6. Chapter 6

The night was rougher than the last one for sure. Maya woke up about three hours after Carina laid down, not in nearly as much pain as earlier, but still not feeling well. Carina wasn’t really asleep and sat up as soon as she felt her wife move.

“What’s wrong Bambina?” Carina asked as Maya groaned a little.

“Nothing,” Maya said as Maggie got up to see if anything needed to be done, “Just sore and tired but also not. What time is it?”

“It’s almost 1 am,” Maggie said, looking at her watch.

“Carina, you should be sleeping,” Maya said, looking at her wife.

“It’s ok,” Carina shrugged, “What do you need?”

“Can you just…sit next to me or something?” Maya asked, “I need you to be close. Sorry.”

“No,” Carina said, shaking her head, “No apologizing. You went through a major trauma. You get whatever you want.”

“I wish I didn’t feel so shitty,” Maya said, cracking a small smile, “Then I could take advantage of that.”

Carina just chuckled, shaking her head as she leaned down and kissed Maya a little.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Maggie asked, deciding to use this time to take some of Maya’s vitals and check her drains.

“No,” Maya said, “Thanks. Wait, why are you here? Is there a problem that I need to be monitored for?”

“No,” Maggie said, shaking her head, “You are doing really well. We are all just taking turns making extra sure you are ok overnight.”

Maggie wasn’t sure how much Carina wanted to tell Maya about the real reason people were spending the night in her room, leaving it more open so Carina could choose how to navigate this.

“They are more here for me than you,” Carina said, taking Maggie’s cue that the ball was in her court.

“Are you ok?” Maya asked, looking at her wife, suddenly very worried.

“Si,” Carina said, putting a hand on the side of Maya’s face to calm her down, “Maggie is just here so I can get comfortable enough to sleep.”

Maya’s brain was not functioning at all how she needed it to, and what Carina was saying was not computing well in her concussed, drug filled, exhausted brain. Instead of trying to sort it out through the cloud of drug fog in her brain, Maya just accepted what Carina said for now.

“Has my team seen me yet?” Maya asked.

“Andy has,” Carina nodded, “And Travis, but no one else. They probably all would have been up here as soon as you were out of surgery, but I wasn’t up to it. Sorry.”

“Babe, I was unconscious,” Maya said, looking at her wife, “It was all about whatever you needed. They don’t need to see me unconscious anyway.”

Carina smiled at Maya, feeling a little bit of the anxiousness leave her for now. Getting to have sustained physical contact with her wife was helping calm some of the oversensitive nerves in her body which she was grateful for because the physical pain she had been dealing with all day had been intense.

“I told them they could come tomorrow,” Carina said, “But to text first so if you aren’t up to it, you don’t have to see them.”

“I think it will be good to see them,” Maya said, brow furrowing as a wave of pain washed over her.

“You alright?” Carina asked, seeing the look on her wife’s face.

“Just some pain,” Maya said, “It’s gone now. Or not gone exactly, but not so bad.”

“I think it’s almost time for your next round of meds,” Maggie said, looking at the clock, “I can get it now if you want.”

“No,” Maya said, “No, I want to be awake for a little longer.”

Maggie nodded, going back to the reading she had been doing.

“Bambina, if you are hurting, we can make it stop,” Carina said, rubbing soft circles on her hand. “I’m ok, Car,” Maya reassured her, “Can you just talk to me?”

“What do you want me to tell you?” Carina asked.

“Did you deliver any babies on your last shift?” Maya asked, always enjoying hearing about Carina’s work.

“I did,” Carina nodded, “I think five. And that was just until they brought you in around 4 am so not even a full 24 hour shift. The first one, the mama had been in labor for almost 48 hours by the time she delivered. She was so tired, but she managed to bring a perfect little boy into the world in just 3 pushes. And then there were twins, oh, I guess that means 6 bambini. Five deliveries thought. Anyway twins, two little girls. One of them had the cord wrapped around her neck, and she was very blue, but she pinked back up as soon as the cord was off. It is always so scary when the baby comes out blue. Then I delivered a baby for a gay couple via surrogate. They are absolutely smitten with their new daughter. And then I had a 28 weeker who is so tiny, but he is strong. Mamma had preeclampsia. And the last one was a baby of a mom who had had twelve miscarriages and a stillbirth before this baby. She called him her miracle baby.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Maya said, “Twelve miscarriages?”

“It happens,” Carina said, nodding, “It is so hard to watch patients go through.”

Maya put her hand on Carina’s, comforting her a little.

“Ok,” Carina said, looking at Maya as she yawned, “You need to go back to sleep.”

“All I’ve done is sleep,” Maya said, shifting a little, face contorting in pain as she did so.

“Your body has been through so so much,” Carina said as Maggie stepped out to get the meds, “Rest is the best thing you can do to get better.”

“I want to sleep with you,” Maya wined, knowing that was probably not the best idea, but she wanted so badly to just be held right now.

“I know Bambina,” Carina said, “But you need to be still right now. Maybe tomorrow or in a few days.”

Maya bit her lip, trying not to start crying.

“Oh Bambina,” Carina said, it taking every bit of restrain in her not to pull her wife close, knowing that would just cause more problems, “Don’t cry. I know this is hard and you are hurting. I am right here. I will hold your hand all night, and I will be right here when you wake up, I promise.”

Maya nodded, wincing as pain shot through her head.

“Just be still,” Carina said, wiping the tears off Maya’s cheeks, “If I could take this all away, I would in a minute, but for right now, you just have to rest and try not to move too much.”

Maya just gently leaned her cheek into Carina’s hand, the Italian gently rubbing her thumb over Maya’s face. Maggie came in a few minutes later with multiple syringes and another bag of fluids.

“Ok,” Maggie said, “These are probably going to make you pretty tired.”

“Don’t fight them,” Carina said, knowing that as Maya’s mind started to wake up more, she was going to try to fight against the tiredness the meds brought, “Sleep so you will feel better in the morning, and maybe be able to see your team.”

“Ok,” Maya said, almost nodding, but remembering that was not pleasant at the moment, “But you won’t leave?”

“I promise,” Carina said, not wanting to tell her wife that the very thought of having to leave her side made her feel sick and panicky, instead just smiling at her, “I will be right here.”

Carina gave her a gentle kiss as Maya’s eyes slowly started to slip closed. Once she was sure she was asleep, Carina went back to her cot.

“Carina, maybe you should take something,” Maggie said as she watched her friend try to ger comfortable, “You need rest if you are going to be able to be here for her.”

“Don’t want to,” Carina said, shaking her head, “I’ll be ok.”

Maggie sighed, not wanting to push. She knew the Italian had had to be medicated and slept for a few hours during the day so she decided it would probably be alright.

Carina ended up nodding off for a couple of hours, waking up around 5 am, glancing up at the monitors, seeing Maya was still stable. She saw her blood pressure was a little lower than the day before, but still within normal limits so she wasn’t worried.

“She’s been good,” Maggie said, looking at Carina, “She hasn’t woken up since you were both up last night. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” Carina said, not sitting up, “Tired, anxious.”

“Do you need anything?” Maggie asked.

Carina shook her head, wrapping her blankets tighter around her body. She hated how she was feeling right now. She was already anxious about Maya’s team coming, and that wasn’t even going to be for another few hours. She was scared Maya was going to try to be tough for them and end up hurting herself.

She also was still feeling very overwhelmed and the little bit of sleep she had gotten had been plagued by flashbacks of Andrea dying mixed with flashes of Maya dying too. Her sleep was almost as exhausting as being awake, and she hated it.

She knew she probably needed to leave, to get some space, but that also sounded like its own unique hell so she just laid there, not letting herself fall back to sleep, but keeping her eyes closed, tuning out the world except the feeling of Maya’s hand in hers and the sound of the monitor assuring her her wife was alive and well.

Carina wasn’t sure how long she laid there, but she opened her eyes when she heard Maggie get up. Sun was streaming in the window and Maya was starting to wake up too. Carina looked at the clock, seeing it was after 8 am.

She got up, folding up the cot as Maya’s eyes cracked open.

“Where are you going?” Maya asked as Carina wheeled the cot into the corner.

“Nowhere, Bambina,” Carina said, shaking her head as she went closer to Maya, “Just putting my bed away. And now I am going to go put on some clothes.”

“And I am going to be right here,” Maggie said, coming back in with some more fluids for Maya, “Go ahead Carina.”

The Italian went through her routine, still not feeling up to a shower, instead hoping her deodorant and a braid would be enough for the day. She then went back to her wife’s side, noticing Maya seemed a little more pale this morning.

“Are you feeling alright?” Carina asked, kissing her forehead gently.

“Yeah,” Maya said, “I mean, as ok as someone in this situation can feel I guess.”

“They’re going to be coming for rounds soon,” Maggie said, having stepped out for a moment, “Though Maya, you did so well yesterday, you are already down from seeing five surgeons to two every day.”

“I’ve barely even been awake,” Maya said, looking at Maggie.

“And yet you have already graduated from my care as well as ortho and trauma,” Maggie said, “And if things go well, I think neuro is going to clear you soon too. Then, it’s just general, although all of us are still keeping an eye on you just in case, but most of us don’t need to do daily checks anymore.”

“Why were you taking care of me?” Maya asked.

“Your rib pierced your lung,” Maggie explained, “And I helped repair the lung. We had a chest tub in, but we removed it yesterday because you were doing well without it. I am going to get one more scan before you are discharged, just to check that the lung is healing up well, but from yesterday’s scans, you are doing well. Oh, and I also helped repair the aorta, which is also healing nicely. Again, I want scans before we discharge you, but I don’t need daily scans anymore.”

“Oh, I forgot my ribs weren’t just broken, but actually decided to do extra damage,” Maya said, rubbing her eyes with her good hand, “And I sit up?”

“We can bring the bed up a little,” Maggie said, nodding as she looked at Carina, “Why don’t we wait until after rounds, though, just to be sure.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, deciding she could wait a little longer to get readjusted.

Just then, there was a knock on the door, Amelia and Helm, who had chosen to go into general surgery the previous year, came in.

“You’re awake,” Amelia said, smiling as she saw Maya look toward the door.

“Yeah,” Maya said, “Are you going to take this thing out of my head soon?”

“And you are back to the Maya Bishop-Deluca we all know and love,” Amelia said, chuckling, “I’ll start then. I am happy with your ICP, and if it remains stable, I will take it out later today. I want to see how you do in a little bit more of a vertical position. How is your head feeling?”

“Like I have a killer headache,” Maya said, “But it’s not too bad. And it hurts if I move my head too much.”

“If it gets worse, you need to let us know,” Amelia said, “But if you didn’t have somewhat of a headache, I would be worried. And I want you to try to start moving your head some today. Just slow side to side and up and down, like turn your head to look at people when they talk type of thing.”

“Ok,” Maya said as she slowly turned her head to look at Amelia, finding her neck muscles sore, but her head not so bad.

“How is that?” the neurosurgeon asked.

“My neck hurts,” Maya said, “But my head is ok.”

“You probably have whiplash,” Amelia said, nodding, “We scanned your spine and it was clear so nothing to worry about there, just muscles.”

“I can deal with sore muscles,” Maya said.

“And Carina can give you a massage too,” Amelia said, eyeing her best friend, “It will probably help.”

“Now?” Maya asked, having been desperate for physical contact since she woke up.

“Let’s let Dr. Helm finish first,” Carina said, going and taking Maya’s hand, sensing that was what her wife needed.

Carina knew the more Maya woke up, the more her anxiety was going to start kicking in, and the Italian hoped she could keep that at bay as much as possible.

“Alright,” Helm said, “So your drain output is still what we would expect from the abdomen and the leg. Your leg is putting out less than yesterday, so hopefully in the next day or two, we can talk about taking it out. How is all of it feeling?”

“My leg is sore,” Maya said, “But not too bad. My abdomen is pretty sore and achy too. When can I have something to drink?”

“Let me have a quick listen,” Helm said, pulling up Maya’s blanket, listening to her abdomen, “Ok. Everything sounds good. I am going to pull the tube this morning, and then as long as you are still feeling ok, we can try clear fluids at lunch?”

“Ok,” Maya said, happy with that outcome, “How long until I can go home?”

“Your abdominal drain is still putting out quite a bit,” Helm said, checking the drain bag, “I am guessing another five days at least?”

“Bambina, you want to be here now,” Carina said, seeing the look on her wife’s face, “You are getting a lot of meds that are important for your recovery and you need monitoring.”

“Ok,” Maya said, trying hard not to keep crying, “I know you’re right.”

“Good,” Carina said, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

“Alright,” Helm said, “That’s it for me. I will send a nurse in to remove the tube from your nose, and then you can just rest.”

“Can I sit up a little?” Maya asked, looking at the doctors.

“Only if you don’t try to use your own ab muscles too much to hold you up,” Helm said, “You have a lot of trauma there, and you need to let those rest and heal.”

“Here,” Carina said, grabbing the remote from the side of Maya’s bed, carefully moving the bed into a reclined sitting position, “Bene?”

“Yeah,” Maya said, making sure to keep leaning on the bed, “Oh, is there any way I can get pain meds that don’t make me instantly pass out? I’d like to be awake a little today.”

“We can try to adjust some things,” Amelia nodded, tapping on her tablet, “But you have to be very honest with us about your pain levels.”

“I will be,” Maya promised, “I just want to feel more with it and less fuzzy.”

“Part of that is probably the concussion,” Amelia reminded her, “But we will see what we can do.”

“Thank you,” Maya said.

The two doctors left as Carina looked at her wife.

“You are doing really well Bambina,” Carina said, smiling.

“I am going to go grab some coffee,” Maggie said, “And maybe some food. Carina, do you want anything?”

“Just coffee,” Carina said.

“Car, you need to eat,” Maya said, looking at her wife.

“I’ll eat lunch,” Carina said, shaking her head as Maggie left, “Do you need anything Bambina?”

“Is my team coming today?” Maya asked, rubbing her eyes, “Because if they want to come this morning, they should come soon because I am already starting to feel tired.”

“I can tell them to come tomorrow,” Carina said, worried that Maya was going to push herself too hard.

“No,” Maya said, “It’s fine. Did anyone text you yet?”

“Andy did,” Carina said, not super surprised, knowing her wife’s best friend tended to be an early riser, “She said to text whenever we were ready.”

“Tell her she can come now,” Maya said as the nurse came in.

“Alright Mrs. Bishop-Deluca, we are going to take this out now,” the nurse said, handing Maya an emesis basin, “Just breathe normally. If you gag, that is perfectly normal.”

Maya nodded, breathing as Carina held her hand, “I’m right here Bambina.”

Maya shivered a little as the tube was removed from her nose but that was all.

“Good,” the nurse said, “Looks like we will be getting you some clear liquids later. For now, rest.”

“You did so well Bambina,” Carina said, kissing her cheek.

“That felt so strange,” Maya said, shivering again.

“I know,” Carina said, “But hopefully, you won’t need another one. Oh, Andy said she is on her way.”

“Do I look presentable for guests?” Maya asked, looking at Carina.

Carina just laughed, shaking her head. “Is there a mirror I can look in?” Maya asked, “Just to see what I look like?”

“How about my phone?” Carina said, turning on her camera, turning it so Maya could see herself.

“I look scary,” Maya said, looking in the mirror, “Why are my eyes so bruised?”

“You had brain surgery,” Carina said, “And you were in a major car accident.”

“I have so many cuts,” Maya said, touching some of the ones on her cheek, “Glass?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, “I am guessing. You look fine. Although, Amelia did have to shave part of your head to do the surgery so you might have a fun new haircut.”

“Great,” Maya said, yawning a little.

“If you are tired, sleep,” Carina said, “I can talk to Andy.”

“I’m just gonna close my eyes for a little bit,” Maya said, eyes slipping shut, “Can you rub my shoulders?”

“How about we wait until you are a little more awake so we can try to maneuver into a better position?” Carina said, holding Maya’s hand.

“Ok,” the blonde said, voice heavy with sleep.

The Italian sat down, working through a breathing exercise to try to keep herself calm. Maya was doing well, and yet, Carina couldn’t stop worrying about all the what ifs.

Maggie brought her some coffee before heading out to get some sleep.

About twenty minutes later, there was a quiet knock at the door, Carina opening her eyes as Andy walked in.

“Hey,” the firefighter whispered, walking in with a box of something and a duffle bag, “How is she?”

“She’s doing really well all things considered,” Carina said as Andy sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the bed, “How are you doing?”

“Well, it is helpful to know that the reason I have been waking up feeling shitty for the past two weeks has a reason,” Andy said, smiling, “But my injuries from the accident at healing pretty well. I am still really sore from being thrown around, but nothing too bad. How are you?”

“It’s been rough,” Carina admitted, “And I still feel pretty bad, but she is doing better which is helping some.”

“Oh, I brought you some homemade cookies because I have been going stir crazy and I stopped by your place and grabbed you some clothes and stuff,” Andy said, putting the bag over in the corner, “Oh, someone already got you some stuff.”

“Amelia went over to our place the night of the accident,” Carina said, “But she only grabbed me a few things. Thank you for getting me more.”

“I also got some stuff for Maya too,” Andy said, “Her favorite blanket and some of those socks she loves so much.”

“Grazie Andy,” Carina smiled, beyond grateful for her wife’s friend as Andy went back to sit in the chair.

“Carina,” Maya mumbled as her eyes fluttered open.

“I’m right here,” Carina said, rubbing her hand, “Are you alright?”

“Eh,” Maya said, slowly looking over and seeing Andy sitting there, “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Andy said, smiling at her friend, “How are you?”

“I’m awesome,” Maya said sarcastically, wincing as she tried to adjust herself, “My body feels like it has been run over by our engine…multiple times. How are you?”

“I’m alright,” Andy said, “Though, I think my boss is going to be a little upset because I am going to have to be on desk duty for the next few months.”

“I thought Carina said your injuries were minor?” Maya said, feeling her anxiety building for her friend, forgetting she wasn’t supposed to sit up without support, gasping as she tried to sit up only to whimper again because the gasping hurt her chest.

“Bambina, try to be still,” Carina said as Andy stood up, realizing what she was trying to be funny with had been a bad idea.

“Hurts,” Maya said as Carina lowered the bed back so Maya was laying down again, “Everything hurts.”

“I know,” Carina said, hitting the call button, “We are going to get you some pain meds. Just be still and try not to breathe too hard.”

A nurse came in, seeing what was going on and grabbing some pain meds.

“No,” Maya said as she saw the nurse bring the syringe over, “No. The pain is getting better. I just need a minute. No meds. I want to be awake.”

“How about something that won’t make you tired, but will help you feel better?” Carina asked, looking both at Maya and the nurse.

“Sure,” the nurse nodded, stepping out again.

“I’m so sorry,” Andy said, tears in her eyes.

“You didn’t do anything,” Maya said, “I just have to get used to how injured my body is. Speaking of which, why do you need time on the desk?”

Just then, the nurse came back in, pushing some pain meds into Maya’s IV.

“That should take the edge off,” he said, “If you don’t start to feel better in about five minutes, call and I’ll bring something else.”

“Thank you,” Maya said, the pain starting to ease, “Andy, why do you need time off?”

“I feel so stupid now,” Andy said, “I just hurt you.”

“Come on,” Maya said, looking at her friend, “What happened? Were your injuries worse than Carina knew about?”

“No,” Andy said, wiping her eyes as she shook her head, “Actually, Carina probably knows more about why I need to be on desk duty soon than anyone.”

“What?” Maya said, her brain still not functioning how it normally would.

“I’m pregnant,” Andy said, biting her lip, “About 7 weeks along.”

“Andy,” Maya said, almost smiling but then seeing her friend’s face, “Are we happy about this?”

“Yeah,” Andy said, nodding quickly, a smile filling her face, “Really happy.”

“Then congratulations,” Maya said, smiling at her best friend.

“I am allowed to keep working until my turnouts don’t fit right anymore,” Andy said, “I checked department policy. Although, I probably need to ask my OB.”

“You can work as long as you are careful,” Carina said, nodding.

The three of them talked for a little longer before Maya started yawning again, struggling to keep her eyes open.

“I am going to head out,” Andy said, getting up, “Text me if you guys need anything. I’ll come back soon.”

“Bye Andy,” Maya said, smiling at her friend sleepily.

“Ciao,” Carina said before turning her attention back to her wife, “Are you ok, Bambina?”

“Tired,” Maya said, “That pain was so bad.”

“You have to remember not to move too much or too fast,” Carina said, running a hand over Maya’s cheek, “Sleep now.”

Maya’s eyes slipped shut, Carina allowing herself to relax a little, apparently falling asleep because the next time she woke up, it was when Maya started moving around again.

“Bambina,” Carina said, sitting up, realizing a few hours had gone by as she looked at Maya, noticing her face looked pale again, “Hey, are you awake?”

“I won my race,” Maya said, eyes opening though looking unfocused, “I’m supposed to be allowed to have dinner when I won my race.”

“Bambina,” Carina said, looking at her wife, noticing her eyes seemed glazed and not quite right, “Hey, are you awake?”

“I don’t feel well,” Maya said, “I shouldn’t have to run when I’m sick like this.”

“Maya,” Carina said, putting her hand on Maya’s face, gasping when she felt how warm she was, immediately hitting the call button, looking up at the monitor and seeing Maya’s BP was dropping, “Bambina, you are going to be ok. Just stay still.”

“I’m supposed to be running,” Maya said, “Oh, I really don’t feel well.”

Carina grabbed the emesis basin as the nurse walked in.

“I think she is septic,” Carina said, wincing as Maya turned her head to the side, throwing up a small amount of stomach acid, “Her BP is dropping, she’s burning up, and she is making no sense.”

“I’ll be right back,” the nurse said as Maya started crying in pain.

“It hurts Mom,” Maya said, hand going to her stomach, “I really don’t think I can run.”

“You don’t have to,” Carina said, lifting the blanket, seeing blood on the gauze on Maya’s stomach, realizing she had pulled her stitches, “Just try to relax. We are going to get you treated really soon.”

A nurse came in just then, Meredith following closely behind.

“I’m going to give her something for the nausea and a sedative,” the nurse said.

“She already tore her stitches,” Carina said, feeling the panic build as she watched Maya’s blood pressure continue to drop.

“Let’s get some pressers, draw some labs, and tell CT we are coming,” Meredith said, pulling up the bandages on Maya’s stomach, seeing Carina was right, “I need to figure out where this infection is coming from.”

“I’m right here Bambina,” Carina said, holding Maya’s hand, “I love you.”

Maya’s eyes slipped shut as the sedative took effect.

“Carina, we need to go,” Meredith said as they started moving, “You can come to CT, but you cannot come to the OR.”

Carina nodded, following them down the hall. Meredith quickly found the infection in Maya’s abdomen.

“I need to take her to surgery and wash this out,” Meredith said, “And place another drain. I’m worried the infections already in her bloodstream. I have to wait for the lab results to come back, but with that BP…”

“Just do whatever you have to do to make her better,” Carina all but pleaded, knowing how bad sepsis could get and how fast.

“I will do everything I can,” Meredith nodded, “I’ll send someone with an update soon.”

Carina found herself standing in the hallway to the OR alone, wondering for the second time in just a few days if she would ever see her wife alive again.