Chapter XIX

How come he knows I am lying, I have pulled up my best facade there is no way a person who doesn't even know me can tell that I am lying. But I stayed still, rooted to my seat all the while looking at those eyes, not backing down knowing that losing is not a choice when my heart is at stake. I have buried my grave deep while saying those things and I know that I can get killed by a snap of his fingers but still somewhere in my heart there is a feeling that he wouldn't do something like that... 

He held my wrist and started dragging me somewhere all the while holding my wrist in a deathly grip and I know it's going to leave bruises. Giving me a proof that he isn't nice, prove for my stupid heart to believe that he isn't good.

After a while, I notice that he is taking the path which leads to my room and soon after we reached my room and he pushed me inside with so much force that I nearly fall onto the ground but luckily gained my posture and turned back to look at him standing at the door frame with a stiff posture and anger radiating through him.

"I know you are lying and you are going to stay in this room until you confess the truth and if by any chance.." he stopped for a second and gave me a warning glare while pointing his forefinger at me,

"And if by any chance the thing you said back there is true, then there is something I want to tell you.." he again took a pause, taking a deep breath, closed his eyes and when again he opened his eyes, sadness and pain was enveloping those black eyes instead of anger.

"I am not something you use and then throw away" He finished making me drown in regret and shame more than I already was.

With that being said he slammed the door shut and I heard the voice of keys and I know that he had locked me in here.

Soon realization dawned upon me and knowing that I am the most heartless girl ever born on this planet I slid down and kept crying while loud sobs erupt from my throat and as many tears that they stopped flowing after a while making me cry even harder.

It's been two days since I have been locked in this room. I can tell from the way the night falls and a new day rises to see through the windows. A new day means hope and confidence for so many believers but it doesn't do me any good knowing what I have done is extremely bad. Myung-Dae thinks that I used him and then throws him away like a discarded piece of paper.

Well, it isn't what you told him, that you used him.

My inner voice mocked me. Wasn't it enough that I was already swimming in the pool of regret that now you want me to drown in it?

Two days since I haven't seen Myung-Dae yet, he kept sending food three times a day on the exact time that we used to eat our meals. I am talking like I know Myung-Dae for my whole life but truth be told it's been only five days however I feel a strong bond towards him. If it was anyone else, whom I have spoken so ill of in front of them, they should have tried to starve me to death, however, I am so grateful of Myung-Dae that he still sent me food, it is another case that not a single bite made its way down my throat. It is really difficult to even drink or moreover eat knowing that I am the cause that someone felt sad or bad.

I may be overreacting but how come someone can eat knowing that they cause the person pain who did so much for them. I know that he attacked my kingdom and my father can be a host to him but still, he could keep me as a mere slave but he gave me respect and honour and in return what I gave him. The humiliation of him being used by me or the pain that I saw in those eyes.

I just want to go and tell him the truth but I know I can't do that. No matter what he has done for me, I have to get out of this place with any harm not only physically but also emotionally and that can only be done when I am safe and away from him. Keep him away from myself as much as possible. But I know that getting looked in the room will not help me escape also while I haven't had the energy to go and bang on the door. Byeol, the maid tried to get me to eat something but whenever I took a bite or two for her sake, I would immediately throw up.

Another reason for me to not leave this place is that I don't know where my father is. But I know getting his location out of Myung-Dae's mouth is really hard and now what I have done I believe that it is impossible now. So in this span of two days, I have come to the decision that I will leave this place alone-somehow.

It's not that I am abandoning my father or something, it's just I know that is the right thing. I cannot fight Myung-Dae alone. I need someone behind me. Once I will hopefully leave this place I will go to the kingdom which is not too far from here. I know the roots back to my kingdom from here too because the kingdom I will go to after escaping this kingdom is my dearest friend's father's kingdom.

I have gone there quite a few times to meet her and since this kingdom comes in the way I know the root back to my place. Knowing the name of this kingdom has helped me a lot but I also know that this place is very huge so it might take me a few days to even get out of this kingdom and then the rest of the journey can take weeks since I would be on my feet.

From there onwards I will ask for help from my friend and his father and I know that they would help me get back my father because he is also a close friend to my father. I can't go back to my kingdom alone knowing that maybe-maybe there isn't anything left...