38. Chapter 38

Maya slept for about an hour which made Carina very happy because she knew the blonde was struggling a lot today because of the test she was having done. She also knew that the morning had already been extremely hard work for her wife.

Carina couldn’t even describe how proud she was of Maya for being able to take a shower while standing up and then also that she didn’t force her body past what it was capable of after.

At this point, Carina was thinking her wife was going to be released sooner rather than later. Other than her potential gastroparesis, Maya was doing incredibly well and nothing that was happening at the hospital couldn’t happen on an outpatient basis. She wasn’t going to say anything to anyone, especially her wife because she didn’t want to have Maya be disappointed.

She did want to talk about it with her therapist though because she was almost 100% confident that she would not be seeing her therapist again before Maya was discharged. She knew being home was going to bring them a whole new bunch of problems.

Carina still really did not enjoy Maya being out of her sight for more than a few minutes at a time, and she would start to feel incredibly anxious and worried and just uncomfortable with it. As Maya was healing, it was getting better, but there were still moments where she was drawn back into her head, worrying that if she left for too long, Maya wouldn’t be there when she got back.

Logically, she knew that was not going to happen, that Maya was just fine and healing incredibly well, but her brain didn’t seem to care too much about that. She was feeling much better than she had been and she didn’t think much about her wife dying while she was with her as she had right after the accident, but even just trying to go to lunch for 30 minutes still made her very anxious.

Once they went home, she was going to have to leave Maya to go to the grocery store or run other errands and eventually go to work. She had originally been thinking she would go back to work before Maya got discharged, and if it was more than a week, she probably would try, but if Maya went home sooner rather than later, she would probably wait.

She was thinking about her session today, wondering if it was possible for this to be her last session of the intense EMDR therapy to get the flashbacks and PTSD flare ups to stop. The last session had made a lot of it get significantly better, and while Carina knew her anxiety was going to require regular CBT for a while to get it fully under control, she was hoping that the EMDR could end sooner rather than later.

She looked at her journal that she had been writing in, deciding she was done with it for now. She carefully got up from the bed, going over to their bags. She found a few medical journals she had been working through taking them back over to the bed, sitting down next to her wife. Maya moved a little in her sleep, Carina gently smoothing her hair, shushing her back to sleep.

The blonde relaxed, Carina smiling as she watched her sleep. Maya didn’t quite look peaceful, Carina knowing that even when she was asleep, the blonde was often having anxious dreams that kept her from sleeping well.

The Italian was very glad they had emailed Dr. Lewis because she could see Maya struggling mentally. The blonde had gotten so so much better at sharing how she was feeling with her wife, but Carina knew that it was still important for her to get professional help. Maya’s relationship with Dr. Lewis was something Carina was extremely grateful for because even when her wife struggled to open up to her, she would almost always open up to Diane and while Carina always wanted to be the one Maya felt safe enough to turn to, she knew that was an unrealistic expectation.

Carina turned her attention to the medical journals, hoping those would help take her mind off her upcoming therapy appointment. She was ready to go and do it, but she was also nervous. She read her journal for a little while before the nurse came in with what Carina knew was the collection tube for Maya to breathe into.

“Does she have to do it right now?” Carina asked, looking at her sleeping wife, “She didn’t sleep well last night and she has finally settled down.”

“I know,” the nurse nodded, “But we have to get the sample. I’m sorry.”

“Ok,” Carina said, gently stroking Maya’s cheek, “Bambina, you need to wake up.”

“Hmm?” Maya said sleepily, eyes slowly opening, “What?” “You need to do the first part of your test,” Carina said, “Sorry I had to wake you. You can go back to sleep as soon as it’s done.”

“I didn’t even mean to fall asleep in the first place,” Maya said as Carina sat the bed up, “What do I need to do?”

“Just breathe into this tube,” the nurse said, “And then after this, we will do another test in 45 minutes.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, breathing into the tube the nurse held to her lips, “That’s easy enough.”

“Perfect,” the nurse nodded, “How are you feeling? Any nausea or anything?”

“No,” Maya said, “I feel good.”

“Perfect,” the nurse said, “And I know Dr. Grey said the test is 6 hours, but we reviewed the protocol and we actually only need to do it for four hours.”

“Cool,” Maya said, nodding, “Sounds good.”

“Alright, I will let you get back to your nap,” the nurse said, leaving the room.

“Did you sleep well?” Carina asked, knowing full well that her wife was not going to go back to sleep.

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, stretching a tiny bit, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep.”

“You needed it,” Carina said, “You worked very hard this morning.”

“How are you doing?” Maya asked.

“I am feeling a little anxious about my appointment,” Carina said, shrugging, “But not too bad.”

“What time is it?” Maya asked, having no idea how much of the morning had passed.

“It’s about 11,” Carina said.

“Ok,” Maya said, moving herself slightly closer to her wife, “So this test will be done just in time for your therapy appointment.”

“Yep,” Carina said, “And then we should know the results this evening and hopefully start treating you so you can start eating again.”

Maya wanted to ask if they could leave the room again, maybe go to Carina’s office or outside, but she knew she needed to stay around the floor for the test.

“Can we work on the puzzle more?” Maya asked, “I promise I won’t fall asleep.”

“If you need to sleep, you can Bambina,” Carina said, grabbing the puzzle table, “That is part of healing.”

“I know,” Maya said, “I don’t want to right now though.”

They worked on the puzzle for a while, both women finding that it calmed them down. About thirty minutes later, though, there was a knock on the door again and in walked Jared.

“Two days in a row?” Maya asked, looking at him.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “I needed tomorrow off because it’s my daughter’s first birthday so I switched with Ty. I hope that’s not too disappointing.”

“No,” Maya said, shaking her head, “I was just surprised.”

“Alright,” Jared said, “Well, are you ready to get to work?”

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, “What are we going to do?”

“Are you ready to do some more walking?” Jared asked, “Maybe out in the hall?”

“Ok,” Maya said as Carina moved so Maya could get out of the bed.

“I heard you showered again this morning?” Jared asked as Maya navigated her way out of bed, the physical therapist watching her and making sure he could offer support should she need it.

“She did,” Carina nodded, knowing Maya was concentrating too hard on moving to talk at the moment, “And she stood for the entire thing.”

“Are you serious?” Jared asked as Maya sat herself up, “That is incredible. How did you feel after?”

“Tired,” Maya said, sitting on the side of the bed, letting herself rest for just a second before grabbing her trusty pillow and standing up, “But it felt good.” “

Maya, I am really impressed,” Jared said, “You have made huge strides in the past few days.”

“Thanks,” Maya said as she started walking, “It feels good to be moving again.”

“You are looking really good,” Jared said as he and Carina both walked with Maya as the blonde made her way out into the hall, “Are you having any pain or anything?”

“Um, not really,” Maya said, focusing on making sure her body was moving how she wanted it to.

“She was pretty achy last night,” Carina said, knowing Maya needed to concentrate on her bad leg and making sure it was supporting her correctly as she moved, “But it got better after some pain medication and rest, right Bambina?”

“Yeah,” Maya said, “Sorry. If I get to distracted, my leg doesn’t always do what I want it to.”

“That’s ok,” Jared said, “Do what you need to do to not fall.”

“Oh, Maya,” the nurse said as the blonde walked past, “I need to grab another sample. Can you do it for me now?”

“Oh, sure,” Maya nodded as the nurse brought the tube over to her, the blonde blowing into it as the nurse held it to her lips. “

Can I ask what that test is for?” Jared said as the nurse walked away as Maya continued on with her walk.

“Gastroparesis,” Maya said.

“They are worried she has gastroparesis,” Carina explained, “So she has to breathe into those tubes every so many minutes for a few hours and then they analyze the composition and determine how well her stomach is working.”

“Interesting,” Jared said, nodding. Maya managed to walk to the end of the hall before turning around and walking back.

“Wow,” Jared said as they made it back to her room, “Maya, that was seriously impressive. How are you feeling?”

“A little tired,” the blonde said as she sat down on the bed, “And a little…shaky maybe? Kinda like after an intense workout when your muscles are tired and trembling? It doesn’t hurt or anything right now, but I feel like that.”

“That’s totally expected,” Jared said, “Are you feeling up to me doing some manipulations on your leg and maybe doing a few exercises with it?”

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, “Ok.”

“Just tell me if we need to stop,” Jared said, going over to Maya’s bad leg, starting with some range of motion checks that he always did at the beginning of these kind of sessions.

Jared worked with her on some new exercises to start getting her strength back up as the muscle healed, showing Carina how to help Maya with the exercises as well.

“Alright Maya,” Jared said, “That is all I have for you for today. I’ll come back to check in for an evening session, but because you have done so much today and you are ambulating to the bathroom and things like that, if you aren’t feeling up to it, I am comfortable skipping a formal session tonight. If you feel up to it, you are free to start walking as much as you want as long as someone is with you.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Jared said, “Well, I will see you later. Seriously, excellent work today. I haven’t been this impressed in a long time. Get some rest, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, “Thank you.”

“Look at you Bambina,” Carina smiled at her wife as she sat back down on the bed next to her, “You are doing so well. You have come so far.”

“It still feels like I have so far to go,” Maya said, shifting her body some, her ribs and abs mildly achy again.

“Bambina, no,” Carina said, shaking her head, “We are going to celebrate your victories and not focus on what you haven’t done yet.”

Maya nodded, smiling a little at her wife as the Italian leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips. They worked on the puzzle again for a little while, the nurse popping in to grab samples when she needed to.

Around 12:30, there was another knock at the door and in walked Teddy with a bag.

“Hey,” she said, smiling as she walked in, “How are you two doing today?”

“We are ok,” Maya said, looking over at her wife who nodded in agreement, “I got off dialysis this morning which is great.”

“Wow, Maya, that is huge,” Teddy said, “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Maya said, blushing a little. “Well, Carina, I brought some lunch. Salads from Evergreens,” Teddy said, “Do you want to go eat them outside?”

“Can we just eat them here?” Carina asked, biting her lip, “I have therapy this afternoon and I just…”

“Say no more,” Teddy said, “That is totally fine. I can just leave this here for you and go if you want.”

“No,” Carina said, “You can stay if you want.”

“Ok,” Teddy said, sitting down in one of the chairs after handing Carina her salad, “So, no more dialysis for Maya, therapy for Carina, what else is happening with the Bishop-Delucas?”

“Maya took a shower today standing up,” Carina bragged as she opened up the salad, “And walked down the hall.”

“Woah,” Teddy said, eyes wide, “Woah Maya, who are you? I feel like the last time I was here, you were barely standing up.”

“I don’t know,” Maya shrugged, “I think once my body kicked the infections, everything just started getting better.”

“Well, good for you,” Teddy said, shaking her head, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though. You are probably the most stubborn and determined person I know. And I have two kids under 4 so that is saying something.”

“How are Leo and Allison?” Carina asked.

“Well, Leo has been asking me to braid his hair lately, like Elsa,” Teddy said, “Which is quite a challenge with how curly his hair is, but I have figured it out I think. And Allison is in this new phase where she has to dress herself except she isn’t quite coordinated enough to do that so she will end up with two legs in one leg of her pants or screaming because her head doesn’t fit through the arm hole on her shirt.”

“Kids are so strange,” Maya said, shaking her head.

“I know,” Teddy said, “But they are also pretty cute.”

The three of them chatted for a little while, Teddy telling them about a surgery she had done recently. However, as the time wore on, Maya could tell her wife was getting anxious, grabbing her hand as the Italian fidgeted with the corner of her blanket, squeezing it a little to calm her down.

“Alright,” Teddy said, “I am going to head out. I have a few blissful hours of child free time at home because Owen’s mom has the kids so I need to go get some cleaning done around the house. I’ll see you both soon, ok? Let me know if you need anything?”

“Will do,” Maya said, smiling at her.

“Grazie Teddy,” Carina said at the cardio surgeon left.

“Ok,” Maya said, looking at her wife, “You have about an hour before your appointment. What can I do to help you feel better?”

“I don’t know,” Carina shrugged, gently leaning her head on her wife’s shoulder, “I don’t even know why I am so anxious. I know this therapy session will help me and I know I need it. I just…I know that it’s going to be hard and exhausting.”

“It’s ok,” Maya said, playing with her wife’s hair, “You always are telling me I am allowed to feel however I feel. You are too.”

“I love you,” Carina said, not moving from her place on Maya’s shoulder.

“I love you too,” Maya said, pressing a kiss into her wife’s hair. About forty minutes later, Maya’s nurse came in with the final tube for her test, Maya breathing into it. “

Alright,” the nurse said, “I will get all of this down to the lab and hopefully, in a few hours, we will have the results. Dr. Grey will come in and discuss them with you when they come back.”

“Thanks,” Maya said, nodding. Carina sighed as she picked up her head from Maya’s shoulder, looking at the clock.

“I have to go soon,” Carina said, biting her lip.

“Do you want me to come down there with you?” Maya asked, “I could see if one of the nurses would push me in a wheelchair?”

“Or I could do it,” a voice from the door said, Vic walking in.

“Hey,” Maya said, smiling at her.

“I didn’t know you were coming Vic,” Carina said, confused.

“Well, I know you don’t like leaving your wife alone,” Vic shrugged, “So I figured I would come keep her company while you were in therapy.”

“Thank you,” Carina said, blinking fast so she didn’t start crying, “Um, actually, if you are feeling up to it, I would really like it if you came with me Bambina. Just to walk me down?”

“Of course,” Maya said, already moving to get up, “Vic, go ask one of the nurses for a wheelchair please.”

The younger woman ducked out of the room, coming back a minute later with the requested item, noticing Carina had pulled on Maya’s old academy sweatshirt.

“Your chariot my captain,” Vic said, seeing that Maya was already standing.

“Thanks,” the blonde said, sitting down, grabbing Carina’s hand once she settled herself in the chair.

“Ready?” Maya asked, squeezing her wife’s hand.

“I guess,” Carina nodded.

“I have no idea where we are going so Carina, lead the way,” Vic said, getting behind the chair.

“Where is Travis?” Carina asked as they walked, knowing Vic and Travis were essentially joined at the hip.

“Oh, um, he is out with Emmett,” Vic said, “He finally called him and got that going for real.”

“Good for him,” Carina said, smiling as they got in the elevator.

It didn’t take long to get to the right floor and the office Carina needed. Vic took a quick step back as Maya looked up at her wife.

“I love you,” Maya said, pulling Carina closer to her, wrapping her arms around her, “And I am so proud of you.”

“I love you too,” Carina said, just enjoying the hug for a minute before pulling away, “Alright. I will see you in about an hour?”

“I will be waiting in our room, ok?” Maya said.

Carina nodded, giving Maya one more quick kiss before heading into the office as Vic stepped back to push Maya’s wheelchair.

“Alright,” Vic said, “Travis and Emmett will be here in about half an hour with the food. What else did you need me to do?”

“Can you help me get the room back in some semblance of order?” Maya asked, knowing everything was kinda all over the place, “Like get our dirty clothes in a bag to go back with you tonight, get the rest of our stuff put back into our bags, stuff like that? I just want Carina to be able to relax tonight and not have to worry about it.”

“Of course,” Vic nodded as they headed back upstairs, “So, this whole escaping your room is new?”

“Yeah,” Maya nodded, “Just since yesterday I guess. I was walking in the hall earlier today actually.”

“Damn Cap, ok,” Vic said, smiling at her, “That must feel good.”

“It does,” Maya nodded, “And no more dialysis either.”

“Seriously?” Vic asked as they got back to Maya’s room, “You are gonna be out of here in no time.”

“Well, I hit another complication,” the blonde said, standing up from her wheelchair before walking over to the bed, “My stomach is likely not functioning properly so we have to figure that out.”

“What?” Vic said, watching in awe as Maya carefully got herself into bed again, “So how are you gonna eat?”

“Well, that’s what this tube does for now,” Maya said, “But hopefully with meds and a special diet, I’ll be good, but it could be tube feeding for the rest of my life. They haven’t even confirmed that’s what’s going on though. I am waiting for those results which I should get tonight.”

“That is crazy,” Vic said, shaking her head, “I do not understand how you keep getting these complications.”

“It is what it is,” Maya shrugged, “Now, clothes. Can you bring those three bags over here and I’ll tell you what is dirty?”

“You got it,” Vic nodded, doing what Maya asked.

For the next twenty minutes, Vic and Maya sorted through eh clothes, the blonde instructing Vic on what was dirt and what was clean as well as having her organize everything better because Maya thought everything was too chaotic. Vic knew how much Maya liked to have control over her space so she indulged her, just putting everything where Maya told her.

Just as they were finishing, there was a knock at the door as Travis and Emmett walked in.

“Hey,” Travis said, smiling at Maya.

“Hello Captain Bishop,” Emmett said, clearly nervous, “Sorry to just show up here. I can go if…”

“Emmett, calm down,” Maya said, looking at the young man, “Travis told me you were coming. Also, I’m not your boss anymore so please, just call me Maya or Bishop if you want.”

“I told you it wasn’t going to be a big deal,” Travis said, looking at him, “Now, Maya, where would you like all of this?”

“Um, the freezer stuff can go in the attending’s longue. You can text Amelia or Jo or Bailey or someone to ask for help with that,” the blonde said, “And did you bring the insulated bag for the warm food?”

“Of course,” Travis nodded pointing to the bag Emmett had.

“Perfect,” Maya said, “Um, you can set that on the counter. I’m really hoping she won’t be quite as nauseous this time after.”

“Come on Emmett,” Travis said after he set down the insulated bag containing Carina’s favorite soups and pastas, “I’ll text Amelia, Jo, and Bailey, but I bet we can find someone to help us if we just wander around.”

Emmett nodded, following Travis out of the room.

“I’m glad Trav finally talked to him,” Maya said, looking over at Vic, “They seem good together.”

“They are,” Vic nodded, “And I appreciate it right now because Trav can ask him to drive him places or do things instead of just me which considering he isn’t going to be driving for at least another 2 months, I am very grateful for.”

Maya laughed a little, shaking her head. Vic finished helping Maya get the room ready, turning on the Christmas lights that were over the bed, making sure Carina’s weighted blanket was on the bed along with her Andrea blanket.

“Can you take the dirty laundry with you tonight?” Maya asked, “Andy brought us more clothes yesterday so we don’t need it back right away this time.”

“Of course,” Vic nodded, grabbing out the pocket-sized blue tooth speaker Maya had requested she bring, “Where do you want this?”

“On the table there?” Maya asked, “I’ll get my phone pared to it.”

“Your relationship with your wife sucks,” Vic said, earning her a confused look from Maya, “It gives me all these high expectations of what a good relationship looks like that make it very hard for any man to meet.”

“We weren’t like this when we started dating,” Maya shrugged, “But we have been together for like 4 years and have been through a lot together.”

“I know,” Vic said, “But still. I guess it was kinda like that with me and Lucas, but we just…we didn’t get enough time to go through enough of life together.”

Maya nodded, reaching her hand over and grabbing Vic’s hand, squeezing it gently. The younger woman smiled a little at her, looking up to stop the tears from spilling over her eyelids.

“We found Bailey and she…what’s wrong?” Travis asked as he and Emmett walked back in. “Nothing,” Vic said, looking at him, “Just talking about how perfect Maya and Carina’s relationship is makes me emotional sometimes.”

“Ok,” Travis said, not fully believing her but also not wanting to push it, “Well, we got the cold stuff put away. Bailey said to just text her if you want her to bring it to you later. She’s here but working on paperwork since Ben took the boys camping.”

“Perfect,” Maya nodded, “Trav, how’s the shoulder?”

“It’s getting there,” Travis said as he, Vic, and Emmett all sat down, “I have started a little bit of PT which hurts like a bitch, but I know it needs to be moving.”

“I completely understand,” Maya nodded, “I am in PT 2-3 times a day right now and it is never comfortable.”

“But she’s made huge progress,” Vic said, “I watched her move herself out of bed, walk and then put herself in her wheelchair, and she told me she walked up and down the hall today.”

“Seriously Maya?” Travis said, “That’s incredible.”

The four of them chatted for the next half hour until they heard someone at the door, a very tired looking Carina appearing a second later.

“Oh, hello,” she said, looking over and seeing Vic, Travis, and Emmett all sitting there.

“Hey Carina,” Travis said as the Italian made her way across the room, climbing into bed with her wife immediately, “We were just heading out.”

“You can stay if you want,” Carina said, curling into Maya’s touch.

“No, that’s ok,” Vic said, grabbing the bag of dirty clothes, “We have errands to do this afternoon. We will be back soon though.”

“Bye guys,” Maya said, trying hard not to be rude while also trying to give Carina all the attention she wanted, “Thanks for everything. Can you flip off the light when you leave?”

“Got it,” Emmett said, “Bye.”

“Hey,” Maya said gently, looking down at her wife who was just curled up next to her, “How are you?”

“So tired and kinda anxious,” Carina said, sighing as Maya started playing with her hair, “But better than last time. I don’t feel sick this time.”

“What can I do?” Maya asked, kissing her forehead.

“This is good,” Carina said, reaching down for her weighted blanket, “Can we just do this?”

“Of course,” Maya nodded, “Of course we can. Do you want some music?”

Carina nodded a little as she also grabbed her Andrea blanket before cuddling back against Maya. The blonde put on Carina’s favorite playlist, playing it through the Bluetooth speaker.

“Where did that come from?” the Italian asked, confused by the music not just playing on Maya’s phone.

“I had Vic bring a little speaker for us,” Maya said, “Is that ok?”

Carina nodded, settling herself down next to her wife as she let her body relax.

Her therapy session today had been very productive. Today they focused more on treating her anxiety because her PTSD flashbacks had basically stopped but her anxiety was still pretty crippling. It had helped a lot and while she was exhausted, Carina did feel better overall about the thought of leaving Maya on her own for small periods of time.

Her therapist wanted to do one more EMDR session before they transitioned back to more traditional therapy as both she and Maya continued healing from this accident. It made Carina happy because it meant she was getting better and she was excited to tell her wife, but at the moment, she just couldn’t manage to keep her eyes open.

Maya just rubbed her back, knowing that when Carina went through this kind of exhaustion, she needed to sleep and liked lots of comfort. Maya let herself fall into a semi-sleep state for a while before her body wouldn’t let her sleep anymore.

She decided to do some of the exercises Diane had told her to do, knowing that Meredith Grey would be coming soon to talk about her test results. Once she was done with that, she grabbed her phone, deciding now was a good time to work on learning some Italian.

About three hours after Carina got back from therapy, there was a knock on the door and in walked Dr. Grey.

“Hey,” the general surgeon said quietly, “Everything ok?”

“She just had a round of EMDR therapy today,” Maya said, knowing Meredith was familiar with Carina’s struggles with PTSD and anxiety, “She’s exhausted.”

“Well, that makes me hate having to do this, but I think you should probably wake her up. I really want to be able to talk to both of you.”

“Are you sure?” Maya asked, looking at her wife.

“I mean, I can just tell you, but I think it would be best if I was able to talk to both of you,” Meredith said.

Maya nodded, feeling anxiety fill her body as she gently shook her wife to wake her up.

“I’m tired,” Carina moaned, rubbing her eyes.

“I know,” Maya said, “But Dr. Grey is here to talk about my test results.”

“Ok,” Carina said, stretching a little before forcing herself to sit up, looking at Meredith, “Sorry.”

“It’s totally ok,” Meredith said, “I just wanted to make sure you guys got these results as soon as possible. So, it looks like Maya is indeed having issues digesting food properly. Normally, after 4 hours, there should only be about 10% of food left from the meal, but Maya, you have about 30% which is probably what is causing the vomiting. I am going to start you on some new medications immediately to help promote gastric emptying and I have a dietitian first thing tomorrow morning to start working with you on what things you should be eating to help you get proper nutrition without feeling sick.”

“So, I really do have gastroparesis?” Maya asked, biting her lip.

“You do,” Meredith nodded, “But I am hopeful that we will be able to get it managed so you can live a relatively normal life. If the meds work, and I am very optimistic they will, you will still be able to do just about everything you normally do aside from maybe eating certain foods and you might have to eat small amounts more often, but most people find those changes very manageable.”

“I know it’s a lot, Bambina,” Carina said, seeing the tears welling up in Maya’s eyes, “It is going to be ok.”

“I have had a lot of patients with this who do very well with medications and diet modifications,” Meredith said, “But I also know it can be intimidating. Is there anything I can explain to you more or do to help you?”

“I don’t think so,” Maya said, wiping her eyes.

“Ok,” Meredith said, “Well, I am going to get the nurses to start your new meds. If you have any questions, please just ask.”

“Thank you,” Carina said as Meredith left the room, Maya breaking into sobs the minute the door closed, “Oh Bambina.”

“Sorry,” Maya said, trying hard to get the tears to stop, “Sorry. I’m ok. I promise I’m ok. Sorry. I know you are exhausted. I’m ok. You can go back to sleep. Sorry.”

“Bambina, no,” Carina said, “None of that please? I am tired, si, but I am ok. And you are allowed to feel all your feelings about this. It is something new and scary and uncertain. I do not want you to shove your feelings down, ok?”

Maya nodded, Carina hugging her as best as she could as the tears continued to fall.

Eventually, the tears settled down, Carina just pressing gently kisses to Maya’s head. About five minutes later, the nurse came in with meds for Maya.

“Alright,” the nurse said, “Now, she wants to try a mix of medications that are typically pretty effective for treating this and then she wants you to eat something in about fifteen minutes to see how that goes. She said you can have something like crackers, a piece of white toast, some applesauce or some yogurt. Do any of those sounds good?”

“Maybe some applesauce?” Maya said, “Or crackers? I don’t know. I haven’t eaten anything in like 2 weeks.”

“I can bring you both,” the nurse said as she injected the meds into Maya’s IV, “And then tomorrow, we are going to start these meds orally.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, looking at Carina, clearly overwhelmed.

“It will be ok Bambina,” Carina assured her, “I will be right here with you, ok?”

Maya nodded, keeping her breathing even.

“And even if eating doesn’t go as well as we are hoping, that is ok,” the nurse said, “That just tells us we need to adjust your meds to get you feeling better, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya nodded. “Alright,” the nurse said, heading toward the door, “I will be back with the applesauce and crackers.”

“How do you feel about this Bambina?” Carina asked, looking over at her wife. “I don’t know,” Maya said, “Scared, nervous, overwhelmed.”

“That’s ok,” Carina said, yawning a little bit, “This is a lot to handle. We will take everything at you pace, ok?”

Maya nodded, wiping at her eyes, “Are you feeling hungry? Travis and Emmett did a whole food round up for me and got you all your favorites.”

“Did they get chicken soup from Nonna’s?” Carina asked, looking at her wife.

“It is sitting over there in that insulated container,” Maya said, pointing, “It should still be hot. And there is also some mango or mint gelato in the freezer in the attending’s longue.”

“I cannot tell you how grateful I am for you,” Carina said, leaning over and giving her wife a kiss before she got up, grabbing the container of soup out of the bag.

She was honestly exhausted and felt like she could sleep for a week, but she knew Maya needed her for the next little bit and she knew if she didn’t eat tonight, she was going to wake up starving. Carina also saw there was pasta and what she was pretty sure was Pad Thai in the insulated bag, knowing it would need to go to the attending’s longue later.

“Thank you for this,” Carina said, sitting back down with the container along with a spoon she found in the bag, “And remind me to thank Travis and Emmett next time we see them. Also, I am very glad Travis finally called Emmett.”

“Same,” Maya said, smiling, “They both seem really happy together.”

Just then, the nurse came back in with the applesauce and crackers for Maya along with a cup.

“Alright,” the nurse said, “Eat as much of this as you can and here is some water if you need it. If you start feeling sick, let me know, ok?”

“Ok,” Maya nodded, looking at the crackers and applesauce.

“Alright Bambina,” Carina said, setting her soup down, “How about you just try it ok? The absolute worst thing that will happen is you will get sick and we will figure out that you need more medication or different medication which is ok.”

“Ok,” Maya nodded as Carina helped her open the package of crackers, handing her one.

“Just take a bite,” Carina encouraged.

The blonde took a deep breath before putting the cracker in her mouth, taking a bite.

“Good,” Carina said, smiling at Maya swallowed the cracker, “How did it feel?”

“Ok I think,” Maya said, “It’s dry.”

Carina held the straw to her lips, Maya taking a few small sips of water. When she looked over at her wife, she saw tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Maya asked.

“Nothing,” Carina said, wiping at her eyes, “I am just…I am so happy to see you eating and drinking again. It is another big step in your recovery and I didn’t expect you to be doing it this soon.”

“Oh,” Maya said, blushing a little.

They spent the next twenty minutes just talking and eating, Maya managing to eat four crackers and about half the applesauce which made both Carina and her nurse very happy. The nurse volunteered to take Carina’s food to the attending’s longue which the Italian was incredibly grateful for.

By the time they were done with their food, it was barely 8 pm, but both of them were absolutely spent after the day they had had. Carina helped Maya get ready for bed before getting herself ready.

“Can I hold you while we sleep tonight?” Carina asked, feeling very desperate for that kind of physical contact.

“Of course,” Maya nodded as Carina set an emesis basin on the bedside table just in case before climbing into bed, “How are you feeling?”

“So tired,” Carina said as they got adjusted and comfortable, “I’m not even sure how my eyes are still open.”

“You can sleep as much as you want,” Maya said as Carina gave her a kiss, “I love you and I am very proud of you.”

“I love you too,” Carina said, settling down, “And I am proud of you too. Today was the biggest day you have had since you got here and you are doing so well.”

Maya was going to say something else, but she could already feel Carina’s breathing evening out. The blonde was also very tired, but not quite as ready to sleep, instead grabbing her phone and pulling up her Duolingo app, playing through another few lessons before finally feeling ready to sleep, tucking her phone away before joining her wife in slumber, wondering what the next day was going to bring.