27. Chapter 27

That night was the best one they had had since the accident. They both managed to sleep for 4 consecutive hours unmedicated which felt like some kind of voodoo miracle. Carina was the first one awake, but shockingly it was from a nightmare and not her belly. She woke up gasping for air after dreaming about watching Andrea and Maya both dying in a car accident while she watched.

"Car?" Maya said sleepily as she woke up from Carina moving, "You ok?"

Carina was still struggling to breathe, unable to answer Maya, instead just reaching over and taking Maya's hand.

"Ok," the blonde said, realizing her wife was having a panic attack, "I'm right here. I am going to sit the bed up a little bit and then you can come lay next to me, ok?"

Maya knew Carina almost always felt like she couldn't breathe when she was having a panic attack laying down so she quick adjusted the bed before having Carina lean back.

"Ok," Maya said, putting an arm around her wife, "I am right here."

She could tell now that Carina wasn't have a panic attack which was a relief, but the Italian was very clearly shaken up and crying. Maya just held her as much as she could, Carina slowly calming down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Maya asked as she heard the crying fade into sniffles and then into silence over the course of the next fifteen minutes.

"It was just a nightmare," Carina said, rubbing her eyes, "A stupid nightmare about you and Andrea being in a car accident together."

"Well, I am right here, nice and safe," Maya said, leaning over and kissing Carina's forehead.

Carina nodded, cuddling closer to Maya, just staying there until her stomach grumbled.

"I hate this," Carina groaned, getting up and going into the bathroom.

Maya was exhausted but worried about her wife, really hoping that she would be able to kick this infection sooner rather than later. Maya thought about laying the bed back down, but she wasn't sure Carina would be ready to go back to sleep when she came back from the bathroom so she left it up for now, adjusting Carina's Andrea blanket as much as she could.

She grabbed her phone as she waited for her wife, seeing that Jack had texted her back, saying he would be by around 9 after shift and asking if they needed anything. She texted him back, telling him 9 was fine and that they were good for now. She knew he was either sleeping or on a call so she wasn't expecting any kind or response.

Just as she finished texting, Carina came out of the bathroom.

"Still feeling sick?" Maya asked as Carina got back into bed, curling up under the blanket.

"Si," Carina nodded, "Though that was the longest stretch I have gone without needing the bathroom so maybe it is getting better."

"Good," Maya said as her wife curled back into her side, "I want you to be better. Are you feeling up to sleeping again?"

"I think so," Carina nodded as Maya grabbed the remote for the bed, lowering it so they were laying down again, Carina curled into Maya's side.

"Are you going to be able to go back to sleep?" Carina asked as she felt her own eyes getting heavy.

"I don't know," Maya said honestly, "But I will try. It's only 1 am so I'm sure I will go back to sleep at some point."

"Ok," Carina said, "Don't forget, you can ask for meds if your anxiety is acting up."

"I know," Maya said, kissing Carina's forehead which was feeling nice and cool again, "I'm not anxious right now. I am ok."

"Ok," the Italian yawned, "Well, I am going to go to sleep."

"I love you," Maya said.

"Love you too," Carina mumbled, closing her eyes.

Maya let her mind wander, thinking about the station again and about what she needed to go over with Jack. She wished she could ask Andy to be there too, but she knew her best friend wasn't feeling well and didn't want to ask her to come to the hospital to talk about work. Maybe she would see if Jack and Andy could both come in another day together so she could make sure they were all on the same page. She went through everything, grabbing her phone at one point so she could make a list of things so she didn't forget anything. After about an hour, she couldn't think of anything else.

She then went and found a language learning app with really good reviews, downloading it and trying to start on the first Italian lesson.

However, her mind was still running, wondering if her making this list and talking to Jack and trying to keep the station the way she ran it so it would be easier when she went back was even worth it. Would she ever even be going back? Would the station ever be hers again or would she be sidelined, forced to retire or become a paper pusher or have to find a different job like Diane had? She knew it had all been great for her therapist, but she wasn't sure she was cut out for that life. One thing she loved about firefighting was being in the action and if she couldn't do that, what would she do?

She felt herself start to get lost in her anxieties and remembered what Diane had told her. She tried as hard as she could to pull herself out of her head, grasping at something to keep her grounded. Her hands found her teddy bear and she listened closely to the sounds of the room, narrowing her focus to a familiar sound she loved so much. She listened to Carina's breathing, just focusing on the ever so slight snore the Italian had, syncing her own breathing to it and finally allowing her own body to relax enough to fall asleep.

The next time they woke up, it wasn't to sick tummy or nightmares or anxious thoughts, but rather to sun coming in through the windows in the room.

Maya woke up first, scrunching her face as she turned away from the window. She heard Carina groaning next to her, Maya looking over at wife, smiling as she watched Carina wake up. It was something she got to enjoy most mornings Carina wasn't working because Maya was almost always up first. She loved watching the faces her wife made as she woke up slowly. Since being in the hospital, Carina had either already been awake when Maya woke up or she woke up from nightmare or from feeling sick and those were never slow, calm wake ups, instead rushed and quick and angry or filled with tears.

Maya just savored getting to watch Carina wake up, taking in all the beauty that was the tiny expressions of displeasure and sleepiness that overtook the sleep-loving Italian's face when she woke.

"You're staring," Carina groaned as she opened her eyes, "You know I hate that."

"And you know I love watching you wake up and it has been…I don't know, two weeks since I have been able to watch you wake up not in pain or from trauma or sick."

"I love you," Carina said, leaning over and planting a sleepy kiss on Maya's lips.

Maya thought about trying to deepen it, but there was a knock at the door, Carina quickly moving as the person came in.

"Good morning Maya," Meredith said, smiling at her, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better than I have," Maya said, "My stomach is finally feeling better and I am slowly starting to move again."

"That's great," Meredith said, smiling at her, "Well, I have some more good news. Your creatinine and BUN have started improving."

Maya looked a little confused, looking at her wife who had a huge smile on her face.

"Your kidney is starting to work again Bambina," Carina said as tears filled her eyes, "How much has it improved?"

"Only a little bit," Meredith said, "But considering the numbers were trending up until today, any improvement is positive right now."

"So, my kidney might come back from this?" Maya said, biting her lip.

"It's still early to know for sure," Meredith said, "But I am cautiously optimistic that we are finally starting to get it going in the right direction."

Maya smiled, feeling tears welling up in her eyes and spilling down her cheeks.

"No tears," Meredith said, "This is the best news."

"I know," Maya said, wiping at her tears, "I'm not sad. I'm happy. Promise. What else do you have to tell me?"

"I am going to let you start trying oral fluids again," Meredith said, looking at her chart, "You haven't had any nausea in the past 36 hours and now that the c. diff. seems to have cleared up, I want to try to move you forward on that front."

"Ok," Maya nodded, not excited in the slightest about having to put anything in her body through her mouth.

"I see you asked for a PT increase which I approved as long as you talk to your physical therapist and make sure not to push yourself too hard," Meredith said, "And that is all I have. Do either of you have any questions for me?"

"Um," Maya said, trying to find the courage to ask the question she had been avoiding, "Yeah. Um…am I going to be able to go back to my job ever? Or has this like completely taken me out of fighting fires forever? And please be honest with me."

"I wouldn't say it takes you out of firefighting," Meredith said, shaking her head, "We are going to have to track you carefully and monitor your recovery for a long time, and you are not going to be back to fighting fires for months, but if you continue to heal and there are no major hiccups, I think we can talk about you going back to your job at some point. Now, I am slightly worried about the tear in your abdominal aorta, but all the imaging we have gotten so far shows that it is healing well. You are looking at a lifetime of blood pressure meds, but there are plenty of firefighters on those so we will make sure you are on the right ones."

"But there isn't anything that is going to keep me from going back to work once I'm healed?" Maya asked nervously, "Or at least not right now."

"If that kidney heals up and your aorta continues to look as good as it has, I do not see any reason you will not be able to fight fires again one day," Meredith said, watching as the blonde firefighter started sobbing,

Carina wrapping her arms around her wife, mouthing "thank you" to Meredith as the general surgeon left. Maya cried in Carina's arms for a good ten minutes before pulling away.

"Those were happy tears si?" Carina asked as she handed Maya a tissue.

"Yeah," Maya said, still sniffling as she wiped her eyes, "I have been wanting to ask that since I woke up and I was fully prepared to hear that I was done being a firefighter and I was trying to be ok with it but hearing that I probably still can be…"

And with that, the tears started again, Carina wrapping her arms around her wife once again. All Carina wanted to do was stay there, but her stomach started cramping up again.

"Bambina, I have to use the bathroom," Carina said, pulling away, "I'm sorry."

Maya shook her head as Carina got out of bed. When Carina came back out of the bathroom, she found her wife had stopped crying and was sitting up in bed again.

"You good?" Maya asked as Carina grabbed her drink.

"Si," Carina nodded, "I am getting there. Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Maya said, "I didn't mean to get so emotional. I guess I had just prepared myself to have to give up my career, and hearing that I probably won't have to…"

"I understand," Carina nodded, sitting down on the bed, pressing a kiss to Maya's forehead. Just then, there was another knock on the door, Ty and Joanna coming in.

"I hear we are going to be seeing more of each other," Ty said, smiling, "How are you feeling about that?"

"Excited," Maya said, "I am ready to be moving more."

"Alright," Ty said, "We are going to start with stretches and then we will get you up and moving, ok?"

"Sounds good," Maya nodded as Ty moved to the bottom of the bed to start stretching her legs.

He quickly got her legs stretched out and ready to start moving as Joanna made sure the cane was in place.

"Alright," Ty said, "Are you ready to stand?"

"Let's do it," Maya said, getting ready for Ty to help her sit up.

"I am actually going to teach you a new maneuver so you can sit up on your own," Ty said, "You have no more drains and you are getting stronger and I think you are ready.

"Ok," Maya said, nodding, "How do I do it?"

"Well, the first thing we are going to have to do is move you to the other side of the bed," Ty said, "This maneuver is going to require you to roll and I don't want you rolling on your broken arm or fistula so we are going to have you roll the other way."

"Ok," Maya nodded, Carina moving from her place in the bed, taking all her stuff and Maya's teddy bear to make room for her wife to move over.

"Ok," Ty said, "Now, we are going to shuffle you over using your sheet. Just let us do the work to move you over this time, ok? We will teach you how to do this too, but let's not push it yet, ok?"

"Ok," Maya nodded, letting Joanna and Ty move her over to the other side of the bed, Carina just standing and watching, taking mental notes on what they were doing for when she inevitably had to help Maya with this on her own.

"Alright," Ty said one he had Maya where he wanted her, "Now, take this pillow and hug it to your abdomen. Not to tight, but just to support it, ok?"

Maya nodded, taking the pillow.

"Good," Ty said, "Now, you are going to roll, with your entire body all at once, Joanna and I will help you this first time. If you roll your top and bottom half separate, your abs are not going to be happy, understand."

"Yeah," Maya nodded, "Alright," Ty said, "And if this hurts at all, let me know, ok?"

"Ok," Maya nodded, "Then what?"

"Then we are going to have you move your legs over the side of the bed and use your arm that is on the bed to push you up to sitting all at once, ok?" Ty explained.

"Ok," Maya said, "I think I can do it."

"Alright," Ty said, "Let's do it. If you have any pain or anything feels uncomfortable, let me know, ok?"

"Ok," Maya said, holding the pillow to her abdomen as they started the maneuver.

Maya was a little surprised at how it went, feeling some discomfort at moving like this, but nothing hurt to the point that she needed to stop. The next thing she knew, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her smiling wife.

"How did that feel?" Ty asked, looking at Maya.

"It felt weird," Maya said, "And a little sore, but I think that is something I can do."

"You did a great job," Ty said, "Are you ready to try some walking?"

"Yeah," Maya nodded.

"Alright," Ty said, "Hold the pillow to your stomach again when you stand because we are going to support you a little less today, ok?"

Maya nodded, standing up, with a little help.

"Excellent," Ty said, taking the pillow from Maya, "Now, walking?"

Maya nodded, feeling good.

"Alright," Ty said as he and Joanna flanked Maya, helping her start taking steps.

Carina walked with them, keeping an eye on Maya's face, looking for any signs of exhaustion or pain to try to avoid what had happened yesterday. Maya walked a total of twenty small steps in one direction before turning around.

"Are you still feeling ok, Bambina?" Carina asked, looking at her face.

"I'm good," Maya nodded, concentrating on her steps.

The blonde made it all the way back to the bed, sitting back down.

"That was excellent," Ty said, smiling at her, "Are you ready to try laying down by yourself, or are you too tired?"

"Um," Maya said, taking stock of her body, feeling her abs complaining a little bit, "I… um…"

"Are you tired?" Carina asked, getting Maya to look right at her.

"I think so," Maya said, biting her lip, "Sorry. I really want to learn how, but everything is achy and…"

"Nope," Ty said, "No apologies. We are taking this at the pace your body can handle. You did a ton today so now we are going to lay you down, ok?"

"Ok," Maya nodded, letting Ty and Joanna maneuver her back to laying down and back to her place in the bed.

"I am really impressed with your progress Maya," Ty said, "We will be back in a few hours for more, ok?"

"Thank you," Maya said, nodding.

"I am so proud of you," Carina said, climbing into bed and kissing Maya deeply.

"Why are you proud of me?" Maya asked as Carina pulled back for air, "Because I walked halfway across the room?"

"No," Carina said, "I mean, yes, that is also so amazing, but you let Ty and Joanna lay you down and didn't push your body past it's limits. That makes me so proud of you."

"Want to show me how proud?" Maya asked cheekily, Carina leaning back down and kissing her again, deepening it more until there was another knock on the door.

"Why do we keep getting interrupted," Maya groaned as the door opened, Jack and Andy walking in.

"Andy?" Maya said, confused, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I am helping captain the station right now," Andy said, "And Jack texted me asking me if I was coming today to talk about captain things, and I told him I didn't know about it."

"I didn't want to make you come down here when you were feeling sick," Maya said, "I was going to call you once you were feeling better."

"Well, Robert ended up picking up my prescription last night after a call and brought it to me, and damn, it I would have known there was something that could make me feel this much better this fast, I would have called you days ago Carina," Andy said.

"You need to tell me about anything that happens," Carina said, "Even if you think it is normal because as your doctor, I need to know these things."

"I promise I will be better about it," Andy nodded as she and Jack sat down.

"I need to use the bathroom," Carina said, getting up as she felt her belly cramping again, "I will be right back."

"She's still sick?" Andy asked, frowning.

"Yeah," Maya nodded before looking at Jack, "Hey, Gibson, come here."

"What?" Jack said, getting up and walking over to the blonde.

"Come closer," Maya said, getting Jack within her reach before reaching up and smacking him in the back of the head.

"Ow," he said, "What the hell?"

"That is for being a fucking idiot and giving my wife a panic attack when I was in a coma," Maya said, glaring at him, "I mean, seriously Jack. If anyone knows anything about PTSD, it should be you. How dare you trigger Carina? You need to learn when to keep your fucking mouth shut or I will have you transferred out of my station so fast."

"Sorry," Jack said, Andy smirking a little in her chair, "I didn't…"

"I want no excuses," Maya said, face red with anger, "Do better. And if I am ever in the hospital again, you are not allowed to visit unless I am awake and coherent, understood?"

"Yes Captain," Jack nodded as she stared at him.

"Alright," Maya said when he finally broke eye contact, "Now on to other important matter."

They spent the next hour going over different things that needed to happen in the station, Carina curling herself up next to Maya with her headphones in and just resting while they did, Maya's hand drawing shapes on her back the entire time.

Maya made sure Jack and Andy both agreed to run everything past each other (or someone else at the station like Travis) before they submitted any forms to prevent issues like the one with the shirts. Jack tried to argue that Maya never ran what she was doing past anyone or had anyone double check it, but Maya argued that she had never blown their entire uniform budget for the quarter on shirts what wouldn't even fit anyone at the station. They made some other plans, Maya filling them in on what equipment she was planning on ordering in the coming months, what needed their extra attention, and a few other things they needed to know.

They finished up with their discussion before Jack got up to go.

"Oh, yeah," he said reaching for a bag he had brought with him, "I forgot. Hughie washed these at the station last night and asked me to bring them over to you today. I think she said it's Carina's clothes?"

"Oh," Maya nodded, "Thank you. You can just put them on the couch." "Alright," Jack said, "I've gotta go. I promise to try to not screw anything else up. Bye."

"Bye Jack," Maya and Andy called as he left.

"Are you going to go too?" Maya asked, looking at her best friend, careful not to disrupt her wife who had fallen asleep next to her.

"I was going to stay and just hang out for a little bit if that's ok?" Andy said, "I rode in with Jack, but Robert has an AA meeting here at 11, and he offered to give me a ride home after."

"Of course," Maya nodded, "I feel like I've barely seen you since I've been here."

"Well, you have been in a coma and then sick and exhausted and then I was sick and exhausted."

"We really are a mess," Maya laughed a little as she looked at her friend, "So tell me what's been going on in your life? How is it now that you are about to be a mom?"

"It's weird," Andy said, "We weren't trying or anything. It just kinda…happened so it's been a lot to wrap my head around. Robert hates that I am still working. I actually think he was mildly disappointed that I got meds to help me stop puking because it means I can go back to work. It's like…He wants control over my body or something. It's kinda making me hate him."

"I would hate that if Carina did that to me," Maya said, "Not that I will be the one who gets pregnant when the time comes which was supposed to be soon, but now who knows."

"Wait, back up," Andy said, "It was supposed to be soon? You and Carina were going to try to have a baby?"

"Oh, yeah," Maya nodded, "We weren't going to tell anyone, but now, who knows when it will even happen. I've got so much healing to do, and really, so does she, but hopefully, we will someday."

"I hope it's sooner rather than later because I selfishly want our babies to be close in age," Andy said, smiling at her.

Maya nodded, glancing down at her wife as the Italian moved a little before settling again.

"How are you two both doing today?" Andy asked, drawing Maya's attention back to her.

"Better," Maya said, "Actually a lot better. We both slept 4 straight hours last night and then Carina got in another 5-6 hours after we were both awake for like an hour in the middle of the night."

"Did you get more sleep after the 4 hours?" Andy asked, knowing Maya had insomnia that could be debilitating at times and she was sure this hospital stay was not doing great things for her.

"I was awake for like 3 hours, but I did end up falling back to sleep for a few more hours," Maya said, "It was the best sleep either of us have had without meds since before the accident. Also, big news. My kidney is starting to function again."

"Maya, that's amazing," Andy said, smiling at her, "So are you going to be able to get off dialysis soon?"

"It's not working that well yet," Maya said, "But this was the first day there has been any signs of improvement since I got c. diff."

"I am so happy for you," Andy said, "Have they given you a timetable for getting out of here?"

"Not yet," Maya said, shaking her head, "But I haven't asked because up until today, it took two people to get me from laying down to sitting up so it's not going to be any time soon."

"Now how many people does it take to get you up?" Andy asked.

"None," Maya said, "I learned how to get up on my own without hurting my abs."

"Maya, that's huge," Andy said, not believing that the woman she had come and seen just a few days ago who could barely keep her eyes open and was so sick and weak was now learning how to sit up on her own and starting to walk, "I am so proud of you."

"Thank you," Maya said, shrugging, "It's really not a big deal. But it feels really good to be moving around more."

"You are going to be back in the station before you know it," Andy said, "And back to full active duty before me for sure."

"I hope so," Maya said, "You are going to be off for close to a year."

"Don't remind me," Andy said, putting her hand on her stomach, "I am excited to have this baby, but I am not excited to be off full duty for so long."

"It'll go fast," Maya said, "Or that's what I keep telling myself about this recovery process."

Andy sighed, knowing Maya was right. Just then, she got a text.

"Robert is done with his meeting," Andy said, "I am going to head out, but is there anything either of you need?"

"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "We are good. Thanks for coming. It was really good to see you."

"It was good to see you too," Andy said, "I'm glad you are doing so well. I'll come back and visit soon, ok?"

"Sounds good," Maya said.

Once Andy was gone, and with Carina still asleep, Maya grabbed out her phone, going back to her Italian lesson she had tried to start the night before, slowly working her way through the first lesson.