOU'VE WATCHED ALL ANIME BUT DBZ…IN SUBS!!!

Eghan: Question 1. Basically, from the sentence, I must find a synonym for twisted.

Answers are;

a. Cunning.

b. Sly.

c. Cynical.

d. Sassy.

How the heck am I supposed to know it if the sentence is only "You…bastard!"

Eghan: (I've got to send an SOS to Emma). (In a high pitched voice). Naruto!

???: HEX IS A HOAX!!!

Emma: I see, the first question huh?! Naruto was said once; the cat-like voice means the question has to do with trickiness. Hex means, we need to convert the two similar answers to hexadecimal and hoax means it's rubbish. Rubbish means bin and bin means binary!

A in hexadecimal is 11. 11 in binary coded decimal is 0001 0001.

Emma: Spiderman! Spiderman! Climbing walls like a spider can!

Eghan: She's asking if the answer is "cunning" from, Ghanaian folk tales, "Cunning Ananse the Spider!"

Cromwell: BOW WOW!!!

Cromwell: MEOOOOOW!!!

Emma: There are two ways the message can be decoded! BOWW WOW!

Eghan: Cat X Dog…is not logical…so the first answer is wrong! (Thinks silently).

???: Yelp! Yelp!

Emma: Someone did not get it!

Timeless windless wordless endless,

Something from my past seems worthless!"

Cromwell: That's a song of salvation Emma said Ed taught her! She's saying use Ed's logic! By Ed's logic…which is inverse logic, add the characters of the BCD! 0001+0001=0002!!!

The answer is B!!!

Naruto!

Emma: NARUTO!

EGHAN: MEOOOOOW?!!!!!

EMMA: BOW WOW!!

Eghan: I get it! A long meow talks of a sly creature…nekomimi mode!!! Barks combined mean this creature is canine in nature but almost possesses feline attributes! In Japanese, that creature would be…a fox!!!! I've got to relay the answer!

HAGOROMO! HAGOROMO!!!

Emma: Eghan has got it! Hagoromo Gitsune is a fox-like yokai(demon) creature in Japanese folklore, especially known in Nurarihyon no mago!

???: Gitsune…is almost homophonous to Kitsune in Japanese which means…fox?! As sly as a fox! Emma you're a genius!

SOME MINUTES LATER…

Ab)nsam had left the class and was standing outside hoping to catch students' copying. When he heard all the animal sounds, he thought they were going crazy.

The students' walk out and hand over their papers!

This time…everyone had an A! Eghan also decided to show Ab)nsam that he really wasn't bluffing by snatching an A as well.

Ab)nsam: I smell some fishy business!!! Eghan! Are you the mastermind behind all of this?!

Eghan: No sir, my mind is not yet a master at grabbing things. I'm still intermediate!

Ab)nsam: Trying to get smartmouthed now, are we? (Inhales deeply). I can smell your fear Eghan…and it smells like cranberry pie in soy-sauce!!!

(Moves to Cromwell).

Were you involved?

Cromwell: N-N-No sir!

Ab)nsam: Pushes up his glasses with a sinister smile! (GLASSES YAROU MODE ACTIVATED!!!) I can smell your fear as well…and it smells like oranges and kelewele!!!

Note: Kelewele is a Ghanaian dish made of overripe plantains pounded into a mushy slush and spiced, then fried!!!

POST YOUR REACTION IN THE COMMENT BOX…

Ab)nsam: For you Emma (this time, in the character Ab)nsam, there's a "b)!"), I don't need to ask because I already know you're the leader of this coup d'etat!

Emma: Pppppph!!! Hahahahahaha!!! He just said "cutlass the state!!!"

"Cutlass the state!" A lame joke Ed made in Emma Colette episode 1.

Ei! Anyone seen what your bold and italics symbols in Microsoft word looks like as a smiley? Look at it from afar! (Even Microsoft copyright breaks smiley Copyright!

Ab)nsam: I'm going to devour your soul Emma!!! True form…!!!

(Glass shatters!)

Someone leaps through a window into the Exam Hall.

Bleach theme: Number one, new version playing in the background.

Eghan: Who is…?!

Cromwell: Dark Skin, "I don't know the brand" Navy Blue Sneaks, White English Flagged T-Shirt under a blue "Mariscan Ready To Fight" Vest, Red Lonsdale pullover worn under a Denim Jeans Co Red Shirt…with the symbol of a Lion-Tiger/Big Cat behind, hood pulled over in the sun…with sunshades on?

This must be…

Emma: Ed in Haori mode!!!

Haori; The internationally accepted code of dressing for delinquents. If it doesn't have a cool symbol or words on its back, which usually sound threatening; then it's not a Haori!

Emma: Says the guy who's never even been to Japan before!

Ed: (Approaches Ab)nsam). You exceeded my expectations Agent Colette. (What! We're doing Secret Agent now?!) It goes without saying that you're the cause of this fiasco aren't you…AB)NSAM?!!! Well then…let me ask you something…can you smell…MY FEAR?!

Ab)nsam: Who is this guy?! He seems so huge though he looks weak.

Ed: Well?! Tell me! I'm interested to know. You were the one who sent all those insulting letters to Colette and I in the name of all the students in your class weren't you?! Let me ask again then…can you smell my fear?! Tell me! What does it smell like?!!!

Ab)nsam: I can smell fear…and it smells like shit…deep shit…and I'm sinking into it…and it…is mine.

Ed: I hope you've not deluded yourself into thinking, saying that will touch me to show you mercy…cos I'm gonna bury you…under all the tectonic plates you just sewed together!

(CRACKS KNUCKLES!!!!)

What followed next…was a nightmare Ab)nsam would never wish to live through again.

MORAL LESSON: Never perform an experiment without considering the possible external variables involved!