Chapter XVIII

After dropping me off to my room Myung-Dae immediately left but not before telling me that I have to join him in the dining room for lunch. I wondered that time that why he is spending so much time with me and like listening to my thoughts he said that he wants to make amends about not being able to join me in dinner and he mumbled something like this after, that 'he loves spending time with me' and I think that was meant for me to not heard but still I heard it. 

And now I am in my room knowing that I am one step ahead in escaping this place knowing my current location but still it seems that some string is holding me back to make any further move...

I paced around my room trying to find a way to escape this place even though my heart seems to decline it but I know that decisions should be made through mind, not heart. Emotions shouldn't get between in critical situations. 

A knock on the oak doors of my room interrupted my thoughts. "Come in" I gave permission to whoever is on the door to enter.

A maid made its way towards me and bowed a little before saying, "Princess, our king is waiting for you in the dining hall for lunch" I was consumed in making plans to escape that I forgot about our lunch together. I nodded and immediately after that she left the room all the while I stood rooted to my place while a question kept running into my head,

Am I letting the walls which I have built around my heart letting down slowly?

We ate silently, Myung-Dae tried to make small talk but I didn't reply to anyone of it knowing that this is the right thing to do. But it is suffocating. Suddenly Myung-Dae slammed his knife and fork on the table making myself alert and looking at me with those black eyes which never fail to capture me in their depth but this time they seem to fire on a pitch-black night. The unburied fire which was burning within them resulted in making me gulp, fear immediately crawling within me but refusing to surface knowing that I cannot back down not on any circumstance.

"Chun-Hei, what is it?" He spoke every word out loud and took small pauses within them with gritted teeth like making me understand every word. I know what he is talking about but I won't show it. A girl has to show some innocent act.

"I don't get it, what are you talking about?" I spoke loud and clear while making my voice cold, as cold as I could muster. His black eyes darkened more if it was even possible. He slammed his fist on the table while I jerked little back words while trying to hide the fear which is residing within me.

"This, this...cold behaviour of yours towards me, you were good and talking to me in the morning, what happened now?" He questioned now with a soft voice while his eyes softened more and his voice nearly equal to a pleading. And I want to give in, almost give in and tell him that I am afraid that my heart has boundaries which he is trying to break and I also know that sooner or later he will be successful in doing it if I don't push him now with my full force but ignoring all of this I spoke something which made him angrier than ever before, in all the times I have seen him.

"I was always like this towards you and always will, my hatred towards you never changed, I was getting a little suffocated here so I took the chance you gave me to go out. That's it." I said with a shrug like I really don't care about anything and then I continued with my lies,

"And about being civil with you, it was just a one-time thing" with that being said I released a humourless laugh and said, "Don't get used to it" I finished my lies and looked him deep in the eyes. After this, he will hate me more than anyone else, will push me back and my heart will be safe.

He looked at me with disbelief and I wanted nothing but to tell him the truth and to tell him that all the things I have said are just lies and nothing more but then his eyes held that fury again which almost made me want to go and hide somewhere. Almost.

"You are lying!... I know you are!... You are not like this! I know that, so stop telling lies!" He roared while I felt my heart clench painfully.