A Girl That is Me

I was so angry to the point that I didn't even hear Julie calling on me and asking me what the problem is. How could Amanda do this? I stopped wearing the necklace because of her for Christ's sake! She finally caught up to me. She ran in front of me and begged "Becks please, let me explain."

I couldn't even look at her, just kept moving. I wanted to be as far away from her as possible, but the words that came out of my mouth were something I couldn't control. "Explain? Explain what? That you stole my necklace after I had stopped wearing it because of you? What? What do you have to say, huh?" By this time, we were outside and Julie had followed us outside. I didn't even care that I was shouting. I was just so mad at her. I told her I will not be wearing it again and it still wasn't enough for her.

I didn't couldn't hear her footsteps behind me anymore and I figured she had stopped. My body came to a halt, and still, I couldn't look at her. From behind, I heard her broken voice say "Yes, I stole the necklace. But only because it was very weird knowing that you had the same necklace as my mom."

I could understand how it was weird for her. After all, I'm living a double life and I totally understand what weird is. I sympathized with her but couldn't stop being angry at her. I finally turned to look at her. The look on her face almost broke my heart.

Almost.

"But I stopped wearing it. What? Did you want me to get rid of it? How was it affecting you when it was lying peacefully and unseen in my cabinet?"

"Just the idea of it still being with you freaked me out!" She stood glued to the floor. I could see that she wanted to move towards me but she just couldn't.

"Give me one good reason why it did." And I couldn't either.

"Well, because all my life I had believed that this necklace is one of a kind and having to see you with it threw me off balance. And I thought that if I had the necklace in my hold, it won't tear me apart that my family lied to me."

"Are you fucking kidding me? What's your reason? You stole my mother's necklace because you were feeling insecure?!!"

"Yes, and I know it...Wait, did you just say your mother's necklace?"

I looked at her and became speechless. I knew I had to say something but all the words running through my head didn't seem like a good explanation for what I just said. "No, I didn't," I said that and I started walking away.

Out of nowhere, she got her courage back and she followed me "Yes, yes you did. Becks you told me a stranger gave this necklace to you, how did it suddenly become your mother's necklace?"

"Maybe it's the side effects of the accident talking. You know I haven't taken my meds today. But that's not the point. The point is that you stole and you lied to me" And I started walking away again.

Amanda ran and caught up to me. And again, she stood in front of me. Blocking my way. "I know, and I'm so sorry. But you would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes!"

I cannot believe she is trying to justify her actions. "No, I wouldn't. You wanna know why? It's because I'm not a selfish, self-centred, terrible friend like you!"

Amanda stopped in her tracks and I immediately knew that I had struck a nerve. "Did you just call me that? Who came to the hospital to visit you when you were sick? Who stayed at your stupid house and condone your brother's bratty behaviour just to be with you so that you won't get lonely? Who planned this amazing day that you just had? Huh, who did all that? Yeah, that's right. It was me. And this is what I get in return?"

"What nonsense are you going on about? You did all those things because you love me but stealing my necklace after you had made me promise you never to wear it again is just evil. If it bothered you that much, you could have just told me. You did not have to go behind my back and steal it"

"And what would you have done if I had told you? Would you have gotten rid of it?"

"No, I would not have. Because there is absolutely no reason to. I stopped wearing it, didn't I?"

"Exactly, you stopped wearing it so why are you so pissed off? It's not as if you were planning on wearing it ever again, were you?"

I looked at her and I realized that as long as I had her as a friend, I could never wear my mother's necklace again. It hurts to realize that. Yeah, mom pushed me down here but she was still my mother. I still loved her and this necklace was the only way I could keep her close to me. I did not know how to answer that so I just turned and move.

She yelled at me "well, aren't you going to answer?"

I turned and looked at her and I replied "You know what, I don't even have the strength for this madness right now. I can't even look at you right now. So I'm gonna go home. Bye" I could hear her calling but I continued moving away from her.

I walked to the bus stop and took a bus home. I kept thinking about what was more important to me the whole ride home. Was it keeping my friendship with Amanda or holding on to my mother's necklace? And as if my day was not eventful enough, Becky's dad called. I picked it up on the third ring and this is what I hear.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?"

"I'm good, what's up?"

"Okay, well I was going through my mailbox and I saw the email sent to me from Mrs Nicole and it seems like you have another session with her tomorrow. So I just thought to call and remind you to get home early so that you can get to bed early and wake up in time to go there."

"But I have to be meeting her by 4 o'clock."

"Yes, that's just for when school starts. For now, you still have to be meeting her by 9 in the morning."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I called her to arrange it"

"Okay, well am on my way home already. So I guess, I'll see you soon"

"But wait, sweetie, what happened? Thought you guys would be having fun the whole day"

"Yes that is true, but Amanda and I had to do some thinking about what is important to us and Julie's mom called, so..."

"Well, that's a bummer. Well come on home and we can talk. We never get to do that"

"I am not in a very talkative place right now, so don't get your hopes high."

He laughed and said "I will try not to. See you in a bit" I hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. Leading a double life is so stressful. But I guess I can hang out with him, it looks like I am gonna be stuck here for a while and I will have to start getting to know these people.

The bus stopped and I highlighted it. I wanted to get some fresh air so I walked slowly towards the house. The street was actually very beautiful and calm. I never noticed that one of our neighbours had a dog. The dog kept barking and I wasn't surprised. Dogs don't normally like me. See, I don't know what it is about me but they all really get upset whenever they see me.

I kept walking and that was when I noticed her. She was sitting on the pavement and something about her reminded me a lot about myself. I went close to her. I studied her for a moment and she never noticed that I was there. Whatever she was thinking about must have been really serious for her to have shut her mind off the world.

"Hey," I said. She didn't look up or anything, she still kept her head down. I reached to touch her and by reflex, she slapped my hand away. She got up so fast I couldn't even say, Jack. And then she took a step back. I raised my hand and lowered my voice while talking to her.

"Hey, hey, hey. I am not gonna hurt you. My name is Amelia, I mean Rebecca and I'm one of your neighbours. I just saw you sitting here, all lost in your thoughts, and I thought it wise to come to check if everything was alright."

She looked surprised. "Well, thanks for the concern but everything is fine. I will be going inside now" and then she ran all the way into her house.

"But, hey I didn't even get your name!" I shouted but I don't think she heard me because the door had closed before I could even complete my sentence. I wondered what was bothering her. She had scars on her skin and I just hope she wasn't going through what I was going through. It's a problem I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemy.

I continued on my walk home. I opened the door to see Becky's father sitting and talking with one of his friends. It was weird knowing that this man had been at home all day. What does he even do with all that free time he has? I would go crazy if I was in his shoes.

"Hey, Dad." They both turned and dad stood up to hug me.

"Oh hey sweetie, welcome. You remember Frank, don't you?"

"Umm, I don't" and I gave him a "duh" look.

"Oh of course. I am so sorry. Well, this is Frank, my long-time friend. He just came back with his family from a summer vacation in Hawaii and he thought to come to visit me first. Isn't that amazing?"

"Yes, yes it is. It was nice meeting you, Mr Frank"

The man stood up, walked towards me and he took my hands in his."Oh, don't call me Mr Frank. You used to call me Uncle Frank before, let's just stick to that. So Rebecca, how are you feeling?"

"Well, right now I am very tired. I had a long day and I just want to go upstairs and take a nap, if that's okay with you" I looked at dad for approval and he said "Of course it's okay. You have had a long day and you need rest. The doctor did say that you should be resting a lot. But hey, do you want something to eat before going up there? I can fix something for us to eat, even if it's a sandwich."

"That's okay Dad, am not really hungry. Okay, it was nice meeting you Uncle Frank. I really do hope that we can talk more some other time when am not so exhausted."

"It's no problem at all. My family and I are back and soon we will be visiting here like it's our second home"

I nodded and left them to go to my room. And if what he said was meant to be funny, he would be surprised to know that it angered me all the more. I for one did not want people staying in this house and trying to get all familiar with me. I loved my space and this was not the time for me to be thinking about having people over and asking me so many questions. I entered my room and closed the door.