2: Talk To Me

"Lhan..."

"F-France..."

Nakaupo siya sa tapat mismo ng pintuan ko. Ghad! Anong ginagawa niya rito?

"Are you okay?" Tanong niya sa akin pagkalapit ko sa kanya. Hindi ko alam pero nakakabitter ha.

"O-of course. Bakit naman hindi?" I can't lie to him and I'm not a great liar. He's looking straight into my eyes but I can't even look at him--afraid that I might cry. Psh.

He cupped my face at tinignan talaga ako ng deretso sa mata. Literally. "You can't lie to me. Please, let me clear everything to you."

Do I really have a choice? Yes, gusto ko 'tong maayos pero sana man lang binigyan niya muna ako ng time para mag-emote kahit papaano. Joke lang. Kidding aside, it's a good choice. Bakit ipagpapabukas kung pwede namang pag-usapan na ngayon mismo, diba?

Inaya ko siya sa rooftop. Para naman maganda 'yung view at ambiance. I want to clear this misunderstanding. Sana nga, misunderstanding lang.

Binalot kami ng katahimikan. Wow, first time. Minsan na nga lang babalutin ng katahimikan, hindi pa comfortable silence ang naganap kundi punong-puno ng awkwardness. Psh.

"Kumain ka na ba?" Finally, he broke the silence. Umiling naman ako bilang pagsagot.

"Why? You shouldn't starve yourself. It's not healthy." Yes, that's France. Worrying and he really loves to nag. Daig pa nanay ko eh.

"Wala akong gana..." Halos pabulong ko nang sagot. Sa sobrang pagpipigil ko ng hikbi ko kanina, halos mawalan na ako ng boses. Yes, gano'n katindi 'yung iyak ko. Sakit eh.

"Should I order? Kumain ka muna before anything. Ayokong nakikita kang ganyan, walang energy at lupaypay." Hinawakan niya 'yung kamay ko at pilit na sinisilip 'yung mata kong nakatingin lang sa sahig. "I know, this is my fault. At hindi ko kayang matanggap na nagkakaganyan ka dahil sa akin. I know, nasasaktan ka. But please, don't starve yourself. Okay?"

"Shiz, France! Stop! I know! But, why do you keep on making me fall for you more deeper?" Nagulat siya sa sagot ko. At, nag-uunahan na naman ang mga luha ko para umagos sa mukha ko. Damn, magmumukhang ewan na naman ako neto.

"You know what, France? I have this thinking that no matter what you say right now, I will forgive you. Na wala na akong pake sa sasabihin mo basta pinapatawad na kita. Dahil..."

"W-why?" He's confused.

"Dahil ayaw kong mawala ka. Tatanggapin ko kahit anong paliwanag pa 'yan." This time, hindi ko na napigilang humagugol. Self, why so rupok? Akala ko ba, nakadepende ka pa sa paliwanag ni France? Pero bakit parang ayaw mo na lang pakinggan at patawarin na lang siya bigla? Bakit? Dahil ayaw mong mawala siya? Damn, I'm doomed. I've fallen for him much deeper than I thought.

"Lhan..." I know, sobrang naguguluhan siya ngayon. Shiz, self! Pagpaliwanagin mo muna 'yung tao! Umayos ka naman!

"I-I'm sorry. I kept on saying nonsense things. Don't mind it." Sabi ko habang pinupunasan 'yung luha ko. And I think he get it. Umayos na siya ng upo. Humarap na lang ako sa kawalan at ganoon din siya.

Binalot na naman kami ng katahimikan. Shiz, hanggang kailan ba 'to? Bakit feeling ko hindi na matatapos 'tong gabing 'to? Ahh! Please, France! Sabihin mo na kung anong gusto mong sabihin!

"The emergency thing... It's true. Ah! Damn, how am I supposed to say this?" I kept on being silent. Hindi niya rin siguro alam kung paano niya sisimulan 'yung dapat niyang sabihin.

He even brushed his hair out of frustration. First time ko siyang nakita na ganito ka frustrate.

"She's Irish. My childhood friend and she just arrived from Canada at 'yung sinasabi kong emergency na aasikasuhin ko..."

"Go on, I'm listening." Alam kong nag-aalangan pa rin siyang magsalita. Siguro dahil sa mga sinabi ko kanina. Psh, traydor na bibig kasi 'to eh!

"Uuwi na kasi si Dad kaya susunduin sana namin siya sa airport kanina. But, his flight was delayed. Kaya babalik na lang sana ako para puntahan ka. Pero, nagulat ako kasi kausap na ni Mom si Irish and she just arrived. Pinasabay na siya ni Mom sa akin and I agreed. And there's this thing that I've never mentioned about to you..."

"What is it?" Tanong ko sa kanya at isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang natanggap kong sagot bago siya magsalita ulit.

"I've been in a relationship with her on the past. But, she left me. Pumunta siya ng Canada without saying anything and she broke up with me through skype." Don't tell me that I was just his rebound? No. Ramdam ko 'yung genuineness ng feelings niya na pinapakita niya sa akin. Shiz! This is hard.

"But, that was three years ago and I don't know why she did that to me. That kiss thing."

"Hmmm... Was I your rebound?" Unti-unti na namang nagbabadya 'yung luha ko. Nataranta siya at agad niyang iniharap 'yung mukha ko sa kanya. My tears fell out from my eyes at pinunasan niya iyon.

"No. Of course, no!"

"W-what am I then?" Wow, self. Congrats. You made it. Talking while crying? Wow.

"Ikaw na 'yung mahal ko, Lhan. I can't let this situation break all those memories we had. It's too precious that I want to treasure it forever. Kaya, I want to talk about this as soon as possible. Ayaw kong matutulog ka nang may bigat na nararamdaman. Hindi ko kakayanin 'yon. And thank you for letting me to explain everything. Thank you for this chance. I love you..." As soon as he said those three words, I cried. Hindi ko na kinaya. It's too much for me but it's great. I just want this kind of moment with France, full of love and happiness. That's not a bad thing, right? Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit habang umiiyak pa rin. Lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko kanina ay parang nawala na lang bigla.

Talking to him to clear things is a best decision ever. Para akong binubutan ng malaking tinik sa dibdib. Daig ko pa ang isang ibon na nakalaya sa kanyang kulungan. Sobrang saya.

"You don't have to worry, okay? Ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko, Lhan. Wala nang iba." He said as he caressed my back.

"Yes, I know. Thank you and I love you, too." Bigla siyang bumitaw sa pagkakayakap sa akin at binigyan ako ng nagtatakang tingin.

Yes, I've never been giving back his I love you's to me before. This is my first time give back his I love you. That explains why he looked so surprised right now. Hahaha!

"W-what did you say? Lhan... Please, say it one more time."

"Nah, hindi dapat inuulit-ulit 'yon. It's precious for me, you know. Or should I say, magical? And magical things just happened once in a moment." Sabi ko sa kanya. Okay, nahihiya ako sa mga titig niya. Bakit gano'n?

"Damn, I should've recorded it! But, wait. Does that mean..." One time kasi, sinabi ko sa kanya nung nalasing ako (shiz), na kapag binalik ko na ang 'I love you' niya, that means, I'm allowing him to be my boyfriend.

"Yes."

"Damn! Hella fine, Lhan!! Y-you.."

"What?" I'm watching him as he jumps on his feet because of happiness. Ghad, how I am supposed to do if I lose this man?

"You're officially my girlfriend, now?!" Shiz, even the word 'girlfriend' gives me butterflies on my stomach. Ghad, I'm hella happy!

"Bakit, ayaw mo ba?" Pabirong tanong ko sa kanya.

"No, no. I want--no, I love it! Shiz, I can't even believe!" Sa sobrang tuwa niya, tinayo niya ako at niyakap ng mahigpit. At gano'n din ang ginawa ko.

"I'm happy, Lhan. Sobra-sobra. You don't know how I wished for this moment to become true. And now that it's happening, it feels so surreal. Damn, I love you so much."

"I'm happy, too, France. Actually, it's already been planned." Humiwalay na naman siya sa akin at tinignan ako.

"Yeah, I'm guilty pa rin. So, supposed to be, this day should be memorable but I ruined it. I'm sorry, baby." B-b-babyyyy?! GHAD. I'M NOT PREPARED FOR THAT OKAY?!

KINIKILIG AKO, GHAD!

"No. Hahaha! That's natural. Shiz happens and we can't control it. The best way to handle this kind of situation? Just talk about it and enlighten each other. And I'm happy that we did that." Sabi ko. Shiz, hindi ko mapigilan 'yung ngiti ko, okay?!?!

"Me, too. I'm lucky that I have you. I can't express my happiness through words, Lhan. What should I do?" Sabi niya habang nakatingin ng deretso sa mga mata ko. Oh, please stop that, mister.

"I don't kno--"

HE KISSED MY FOREHEAD. DAMN!

It feels so great! Ghaaaad! I really love this man!

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

"Bakit walang baby?"

"Psh, baby mo mukha mo!"