11 A Life of Guilt

Chapter 11

ALEXA ROHAN

Am I living in guilt?

'yes I do'

When the Alpha left me alone in my room to think things through, I had my another bucket of tears.

In the past two years, I had been blaming myself for the death of my parents.

Had I not been naive,

Had I not been a sloth,

Had I not been weak,

... then they might be still breathing and my grandfather might be still admirably looking.

I shifted two years earlier than normal werewolves.

Everyone was in awe and held me special. Great expectations were compiling like pages of a book along with it.

It got to my head—

... the attention,

... the admiration,

... the love and everything in my favor.

I didn't even take seriously all my trainings and lessons.

Why should I?

When just a word of me, everyone below me obeys.

But then, a tragedy happened where I failed to protect the people who gave me life.

I am a failure, especially in my grandfather's sight; where he won't even look me in the eyes.

So I'd been training hard since then and doing everything to at least make up and atone for it.

It is also my way to make peace with myself but I know deep within me, it's just an excuse for me to feel better when the truth is— guilt is eating me away.

But I did it anyway, trainings and all.

Slacking off has no more room in me. I dedicated myself to becoming strong that I forget to live a life.

Well I'm living my life but not the life Claire, Ma and Pa is trying to make me live.

'the life most of werewolves my age'

As for them, I have become a living machine.

'Am I?'

But I'm living a life in a way I could atone for my sins.

'yeah'

'a life—'

A life of guilt.

[********]

I woke up with the sun already gone down. I showered and changed before going downstairs to eat my dinner but then as I opened the door, the deep, sweet and rich floral scent of lilac invaded my senses.

I groaned while my wolf, Reika howled in excitement.

I hovered down behind the railing before taking a step on the staircase.

'ugh'

There she was — my mate, beaming her perfectly aligned teeth and looking at me with her shimmering eyes.

"Why are you here?" I sternly asked as I reached the bottom step.

"I have come to talk— properly," she answered with a smile reaching from ear to ear.

'ugh'

Can't she sense I'm not so welcoming?

"By the way, you are alluring."

'eh?'

My brows furrowed but before I could speak, she cut me off.

"And you smell like a blossoming jasmine."

'goddess'

My wolf sung in joy and my stomach flipped.

'yeah'

It flipped.

'duh'

~And you smell like lilac that blooms in late spring~ Reika uttered, good thing it was just through our link.

I growled at her.

'gosh'

Looking at my mate, I chewed the inside of my cheek as an uncontrollable smile started to creep.

"I don't want a mate," I said trying to sound cold and my mate just smiled like what the—

Can't she understand that it's the same as saying I reject her?

"Your mind tells so but your heart says otherwise," she winked in confidence.

'huh'

"And how —"

"The bond baby," and there she cut me off again.

'ugh'

'wait— what?'

I glared at her, "Baby?"

She covered her mouth with her palm in a comical way, "Oh, you don't like it?"

"Then—"

"Sweety?"

"Honey?"

"Love?"

'oh my goddess'

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

I can't believe her oozing confidence and looking at her eyes, they were sparkling in overflowing humor.

'ugh'

I groaned and head my way to the kitchen, leaving her in the living room.

"I'll see you tomorrow—" she called.

"... my sweety, honey, love" she added playfully then laughed with a grin on.

'ugh'

"Go away!" I yelled from the kitchen.

'goddess'

'I can't believe the girl'

And while I was groaning in frustration, my Ma and Pa just smiled in amusement on the side.

'wow'

'really'

'grrrr'