CH-67 Iris Vs Skinwalker[1]
Arle gave me one of those looks that said 'You sprouted an extra head or something?' as I uttered not a nonsense but motioned for her to mask up.
Then she dropped this brain-bender: "There are old-timers here, knowing my real name, face is nothing new. But as for you, only a handful of trusted folk know your secret ID. Kapow!"
"I see!" Rather than flap my gums, I observed the scenery.
The forest has many trees reaching for the heavens, and one absolute unit of an oak hogged more space than a hot air balloon at a kindergartner's birthday party.
I sauntered over to my crew, who at first looked like they'd been buckled into the freight train at Screamland. But they snapped to attention quicker than you can say 'subordination' and bowed down like I was royalty.
"Be in your investigation." I gave a little wave, 'cause that's how I roll - calmer than a vacationing sloth.
My underling sidestepped as if someone dodging their aunt's kiss at a family reunion, letting me get an eyeful of the gate on that Oak Tree Absolute Unit.
Smack dab in the center was a circular puzzle pattern, a small box in it with a familiar word written on it, looking all strange and stuff.
"This is… the forgettable language of godhood. Why describe it here?" I said, analyzing all the single chilling in a tiny box. "Probably needs solving before we get our trespass on."
"You know anything about this, Mother?" Arle asked, giving the pattern an experimental poke like it was a sleeping bear.
She started mentally crunching the data harder than a starving squirrel working on an acorn.
"This pattern is mysteries wrapped in enigmas lathered in what-the-actually account. Last time, one of our scientists tried solving it by messing with that little word box."
Her face turned somber, like someone recounting a tragic lasagna incident. "The runes went all Insta-Tan and climbed up his arm, devouring flesh, soul, the whole burrito - leaving just the bony framework behind."
"We've avoided so much as looking at it cross-eyed ever since, despite scouring everywhere for clues on this language. It's like it doesn't even exist!"
She sighed more defeatedly than a soap bubble in a cactus patch. But I just pictured the scene and smiled confidently enough to put a checkout clerk to shame.
"If you'd sent for me earlier, maybe Skeletor over there could've kept his calciums intact. I know exactly what this is - learned over 5000 God-tier languages from across the realms, baby."
Arle squinted harder than a truck driver noticed a speed trap.
Everyone else looked like owls working the late shift. I ignored them and gave her a resolute nod. "One day, grasshopper, one day."
—tap! Tap!
Then I started knocking out that god-speech puzzle, rearranging that universal sentence until it sang sweeter than a choir of angels.
"Let's begin." I started cracking that god-level brainteaser like a safecracker working on Fort Knox.
As the cosmic puzzle pieces slid into place, the clouds above pulled a total mood - shifting from fluffy and inviting to black as night and looking broodier than a surly teen.
The pattern from the gate projected itself across the ominous sky in a grandiose light show that would've put the Northern Lights to shame.
'Damn it. I feel dark pain' Thunderclaps roared like the world's grumpiest deity was bowling a perfect game and celebrating with sonic booms.
Without so much as a dramatic pause for snacks, the gate pivoted open ponderously, parting from the center like a pair of incredibly heavy curtains.
I strolled on through, hands casually in my pockets like I was just heading to the corner store for milk.
The massive slabs ground shut behind me with the finality of a banker locking the vault. Pitch blackness swallowed me whole, darker than a Goth poetry slam in a cave.
Undeterred, I lifted a hand and small flames danced to life above my palm, flickering cozily - immunity to fire being one of the rarer finer perks in my personal perk package, provided it doesn't venture into 'surface of the sun' territory.
I was alone in the void, the solitary source of light for… Well, who knows how far this inky expanse stretched?
Shrugging off the ponderous weight of potential cosmic mysteries, I pressed onwards, my little fiery escort lighting the way.
'If I had to bet, I'd wager whatever came next would be intense enough to pop some extremely buttered corn.'
So there I was, puttering along for what felt like seventy-twelve hours, when suddenly this random staircase appeared.
Just hanging out in mid-air, no biggie.
Perhaps, I have to look at the place where the stairs are finishing. Reminds me of that time my uncle tried building a treehouse but got the blueprints mixed up with a skywriter's flight plan.
"I feel like I'm about to die…" Naturally, I had to investigate this aerodynamic anomaly.
A sense of impending doom washed over me as I placed my first foot on the initial step.
A sharp, piercing voice sliced through the air, helping me to instinctively recoil.
Immediately, I took my step back and An arrow, its shaft adorned with eerie, dark eyes, streaked past my face before vanishing from sight.
"Is this some kind of trial?" I wondered aloud as I cautiously proceeded to the second step. Without warning, a meteor blazed into the periphery of my vision. I swiftly leapt upwards to evade its fiery path.
The projectile continued onward as I stood scratching my nose, exasperated.
However, upon taking the third step, everything metamorphosed.
The stairs I had climbed abruptly dematerialized, and the floor transmuted into a body of water teeming with uncountable crocodiles.
"..." Words failed me at that moment. An inescapable sense of entrapment enveloped me, forcing me to formulate a plan of action.
Alas, when I attempted to use my supernatural abilities or even my mundane skills, nothing transpired.
"Merely a cultivator of great physical prowess, nothing more, nothing less." I muttered ruefully, regretting my decision to step into this shit.
So having no choice, the next second I was surrounded by a pack of hangry croc-o-dillies, all eagerly ogling me up like an all-you-can-eat human buffet.
But I wasn't about to go down as a scaly reptile's mid-morning snack that easily.
"Take that, you overgrown leather handbag!" When one particularly ornery gator opened wide hoping for a juicy calf appetizer, I greeted his chompers with a swift kick to the kisser.
Well, that seemed to really rile up the rest of the scaly squad.
Instead of backing off, those crazy crocs started practically mosh pitting each other, desperately vying for prime people-eating position.
The discretion was the better part of valor in this particular instance and hightailed it to the next stair… which apparently just triggered a new set of utterly bizarre circumstances.
Because the moment I ascended that step, who - or what - had appeared before my incredibly weirded-out eyes but a…
"Skinwalker?"